After everything:
"I don't know if we can pick it up where we left off, after..."
"Everything?"
"Yes, after everything." Remus looked at the man he had once loved, guilt burning up inside him. Could he do this to Sirius? After twelve years of pining for him, trying to fall out of love with the murderer who betrayed his best friend. But now... Sirius was innocent, and surely they could save their broken relationship.
"Why not?" Sirius's dark eyes were faded and lifeless, the sparkle of childhood, of innocence, was gone completely.
"I'm not- but..." Remus tried to explain his rushing thoughts. "I'm not who I used to be, I guess. And neither are you. Before, it was different, we were kids. But now, after everything,we can't go back to who we used to be."
"We could try... Surely we could try Moony!"
The childhood nickname brought Remus rushing back, to the laughter and stolen kisses, to night time walks with fingers entwined, to waking up with a large black dog curled up against him, fur tickling his chin.
"Sirius, don't makethis harder than it needs to be, please."
"Don't you remember who we used to be? We were Pads and Moony. Those were the best years of my life, Remus Lupin, and I have spent 12 years dreaming about them, in my cell in Askaban. It wasn't just Peter I was escaping for. 'He's at Hogwarts', remember that? I came to find you Moon. Because I love you, and all I could think about in Askaban was how much I needed to tell you that."
"And you think I didn't dream too?" Remus was shouting now, emotion rushing out of him like a waterfall. "You think I forgot, forgot about who we used to be? But I wasn't dreaming about Sirius Black, escaped convict, 36 years old. No, I was dreaming about Padfoot, the 18 year old, the Marauder."
"Should our age define us? I could still be Padfoot!" Remus knew Sirius well enough to see how hard he was trying not to cry, and Remus was blinking tears away too.
"Don't try and pretend you haven't changed, because we both know you are not the same man who walked through the Askaban gates."
"I can't help it Remus! You don't know what it's like!"
"I'm not blaming you. But looking at you now, I know that you are not the man I fell in love with. And there's nothing you can do about it."RemusLupin turned away,even though it felt like an invisible force was pulling him back, even though it was the hardest thing he'd ever done.
And just like that, the two soulmates parted. Not knowing that within two years, one would die, and within four the other would fall in love again.
