Konan on... Narusaku!
"Narusaku- the Naruto ship for people who like their men ugly and annoying, their women desperate, and their heat level lower than the depths of the ocean in which Jiraiya sunk in.
"Naruto has the unfortunate luck to combine the ugliest male body on the planet with a personality so girly even Lee and Guy got jealous. While in the academy, he meets a girl named Sakura and falls head over heels for her, drawing yet another disturbing comparison to Lee with both his agility and love for people with LARGE FOREHEADS. Sakura is the most useless ninja on the planet, and also the hottest girl on the planet IF YOU LIKE THAT SORT OF THING, and wiser than all 5 hokages in a barrel, so of course she gives in to whatever chemicals are pumping in her brain and goes for the obvious choice SASUKE SASUKE SASUKE solely for his hot body.
"Naruto isn't so manly he is not afraid of causing any trouble or being hit by Tsunade's monstrous fist or being rejected by Sakura millions of times AND NEVER GIVING UP, so he spends the first few days of being a genin getting as close as he can to Sakura and getting it on with everything in a skirt short of his sister UNLESS YOU LOOK AT THE SUBTEXT until he reaches that level of stupidity where HE FLIRTS WITH SASUKE but that never happened because of the censors BUT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT KISHI WAS PLANNING TO DO SO SHUT UP AND LET ME HOPE FOR YAOI. So then Sakura got jealous and started flirting with Lee by the time Jiraiya and Naruto went searching for Tsunade BUT THAT NEVER STOPPED SASUKE WHO PROBABLY RETURNED THE FEELINGS AND FOLLOWED NARUTO TO THE INN AND WANTED TO-
"Oh wait- that wasn't how it happened. Sasuke's brother was there HEY SASUKE IF YOU EVER READ THIS, I TOLD ITACHI TO FOLLOW YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND!
"But then back at Konoha, Sakura was still flirting with Lee but then realized Sasuke was out-of-town so she threw Lee off the bridge, breaking his spine I DON'T KNOW WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WHILE SASUKE WAS GONE BUT LET'S ASSUME THAT THAT'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
"After Sasuke got beat up, Sakura was suddenly more attached to Sasuke more than ever AND MADE NARUTO JEALOUS SO THEN HE TOOK TSUNADE TO LEE TO DISGUISE HIS FLIRTING/MAKE-SOMEONE-JEALOUS SKILLS but then Tsunade sent Naruto off and Plan B of 'Make Sakura Jealous' was failed, leaving him ladyless BUT YOU NEVER KNOW IF HINATA WAS THERE STALKING HIM OR SOMETHING.
"So then, a while after Sasuke recovered, he finally had enough with Naruto being fake and Sakura flirting with him, so he joined the Dark Side. Ever since then, Sakura stayed a bit closer to Naruto BUT NOT AS CLOSE, so the suspected romance didn't progress much until Part II, when Naruto returned to the village.
"Naruto didn't have as much feelings about Sakura when he returned but he still hoped so. He tried to stay himself because he didn't have anyone to make Sakura jealous anymore UNLESS THE AU LEE WAS UP TO IT. Sakura was starting to like him until when he almost showed his Harem-no-jutsu to the children BEING HIMSELF, so then he earned a direct hit from Sakura, plus the pain of Sakura's monstrous strength, taught by Tsunade HEY TSUNADE NICE JOB YOU ACTUALLY MADE THE GIRL A BIT MORE USEFUL BUT NOT QUITE. So the relationship went from 'small crush' to 'talking'.
"When they arrived in Suna, Sakura used her new medical expertise to save Kankuro from a poison given to him by my friend Sasori HEY SASORI YOU COULD'VE DONE BETTER AND KILLED HIM. THAT KID WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY ANNOYING. Sakura then made a few antidotes to counteract the poison in case anyone on the team should have need of it GREAT JOB TSUNADE NOW YOU MADE IT HARDER FOR US TO KILL THE GIRL. The antidote in hand, Team Kakashi followed Akatsuki's trail, accompanied by Chiyo HEY SASORI I NEVER KNEW YOU HAD A FAT GRANDMA. During this period of time, Sakura first learned that the Nine-Tails is sealed into Naruto. Then the relationship went from talking to 'OMG HE'S A MONSTER'.
"One time, Sakura was then knocked out after Kabuto was thrown away by Naruto and slammed into her SO YOU'RE NOT AS STRONG AS YOU THINK, HUH?. After regaining consciousness, she realised that Naruto had advanced to his four-tailed form FIVE MORE TAILS AND WE CAN CAPTURE HIM. She recalls on who Naruto used to be, his happy personality, and his promise to her, then feeling guilt for the monster he had become and his suffering, she starts to cry and call for him to stop SO SHE DOES ACTUALLY CARE. This bumped up the relationship from 'OMG HE'S A MONSTER' to 'secret make-out sessions at the playground' IF YOU WATCHED ROAD TO NINJA YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
"When my friend Pain destroyed the village YOU COULD'VE DESTROYED THE MOUNTAIN TOO, Sakura was saved by Katsuyu AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO DESPISES SNAILS. When she sees the village in ruins she cries out for Naruto to return to save everyone BOOHOO YOUR VILLAGE IS DESTROYED BUT YAHIKO, NAGATO, AND I LOST OUR PARENTS SO HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL? After Naruto's return Sakura could only watch as Naruto tried to defeat the six Pains OH YEAH YOU GO YAHIKO. She became worried when Naruto entered his six-tailed form THREE MORE AND WE CAN CAPTURE HIM YIPPEE, and was amazed to find out that Hinata risked her life to try and save Naruto because she loves him BEAT THAT SAKURA. She heals Hinata afterwards and watches as Pain, defeated and converted by Naruto, revives all those who had died during his attack OH SO NOW YOU'RE MEDIOCRELY USEFUL. When Naruto came back to the village after talking to Nagato COME ON NAGATO YOU COULD'VE KILLED HIM ALREADY, Sakura punches Naruto calling him rash for taking on Pain by himself but then hugs and thanks him for saving them. No changes were made in their relationship.
"When World War IV went up, Sakura was forced in the Third Division, separating her from Naruto AWWW BUT THEY WERE SO CLOSE ALREADY and then Sakura was deemed too useless so she spent the rest of her war time with the ever-boring Shizune in the medical division watching people die as they try to heal BUT THEY DID HEAL A FEW, AND THEY WERE THE FAST RECOVERY TYPE so they didn't work much.
"Soon enough, Naruto gets too caught up in the war and is somehow pretty good at it so he practically NEVER gets hit that he never get to spend time at the ever-boring clinic tent with the ever-boring patients being healed by the ever-boring Shizune and the now-ever-boring Sakura HEY I WONDER WHEREVER TSUNADE WENT. So then Hinata uses the long gap as an advantage to flirt with Naruto, which he firmly accepts so BOOHOO SAKURA YOU'RE FOREVER ALONE.
"But then, I'm dead and I have no idea how I know all of this. So face it, Sakura will NEVER end up with Naruto unless Hinata turns Yuri and gets paired up with Ino YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT KISHI WANTS, but then again, if Naruto weren't to be paired up with Hinata, he'll most likely end up Yaoi and with Sasuke WHICH I SECRETLY WANT TO HAPPEN HEH HEH. So either way, Sakura will end up single.
"So let's just conclude that Naruto and Sakura won't be canon and she'll die forever alone.
"And again, I'm dead and I still have no idea why I know all of this.
