Chapter 2: Sha-Nay-Nay in Love


"She works hard for the money, so hard for it honey, she works hard for the money, so you better treat her right!"

Saturn moved his steering wheel along with the music, making Team Galactic's car swerve wildly across the road. "Wow, I love driving!" Saturn said. "Almost as much as Cyrus is going to love his new job! Right, Cyrus?"

The former boss stared at him in the rearview mirror and drew something on his Dry Erase Face, which turned out to be a very angry face.

"He's just nervous for his first day," Mars said cheerfully, patting him on the knee.

Jupiter punched Cyrus on the shoulder. "Awww, don't worry about it, foo'! The other workers will be so terrified by your psychotic tendencies that they'll just looove you."

"I do not appreciate love," Cyrus said.

"Too bad," Saturn announced, "because here we are!"

The team all looked up in awe as what appeared to be a huge gray factory moved closer and closer to them. Smokestacks rose high into the sky, spewing pollution into the air, while on the side of the building towered the plaster replica of an incredibly obese, grotesque looking little boy with rosy cheeks and a mischievous expression on his face. Attached to it was the restaurant itself, a brightly colored building with a drive-thru.

Mars frowned. "Wow, this is…um…inter— AHHH, SATURN WATCH OUT FOR THE MASCOT!" Saturn was so preoccupied with looking at the building that he didn't notice a costumed character of the mascot wobbling around in front of them. He hit it head on, causing the bloated figure to fly across the parking lot and land twenty feet away.

"OH MY GOD, I KILLED SOMEONE!" he screamed. "BY ACCIDENT!"

Jupiter turned to Cyrus. "You're on your own now. We'll pick you up at seven."

They booted Cyrus out of the car, speeding away. He shook his head and drew a frown on his Dry Erase Face, but then decided against it and turned that frown upside-down. If he was going to make a good impression, he would have to be…courteous to human life. How disgusting. He began to walk towards the restaurant, but then noticed the fallen mascot out of the corner of his eye, sprawled out on the parking lot several feet away from him. He vaguely recalled the concept of friendship and decided to try it out.

He walked up to the globular character and held his smiling Dry Erase Face up. "Hello," he said. "My name is Cyrus, and I am a new employee at this eating establishment. I hope to become friends with you."

"Whuuut…?" The figure groaned in a whiney voice and tried to stand up, but his costume made it impossible to do anything but wobble around. "Aw, my head hurts…dude, help me up!"

"Oh. I am sorry, I am not accustomed to social cues." Cyrus pulled the figure up, who shook his fake head before pulling it off.

He was revealed to be a lanky teenager with bright blond hair and a huge smile. "Thanks man, that was some big help there, because I can't see anything in that thing, I mean, it's like a blindfold, and that car thing, don't worry about it, because lots of people hit me with their cars, even when I'm not in the costume, mom says they're just jealous, but my dad says they're pedophiles…"

The boy continued, but the intense buzzing in Cyrus' head drowned out the splintering, annoying voice. He noticed something very familiar about the teenager when he first saw him, and only now did he realize that it was the obnoxious friend of the other adolescent idiot who destroyed his scheme to obliterate Sinnoh. The two destroyed all he worked for in his life. They destroyed his life. Something strange was happening to him, but he didn't know what: there was a pounding in his head and for some odd reason, he wanted to grit his teeth and shake his fists. So he did just that.

The boy finally stopped talking and stared at him. "Um…are you okay?"

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Cyrus finally exploded. He shrieked like a monkey on steroids and grabbed Barry by the throat, shaking him wildly. "YOU!" He boomed. "YOU were that obnoxious child who tried to interfere with my grand scheme for a new world! YOU ruined my dreams of becoming god! YOU destroyed everything I had! RAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Despite being choked to death, the boy laughed obnoxiously. "You have anger management problems, like my uncle!"

Cyrus suddenly stopped, dropping him and staring off into the distance. "Anger…management. I…I was angry. IT WAS AN EMOTION!" For the first time in years, Cyrus was angry, and although now he wanted to feel joy at making progress, he still felt boiling anger. He would have to take this one step at a time.

"I'M RECOVERING," he roared, sobering when he realized he was still angry. He drew a large smile on his Dry Erase Face. "Thank you, obnoxious child, for helping me with my quest."

"My name's Barry, crazy Cyrus dude!"

"That fact is irrelevant."

Barry guffawed, slapping his knee. "You're a pretty funny dude for a psychopath! So, why are you here? I mean, you're an evil mastermind who could probably get a better job than this; me, I'm just a kid who's best friend became the champion after beating him senselessly." His face warped into a look of unspeakable anger, so much so that even Cyrus was uneasy, but then Barry became his normal, happy self again. "Do you like butterflies?"

"No," Cyrus said. "Do you have Attention Deficit Disorder?"

The boy thought for a moment. "I take lots of medication," he said. "But, enough about me! Why are you here?"

"I am on a quest to better myself."

"That is so cool! Let's get to the restaurant and I can introduce you to everybody!"

The two walked the rest of the parking lot and entered the restaurant, the cheerful interior empty except for a lone man sitting at one of the tables, mumbling to himself and filling out paperwork. He had dark brown hair that stuck up everywhere, and his face was affixed with a readily condescending expression.

"Hi, Mr. Thorton!" Barry said, grinning. "I brought our newest worker in, and he's super excited to start his job!" Cyrus held up a smile.

Thornton looked up slowly and stared at the two. He sighed. "Oh. You must be our new fry cook, Cyrus."

"IT IS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU," Cyrus roared.

"He's Cyrus, the psychotic Team Galactic boss," Barry whispered to Thorton loudly. Cyrus glared at him. "He doesn't know how to control his emotions very well."

Thorton gave the ex-Boss a frown that could have stopped traffic. "Well, Cyrus, luckily for you, we always hire criminals. It's in our motto: Hiring criminals since 1891. And since I know of your dubious past, until you learn to respect me, I'll be calling you Sha-Nay-Nay."

"Sha-Nay-Nay."

"You're new name," Thorton snapped back. "Welcome to Fatty Burger. You're no longer 'top dog'. I am your ruler. Your leader. Your manager! You will work under my rules! I once controlled the Battle Factory before it went bankrupt, and I assure you that I can just as easily run a fast food business."

"Thorton has a complex," Barry whispered to Cyrus, loudly.

"Shut up," Thorton snapped again, standing up. "Here, I'll take you to the back where we're all setting up." Thorton lead the two behind the long front counter and into the food preparation area, filled with lard fryers, heat lamps, refrigerators, deep freezers, and sinks. "As a fry cook, Cyrus, your job is to fry the French fries in our high-quality lard, while also using the heat lamps to make sure the pre-made burgers do not become too soggy or moldy. There is absolutely no need to open the deep freezers, whatsoever."

"Gee, come to think of it, I've never opened one of these before!" Barry opened one of the freezers to reveal piles and piles of stacked dead bodies. He screamed and quickly shut the door, turning to Thorton. "Hey, Thorton, why are there dead bodies in these freezers?"

Thorton mumbled something and continued his tour, but Cyrus could not shake off the fact that there was something wrong about having dozens of dead bodies in a freezer. He mentally noted to read about the social aspects of dead bodies in the freezers, and assumed it was for decoration. As they walked farther back into the kitchen, they passed two friendly men talking to one another. Thorton stopped.

"Sha-Nay-Nay, this is our Token Black Guy and Token Asian Guy. Token Black and Token Asian, this is Sha-Nay-Nay, the criminal."

They exchanged hellos and continued on, Thorton introducing Cyrus to workers including Forever Alone, Butt Head, Doofus, Fatso, and so on. Once they met everyone, Thorton stopped, stroking his chin. "I believe that's everyone, but I feel like I'm forgetting someone. Slagathor, who did I forget?"

Barry jumped to happy attention. "Hmm, that's a tough one, Mr. Thorton! If I tell you, will you give me a raise?"

"No, but I will refrain from hanging you by your thumbs in the dungeon," he said, frowning.

"Um, yes sir! We forgot Cheryl!"

"Granola, how could I forget. Follow me, you worthless peons." They walked back to the entrance of the restaurant, walking outside in the direction of the only tree in the entire two-mile parking lot. Upon getting closer, Cyrus noticed a lone figure in a long dress sitting next to the tree, reading. Thorton whipped out a megaphone from seemingly nowhere. "GRANOLA, IF YOU DON'T GET OVER HERE IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS YOU ARE FIRED AND YOUR POSSESSIONS ARE BURNED."

'Granola' ran over to them, looking distraught before smiling at the unfamiliarity of Cyrus. Her long green hair, braided loosely, flowed behind her as she moved. She stopped in front of them, smiling a beautiful smile, green eyes shining. Cyrus stared at her. "Granola, this is Sha-Nay-Nay," Thornton said. "Sha-Nay-Nay, this is Granola."

Barry leaned over to Cheryl. "Sha-Nay-Nay is actually named Cyrus, and he's—"

Cyrus punched him in the face and continued to stare. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. There was this strange feeling in his heart that felt like little soda bubbles sparkling in his soul. He felt as though he was floating on air, which made him nervous because that would mean he somehow removed himself from gravity. Although it sounded absurd, Cyrus began to appreciate the world around him the longer he stared at Cheryl's beautiful face, who began to look uncomfortable. At first he determined that he was having an early-onset heart attack, but slowly it dawned upon him: was this…love?

"I AM CYRUS. NICE TO MEET YOU," he howled angrily, but stopped and drew a smile on his Dry Erase Face. "I hope my sudden outbursts do not scare you too much."

Cheryl stared at him for a few seconds before smiling. "That's okay, I'm just happy to meet a new friend!"

Cyrus almost choked on attempted happiness. And she didn't care that he was a power-hungry psychopath! Even better! As much as he didn't want to admit, things were looking less horrible for his new fast-food career.

Thornton snorted, beginning to walk back to the restaurant. "All right, you slaves, enough lolly-gagging. You've already cut into your shift, which means I get to deduct money from your pay the longer you spend your lives out in this asphalt wasteland!"

"Oh no, my bellybutton lint!" Barry ran off, while Cyrus and Cheryl looked on.

The evil genius frowned. "What—"

"Thornton pays him in bellybutton lint," Cheryl said carefully. "Barry is a, um, very…unique teenager."

The two walked back to Fatty Burger, and while Cyrus dreaded trying to make awkward conversation about his interests (robots, world domination, shojo manga), Cheryl was content to ramble.

"I'm sure you'll be fine working here. Now, it's not my favorite place ever, my favorite place ever is my tree-house home where I can spend time with all of my Pokémon friends and braid daisy chains. But, you know, times are hard and Fatty Burger was hiring. What do you like to do?"

"Machines. I MEAN— recycling."

She nodded at him with a confused expression on her face. "That's…nice…"

At the restaurant, the two parted ways. Cheryl went to work as an order-taker, while Cyrus skipped back to his fryer post. He had never felt this way in his life! Even in the midst of all the cholesterol and obesity, he worked diligently through the day, powered by love. Thornton was even impressed that he had no real complaints about his new worker, except that he disliked his face. Cyrus was so in a trance that he would have forgotten his lunch break if not for Barry's annoying appearance.

"Cyrus, dude, do you ever stop being weird?"

Barry jumped up onto a counter by the frying post and pulled out a brown paper bag, throwing Cyrus out of his trance. "It's our lunch break! Man, do I love food. I packed a really balanced meal today!" He dumped out five cupcakes from the bag onto the counter.

"Food," Cyrus said slowly, suddenly angry. "I FORGOT TO PACK LUNCH!"

"Whoa, chill." Barry nervously handed him a cupcake. "We can share." While they were eating, Barry pulled out a comic book with the large face of a luchador on the front.

Cyrus drew a frown on his Erase Face. "What is that worthless reading material?"

"It's not worthless! It's awesome. It's Luchadore Weekly, where I get to read all about my role model, El Gato Negro! He's the best masked wrestler in the history of history, but his identity is secret! So secret, not even my dad knows it! He's the smartest guy in town and around! My mom says that it's bad to idolize wrestlers, and Cheryl thinks it'll poison my brain, but—"

"CHERYL," Cyrus said angrily.

"What about her?"

"WHERE DOES SHE EAT LUNCH. I AM GOING TO VISIT HER AND TALK ABOUT NATURE."

"Uh, her lunch break is different than ours, dude! It's later, but we'll still see her after our shift." He paused, then looked at the man slyly. "Why? Do you have a crush?"

Cyrus decided to change the subject. "Why do you allow yourself to be paid in bellybutton lint?"

Barry shrugged. "Thornton said that it was all he had to pay me in. Don't you get paid in it too?"

The man stared at him.

Barry's eyes filled with tears. "But…but…but…but…but…but…but—"

"I suggest you, er, talk to Thornton about that and perhaps he can make an adjustment."

Barry's face filled with joy. "You really think that would work? Really and truly? I mean, he wouldn't betray me like my no-good, dirty rotten so-called friend who stole the title of Pokemon Master from me!"

"Um, yes."

"Haha, score! Thanks dude, you're not as insane as you look or act!" He hugged Cyrus and then ran off. The man drew a scowl on his Erase Face. He despised hugs.

The remainder of the day flew by, and the three executives soon drove up to the restaurant, waiting for him outside. As he passed the front counter, Cheryl waved goodbye to him. He had to restrain himself from dancing out of the restaurant, which he saved for when he was in the parking lot.

The three executives, sitting in their car, stared at him.

"What the hell," Saturn deadpanned.

"What's wrong with him?" Mars asked.

Jupiter snickered. "I'll tell you what's wrong with him, he's IN LURVE."

Cyrus danced into the car, and they all drove off.

Meanwhile, Barry and Cheryl were watching Cyrus' dancing before his car drove away.

Cheryl wrinkled her nose. "Cyrus seems like a very…unique...man."

"Oh, no. Cyrus is, in fact, a very cool dude." Barry nodded approvingly. "Did you know that he runs some kind of fund for the protection of national forests?"

"What?" Cheryl almost jumped in surprise. "But I thought he was a criminal mastermind! That's so kind and green!"

"Oh yeah, well, that whole fiasco is way behind him. And it doesn't stop there. He picks up trash daily, and once, he saved a bus of orphaned Cubone from falling into a lava pit."

She frowned. "Really?"

"Would I lie to you?"

She shrugged. "I guess not…it just seems too good to be true!"

"Um, yeah, anyway, did I mention that he's rich, a vegetarian, a violin-player, and he's a vampire?" He paused. "Wait, no, he's not a vampire. Never mind."

"Wow," Cheryl said dreamily. "Maybe I should talk to him more…"

"Uh, girlfriend, you do just that, but I got to skedaddle! See you tomorrow!" Barry skipped away, glad that he helped his friend using lies in order to appeal to Cheryl's affections. He crossed the huge parking lot and continued down the sidewalk that lead to his neighborhood. What an awesome day! He made a new friend, and didn't get beaten by Thornton!

"Excuse me, teenage boy who's name I am not familiar with, but could you assist me in help?"

Barry whipped around to see a suspicious-looking man in a brown overcoat, looking around secretively. The boy froze, terrified. He began stuttering. "Um, uh, ah, may I take your order? No! I mean, can I help you?"

The man's face brightened. "Yes, you are indeed a gracious person! The name that is mine is Looker, and I am part of a force of police!" He held out an official-looking badge. "It is I who am looking for these two men, and it was I who wondered if you have seen them lurking about!"

Looker held up a worn piece of paper to Barry's face, and Barry's eyes widened to see Cyrus and some old man's face in the Wanted box. "Um, uh, er, huh…" He began to gargle with worry. He couldn't betray his friend, but the man seemed so scary with his brown overcoat! Maybe he was a pedophile! His mom told him to watch out for those!

"Important it is that you tell me if you have seen any of these evil men, because they do great harm to our region!"

His eyes began to tear. "Um, uh, uh, uh, uh…I GOTTA GO POTTY REAL BAD!" Barry sprinted to his house, screaming.

Looker stared after him and then sighed. "Oh well. It is I who is the bad policeman, trying my best to bring criminals to their justice. It is I who will go home now to count the cracks on my ceiling…"

And Looker walked off, sad once more.


Hope you liked this one! Sorry it took a little longer; busy with lots of things!