'Baby Talk'

Main pairing(s): Stendy

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters

Constructive criticism is very much appreciated


Stan, Kyle, Bebe, Kenny, Red and Butters didn't actually leave that night. At about twelve o'clock Wendy headed up to her room to go to sleep, followed by Stan, and the others stayed down stairs, getting drunk.

Wendy's eyes fluttered open at about nine in the morning, she sat up, turned to the sleeping boy next to her and sighed. She then turned away from him and jumped when she saw the baby who was sitting in his crib, staring up at her, sucking on his empty bottle and holding his stuffed Clyde Frog. The baby giggled at her from his crib. Wendy sighed, deciding she might as well make Little Eric some more milk. Wendy walked over to Little Eric's crib, picked Little Eric and his bottle up and walked down stairs. She saw the Kenny and Butters were laid on the couch next to each other, Kenny's arm over Butters shoulders. Kyle and Bebe were sat next together, Bebe's head resting her head on Kyle's shoulder and Red was laying on the floor. Wendy walked into the kitchen and put Little Eric on the countertop, taking his bottle from him. Wendy then turned to the sink and sterilised the bottle before pouring baby milk into it.

After putting the bottle into the microwave, Wendy heard a light, soft crying. After turning around, Wendy saw that Little Eric had dropped Clyde Frog. Little Eric looked up at Wendy and she saw that his eyes were glassy. Despite herself, Wendy picked up the stuffed frog for the asshole–turned–baby and gave it to him. Little Eric waited for Wendy to put Clyde Frog next to him before he smiled and picked it up. Wendy felt her lips curve up into a small smile as she walked over to the microwave and took out the now warmed bottle, handing it over to the smiling baby. Wendy then picked Little Eric up and headed back into her living room. There she saw that Red had woken up and was picking up the empty cans of beer.

She turned around and smiled at Wendy. "Morin', Wendy."

Wendy sighed, "Good morning, Red." She sat down at Kenny's feet and started bouncing Little Eric on her lap.

"How'd you sleep?" Red asked, picking up the almost empty bottle of vodka.

"Fine." Wendy replied, straightening out her dishevelled hair.

Red smiled and went outside quickly to put the cans and the bottle into the bin. When she came in, Wendy moved over and Red sat down next to Kenny's feet and asked: "So, did Cartman not wake up?"

"No. Well, he was already awake when I woke up but he was sitting in his crib, sucking on his empty bottle." Wendy explained as Little Eric turned to look at Red who smiled down at him.

"Oh, really? When my brother was a baby he would wake up in the middle of the night, bawling his eyes out and crying loudly!"

Wendy chuckled, "Is it just me or did you think Cartman would be an attention–hungry, loud, obnoxious baby?"

"I know right! But he's like the opposite of that!" Red then tickled Little Eric's tummy, "aren't you Little Cartman?" The baby giggled and rolled around in Wendy's lap. Having dropped his bottle, Little Eric began to babble to himself and Clyde Frog a little while after Red stopped tickling him.

A little while later Stan came down, his hair messed up. "Hey Stan." Wendy and Red said simultaneously.

Stan raised one of his hands in acknowledgement before heading into the Kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. "Wendy, Red, do you want a coffee?" He called in from the kitchen.

"Yes, please." Wendy replied.

"Yea, Stan, please." Red said, leaning further into the couch and yawning.

Stan came in two minutes later carrying two cups of coffee, handed them to the two girls and then quickly ran out to the kitchen to grab his one. Once he came in, Stan sat on the arm of the couch next to Wendy and took a sip of his coffee.

The three then began talking. Little Eric looked up at Stan, his small lips curving up to a smile when he heard him take a sip of his coffee. He then looked at Red and once again smiled when she took a sip of her coffee. Finally, he turned to Wendy who took a sip, once she finished her small sip, Eric reached out to grab try and grab the coffee with his small hands. Wendy quickly moved the cup away, which scared Red and caused her to spill some of her coffee on Kenny.

"Ah! HOLY SHIT!" Kenny screamed, jumping up and knocking Butters onto the floor. Kenny ran into the kitchen and rubbed his face with water and stopped jumping up and down.

Wendy had placed Little Eric onto the couch as she wiped her couch with a tissue by the time Kenny walked in. Kyle and Bebe had woken up and Butters was sitting next to them on the couch banging his knuckles together.

Little Eric began giggling, watching as Kenny stumbled in, almost falling over the coffee table. "Sonofabitch!" Kenny screamed, rubbing his face. "What the fuck‽ Who threw coffee over me‽" Kenny screamed, glaring and pulling his parker over his head.

"It was Red." Wendy replied, ignoring Red as she turned and frowned at her.

"Wendy almost wacked me in the head with her cup!" Red retorted.

"Cartman tried to grab my cup of coffee!" Wendy responded, facing red and Kenny.

"What the fuck does that matter?" Kenny screamed, raising his hands.

"Well he might have burned himself!" Wendy said to try and justify herself.

"Why do you care if Cartman burns his hands?" Kenny asked, smirking when Wendy's face contorted to show confusion.

"Well, err… I don't know… he is just a baby… I don't care about him!" Wendy said.

Kenny chuckled, smirking and pulling on his orange pants and pulling his hood over his head before heading back into the kitchen to grab himself a can of soda and made a slice of toast. He came in, sat down on Butters, turned on the T.V. and began flipping through the channels.

Wendy sat down on the couch and put Little Eric in her lap. The group just watched T.V. silently for about ten minutes before Bebe spoke up. "Y'know, I'm bored. Do you guys want to go to the mall?" She asked, standing up.

The rest of the group stood up, went to the door, put their coats on and left. Wendy rapped Little Eric up in a large, thick blanket before leaving.

It took them thirty minutes to get to the mall, and by that time Little Eric had fallen asleep and was dribbling a little on Wendy's chest. Once they had walked through the automatic doors, Bebe grabbed Kyle's hand and dragged him away towards some shop that sold shoes.

"Y'know, Butters, it would be nice if you'd buy me some'in in the food court." Kenny said, smiling sweetly at the blonde boy.

Butters sighed and took out his wallet to see how much he had. Kenny smirked and led the shorter blonde away.

"What do you want to do?" Wendy asked Stan, turning to face him.

"Dunno, we could just look around." Stan said, heading down the shopping mall with Wendy walking next to him.

Wendy grunted while bouncing Little Eric up, "Stan can we go buy a pram or buggy or something?"

"Sure," Stan replied back, looking around to see if he could find a parenting shop. Once he spotted one, Stan nudged Wendy's shoulder and the pair walked into the shop. The inside of the shop was split into one pink and one blue half, dolls and dresses were on the pink side, with a small section in the corner filled with a lined up group of pink or purple pushchairs. The blue side had cars and guns, with a small section in the corner filled with a line of blue or green strollers. In the middle there were what the shop used as the unisex options, small stuffed animals and plain nightlights. Next to the unisex toys were the unisex buggies.

"Stan, do you have any money on you? It'd be a little difficult to grab my purse like this." Wendy asked.

"Yea. What pram do you want?" Stan replied.

"Err…" Wendy looked down at Little Eric and saw that the small, light turquoise, yellow–poof balled hat was now resting on the wriggling baby's head. She watched as the baby yawned quietly. "…the light turquoise one."

"You mean this one?" Stan asked, pulling out a bright blue buggy.

"No, no, no. The one that is the same colour as Cartman's hat." Wendy said, pointing at the pram next to the one Stan had just pulled out.

Stan looked at Wendy questionably, before pulling the pram out as well as his wallet.

Luckily for them, there was only one other person in the queue. Once that person had finished buying whatever it is she was buying, Wendy and Stan put the now folded up pram and the same coloured blanket on the counter.

The woman looked up at the pair, "Sorry, but aren't you two a little young to have kids?" The woman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, he's my little brother. My parents are on a cruise." Wendy lied, looking down at Little Eric and laughing lightly.

The woman smiled back at her, "Oh, okay." She looked around the folded up pram for the tag and asked: "What's his name?"

"Eric." Wendy replied.

"That's a nice name." The woman said and then asked for twenty–nine ninety–nine.

Stan sighed, took out his card, and handed it over to the woman. Once they had paid for the pram, Stan unfolded it and Wendy strapped the now awake Little Eric in. She smiled as Little Eric yawned and raised his hands above his head, then snuggled up to Clyde Frog.

After laying the turquoise blanket over Little Eric, Wendy and Stan walked out of the shop and headed to the food court to try and find Kenny and Butters. In the food court they spotted Butters eating a small sandwich and Kenny eating a bucket of KFC, three tacos and a cheeseburger, they both had a Coca–Cola each. Wendy and Stan walked over and sat next to the other two.

Butters looked down at Little Eric and smiled. "Aw, d-did you b-buy E-Eric a pr-pram?"

"Yea." Wendy replied, grabbing her purse and looking inside. "Stan, I'm gonna go grab something to eat, you want anything?"

"Yea, grab me a hamburger and fries." Stan said and kissed Wendy before she left.

After she got back, Wendy began eating with Stan and the pair talked to Butters and Kenny… well, Kenny didn't really say anything, he was too busy eating.

Once they were done, they looked around the shops a little more before running into Kyle and Bebe. Bebe had about thirty bags, and Kyle was carrying most of them. After a little bit, the group left the mall and went back home.


"You sure you'll be okay with Cartman tonight?" Stan asked Wendy at her door.

"Yes, Stan, I'll be fine." Wendy said, smiling.

After giving her boyfriend a quick kiss on the lips, Wendy shut the door and took Little Eric to bed with Clyde Frog and a bottle of warm milk.