Hey! It's Chapter One! Okay so I just started school this week so I have no idea how often I can update. I'm going to try for once every week or 2 weeks, but just know I'm not going over a month of not updating. Anyways again this is a story that was a fan comic of mine on DA that I never got a chance to finish that I decided to write in this form. Enjoy sorry for typos. Dragon age belongs to bioware!

EDIT! This chapter have been revised!

Chapter One

"I wish I could disappear." Lita repeated the phrase over again in her head, under her breath and in her sleep. She had been wishing it ever since she left Denerim. Ever since he broke the news to her that she would be taking post as commander and Arlessa of Amaranthine; the land that once belonged to Rendon Howe; the one man who destroyed her life. Howe, hearing that name or even thinking it made her blood boil. That man killed her family and she swore to him before her dagger reached his heart that she would repay the favor.

"Commander?" A soft voice ahead of her asked. "Are you alright? You seem angry."

Lita stared at the young woman in front of her. Mhairi was her name. The escort Alistair mentioned. She was much taller than Lita and wore dark reddish heavy chainmail, carried a large matching shield and long sword than looked to big for her thin frame. Her dark brown short hair blew in the cool wind of the hot summers day and her blue eyes stared back at Lita questioning.

"I'm fine, let's keep moving." Lita said quickly. It was a lie. She was not fine. They left Denerim roughly a week ago immediately after her conversation with Alistair. As soon as she was introduced to Mhairi she gave the order to pack up and leave. No word was said they just left and even left the horses behind. She did not want anything else from the king not even a simple horse.

Her hand absentmindedly brushed along the tall grass and weeds that outlined the small path as they journeyed forward to silence continued between them. It was almost peaceful. Nature was the thing talking to them with the chirping bugs and birds flying overhead. She could tell that it was awkward for the woman leading the way. Every now and then she would turn her head and glance at her searching for something to say, but she never let the words slip. Lita plucked a small wild flower she walked by and began twirling it in her fingers. They would make it to Vigils Keep soon and the deep pit of nerves were starting to form again.

Mhairi pointed ahead at a large grouping of trees. "Once we get past the woods we will be able to see Vigil's Keep." The trees stood wide and tall covered with bright green leaves and vines that shook in the ever growing winds inviting them in to be swallowed like the small dirt path before them.

"I know." Lita mumbled walking past her. She knew this path. It was the same path her parents used whenever they had business or wanted to see their so called friend.

The wind blew harder threatening to blow the hood of Lita's dark blue cloak off. Dark clouds of an approaching storm could be seen in the distance. The darkness contrasted with the nature around them giving it a brighter appearance. She gave one last look at the open fields of wild flowers that stretched for miles and the abandoned farm houses scattered around growing with moss and grass being claimed by the land once again. Nothing much has changed since she last traveled this way despite the blight. Most of Ferelden lay in ruin but not this area. It was still beautiful.

Lita looked at the flower in her hand. Fergus use to take her out to the fields away from their travel carriages to pick flowers when she was a small child. She would run around in her nice little dress and gather handfuls of butter cups, sun flowers, and bonnets before she would realize that her brother had ran off and left her alone as a joke.

A dull ach formed in her chest as she heard the phantom lectures of her parents. Neither of them wanted to hear their excuses of why they wondered off or why they were crying. Her father always yelled at Fergus telling him he needed to be the responsible brother and take care of her. Her mother would be in hysterics over the state of her dress and how a proper lady should not be playing in dirt as she stood in tears about how Fergus left her alone.

Alone, that was a current feeling she experienced for the past couple of years. Betrayal was another one. Fergus and Alistair both made those feeling grow. She continued walking forward the grass growing thicker as they quickly approached the woods. It was their fault she was in this position. holding the flower up to her nose she gave it one last smell before letting it drift in the wind back to its home.

Mhairi kept looking back at her again and Lita would look back in silence. The girl still looked like wanted to say something but still she kept the silence going. A small droplet of water landed on her nose. The storm had finally made its way to them.

"Commander it's starting to rain. Would you like to stop and wait it out? Mhairi asked quietly. She was hoping that the commander would say something other than a single word response. That was all she was getting out of her. The travel in silence was driving her mad.

Lita walked past her without a glance. "No." It was just rain. Something she hoped that would make her catch cold and send her back home to Highever.

Mhairi watched the commander take charge and lead them through the winding path in the woods. The air was much cooler under the shade of the large tree branches. It was a nice change to beating rays of the sun. Small rabbits would run across their path and deer would watch them from a distance. She could not help but smile at the scenery. The commander on the other hand kept pushing forward not giving anything around her a second look.

She had to admit that she was not what she expected. The stories the men tell at the keep are about a strong woman, a talkative woman, who stood up when no one would and overthrew a tyrant. They talk about how the very same woman who had nothing left stood up great and gathered an impossible army of allies to defeat the arch demon. This woman could not be her.

The commander that walked before her was nothing but a shell of a person. She expressed no emotion, barely spoke and had a constant daze of her face as if she was lost in thought. Mhairi wondered what would happen if they came under attack and if this woman in front of her would ever react or just let the enemy slaughter her?

"Mhairi can I ask you, did you volunteer to join the wardens or were you conscripted?" Shock washed over Mhairi when the commander spoke. This was the first time she had said anything directly to her. All the days they had traveled together had been in silence except for the few questions she had asked the commander only to receive a small answer.

"I.I volunteered." Mhairi said unsure on how to exactly reply. She rushed up to walk beside her.

"Why?" The commander simply asked in an emotionless tone. Mhairi noticed as they walk she would grab at leaves and twigs and play with them for a while before letting them go. Was she nervous?

"I heard about all the great things you did, at least what they said you did." Mhairi tried to hide the doubt in her voice. "You saved people, brought them together and defeated the dragon. You are a hero and a great inspiration. Who wouldn't want to serve under you?"

A look of pity washed over the commander's face as she stared at Mhairi. She wondered why she would look at her that way. This is what she wanted, what she always wanted. Mhairi nervously scratched her nose and wiped a few raindrops off her forehead. Did she say something wrong?

"The tales…I've heard of them." Lita stated. Oh she knew them well. She could not even count how many people would come and ask her questions about that battle. Stupid bards and their songs. After a pause she continued. "I'm not the only hero you know. I had help from..friends."

Mhairi noticed the sadness in her voice when she said the last word. The woman greatly confused her. Why would she be sad? She could have everything and anything in Ferelden. People loved her and knew of her. Mhairi would give anything to be as great as her.

Lita noticed the confusion on Mhairi's face and she knew she was not what the girl expected but this is what happens to heroes. It is not glorious as some believe. Her thoughts wondered to the battle at Ostagar before the blight truly started. Where she became something she never wanted to be. Mhairi made her think about King Cailan's ignorance and his need for glory. Glory killed the king. She had to admit that he should have listened to Loghain. He might still be alive and ruling today, might be, if Loghain never went mad. Would she end up that way? The crazed hero?

Mhairi's quiet voice broke her thoughts. "I know you had help, but I want to be like you."

"You're a fool." She finally stopped walking and turned and placed both her hands on Mhairi's shoulders. She was tired of people wanting to play hero and throwing their lives away; just tired of it all. "You have no idea what you are getting yourself into."

The words stung. Mhairi's dreams were starting to crumble. The one woman who she idolized was calling her a fool. When the wardens were recruiting they talked about how big an honor it was to serve with them, to protect people and to fight by their side. Why would a commander say something like this?

Emotions started filling Lita's senses. This girl had no idea how lucky she was and what she was willing to sacrifice for a lifestyle that will eventually take her life. She desperately wanted to tell her to secrets, tell her how her lifespan would be shortened and how she might even die in the joining, but she swore an oath. The only thing she could do was give a small warning.

"Becoming a Grey Warden is dangerous. You will sacrifice everything you have ever known. You will spend the rest of your life hunting darkspawn, protecting people. You will have to do things against your own morals and beliefs." Lita paused swatting a small bug flying in front of her face. "Any hopes of a normal life will perish after you become a Grey Warden. Once you're in there is no turning back."

"I know." Mhairi said firmly with confidence. "I want this. I had a chance at a normal life once and it wasn't for me. Joining the wardens would be a dream come true."

Lita could not help but burst with laughter. Oh it had been a long time since she laughed. What kind of propaganda where they selling the recruits? She hunched over a fallen tree in their path and continued to laugh. "A dream come true?" The worried look on Mhairi's face made her laugh even harder. "A dream come true? What a joke, it's more like a nightmare within a nightmare. To each their own I guess." She wiped tears from her eyes still giggling as she climbed over the trunk of the tree.

Hurt crossed Mhairi's face and Lita did not care. She knew laughing at the girl was rude but she was not going to lie about it. The truth hurts. She only wished she could tell her to whole truth.

"Should we continue commander?" Mhairi asked walking briskly ahead of her. She was tired of talking and wished this conversation never took place. Any kind of hopes of talking with the Hero Of Ferelden were crushed for she saw what this woman was truly like. A brat. As soon as they make it to Vigils Keep the better.

They walked further along the path. The trees were starting to thin at last and the rain started coming down harder giving a cold curtain to their view. A dull ache started forming in Lita's head. She took her hood off and let the wind and water caress her face in hopes of it going away, but it did not. Soon a familiar crawl went up her spin and a deep ringing started forming in her ears.

Oh no. Not here. Not now.