A/N: This needed writing.
The Alcohol Content Of A Glaswegian Bar
"It must be hard, you know, being the only speedster in the TT and also the only person with a pink-hair fetish." Speedy remarked to Kid Flash, who was perched on a bar stool to his left, drinking shots in fast-motion.
"Meh, I'm not really shure. I think old Robsh hash it worse, being completely no-powers and shucky (no offence, Arrow Boy) and alsho being infatuated with a half-demon who'sh only purposhe in life was to deshtroy the world and on top of that, being the leader and all that shit." Kid Flash slurred.
"Guys, I'm sitting right here." Robin said, albeit looking in the completely wrong direction. "And besides, she didn't destroy the world, her crazy, demonic, horn headed, wackjob, monstrosity of a dad did. Tried to. Didn't." he said, waving his arms to punctuate every word.
The three heroes were in a bar about thirteen metres away from Glasgow Central Station.
"HEY! I bet I can hit that dartboard with an arrow from here!" Speedy said suddenly. "If I do, can you buy me a diamond ring, Robs?"
Robin looked at the slightly blurry dartboard. "Eh, sure. What happens if you miss?"
"I'm not going to mish."
"Mish?"
"What?"
"You said mish. You're drunk, Arrowboy."
"I am not. I'm not going to mish, and you'll have to buy me a diamond ring, and stuff."
"Yep, you're drunk."
"I am not pished!"
Speedy drew his bow and groped for a random arrow. The entire bar was cleared out, (who stays in a bar when three superheroes walk in?) apart from the landlord, who was cowering in the corner. It didn't help that the three had already bought his whole bar between them.
Speedy shot his arrow at the dartboard, missing it by a mile, only for it to ricochet off a lampshade, a pint glass, and Robin's belt, to hit the dartboard, stick in, and slowly play "Here Comes The Bride" over and over while shooting confetti into the air.
"Why do you have a wedding arrow?" Kid Flash asked, confused.
"Same reason Robs has a mistletoe birdarang. Just in case." Speedy answered.
"I don't have a mistletoe birdarang, it's a grenade." Robin said. "I have a disco-rang though."
"What on Earth does a Disco-Rang do?"
"Makes people dance uncontrollably. I borrowed the specs from Music Meister." Robin said proudly.
"I need some of those. Now." Speedy muttered hazily.
"Can't have them. They're mine. Here's your diamond ring."
"You have a diamond ring in your belt?" Kid Flash exclaimed. "Why do you have a diamond ring in your belt?"
"In case I have to propose on mission. Batman has one." Robin said, as though that explained everything.
"Why in the name of all that'sh holy would you need to proposhe on mishon?"
"No idea, it's just in case I ever do."
"Yeah, but why would you? What could posshibly happen whicsh would neceshitate a proposhal?"
"You know we've drank the entire bar."
"We haven't; Kid Drunk here has." Speedy told the Boy Wonder imperiously.
"Fasht metabolishm." Kid Flash held his hands up in protest.
"We've had, um, in excess of 18,000 units between us." Robin said, doing the calculation on a piece of paper stored in his belt.
"How'd you work that out?"
"Maths."
"Hey, there'sh Jade again." Kid Flash hiccoughed.
"Where?!" Speedy asked, jumping up and looking around.
"There. Beshide the lamp posht"
Speedy ran outside, followed by Robin, followed at length by Kid Flash.
Speedy got down on one knee in front of the stunned girl, and was just about to say "Will you marry me?" when Robin punched him square in the face and dragged him off, making hasty apologies to Jade about how Speedy was drunk and had no idea what he was doing, et cetera, et cetera.
"Well. At leasht that'sh over." Kid Flash said to himself, before tripping over an atom and falling face first into a blue police box that was nestled in the weeds growing in the corner between the bar and the apartment block next to it.
