I'm pretty satisfied with this chapter. Hopefully you guys would enjoy it too. I didn't know we could add these line spaces thingys. I'm so slow xD
Lambda unpacks the new merchandise and props that Kokonoe had brought with the extra revenue from Ignis. Revealing inside the first box was a baseball cap with a love heart on it. Lambda stares at it, not knowing what it was.
Walking by, Tager sees Lambda in her unknown dilemma, confused he walks up to her. "What's the matter Lambda?"
"Lambda… cannot identify purpose of material." Lambda points at the baseball cap. Tager looks into the cardboard box, and it was the sample love baseball cap Kokonoe brought to see whether customers or patients want one, Tager thought Kokonoe was probably going to make one of them wear it.
"That's a baseball cap Lambda. You're supposed to wear it." Tager informs Lambda as he grabs the baseball cap and hands it over to Lambda. Still perplexed Lambda takes the cap and places it on her face, surprising it stays there. She looks up at Tager somehow.
"Purpose of material is…confusing…Lambda's vision is now impaired."
Tager was baffled for a second and chuckles as he takes it off her face. "No Lambda you're supposed to wear it like this, on your head." He places the cap on her head. Lambda then looks at the mirror by her side and inspects herself.
"Lambda…likes it." She gives a small smile as she adjusts the baseball cap.
Tager nodded, agreeing that it suits her.
Suddenly, the sound of thunder and rain was heard. Kokonoe looks up towards the ceiling, listening to the heavy raindrops pelting hard on the roof. She takes a whiff…then her eyes shot opened. Her feral fight or flight instincts were fully taking over. Something bad was coming.
"TAGER! LAMBDA! QUICK BLOCK THE DOOR! WHOA-!" She ordered and falls over because she leaned too forward on the armchair. Tager and Lambda quickly ran towards the door, well mostly Lambda since the creators of Blazblue didn't allow Tager to have a dash. Tager silently curses them as he shakes his fist to the sky.
Lambda just managed to reach the door to block it but unexpectedly, it burst opened sending her flying, joining her was Ragna and Hazama who seemed to be pulling each others cheeks. The two men crashed into all the new props and merchandises, still bickering and attacking each other.
"TAKE THIS ASSHOLE!" Ragna sends a FALCON PUNCH! directly at Hazama's face however, at the same time Hazama also threw a SHORYUKEN uppercut under Ragna's chin. "EAT SHIT PUPPY!"
Both of their stolen moves impacted however, none of the two men were sent away. They were staggering and enduring the pain as they remained standing with their fists still on each others faces and chin. Meanwhile, a huge shadow was towering the puppy and the snake. Ragna and Hazama noticed and glanced at the shadow. They were suddenly in another realm and dimension, standing on a platform that only had enough room for them to stand on their two feet.
"W-what's going on?!" Hazama panicked as he frantically looked around. A large black shadow rose above them, it resembled a familiar half cat girl we all know and oh boy it was pissed.
Ragna was sweating waterfalls as he pointed at it. "IT'S THE BEING OF DARKNESSSSS!" He cried.
"YOU SONS OF BITCHES BARGE INTO MY LOVE CLINIC, DESTROY MY STUFF AND HURT CUTE BASEBALL CAP LAMBDA?!" The being of darkness roared in fury. Thunder and lightning struck down where Hazama was, he screams like a little girl (Noel to be exact) as he dodges it and jumps into Ragna's arms who is now princess lifting him.
"W-WE'RE SORRY! PLEASE SPARE US!" Both of the men cried. The being of darkness ignores their pleas.
"NOW DIE!" Kokonoe slams her first down.
"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Fifteen minutes later.
Tager walks out from the kitchen with a tray of tea and places it down on the table while Lambda was sweeping up the mess that was caused by Ragna and Hazama, mostly Kokonoe though.
"Thank-you Tager." Kokonoe sips her tea and sighs soothingly. Sometimes Tager can actually make pretty good tea, he always picks the right herbs and spices for her. Kokonoe then takes another quick sip and places the cup down. She gives a sharp glare at the two idiots in front of her who flinched in fear.
In front of her was a badly beaten up Ragna and Hazama. Kokonoe leans back on her arm chair and crosses her legs.
"Now. Why were you two fighting in front of my clinic HMM?"
Ragna immediately stood up. His face looked like a bruised plum. "It's his fault! I was actually coming here for some advice!" Ragna accused as he pointed at Hazama who gawked.
Hazama didn't stand, more like he couldn't at the moment since Kokonoe busted his legs pretty badly. "So was I! And there you go again Rags always blaming me for everything!" He rebutted.
"YOU ARE THE BLAME FOR EVERYTHING!" Ragna gritted his teeth as he looked down at Hazama.
Hazama raised his back. "Well that's true, mostly. BUT! You're the one who jumped at me first you piece of shit!"
Ragna was taken aback. "That's…true…! BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TAUNTED ME FIRST ASSHOLE!"
"WELL YOU DID LOOK LIKED YOU NEEDED A HAND OKAY." Hazama yelled back. (The joke here was that Ragna's arm was chopped off by technically Hazama before)
"AHHHHH YOU PISS ME OFF!" Ragna launched himself at Hazama to beat the shit out of him. The two again began to fight. Kokonoe felt like a nerve in her head was going to burst.
"STOP IT RIGHT NOW OR ELSE I'LL SEND YOU BOTH TO THE DOOM DIMENSION. PERMANENTLY!"
With neutral faces both men stopped fighting and silently sat down. Kokonoe also sat back down, heavily puffing. This was bad for her blood pressure.
"OKAY LISTEN. As much as I would love to join you Ragna in beating the daylights out of Hazama you two said you had to see me for some love advice? You two can continue your stupid fights after you're done here. CAPEESH?" Kokonoe really really really times one hundred wanted to get back at Hazama but she had her priorities and he was still a customer even though he was the cause of why she was here in the first place. Kokonoe decided to be mature about this. But was it really a better decision to serve a SS criminal and the bane of her existence?
"…yes ma'm." Both men said in unison. Kokonoe then nodded and then looked at Ragna.
"We'll start with Ragna first. What's the problem?" She asked. Ragna looked up. "What? Hazama is going to stay here and listen?"
"Well I'm not going to leave him not attendant. I don't trust Hazama by himself in my clinic." Kokonoe reasoned. Hazama nodded in agreement and looked at Ragna. "She's right you know."
Ragna clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Fine." He then looked down nervously and blushed.
"…hel." Ragna mumbled. Kokonoe and Hazama leaned closer to Ragna to indicate that they didn't hear him the first time.
Ragna looked away. His face is now a tomato. "…Rachel. It's Rachel." His voice was still low but it was loud enough to hear. Hazama burst out laughing.
"HYAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA! RACHEL?! RACHEL?! RAAAAAAAAAAAACHEL? YOU HAD LIKE HALF OF THE BLAZBLUE FEMALE CAST TO CHOSE FROM AND YOU CHOSE THAT THOUSAND YEAR OLD LOLI VAMPIRE?! HYAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA... I approve." Hazama suddenly stopped laughing and nodded favourably.
"What?!" Ragna and Kokonoe spoke in unison. "You do?!"
Hazama shrugged. "Of course! Two dumbass, annoyingly persistent idiots are very compatible together!"
"Damn you bastard! But…thanks…I guess." Ragna scratched his face in embarrassment. Hazama placed his arm around Ragna's shoulder. "No problem! Don't bother send the wedding invitation though…I did kill her father after all."
Ragna flushed red like a capsicum. "W-we're not even up to that stage yet!"
"So where are you guys at the moment? Boyfriend-girlfriend? Friends? Obsessive stalker?" Kokonoe asked seriously.
Ragna gawked. "Er…well…I guess we're…friends at the moment…?" He began to rub his neck awkwardly. Kokonoe nodded as she sips her tea.
"Right. Well Ragna I believe you are quite lucky." Kokonoe sips her tea again. "I happen to know Rachel quite well and believe my words. If you confess to her I can promise you that she will say yes." Kokonoe knew that Rachel liked Ragna as well since she would always stalk Ragna wherever he goes and come to his aid whenever he asks. Though when Kokonoe asked Rachel she would always deny this. What was a surety of this was when Rachel became seriously jealous whenever any girl would be up Ragna's grill. That was the final dead give a way. Kokonoe hoped that Rachel's stubbornness and pride won't get in the way.
"Really? She'll say yes?!" Ragna almost jumped out of his seat. He was like an excited little puppy about to get a favourite treat. Hazama thought.
"Yep in fact let's go ahead, suit you up and get you some flowers to go and confess right now?" Kokonoe suggested.
"Now?!" Ragna blushed. Well he did need an extra push to stop being a little bitch. He was so afraid that Rachel would say no, mostly because of their stance. She was a graceful, rich but, with a small superiority complex well okay big, beautiful woman whereas, Ragna- he knew himself was poor, brutal and basically had a shitty life. They were basically in complete contrast. But after hearing Kokonoe's words it gave him courage and confidence, however…
He grabs Hazama's shoulder. "I wanna hear this guy's problem first."
Kokonoe looks at Hazama. "Well?"
Hazama looks at both Ragna and Kokonoe. He sighs loudly as he takes his fedora off his head. "Well…how should I start this…" Hazama trails off as he rubs his head. He then opens his golden snake eyes and looks at Kokonoe with a dead serious expression.
"Kokonoe. I'm in love with that cat girl Taokaka."
Kokonoe spits out her tea while Ragna spits out imaginary tea. "TAO?! How the hell did that happened?!" Ragna spoke in bewilderment and he thought his crush was strange.
Suddenly Hazama's legs were healed and he stood up. He was gracefully moving around the table as he explained his story. "Ahh~ when Kokonoe blasted me into the Kaka village I fell on top of her. Her hoddie fell off you see…It was like love at first sight but unfortunately, I had to leave because my allergies were kicking in."
"You saw her without the hoodie?! No way!" Ragna was amazed. Tao and he have been on so many adventures and journeys and not once he has seen Tao without her hoddie. It must have been so angelic or something if it can even can get that bastard to fall in love with someone. However, Ragna seemed to already know the problem…Tao was too freaking stupid to realise about love and Hazama was allergic. Kokonoe seemed to realise as well.
Kokonoe rose from her arm chair. "I have it all figured out! Tonight you and Ragna are going to confess! Lambda! Get the suits! But bring Hazama the hazard suit!" She grinned. Lambda saluted then went off to the storage room to get the things requested. Ragna and Hazama stood there dumbfounded. Kokonoe then turned to them.
"What are you two still standing there?! Go buy them a gift they would like idiots! A straight up confession is what a woman is looking for!" She ordered. Ragna and Hazama nodded frantically and left to buy a gift for their crushes.
Thirteen minutes later.
Kokonoe took a step back to get a better view. Ragna was wearing a simple black suit pants and vest with a white shirt and black pointy leather shoes. Cute baseball cap Lambda was adjusting his red tie. Tager and Ragna were sniggering at Hazama who was also wearing the same things as Ragna however, he was in a hazard suit and it made him look like an astronaut. 'For love' was what Hazama said to remind himself why he was doing this.
The teleportation device was set and ready for the co-ordinates that Kokonoe will be sending the two. She placed a microphone and video camera on the boys so she would be able to watch them.
"The two of you got your gifts?" Kokonoe asked as she crossed her arms. She felt like a mother readily her sons for a date.
Both of the men nodded as they presented their gift. Ragna had bell pepper flowers for Rachel whereas, Hazama has a bouquet of fishes. For some reason something made Kokonoe fell odd about those bell pepper flowers that Ragna has but she couldn't pin point it out. She then shrugged it off. If it was anything then she would tell Ragna afterwards.
"Good luck Ragna! F*** you Hazama!" Kokonoe waved them off as she pressed the teleportation button.
The moon shined brightly in the eternal night over the Alucard mansion. In the backyard of the unholy mansion was a simple yet large rose garden. In the small section in the plains of roses sat the owner of the mansion, Rachel Alucard. Despite the pleasant weather and her absolute favourite desserts and tea, she was in a bad mood. Her servants Nago and Gii were too afraid to talk to her again because when Gii before mentioned the name 'Ragna'. She had sent Gii flying into oblivion but luckily he somehow made it back.
Rachel angrily drinks her tea. She couldn't find where Ragna's whereabouts for the last hour. This was impossible. Rachel even went as far to ask people around. It was humiliating! A disgrace to her pride and honour! Ragna was so going to get a lightning strike or ten when she finds him. After a few moments of furious tea sipping, she slowly places her tea cup back down. Her face was filled with concerned and worry.
From the backdoor entrance stood Valkenhayn, he clenches his fist tightly. How dare he made the milady upset! If he ever sees Ragna he was going to give him a punch or twenty in the face.
A loud thump was heard nearby. Rachel looks up from her table. An intruder? That was highly unlikely since the only way to come to this place was through teleportation. She grabs Nago who turns into an umbrella and teleports to where the sound came from.
"Ouch…man she didn't have to teleport me so high up from the ground. I could off broken something!" Ragna complained to himself. He then felt something mushy on his ass. "Oh crap! The bell peppers!" He panicked as he stood up from the ground. They were ruined.
"Ragna? What are you doing here?" Rachel looked astounded at the sight. He was wearing a…suit?
Ragna immediately stood up straight. "RABBIT!" he yelled. Rachel was already in front of him and he didn't even have time to prepare himself! Such luck! Ragna had no choice but to improvise. "Err…" Ragna began, he was nervously rubbing his neck and avoided eye contact with Rachel.
Rachel had no idea what Ragna was up to but he was looking like a big fool at the moment. "Ragna. What is it?" However, despite the harsh tone Rachel made she felt really nervous for some reason due to seeing Ragna stutter and blushing a little. Her heart was beating a little faster.
Kokonoe slammed her table. "DAMMIT RAGNA STOP BEING A PANSY!" She wanted to tell Ragna that but he needed to do this on his own. Lambda was waving a 'FIGHTO!' flag.
"Come on Ragna dammit, this is your chance! You're a freaking badass SS criminal with a bounty of 99 billion platinum dollars!" Ragna internally thought. He then shook his head and took a step forward closer to Rachel.
"Rachel…I er… kinda love you…so take these flowers." Ragna presented the bell peppers to Rachel.
Kokonoe wanted to rip her face off. "KINDA?! KINDA LOVE YOU?! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" Lambda and Tager had to hold Kokonoe back from turning into the being of darkness again and destroy the planet.
Rachel looked completely stunned at the random somewhat confession. She looked at Ragna's flustered face and the bell pepper flowers. She then sniggered and then…burst out laughing! Ragna was at a loss of words at the sudden reaction, he had never saw Rachel laugh so loudly before. "H-hey that's not funny!" He whined. After a few more seconds Rachel ended her laughing fit.
"Ahaha…I apologize Ragna." Rachel wiped a tear off her face. She hasn't laughed like that since…ever! It felt good. Rachel began giggling again. "It's just that…this was so hilarious. You have leaves on your suit, bad manners and you made a complete fool out of yourself. And I don't even like bell peppers they are the worst gift that anyone could ever give to me."
Ragna looked at the bell peppers. "Oh…" He thought that they were the most beautiful flowers he's ever seen…that it reminded him of Rachel's beauty.
Rachel smiled. "But I will gladly accept the flowers because I 'kinda' love you too." She takes the flowers off Ragna who blushed.
"Shut up I was nervous." Ragna frowned but then the both of them began to laugh.
"YES! She accepted! Pay time!" Kokonoe jumped up and down from her arm chair. Lambda was swinging her flag around in slight joy. "Lambda…feels immense joy." She smiles.
Tager also smiles in the background, relived that everything worked out for Ragna. Suddenly there was a quiet knock on the door. Tager walked over to open it. It was…Taokaka? And she was carrying Hazama by her side?! He wasn't wearing his hazard suit anymore too!
"Taokaka?" Tager spoke in surprise. Kokonoe and Lambda also turned around from the T.V.
"HELLO ROBOT GUY! MEOW!" Tao waved at Tager as she walked into the love clinic. She then grabbed a sum of cash from her chest and handed it to Kokonoe. Kokonoe gave Taokaka a confused look.
"Green guy told me to give it to you!" Everyone then looked at the state Hazama was in. His fedora hat was missing and he looked like he was molested or something since his clothing was slightly ripped apart. Did I mention the saliva and bite marks all over him? His eyes were also swirly. Kokonoe guessed his allergies got to him as well.
"Anyways Tao has to go now meow! Tao and green guy are going to have some more sleepy time!" Everyone gave Tao a shocked look as she grinned and ran away with Hazama on her back. They had hoped that they misinterpreted this…'sleepy time'.
Everyone in the room was silent for a few moments. It was Tager again that broke the silence. "Was that okay Kokonoe…? To leave it like that?" Kokonoe counted the money that Taokaka gave her. It was the exact sum for two patients. She then flicked the money in front of Tager. "Meh, I helped them out, what happens after doesn't concern me anymore."
Tager sighed. He had hoped that their next patients were normal.
Whatever happened to Hazama is up to your imagination :P Let's just say that Tao really liked the fish bouquet. On the other note. I'll most likely be doing two 'love problems' per a chapter. So if you made a request please be patient because for sure i'll write it eventually. I'm pretty frequent with my uploading so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. See you next chapter!
