*Her long black hair drags through his fingers as he pulls her head back. She sighs sweetly into the momentum of him thrusting into her over and over and over…*
"Alenko!"
*…his fingertips dig into the pink flesh of her thigh, keeping her steady, keeping her exactly where he wants her…where he needs her…*
"Alenko!"
His fogged senses registered banging on the door but his eyes remained closed.
*…groans fall from her lips with each thrust…she tightens around him...*
"Yo! Alenko!"
"Goddammit! Go away Morgan!"
With the spell broken he shuffled uncomfortably under the sheets. His cock was throbbing hard in his pyjama pants, "just…great" he mumbled to himself.
Kaidan threw a pillow over his head to drown out the thumping. Then he realized it was in his head. He threw his arm out to his bedside table and fumbled around blindly. Something clanked to the floor and he cursed dragging his head up.
"Alenko, you got 20 minutes till the brief, what the hell man?!"
Fuck. Was it Thursday already?
"Yeah-" his voice cracked and he coughed. "I'm up, I'm up" he took a gulp of water from the glass on his bedside table, "I'm up…" he repeated to himself.
"Good. I can't cover for you on this K" there was a pause, "see you down there."
Kaidan heard footsteps pad away from his door and slumped down onto his pillow. The rude awakening from Morgan had killed his raging hard-on. A good thing considering he had a mission briefing in 20 minutes, he'd have needed a long cold shower to rid himself of that tension.
Anderson would bust his chops if he wasn't at the briefing. He downed the rest of the water and brought up his Omni-tool dosing himself with meds to kill the thump in his head. The migraines weren't being helped by his drinking, but the drinking was helping him numb his emotions. He shook his head, now was not the time to be pondering his downward spiral.
Dragging himself up he headed for the shower.
The hot water cascaded over him as he leant his forehead on the wall his mind churning over the lousy state he was in. This loop needed to break. Drinking every night and sleeping everyday had not been the best use of his shore leave. He sighed heavily.
"What happened?"
The question hung heavy in the air like the steam from the shower. He knew the answer. Miranda had happened. A one night stand with a stranger had happened.
He'd broken like a neck under a Krogan foot when he'd realized what he'd done. He'd beaten himself up about it for a week solid. An act his friends had described as "ridiculous and unwarranted."
They knew him though. They knew him well enough to understand that he needed space to deal with his emotions in his own time and in his own way. And for the most part he had.
He'd spent the couple of days after meeting Miri in a permanent state of inebriation. That is until his body rebelled and crashed on him.
Waking up with the mother of all migraines had given him something else to focus on other than the guilt churning in the pit of his stomach. And so he had continued his consumption of copious amounts of alcohol.
With each day the guilt faded slightly as the booze killed the memory for him. And instead of focusing on his remorse for belittling his memories of Shepard, his mind started to rebel and instead wanted to remember how good it had felt having someone so close to him again.
And then the dreams had begun. Or more like flashbacks. Images of Miri writhing under his touch tormented him in his sleep. He couldn't deny that he'd found her attractive, incredibly so. She had been bold, fiercely independent…and completely submissive to him.
He felt heat building in his groin as his mind wandered and reached up turning on the cold water. Now was not the time to be getting heated, he had to be at that briefing.
In ten minutes he was dry and dressed and heading out of the door.
Three hours and a migraine later, Kaidan was back in his room. He slid his datapad onto the table and flopped back onto the bed. He pulled up his Omni to dose himself up on yet more painkillers. The briefing had been long and his recent lack of a decent nights sleep had not helped his attention span. He closed his eyes and soon he was fast asleep.
*…his tongue licks lightly up her neck, he digs his teeth into her earlobe, she groans but doesn't stop him…*
Kaidan scrunched his face up, squirming on the bed sheets.
*…his hands squeeze her buttocks hard as his relentless rhythm pushes them closer and closer to the brink of ecstasy…*
Kaidan bolted upright, beads of sweat on his brow. Wiping his face he looked at the clock…11:50pm. There would be no more sleep for him tonight.
He slumped back onto the bed and sighed heavily. At least it was quiet and he had no headache.
Unprovoked, his mind wandered over recent events. His encounter with Miri had seriously messed with his state of mind. Just as he thought himself ready to put the memory of Shepard to rest it had come back to haunt him.
Why? It had been two years. She was gone. Nothing he could do would ever be changing that unpleasant fact.
It was all self punishment, he knew that. It was survivors guilt. Shepard would never have wanted him to mourn her. They had both known the risks and they had both taken the chance of happiness together fully aware that it was unlikely to have a happy ending.
She would be cursing him right now…telling him to nut up and let her go. A sad smile flashed across his features. More than anything, she would have wanted him to be happy.
Sighing deeply he got up and wandered into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He let the water run and padded back out to pour a drink.
He made himself a large brandy and gulped it down before turning the music player on; sweet chords of violins and pianos began to ring through his quarters. He didn't cope well with the loud music of the bars and clubs, but Bach he could listen to all day.
Kicking his boots off he stripped down and headed back to the steaming shower.
Resting his head against the tiles he closed his eyes and let the water run over him, the heat slowly seeping into his muscles. He pushed all thoughts out of his head and tried to simply exist for a moment. Just as Kaidan. No guilt. No sadness. Allowing the hot water to stream down his face, down his back, trying to relax…
*…he stands flush against her back, his hands cupping the side of her breasts running down her sides, his hips push into her, crushing his now full erection against her buttocks…*
His eyes flew open and he swallowed.
That's where his mind went when he relaxed?!
He let out a deep breath. He was full of pent up frustration; he had been since he'd met Miri. That night had opened a flood gate and now he couldn't close it. Two years without another's touch hadn't seemed that bad…until she had touched him.
He closed his eyes and let his mind take him back to that night…
*…their lips meet in deep, desperate kisses and her legs wrap tightly around him. Her hands run over his muscular shoulders, nails digging into him, pulling him closer…*
He felt himself twitch and a burning inside him spread to his groin…
*…he hungrily sucks at her nipple, kneading her buttocks as he holds her in place. Her fingers rake up his back into his hair and knot together…*
He wrapped his hand around himself and squeezed gently…a groan fell from his lips and he bit down as he started to move up and down his own hard length…
*…his moist head meets her keen entrance and he thrusts up into her, driving in to the hilt. They cry out into each others greedy mouths…*
The images of Miri writhing under his touch attacked his senses…bringing back the scent of her hair…her perfume…the wondrous groans of pleasure he elicited from her as he took her against the wall…
*…pure lust and need for release drives him and he pounds her into the pillar…her nails dig into his arms as she screams out…*
His grip on himself tightened as he fell deeper into the pleasurable memories…
*…she tightens around his cock, pulsing as her orgasm sweeps through her and onto him, he buries himself and explodes with a torrent of pulses he empties himself into her…*
He didn't need to work himself any faster, he was there at the brink. His pleasure abruptly burst from him and he moaned heavily into the steam…
He stood under the water, letting it wash away the evidence of his lust.
Physically he felt marginally better; relaxed; sated almost. Mentally, a moment of guilt passed over him but then it was gone.
It was as if allowing himself to remember that night with Miri had subconsciously hit a switch in himself. They weren't simply dirty dreams this time; he'd let his mind take all the good memories and bring them to the forefront…and he had acted on them…and he had enjoyed it.
He actually felt something other than guilt and frustration. He felt a new emotion, or and old one that was resurfacing.
He felt attraction.
He knew that rubbing himself in the shower wasn't going to be enough for him either. Not know he'd admitted his lust. He had to see her again. How, he didn't know yet. If she even wanted to see him again was also a potential issue. But he had to try. He had to break this spell of self pity and mourning. And right now, he believed Miranda held the key to moving on.
