Chapter Two
The Best Laid Plans
"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft agley"
Robert Burns – Scottish poet and lyricist (1759-1796)
Miguelito Loveless had been in high expectation of at last defeating James West but things had not gone as smoothly as he'd hoped. He had arrived in an alternate reality through a unique discovery and was delighted to find that he was President of California. He had no intention of returning to his other existence but, he still wanted to dispose of James West, however, it had to be the one he had left behind, not the one in the new dimension.
After only a few days, Loveless had arranged the reception at his embassy in Washington and, met up with the alternate James West. President Hayes had been persuaded to sanction the giving of a gift to West, in the shape of a travelling clock, a thing not usually allowed, where members of the Secret Service were concerned, and so the trap was set. However, there was a glitch and that was that his plan to steal the clock back, after the first night, had failed. This meant at least a day had been lost and he would now have to deal with any problems that had been caused by the clock having been in West's hands for so long. It may even be that West had not kept the clock in his room overnight at all. He needed answers to these questions.
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Back at the Wanderer, James West was going over the plan with his new partner, "So you want me to transfer to your reality so that your James West can come here and help you deal with Dr Loveless?" he said
"Yes," Gordon confirmed. "He's the one that actually put Dr Loveless in prison, so it's only fair that he should be the one to go up against him."
"Will your James West agree to this plan?"
"I've been his partner a long time and I know he wouldn't have it any other way."
"When are you going to do it?"
"As soon as possible; there's no time to lose. Do you think you'll be able to go to sleep this time of day?"
"I'll give it a try," West said. "Perhaps a brandy or two will put me in the mood."
"I'd join you, but I'm going to need a clear head right now."
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At the time when the alternate West transferred, the alternate Artemus Gordon was arguing that he was perfectly sane and that they'd had to move Washington because the original had been blown up when The Falcon, alias Dr Horace Humphries, had sold his deadly destructive canon to a foreign power before the agents could stop him.
The first thing West noticed was that he was still in the Wanderer but Gordon was changed, for one thing he had stopped arguing insanely and, for another, he was wearing different clothes. In fact, Gordon had quickly dressed in black trousers, white shirt and a smoking jacket while waiting for him to arrive.
"What's going on?" West asked.
"It's alright, James," Gordon reassured him. "It just needs a little explaining, that's all." He hesitated for a moment. "The man you were just talking to wasn't me; he came from another dimension, this dimension." He saw the expression of consternation on his partner's face, as his mouth opened to challenge that statement. "Now don't get all fired up, it's quite simple really."
Gordon proceeded to tell West about his adventures over the past twenty-four hours and how he had worked out who was behind it all.
"So you brought me to this other dimension to deal with Dr Miguelito Loveless." West said.
"I know it sounds ridiculous," Gordon said.
"Don't worry, I believe you."
"You do?"
"I trust you, Artie."
Gordon coughed. "Well, I guess we'd better work on a plan to bring down Dr Loveless. We need to get him back to his own dimension before he can cause any more harm."
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Currently, the deposed President of California found himself inexplicably trapped in a small, mid-western town with no friends and only a small amount of money. The first thing he thought of was to contact his friends Gordon and West. The last time he had seen them was in Washington so he set out, only to find that it was in a different part of the country. Eventually, after much travelling he found the Wanderer and knocked on the door. Gordon opened it.
"Mr Gordon, you and Mr West must help me. I have such an unbelievable story to tell you that you will think I am making it up, but it's true. I woke up several days ago to find myself in a strange town." He was very agitated. "And the geography of the country seems to have changed."
Gordon immediately reassured him. "We know that, we've just been studying the map. But don't worry, President Loveless, the same thing has happened to us. Come in and have a drink and we'll explain what's going on."
When it was explained to him, Dr Loveless took it very well, especially when they reassured him that their counterparts in the other dimension would do their best to get him back home where he belonged. Meanwhile, they decided that the best thing was for him to stay on the train.
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Having put their plan together, Gordon left West on the Wanderer and lost no time in visiting the Californian Embassy for an interview with President Loveless. Loveless was free to see him, just as Gordon had expected he would be, and he was soon ushered into the great man's office.
"Mr Gordon, such a pleasure; what brings you here?"
"First of all, I hope that anything I say to you will be kept between the two of us."
"Of course, Mr Gordon, feel free to tell me anything," Loveless said. "I hope there's nothing wrong with Mr West," he added with an inappropriate smirk.
Gordon pretended he hadn't noticed. "You must be a mind-reader," he said, "I am worried about him."
"He's been a good friend to me, so if there's there anything I can do..."
"As a matter of fact you can. Did you notice anything odd at your reception the other night, especially anything involving James?"
"No, I don't think I did."
"Perhaps you wouldn't mind asking your staff if they saw something."
"Off course, what do you think happened to Mr West?"
"My guess is he's either been drugged or hypnotised," Gordon said. "He seems to have lost touch with reality."
"How very strange, I do hope you can find out what happened."
"Thank you."
"By the way, what did Mr West do with the clock I gave him?"
"It's been on display on a table next to one of the couches. In fact, it was after he fell asleep on that couch after lunch that he woke up without his full faculties."
"Where is it now?"
"Don't worry, we realised how valuable it is and we had already decided to lodge it with the bank. I dropped it off there on my way here," he lied.
"I'm glad it's safe." Gordon could hear the relief in Loveless' voice. "Now I think about it, I know a doctor who specialises in West's sort of problem. Perhaps you could take James to see him."
This was what Gordon and West had been waiting for, Loveless' next move. They would have to play along. As long as he remained in his embassy they couldn't move against him. There was no way they could smuggle the clock in because of the armed guards, who must have been warned to look out for it.
"Thank you very much but I don't think He'll agree to it. You'd be doing me a great favour if you'd come over and see him yourself," he said, planting his hands on the desk.
"I don't know..." Loveless seemed reluctant but Gordon pressed him.
"I'd be very grateful," he said. James has this ridiculous notion that you're some sort of evil mastermind. I'm sure, if you have a word with him, he'll come to his senses."
"Well, I'd hate to think that he had such a mistaken opinion of me so, of course, I'll come to the Wanderer and see my old friend."
Gordon smiled, seemingly with relief. "When can we expect you?"
"I should be free to visit you at about six o'clock this evening."
"Then you must stay for dinner."
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Once Gordon was back on the Wanderer, he and West went through their plan once more.
"As soon as we have Loveless on board I'll use the knock-out gas on him and tie him up," Gordon said, "then we'll use the clock to send him and me back to our reality, where I can arrest him and haul him off to prison. You'll have to give me a whiff of sleeping gas, just so that I can transfer too."
"I'll follow on as soon as I have the Loveless from this reality back to his embassy," West assured his partner. "I should be able to bring the clock through with me, if I keep hold of it. How do you think Loveless managed all of this?" he asked.
"I don't know but my guess is that he won't resist being able to tell me all about it by the time we have him locked up. He's such an egomaniac."
"Yeah, don't you just love him?"
"No."
They both laughed.
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Dr Loveless arrived at the appointed time of six o'clock that evening, with only a driver who remained outside. Their visitor entered the train, with a greeting on his lips, but, before either of them had a chance to formulate a reply, Dr Loveless threw a small glass sphere onto the floor. It broke on contact with the hard surface and acrid smoke filled the carriage. The two agents were overcome almost immediately and crumpled to the floor as Loveless looked down at them, a hastily-donned gas-mask hiding the grin on his face.
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When West and Gordon came out of their artificially induced sleep, they found themselves in a familiar and unwelcome position. They were sitting on a hard wooden floor, shackled to a wall by their wrists, with their legs out in front of them. There was no immediate clue as to their whereabouts but there was a fair chance that they were in the basement of the embassy.
"Yes, gentlemen," Loveless said, "this is the basement of the embassy. I'm sure that you were dying to know. The embassy was built over the cellars of the old house of correction and these wonderfully useful iron rings were left behind."
"Actually, I wasn't interested at all, you see one dungeon you've seen them all," West said. "What about you, Artie?"
"Couldn't care less," Gordon replied. "Can't think why he bothered to explain."
"He's too fond of his own voice."
As Loveless had followed the interchange, his face became progressively stormier.
"If you're going to employ your usual tactic of abusing me, unfairly, I might add; then I shan't bother to explain how I managed to cross into this alternate reality," Loveless said, snottily.
"Oh go on, don't be mean," West wheedled.
"Yes, go on, please, we'd really like to know," Gordon echoed.
"Well, as you seem to be sorry at the shabby way you treated me, I shall tell you," Loveless said, grasping at any excuse to boast about his genius. "I was brilliant enough to realise the amazing property of a unique substance I found while prospecting in the mid-west. And, no, before you ask, I was not looking for gold but rather for unusual minerals and I found one that had never been discovered before. I call it 'miguelitum'. It is so rare that I only ever found two small nuggets. I had the foresight to place them in my pocket overnight and, the next thing I knew, I was here and people were addressing me as President of California, my rightful position, as you will agree."
"So, in other words, it was a sheer fluke," West said.
"Oh was it, Mr West, and was it by sheer fluke I used one of those small chunks of miguelitum to bring you here?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact it was," Gordon interrupted, "because you brought me here instead of Jim. We've been put to a lot of trouble to sort your mistakes out for you."
"I don't know why I only ever receive insolence and insults from you two, especially you, Mr West, who dared to put a genius such as I in prison and has sought to bring to nought all of my schemes."
"If you'd just leave me out of your schemes you'd probably be a lot more successful," West told him.
"Be that as it may, you've both played into my hands this time," Loveless said.
"One thing," Gordon said, "how did you know I wasn't the Artemus Gordon from this reality? How did I betray myself?"
"Simple, Mr Gordon, when I met you at the reception you had the first joint of the little finger of your left hand missing. You said you had lost it while escaping with the scoundrel, John Maxwell Avery, in a railroad truck. It was shot off by one of his men. When you laid your hands on my desk all of your fingers were intact. I assume you are a man and not a lizard and therefore I knew it had to be my old adversary facing me in my office."
Gordon couldn't help looking at his left pinkie, just to assure himself that he hadn't really lost it.
"Of course, you've never met your counterpart have you, Mr Gordon. How remiss it was of you, Mr West, not to have noticed his loss and passed the knowledge on to your friend."
West gave his partner an apologetic shrug.
"As I was about to say," Loveless continued," you will meet your deaths in this realm but no-one in your own reality will know, because you are still alive there, or at least your counterparts are. What a delicious idea."
Just as he was clapping his hands with glee, and smiling like a cat that had swallowed a canary, West wiped a little bit of the satisfaction off his face.
"But no-one will know you've killed us. You won't be able to take the credit for our disappearance if you want to remain as the President of California."
"Hmm," said Loveless as he considered this obvious downside. "On balance, I think it's worth it," he declared. "One can't have everything."
"What are you going to do with us?" Gordon asked.
"I'm not going to tell you, except to say, I have everything worked out, so you needn't worry."
"We'll that's put my mind at ease," Gordon said, "what about you, James, my boy?"
"I'm positively looking forward to it," West replied.
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Once they were on their own, the two agents set about escaping. West removed the lock-pick from his lapel and, dexterously, began to work on the lock of one of his manacles; once opened, he then tackled the other one. When he was free he used the lock-pick to help his partner. As quietly as they could, they stood up and moved toward the door. However, after they had taken no more than a few steps, the floor beneath them gave way, and a hinged trapdoor opened up. In a shocked moment they were thrust into the cold, turbulent water flowing below. The trapdoor closed and they were in virtual darkness as they heard the sound of Loveless' laugh. It took seconds for West to realise there was a vortex beneath them, worked by a fast-turning propeller, at the bottom of a v-shaped hole, and they were being sucked down towards it.
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