Uh, author's note after this. Just enjoy?
Tommy sat in Studio A at the soundboard, stunned at Jude's speedy departure. He knew something was eating at her, he just didn't know what. He leaned his elbows on the edge of the soundboard, and put his head in his hands. Sadie...he thought. How could I be so stupid? He kissed Jude that without a doubt told her in a cryptic way that he had feelings for her. He refused to say love, even if he was arguing with himself. It was one of the facts that he could not face in life, he was in love with a sixteen year old.
And now he was in too deep with Sadie on his back, more like lips, and her half attempt to be the perfect girlfriend. He groaned, and tried to think if he'd been doing any drugs in the past year or so. Not any drugs that he knew of. He wondered if someone had slipped LSD into his coke or something while at a party. He stood up from the soundboard, grabbing his leather jacket from the back of the chair and walking out. He cursed in French under his breath when he walked into the rain. He pulled out his keys and unlocked the hummer as he ran to it.
Meanwhile at the Harrison house, Jude stood in front of her mother and her boss in a compromising position. "Mom...how could you?" she said, tears filling her eyes and voice. She held her arms around her wet torso, doing her best not to shiver. Darius backed up from her, adjusting his pants while Victoria fixed her skirt and shirt, as she slid off the table.
"It's not what it looks like...I swear honey." she said, buttoning the top buttons of her shirt. Her head was titled to the side and her eyebrows were squinted together.
"Oh so you weren't just fucking my boss...on our DINNER table?!" she yelled, holding out one of her hands. Darius snorted coming up behind Victoria cupping her behind in his big hand.
"Jude. How do you think you stayed on the record label? By your good looks? Or your voice?" he asked, his voice full of sarcasm. He winded his arm around Victoria's waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing her neck. "Your mom stepped in here, gave me an offer..." he ran his finger up her neck and Jude shook her head, not wanting to believe. She ran from the dining room, crying. She slammed the door of her bedroom, sobs escaping her mouth with every breath.
She felt worthless, alone. Outside she heard Jamie's car pull up, and he stepped out with Kat stepping out on the other side. They joined hands, and he kissed her in the rain which had lessened to a drizzle. She pulled off her wet jacket as she turned away from the window, and threw herself onto the bed.
She held onto one of the pillows, crying and whimpering. She half expected her mother to yell up to her, but she was probably wrapped up in Darius again. The tune of The Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven came to mind and she sat up from the bed, some kind of sick and sadistic thought coming to her mind. She stood up slowly, not making a sound and walked to her door, opening it mechanically. She walked invalidly and slowly to the bathroom down the hall, kicking off her Chuck Taylor's and stripping her socks before stepping in on the cool tiles. She smiled at the cold feeling and closed the door, locking it with a click.
She stood in front of the mirror, her red hair matted to her head. With one solitary finger, she prodded her cheek. Pushing it in, then pinching it and pulling it away from her face. She stopped after a few minutes, and slid the side of the mirror open, looking up and down at it's contents. Sadie's lotions, hair stuff, her mother's pills, and shaving cream, Her father's old razors, floss and after shave. Her eyes quickly darted back up to the razors, eyebrow quirking in thought. She reached her hand up timidly, and grabbed the box sitting it down on the marble top of the counter beside the sink. Slowly she opened up the box, and pulled a razor out, running the tip of her finger across the blade feather softly.
All it would take is one cut, one cut and all these problems will escape. I won't be sorry either, I never will be. But, they will. All of them.
Without a second thought, she pulled up her black t-shirt, her white skin glowing in the light. She put the razor to her skin, putting pressure before dragging it across her abdomen, blood sprouting up at the spot where the razor just previously passed over and ran down her stomach.
There's no going back now. My world has completely changed.
After about a six inch line was carved she pulled it away and smiled as the blood almost reached the top of her jeans. "Wonderful..." she said, grabbing a few squares of toilet paper before it met the jeans and a smile spread across her face as she wiped upwards and the blood smeared. She wiped the blood away and watched as more blood oozed, and she wiped it up again, this time putting pressure on the cut.
After the bleeding had stopped, Jude put the razors away, keeping the blooded one for herself. She briskly walked from the bathroom to her bedroom, trying to drown out the animalistic sounds from downstairs. Slamming the door, she threw herself onto her bed. Tears silently stained her cheeks. She hated Darius, she hated G-Major now that Georgia was gone, she hated her sister, she hated Tommy [even though she wanted him to be beside her now, and worst of all she hated herself.
Nothing in this world would take her out of the self-hate she was wallowing in.
Outside, the sound of an engine revving up the street was heard. Her ears poked up, although her head stayed on the pillow, now wet with tears. Tommy and Sadie. Sadie and Tommy. The hair-'click' twins. She snorted at the thought and pushed herself from bed, to strip from her clothes. She ran her finger across the red and inflamed cut, and smiled in accomplishment. She felt better, better than before and she couldn't believe that it only took two seconds. "Who wears short shorts?" she sang in the mirror, grabbing a pair of pajamas before throwing them on.
She head the front door open, and 'hellos' were shouted from Sadie. She grabbed her iPod from her dresser, shoving the buds in so she wouldn't have to hear them. She crawled into bed, pulling the blanket to her chin and closed her eyes, hoping the sounds of Lily Allen would send her into a deep sleep.
----------------
Author's Note: This chapter was hard to write, editing was crazy and I wasn't sure if I put enough...mmph into it. I know a lot of people write about cutting, or any kind of self-mutilation but, they don't really go into it. Kids don't just go and decide 'oh, I feel like shit. So I'm going to cut myself.' It's not cool, and it's not done for attention. Personally, I don't like people who haven't experienced something like that to write about it because there is an essence to it you need to catch, and (normal) people can't get into the mind frame. Not that you'd want to, it's quite scary.
Underlying feelings, problems, depression and Borderline Personality Disorder are believed to be the cause of self-mutilation. I was planning on writing about some kind of teen issue, and well this is it.
If you know someone who is cutting, thinking of suicide/or is suicidal, please get help for them immediately. (Call 1-800 Suicide) You do not know what kind of pain they're in and even though they might not express it, they will appreciate you getting them help.
Please, review. I'll update sooner!
