Spain's Diary
Well, today started out as a pretty normal day. I woke up from siesta to Lovi cuddling into my chest with a little bit of drool in the corner of his mouth. So I wrapped my arms around him and shifted him so that he was laying on top of me. He then let out a little yawn. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen! Which I exclaimed a little too loud because shortly after, my little Lovi woke up. Luckily, he was still groggy from sleep and wasn't too mad. He just punched my stomach pretty hard and propped his head on his arms while still laying on my chest. The fact that he didn't get up made me grin from ear to ear. So naturally, I tightened my grip around him and pecked him on the lips.
Like I said, today started out as pretty normal.
So I don't know how it turned sour…
"Do you have any idea how fucking terrified I am for the day when you wake up and realise that your life would be so much better without me? That you could have anyone you wanted? That in reality, I'm not even worthy of cleaning your shoes and yet for some stupid fucking reason, you still love me and treat me like some precious gem when I should be the one worshipping you!" Romano shouted as he threw an old, heavy book at Spain's face.
Spain easily dodged the book but his mind was dumbfounded. Has Romano been feeling this way all this time? Sure, he's always had self-esteem issues, but he couldn't possibly feel that he was inferior. No no. This must be a dream. A 'too-many-churros-before-bed' induced dream.
"Lovino, what are you saying? You can't possibly believe that you're unworthy to me."
"Yeah, well, you know what? I've known for a long time that I'm unworthy to you. I've known since the day you tried to trade me for Veneziano. Ever since that day, I've tried to cook and clean like Veneziano. I've tried to smile and be happier like Veneziano. Just like you always wanted! Bur no matter what, I'll always be the opposite of Veneziano! I'm useless, a failure, bratty, I swear too much, I have to force myself to say something nice to you, I can't clean, I can barely cook, the only thing I'm good at is being unwanted!" Romano shouted at Spain.
Spain still could not believe what he was hearing. But soon anger replaced confusion. Anger from knowing that his lovers horrible confessions were partly because of how Spain treated him as a child, always comparing Romano to his brother. It was no wonder the kid had an inferiority complex!
"You have no reason to keep me around anymore and yet you still insist that you love me. I don't understand, Antonio! I'm not worth loving! So why? Why do you love me? How could you love me?"
That's it. Every word Romano speaks rings inside of Spain's head and he knows, that unless Romano stops yelling all the hurtful and horrible things, Spain will break down. Everything Romano said lashed out and made slashes on Spain's heart. Spain's greatest treasure was Romano, he always has been. So to hear such painful thoughts coming from his treasure broke Spain's heart, that was so devoted to Romano and his wellbeing. So Spain knew that he had to be the one to fix this, it was technically his fault, after all. Determined to change his lover's mind, Spain stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Romano's waist tightly, so that Romano couldn't escape, even if he wanted to. Romano fought to get out of Spain's grip, but shortly after, broke down and sobbed into Spain's chest. He wrapped his arms around Spain's middle, as best he could,. Spain brought his head down and rested it on Romano's shoulder so that his mouth was next to Romano's ear, while Romano leaned his head to the crevice under Spain's chin, nuzzling his neck, tears still flowing freely down his cheeks. Gently, Spain began to rub circles on Romano's lower back to try and sooth him.
"Shhh…shh, mi amor. Te queiro, te queiro muchisimo. Yo sólo te quiero. Mi amor. Mi mundo. Mi único amor." Spain whispered lovingly in Romano's ear. "You wonder how I can love you, but you don't seem to understand Lovino. I love you because you are such an amazing person. You have so much more of a personality than Veneziano has and could ever hope to have. You show true emotions, unlike Veneziano, who only seems to have happy feelings. You can understand the seriousness of a situation, something that Veneziano can't do. You like foods that aren't just pasta and love tomatoes, just like me." Spain smiled into Romano's shoulder and felt Romano shiver at the feeling. "You say that you aren't a good cook, but some of the best meals I've ever had the pleasure of tasting have been made by you, Lovino. And I don't know about you, but if I had to eat pasta ever single night, I would go insane." This time, Spain felt Romano smile into his neck. Knowing that he was getting somewhere, Spain brought up his hand, which wasn't rubbing circles, to cup Romano's tear stained cheek and gently wiped away the tears from that side of his face. Spain smiled slightly as he felt Romano lean into his touch, but needed to stay serious for what he was about to confess to his sad lover.
"…I was an idiot back then, Romano…"
"*hiccup* w-what?"
"The way I used to treat you. Always comparing you to your brother…I was an idiot."
Romano looked at Spain with confused, teary eyes, silently begging Spain to go on because God, did he need reassurance that Spain was telling the truth every time he told Romano he loved him. That Spain wasn't just keeping him around because Romano was the closest he could get to having Veneziano. Romano needed to know that every 'I love you' was for Romano and not for 'looks like Veneziano just with a bad temper.'
Spain could clearly see Romano's pleading look, so he took in a deep breath. He leaned in a kissed Romano's forehead and rested his head on top of Romano's. "When I was younger, when you first came to live with me, I wanted the very best without working to get it. And if the very best didn't come easy, I would become blinded with anger until I got what I wanted because I was used to getting what I wanted. Only, in your case Romano, I knew that there was Veneziano out there, who was the opposite of you: cheerful, happy, and carefree. So instead of becoming angry, I tried to trade you two. I wanted him because he would be less work and obey me, while you always fought me and never did what I said. It wasn't until I saw how upset you were that I tried to trade you, that I decided to try and teach you how to do things. See, I always thought that you really hated me, but seeing you sad made me see that you didn't hate me completely. I must apologise, mi amor, I always knew that you were upset with me trying to trade you for your brother, but I never knew just how much it hurt you. I did notice how you tried harder to be a better henchman. And I think because you took the initiative to make an effort, that's what made me want to make an effort, too. That's when I started to realise that you had your own qualities and quirks that made you different than Veneziano. You had a fire about you that fascinated me. A fire that Veneziano could only dream of possessing. It wasn't long after that, that I realised that you were diamond in the rough. Blackened by dirt, you were buried under feelings of betrayal, that's why I, and the rest of the world, couldn't see how truly, truly beautiful Italia Romano was." Spain tightened his grip around Romano. "And now, I know that Lovino Vargas is the one I am in love with. He is the one who holds my heart and has made me see that there is more to life than appearances and shallow desires."
Spain pulled back and looked Romano in the eye. "If anyone should be wondering how they can be loved, it should be me. How you could love a man who so foolishly tried to trade his secret diamond for a mindless pawn is beyond me. It anything, Romano, I should be begging you for forgiveness." Suddenly, Spain released Romano form his hold and fell to his knees. "Please Romano, take my undeserving apology. I know I can't take back the horrible things I said to you back then or that I tried to trade you away, but I will do my best to make it all up to you, my love. I promise with all my heart and soul."
Romano looked down into Spain's eyes, in shock from Spain's heartfelt speech. But as soon as he noticed a stray tear slide down Spain's face, Romano launched himself into Spain's arms and wrapped his arms around Spain's neck. "Y-you idiot," a choked cry came from Romano, "of course I forgive you. I love you too much not to. I'm just so glad to know that you really do love me. I've waited so long to hear that you love me for me and not for who I look like." Romano brought his lips down and kissed Spain with incredible passion. The kiss caught Spain slightly off-guard, but he quickly came back and kissed Romano back with just as much passion, if not more.
The two lovers spent the rest of the day in bed, cuddling and whispering sweet nothings to each other. Just happy to be in love and together.
Things sure didn't end the way I thought they would. But all in all, today was very important. Things were said that should have been said centuries ago. But I am so glad that my Lovi is feeling better and believes me when I tell him I love him. Because I do love him, a lot.
So much in fact, that I think I'll call up France tomorrow and ask him to go ring shopping with me.
I think it's time I show Lovi just how seriously in love I am with him.
Well that was a shitty ending :/
