A Dead Man's Song is a song by L'orchestre de chambre noir, but really the only thing that fits is the title. The lyrics have nothing to do with it. It is a very beautiful song though, and the voice of the singer is ... Ooooh.
Chapter 2
A Dead Man's Song
Núria
For a moment she wondered if she shouldn't wake her lover, but then he turned onto his back, looking so peaceful that she just didn't find it in her heart. She went downstairs to have breakfast with those remaining, she practised archery with Leliana, she played with Ivanhoe. When noon neared, she decided this was too much of a good thing and went to wake Zevran. But their bed was empty, on the small table in their room only a short note.
Love is not for one as I am, I have come to understand. Know that I am sorry, but I have to leave now. Perhaps I shall go home. I wish you all the luck in the world in Amaranthine. Zevran.
A gale of laughter sounded from outside, and her door burst open to reveal a joyful Leliana with a dwarven woman in tow. 'Núria, I'll leave tomorrow, and I almost forgot to tell you!' Only then she caught the expressionless look on the elven woman's face. 'Um … What happened?' Núria silently extended her arm with the note to Leliana, too stunned to consider if she wanted to share this news yet. Leliana breathed in and out deeply. 'Ira, you can go ahead of me, I'll be hanging around for a while,' the Orlesian said softly, and the dwarf nodded without a question. 'Ira … she's going to help me with my research. But I guess I'm giving her a headstart. I … I don't know what to say to this.' Núria looked up at her friend and tried desperately not to scream. Leliana approaching and putting her arms around her didn't help much either, and she started sobbing into her shoulder, feeling like a child as she clutched to her like a drowning person.
She never knew how long it took her to stifle her tears and to extricate herself from the taller woman. 'Look, Núria, I'm thinking there's more to this,' the bard said carefully, waving the paper. She looked at it again. 'It was written very quickly, I've seen Zev's writing once or twice when he made lists of things he needed for his poisons, and it isn't normally that bad. You thought he'd left you once, didn't you? And he came back for you.'
'This is different,' Núria said hoarsely. 'Look, he took everything he possessed.' Leliana went to check.
'He left this … and this.' She produced a couple of bottles with various liquids and a bag with a strong smelling herb in it. 'Adder's kiss, Crow poison, and what not. Quite the collection. And that,' she sniffed the herbs, 'unless I am much mistaken is … Oh, but where would you get that in Ferelden?' She tossed the bag to Núria, who sniffed absent-mindedly.
'That's tea,' she said at once.
'That's only one way to use it,' Leliana replied. 'It's … what do you call it here again? Slakeweed? Yes, I think that was it.'
'What does it do?' Núria asked, not really caring but wanting to talk about something that wasn't the note. Leliana smiled.
'Various things,' she said. 'Did you drink a tea that smelled like that?' Now that was not much better a topic.
'In the alienage, after I was racked,' Núria replied, and Leliana nodded.
'Hmm, I wish I'd had that after my punishment in Orlais,' she mused. 'I guess I know why he left you this, but I don't suppose this is a good idea.'
'Why?' Núria asked. 'Is this a painkiller that helps against … this, as well?'
'It might,' Leliana replied, 'but it might also backfire. I don't recommend you to try it.' She paused for a moment and grabbed Núria's hands. 'Now look. He left you poisons for your safety and this for the pain. I really do not think he left because he wanted to. He adores you.' Núria shook her head slowly.
'He would have hinted something then,' she said softly. 'Leliana, I'd rather be alone for a moment.' Leliana sighed.
'You know I'll be there if you need me?' she asked, and Núria nodded. 'Right. I will check back with you before the day is over, and don't try to hide, I'll find you.' She hugged her again and left Núria to her thoughts.
The strange thing was, as soon as Núria was alone in this room, she wished she hadn't sent Leliana away. Zevran's smell lingered in the air, torturing her to no end. His note remained, refused to fade away and indicate this was all a horrible nightmare. Even the depression on the pillow was shaped like his head, and she remembered how he had lain there, looking so sweet and content. She fled at a run to find Leliana again. She had to get away. Now.
Leliana was talking to Wynne in soft tones when Núria approached. From the look the mage gave her she couldn't tell if Leliana had told her Zevran had left, but the blush on the bard's cheeks gave her away. 'Some spy you are,' Núria pointed out. 'I'm going to the Circle Tower. I need to find out about something,' she informed the two women. 'You can come with me, Leliana, unless you have to go.'
'I have no time limit, really,' the Orlesian replied. 'I'll go with you. When shall we leave?'
'Now,' Núria said firmly. 'We won't get too far, but I have to get out of here.'
'You must tell Alistair,' Wynne said. 'You cannot just disappear.'
'I'll be back here before I have to go to Amaranthine,' Núria answered. 'But I'm not going to say good-bye to anyone now. I … I just can't.'
'You're wasting your time, Núria,' Wynne said gently.
'No,' Leliana replied. 'I understand that. You can't be blamed for wanting to get out.' Well, if she thought she knew why Núria was doing this, at least she wouldn't ask questions about what she intended to do at the tower.
Their journey was far, but with Leliana time always passed quickly. She had the sense not to speak of Zevran, but she didn't let Núria brood either. She told her stories of the Ancient Tevinters, about Orlesian fashion, tales from the Free Marches, and how odd all the rest of Thedas considered Fereldan politics. Núria noticed that she had taken the herb from her, but she needn't have bothered. She really didn't want to remember that one night in the alienage, at least not yet. There was a hole in her soul where Zevran should be, and whenever anything reminded her of him, it started to bleed.
When they arrived at the Circle Tower, Núria asked at once for an audience with the First Enchanter. Being who she was, she was granted the favour very quickly, and so she stepped into his office with Leliana in tow, who still had no idea what they were doing here in the first place.
'A pleasure to see you,' Irving greeted them. 'Can I offer you anything?'
'Indeed,' Núria said firmly. 'I invoke the right of conscription on the mage Jowan.' Irving opened his mouth for a moment and closed it again. Leliana made a soft noise beside her, but she ignored her.
'I am afraid that this is impossible,' Irving said then, rubbing the bridge of his nose. 'Do not misunderstand me, I am fully aware of your right to do this, but … in his case I cannot help you.' Núria glared at him.
'You've killed him, haven't you?' she asked darkly, and Irving sighed.
'I haven't done anything to him, please understand that,' he said. 'What I did was plead for his life, for I was told how fervently you defended him, and I felt it is the least I can do for you in exchange for what you did for us here. But his crimes were too severe to ignore. The templars made him tranquil.'
'The templars, right,' Núria muttered. 'Morrigan was right about the cattle thing. You allowed it!'
'Trust me, no one regrets this more than I do,' Irving said with a slight frown. 'Perhaps some day things will change for us, but that will not happen if we use force to get there. That will only make things worse. I tried my best. I talked to him for a long time after he was brought here. He was willing to go through the Harrowing, he swore not to leave again, nor to use blood magic, and I even believe he learned from what happened. He learned it in a very hard way, too. But after what happened here, I had a very poor starting position in arguing with the Knight Commander over the fate of a known blood mage.' Núria shook her head.
'It's like it is in the alienages,' she said calmly. 'And in both cases everyone reckons it's best as it is.' Irving nodded.
'True enough,' he said. 'Is there anything else?'
'I … want to talk to him,' Núria said softly. Irving raised his eyebrows.
'You can do that, he is in the library,' he replied. 'But I suppose that will not be a pleasant experience.' Núria shrugged.
'Wouldn't be my first in recent days,' she said and strode out of Irving's office.
They found Jowan all right. He was standing like a statue in the middle of the library, looking with extreme disinterest at the apprentices and the mage tutoring them. They were summoning things from the fade, by the looks of it. One apprentice had summoned what looked like a piglet, but it arrived dead. The mage next to him, a young woman with short dark hair and a brisk voice, told him why it had gone wrong.
'Jowan?' Núria asked, trying to ignore the mages. His eyes moved over to her, but they were dead.
'Welcome, Grey Warden,' he said. 'How can I be of assistance?' Núria felt like turning around and fleeing. If the Tranquil in Ostagar had unnerved her, it was nothing compared to this. She remembered the person Jowan, and now was faced with … with a thing.
'I … am so sorry,' she said, her lower lip trembling.
'You saved my life, I understand,' he replied entirely indifferently. 'You have no reason to apologise.'
'I wanted you to be free, I never wanted this,' she told him, knowing that he wouldn't understand. Not any more. She noticed vaguely that the mage shooed her apprentices out and started returning books to their shelves.
'I was too dangerous,' he said coolly. 'I was a threat to the Circle and the world outside. It is better this way. I cannot harm anyone ever again.'
'And you cannot repent what you did either,' Núria said loudly, suddenly angry. She strode up to him and shook him, feeling a strong desire to slam him into the shelves to evoke some kind of reaction.
'If that would help, I would have done it long before,' someone said behind Núria, and she let go of Jowan, who composed his clothing and looked as though nothing had happened. 'We should talk. Somewhere else.' The mage left at a quick stride, and after exchanging a glance with Leliana, Núria followed her.
The young woman led them to what had to be her room. She locked the door quickly and offered them a seat. 'I'm Aisling.' She breathed in and out deeply. 'Jowan said you wanted him released. I sneaked into his cell before he was made tranquil. It's a pity we didn't meet when you were here the first time, but I had managed to escape to the … the repository with a few others. And then Wynne saved all of us down there by holding the door. Great woman, Wynne.' She was talking very quickly.
'You didn't lock the door because you wanted to praise Wynne, I take it,' Leliana said, and Aisling grinned.
'No, I didn't,' she confirmed. 'I talked to Jowan a lot after they did this to him. We were friends before, ever since I had arrived here. I was a single child and talking to myself a lot. The other kids made fun of me, but he never did. Instead he gave me another person to talk to.' She let out a sigh and glanced at a point behind the two. 'After my Harrowing … it's a kind of test for apprentices, everyone has to take it. After my Harrowing, I was going to say, he told me he had found out they thought him a blood mage and wanted to make him tranquil. I … asked if they were right, and he denied it. He begged me to help him escape. Foolish fresh fully fledged mage that I was, I went to Irving. He said that they were indeed going to do this horrible thing to him, and that they had evidence and witnesses against him. I … was so angry I let him persuade me to lead him into a trap. I pretended to help him escape. The templars caught him red-handed. I was only spared because Irving had sent me in the first place. I never regretted anything more … He escaped all the same as you know. Not that it did him much good. How I hoped they'd never find him …' She buried her face in her hands.
'Aisling … it must be terrible to see a friend like this, but … not to be impolite … Why are you telling us this?' Leliana asked softly. 'Is there anything we can do?' Aisling took a deep breath.
'No,' she said in a soft tone, barely above a whisper. 'I asked Jowan what he learned out there. He was always a great researcher, he had an uncanny knack to find out things you will read in no book. Not that all of what he knew was welcome. I guess that's why they had their eyes on him in the first place. My guess would be that he stumbled over blood magic through his sheer curiosity. Most of us find this thrilling, especially because it is forbidden. And Jowan always was talented. His problem was that it seemed the destructive brands of magic were what he was best at. Entropical school - yes, no problem. A simple healing spell - oh dear. Not that this was his fault, but tell that the templars. Add a insatiable wish to learn all there is, the more hidden, the more interesting. Poor Jowan.
'Anyway, he learned a lot outside the tower. Before they caught me talking to him in his cell he said something … that perhaps tranquility wasn't as bad as a death sentence after all, because death was forever. Now if you ask Graegoir if there's a way to reverse the Rite of Tranquility, he'll say no. If you ask Irving, he'll say no one knows one. I say Jowan does. Or he got close to one. He just won't tell me.' She slammed her hand into the arm of her chair in frustration.
'Why not?' Núria asked. 'Does he not want to be back to normal?'
'Jowan wants what he is told,' Aisling said savagely. 'He cannot want anything for himself any more. That was the whole point of it, if you ask me. I suspect there would be ways to stop mages from casting without destroying them! Look at the magebane potions, they do that. But this is just … It's worse than being sentenced to a life in prison.'
'Do you think you can get the information out of him, somehow?' Aisling grinned wryly.
'What good would that be?' she asked. 'If I should manage to reverse the process, they'll kill him, simply because they'll have enough of him.'
'I would conscript him,' Núria said. 'Unless you think he would consider this just as bad as being tranquil, if he could decide.'
'He told me he wanted to redeem himself,' Aisling mused. 'He could die in the process, I heard … But if he had been given the choice, he would always have chosen to keep his life. And this … this isn't life. With you he'd have a chance at least.'
'So could you do it?'
'I don't know, to be quite honest,' Aisling said thoughtfully. 'I would need to get into his mind, and that means blood magic. I would first try to persuade him, but trying to persuade a tranquil is like trying to tell Graegoir to leave us to ourselves. And there's always a chance that he didn't know everything, or that I just won't find out because I do not have his skills with this kind of research. He might also have been wrong. And asking Irving isn't an option, either, really.' Núria sighed and rose.
'Do what you can,' she said. 'He doesn't deserve this. He deserves a chance to make up for what he did, and he won't get it if he's like this. Only don't let them catch you using blood magic as well.' Aisling smiled weakly.
'I know how much depends on this,' she said. 'And I have no intention to end up next to him, looking at nowhere.'
