Ed's Game Room
The Eds Play Super Mario Galaxy 2 [Part Two]
Written by thebestkindofstupid/Reginald Konga
Author's Notes: Someone brought up the valid complaint that I shouldn't be using script format. I've thought of this before I began writing Ed's Game Room, and I thought it wasn't necessary for this type of story. I thought it would only increase the production time. However, I've come to realize that he was right. Unfortunately, I just can't motivate myself to completely re-write all 34 pages of this story. Thus, once I finish the final draft of these first four chapters, I'm going to ditch script formatting, possibly forever.
Also, I was going to upload this on a Tuesday to keep with a theme of my uploading on Tuesdays, but I got it done yesterday, so here it is. Hopefully I can upload at least every other Tuesday. No promises.
[Mario lands on the Starship Mushroom, and Captain Toad starts talking to him.]
Eddy: Who are these guys.
Dave: They're just the Toad Brigade. Captain Toad's a coward who would rather relax than help Mario, and the rest are barely considered characters. Though, some of the situations can be humorous.
[Mario walks over to the Luma Shop, which is just a blue Hungry Luma.]
Eddy: What's this guy's deal?
Dave: Well, the Hungry Lumas turn into things if you feed them Star Bits. These Luma Shops come before bosses or other difficult spots. Feed him 30 Star Bits, and he'll give you the choice between an extra life OR a larger health bar. Of course, if your health goes below four, it will go back to normal.
Eddy: Hey, hey, wait a minute. He eats money?!
Dave: Well, yeah, I suppose, in retrospect, that is kind of weird.
Eddy: Well, I'm not doing it.
[Mario gets the checkpoint flag below the Starship Mushroom.]
Dave: You'll probably have to if you want to beat the boss as an amateur.
Eddy: Well, how much is a Star Bit worth?
Double D: Well, stars bits and gold coins regenerate every time Mario enters the level, so technically they're worthless due to their abundance.
Eddy: Oh, come on.
Dave: Just hand over the Star Bits.
Eddy: Fine.
[Eddy purchases a 1-Up Mushroom.]
Dave: Oh, what the heck?! You got a 1-Up Mushroom instead of a health mushroom.
[Mario collects the item and uses the star cannon to launch himself to the boss]
Eddy: Shut up, I know what I'm doing.
[Mario lands on the 2-D planet with Dig-a-Leg.]
Dave: I'm still amazed by this.
Ed: What?
Dave: Look, Dig-a-Leg was huge in the last game. Like, he's big here, but he was massive in the other game. The game mechanics considered him a planet with gravity.
Ed: Mechanics? You get to drive a car in this game?
Dave: No, Ed. The game mechanics are the ways the game functions.
Eddy: Gosh, this is hard. I hit him, but nothing happens.
Dave: ARE YOU SERIOUS?! YOU DON'T KNOW HE HAS AN OBVIOUS WEAK POINT?!
Eddy: Yeah, but I still think it's stupid that it only hurts him in that one area.
Dave: This is the one place where it would make sense to have a weak point.
[Mario gets hit and loses a life]
Dave: Aaaand you're dead.
Eddy: Good thing I got that extra life.
Dave: You'd still be alive if you'd gotten that Health Mushroom!
[Time lapse]
[Mario is now at the Starship Mario]
Eddy: Okay, so how do I get extra lives.
Dave: Well, one way is to get to Yoshi, okay? Go free Yoshi from his egg, use his tongue to jump up to a large platform, and keep eating fruits until he shoots a 1-up.
Eddy: That doesn't make any sense.
Dave: Well, it's a reference to Super Mario World, where he laid an egg containing a mushroom.
Ed: Where do eggs come from, Rolf?
Rolf: Well, eggs come from…
Double D: No, not agai––Err, eggs come from birds and reptiles and other such creatures, Ed.
Ed: But where does a chicken come from?
Rolf: We went over this, Ed-boy. They come from the egg.
Eddy: Hey, guys. I can't get up this guy's nose to––[cracks up laughing] AHAHAHA!
Dave: Jump on the Starship Mario's mustache, then try jumping to Yoshi. Stop laughing; it wasn't that funny.
[Time Lapse]
[Mario is moving the Starship Mario to the Fluffy Bluff Galaxy.]
Dave: Ooh, you get to use my favorite power-up in the game: Cloud Mario.
Eddy: What can you do as Cloud Mario.
Dave: When you spin, you create clouds that you can step on, and you can step on other clouds too.
Eddy: Yet another stupid idea!
Dave: Hey, it works in execution.
[Time Lapse]
[Cloud Mario has to use his clouds to cross a large gap.]
Dave: Use a long jump.
Eddy: What?
Dave: If you long jump, you won't have to use any of your spins. You only get three of them per Cloud Flower after all.
Eddy: No, I mean, what's a long jump?
Dave: You're kidding, right?
Eddy: No.
Dave: [Annoyed sigh] Run, then hold Z, and press A.
Eddy: Oh, I've done that.
Dave: I know I probably should've been paying closer attention, but how could you not be abusing that by now? It's one of those video game things that just feels nice, like spinning a huge amount of crates as Crash Bandicoot. It's just rewarding.
[Time lapse]
[Mario is on a tree top just before the bit with Captain Toad. He runs into a piranha plant, losing his cloud ability. Now, he has only 1 HP left on his life meter.]
Dave: Okay, you're screwed now. Be very careful when stepping on the Pirahna's––
[Mario spins the Piranha Plant's head]
Dave: Or you could just do that. Okay, now get the coin. Get the coin!
Eddy: I'm getting it. GOSH!
Dave: Sorry, I get nervous when I see a low health bar.
Eddy: Okay, so now I just have to get to that monkey over there. Should be easy enou––Woah!
[Mario is about to fall to his doom because he didn't hit the cloud. However, Eddy spins at just the right time. Mario does a backwards flip (Z + A when standing still) and lands on the cloud.]
Dave: Whew, well, you almost got killed.
[Mario makes it over to the monkey. He does a backwards flip before spinning to create a cloud. He then does a normal jump over to the monkey.]
Eddy: Who's this guy?!
Dave: He's the chimp, a pun on the term "the champ." He'll challenge you to various games, including a game where you ice skate into balloons.
Ed: Even I think that one sounded stupid.
Eddy: Shut it, Ed! I mean, GRRGH!
[In the Rightside Down Galaxy, Mario ground pounds on a switch next to the Blue Toad with glasses. Coins fall down.]
Eddy: You get coins just for that?! Man, they really are worthless.
Double D: See?
[Very Short Time Lapse]
[Mario reverse the gravity, and walks backwards to a warp pipe on what was the ceiling.]
Eddy: Well, it's about time I found a fire flower.
[Mario destroys all the crates nearby, one of which reveals another warp pipe. Mario enters it, and is transported to a circular platform with several crates nearby. A gearmo offers to give him a star if he destroys them all as Fire Mario. Eddy fails, as Mario leaves about four or five crates]
Eddy: Aw, geez. I lost.
Dave: Well, you can try agai––Oh, I guess it doesn't even take away a life.
Eddy: Why would it take away a life?
Dave: Well, when you lose a race in the first galaxy game, Mario dies. I assume he passes away out of shame.
Double D: That's depressing.
Eddy: Oh, what, all the boxes are back?!
Dave: I don't get it either.
[Time lapse]
[Mario returns to the Rightside Down Galaxy, but finds that the second mission has been completed as opposed to the first.]
Eddy: What the heck?!
Dave: What?
Eddy: It says I didn't complete the first mission, but I've got the star for the second mission.
Dave: Oh, you found the secret star.
Eddy: Secret star?
Dave: Yeah, you go off the normal path, usually by feeding a Hungry Luma or going into a warp pipe, and you complete a totally different mission.
Eddy: You mean I have to do it again.
Dave: No, Eddy, you ignore the warp pipe this time.
Eddy: Don't talk to me like I'm stupid.
Dave: I'm not. I'm sorry, but––
Double D: If you two would stop fighting for––
Eddy: Stay out of this! [To Dave] Fine, I'll do the mission again. [To himself] Might as well.
[Time lapse]
[Gravity is reversed. Mario does a backwards flip, then he wall jumps off a Whomp. He gets the Comet Medal, but he wall jumps on top of the Whomp (or below the Whomp, since Gravity is backwards), and gets crushed.]
Eddy: Oh, what?!
Dave: Yeah, you got to be careful. The game likes to test your reflexes for the cool stuff. It could be worse. It could be a load of bull like Donkey Kong Country Returns, where you have to do this constantly and very early on.
Eddy: This deal is getting worse all the time.
[Time lapse]
[The star is in a cycle of Gravity. The cycle has Mario falling up, right, down, and left. Mario will wind up right back where he started.]
Eddy: What's this? This is impossible.
[Eddy uses the pause function to leave the Galaxy prematurely.]
Dave: Hold on. You just have to spin at the right time. Try doing it as you go down, unless you want the 1-up mushroom.
Eddy: Forget the mushroom!
[Mario finishes the level.]
[Time Lapse]
Eddy: Can you just tell me what he said, so I don't have to read any more boring text.
Dave: Lubba's saying that one of the Toad Brigade members has opened up a bank with Star Bits. You give him some Star Bits, and he'll find you more, just like an actual bank. He probably turns Loan Shark on the other Toads to make that money.
Eddy: Is he member FDIC?
Dave: I doubt the kids looking up your video are going to know what the FDIC does.
Eddy: Well, I'm not giving him any money unless he's member FDIC.
Dave: I assure you that you won't ever lose any money this way, Eddy. Now, give him your Star Bits. Oh, I just remembered something. If you give him like 4000, he'll turn into a warrior with a shield and stuff. I mean, he still looks like any ordinarily stupid-looking toad, but he will carry around a spear and a shield.
Eddy: Fine, I'll give him some of my Star Bits, but only like 300.
[Eddy talks to the Toad]
Eddy: Deposit or Withdraw. I think I'll withdraw.
[The game doesn't let him.]
Eddy: Man!
Dave: What did you think was gonna happen, Eddy?!
Eddy: I don't know. I guess I just assumed––
Dave: Oh, that reminds. We should have done this on my Wii instead of my Wii U.
Ed: Looks like the cats out of the bag.
Dave: Yeah, he'll all the money from all the save files on one account, so if you have a little brother who's just gotten into video games, he can have some of your Star Bits to help himself out.
Eddy: That's stupid! Wait, why aren't we playing on the original Wii.
Dave: Because Eddy, the game, unlike Galaxy 1, gives you only three save files. My first save file was the, well, my first save file. It holds sentimental value, and I want to get all 121 stars someday. The second one, I've recently beaten, but only with the minimal number of stars, so I don't want to delete that. If you use the third one and quit before completing the game, I'll have to leave it on there until next time, and then I won't be able to––
Eddy: Wait, couldn't you just get new save files on the Wii U.
Dave: Yes, but I'm a purist, unlike you. I prefer to play them on their original console, except for handheld games, which I prefer to play on the Game Boy Player.
Eddy: Speaking of which, why didn't we just use your save file, so we could pick the good stages?
Dave: That completely ruins the experience for the viewers, Eddy. We wouldn't be nearly as popular.
Eddy: Can I get back to the game now?
Dave: Yeah, I think you're about ready to take on the first––Well, not the first boss. The first Bowser boss, except it's with Bowser Jr. See? They alternate. There's three Bowser Jr. bosses and three Bowser bosses.
Eddy: Can we take a break?
Dave: Sure. Just don't waste the battery on your camera.
Ed: Submarine! Dive!
[Ed swallows the camera.]
Author's Notes: Join the Eds in Part Three. Also, be on the lookout for the next playthrough by the Eds: Pokémon Blue Version coming to my fanfiction dot net account very soon.
