Author's note: I don't own FF8 or its characters. This story is AU.


Warfare

All in all, there were a number of drawbacks to being on the graveyard shift. Quistis honestly didn't care about most of the things that people would name like inconvenient hours or the increased workload due to the smaller size of the shift. No, to her the main drawback to graveyard was the fact that most of the people who worked it knew one another and had grown up with one another. It was also a benefit, but right now it was clearly a drawback.

It was the reason that she was holed up in the morgue counting the seconds until she could go home. There was no way in hell she was going out there without an extremely good reason. Not when a full out prank war was going on. Quistis wasn't entirely sure who had started it. The most likely suspects were either Irvine or Zell. No mater whoever had started it though, it had escalated very quickly to the point where nearly everyone on graveyard shift was involved. This made things rather dangerous when it came to getting through an entire shift without walking into one prank or another.

Quistis herself had not participated in the war as of yet. However, she was fairly certain that she would before the end. It was inevitable. It was also unfair to the other for her to get involved before things got serious. There had only ever been one other person who had been able to out prank her when they were growing out. Actually, the jury was still out on that. Some people agreed that she and Seifer were dead even, and some believed that he had gotten the last laugh. Quistis herself wasn't too sure which was the truth. And it was only a matter of time before she ended up taking things into her own hands.

She sighed and turned up the radio. She still had another two autopsies to do before she could leave. Quistis felt the need to do a little research. While she had a number of pranks in her repertoire, she felt that this current war called for something new and unexpected. She continued to work on the body on her table as she puzzled over the challenge of coming up with something new in the back of her head. So caught up in both the problem and her work, Quistis didn't hear the morgue door opening. She didn't even realize that there was someone else in the room until the sound of someone setting things down on one of her counters filled the air.

Quistis whirled around to find Seifer unloading a bag of take out. He looked up a gestured the large cup from the nearby coffee shop.

"I brought you caffeine and dinner. I figure we can come up with a plan while we eat. How much longer do you need?"

She frowned at the body. "Twenty minutes tops. And what is this plan that you speak of?"

He ran a hand through his short hair and sighed. "As fun as its been watching Chicken Wuss walk around with pink hair and Puberty Boy getting caught in the crossfire, things are beginning to get out of hand. Do you realize that there are only three cops who are willing to come over here during graveyard shift?"

Quistis sighed. She hadn't been aware it had gotten that bad. "I see. And the best way to stop a prank war is to pull something off that is next to impossible to top."

Seifer smirked. "Exactly. Which is where the two of us come in. No one has ever been able to out prank either of us, so logically, we're the ones to put an end to this. We just need to come up with something spectacular. Finish up your autopsy. Then we can get to work."

She just shook her head. This had disaster written all over it. And she would be walking right into it because there really wasn't another way to bring all this to an end otherwise. Quistis wasn't sure what Seifer had in mind, but under normal circumstances when he said things like "spectacular", it was a signal that the people around should take cover as quickly as possible. However, it was exactly what she needed to end the prank war.

The autopsy was finished more quickly than she had expected. There had been no

anomalies that she could find. With a sigh, Quistis washed her hands and kicked off her shoes before joining Seifer at the counter with the takeout. To her delight, it was not only Chinese, but there were both wantons and her favorite cashew chicken as well. Seifer nudged the coffee cup towards her.

"It's your regular chai latte, Quisty."

She wrinkled her nose at the nickname but accepted the drink. Seifer waited until she had polished off most of her dinner before bringing up the subject of the prank again.

"So I've been considering this for a while now. We've had almost all of the classics show up or variations of them. What we need is something new to put an end to all this."

Quistis raised an eyebrow. "And did you have something new in mind or is it my job to come up with the brilliant plan?"

"Like you could."

They snarked at one another for a few minutes before settling down to really debating prank ideas. Something new was hard to come up with when they had pulled just about every prank feasible. Of course, they were no longer quite as limited in supplies as they had been as foster children. In fact, they had a much more impressive arsenal to work with now. However, that still didn't help unless they could come up with an idea. Several of the pranks the two of them did brainstorm were rejected either because they were too complicated or impractical for one reason or another.

With a sigh, Quistis disposed of the empty take out cartons. "I'm not sure we're going to get anywhere tonight. I've got a half hour before I'm off. Let's call it quits for the night, and you can take me out to a late breakfast tomorrow, so we can figure things out."

"Oh, I can, can I? It's your idea. Shouldn't breakfast be on you?"

"The prank itself was your idea. Therefore, you buy all food consumed while working on it. Besides, it probably wouldn't hurt to keep our planning to places where our esteemed colleagues will have trouble eavesdropping."

"You have a point," Seifer conceded. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

Thankfully, the night finished quietly with only one small prank (which she was a witness to rather than a victim of) to liven things up briefly before she headed home. Quistis was more than ready to just fall into bed and try and catch up on her sleep. It had been a hell of a week so far, and it was only half over. The workload itself hadn't been so bad, but the pranks had made everything a little more tense. Quistis herself had only been a victim twice. This had more to do with bad timing than with being targeted. People had learned early one that she did not take well to being pranked, and that she retaliated when they least expected it.

When her alarm clock went of the next morning, she seriously considered throwing it at the wall. Quistis had not slept well. Still, she had things that needed to get done today, so instead she turned it off and dragged herself out of bed. After a shower, she felt more human. The woman tossed on a ratty pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. It was laundry day as a search of both her closet and her dresser proved that she had nothing to wear. After throwing on a ratty pair of leggings and an old university sweatshirt, Quistis got to work on dealing with her laundry. She'd just gotten the washer loaded when her doorbell rang. With a sigh, she went to answer the door.

Seifer's gaze took in her attire. "I see we're going for the graduate student look once again."

She stuck her tongue out at him. Seifer just laughed.

"So, how does Denny's sound? Or does my Lady Death require a more elegant pancake house?"

"Denny's is fine. Let me grab my purse and some shoes."

Fifteen minutes later, they were perusing their menus. Quistis found she had a hankering for bacon and powdered sugar and so ordered the French toast. The waitress took their orders, after flirting with Seifer and giving Quistis a disdainful look. Once she was gone, Quistis got to business.

"So, I've figured out our victims. I want Zell and Irvine. If Selphie also gets caught, that's fine."

Seifer smirked at her. "Feeling a little put out with the idiot boys are we?"

"They most likely started this whole mess. It's only fair that they should also end it."

Their food arrived, and the two of them applied themselves both to the food and to planning just how to torture their victims. It took most of the meal for them to hash out a working plan, but Quistis was pretty happy with the idea Seifer had come up with. It would take quite a bit of preparation on both their parts, but she was pretty sure that the results would be worth it. She was also pretty sure that they would never know what hit them.

It took most of the week for Quistis and Seifer to get their grand prank set up. The hardest part had actually been getting everything in place without causing any suspicion. Given the state of things around the lab lately, people had become rather paranoid, and it was rather hard to explain why she and Seifer might be lurking in a supply closet. They didn't have Selphie and Irvine's excuse of making out. However, the time did come at last when they were all ready to pull off the grand prank. Everything was in place, and she and Seifer had their parts down cold. Quistis even had a digital camera in the pocket of her lab coat in order to capture the results. She was quite certain that there would some very good opportunities for blackmail coming out of this. It never hurt to have something extra in her arsenal when it came to the idiot boys.

The evidence was brought in, ostensively from one of Seifer's crime scenes. However, one of the samples had been carefully concocted in order to both intrigue those studying and react when tested. It was only a half hour later when the alarms went off. Quistis calmly watched as Irvine and Zell raced to the nearest emergency shower station. Zell yanked the lever, and water cascaded over the two men. Of course, it didn't take long for either of them to realize that this wasn't normal water. Normal water doesn't turn one's skin purple.

Quistis bit back giggles as she snapped pictures of their reactions. It took the boys nearly two minutes to realize what she was doing as they had quite an audience. The looks on their faces when they realized just who was responsible for their current predicament were worth capturing. Quistis shared a smirk with Seifer who had appeared behind her. Then she stepped forward.

"Don't bother trying to wash it off. You're stuck with your new tans for three days." She turned to address the assembled audience. "All right, people. Back to work. There's another four hours before the shift ends. Irvine, Zell, go change and get back to work."

Quistis took on last glance at the sight of the two purple men before heading back to the morgue. Seifer fell into step beside her.

"Not bad, Lady Death. Not bad at all. I doubt they'll be fool enough to try and get you back."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "If they do try, I'm letting them know that you were in part responsible."

Seifer laughed. "Never fear, my Lady Death, if they prank you, I'm prepared to exact revenge on your behalf. I've got get back to work. I'll pick you up after your shift for a victory breakfast."

Quistis just shook her head as she watched him leave. Hopefully now things would get back to normal.