The Three Stupid Musketeers
Chapter 2: "The Chicken and the Cow"
Narrator 1: The second chapter is finally up! Yey! Well...it was only 2 days...ya...
Narrator 2: God it takes me forever to type in one line, I keep making mistakes! If I didn't use the back button at all, you wouldn't be able to read anything I type! AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Narrator 1: ...Okay then. On with the show!
Piggy: What show? This is a stupid fanfic! You guys are amatuers!
Narrator 2: ...Hey Narrator 1, how do you feel about bacon for dinner tonight?
Narrator 1: Actually, I'm not that much of a meat eater but thanks anyways.
Piggy and Narrator 2: (Slaps forehead and sighs deeply)...You idiot.
The tournament was beginning in fifteen minutes, giving our heroes extra time to prepare to fight!
Marth was using Ultra Shampoo to make his hair extra shiny, Luigi was making spaghetti, Ness was using the toilet, while the Iceclimbers were preparing to give the poor boy a swirly/flushie/put head in toilet and flush it down/thing. But mostly, a swirly. Link and Young Link were playing their ocarinas horribly, making half the audience leave for a break until the tournament started.
"Wow, Link and Young Link don't have to fight to win, just let them play their ocarinas, and it'll send their opponents flying through the air, or causing them to suicide," a fellow audience member whispers to his friend.
Zzzzzzzthunk!
"AAAHHHHHH!"
A hail of fire and ice arrows came raining down on the stupid fellow audience member and his unfortnate friend just seconds later. Then they died listening to Link and Young Link play their ocarinas horribly. What a horrible way to die...
"Damn it." Said the spirit of the random person who died from ice and fire arrows.
Narrator 1: (LANGUAGE LANGUAGE! WHAT HAPPEN TO THE CENSOR! AUGH YOU-)
Censor finally comes on.
Narrator 2: ...can we move on now? Master Hand, start the tournament already!
"Wait!" Marth cried out. "I need to blowdry my hair first!" Suddenly, the rest of the semi finalists quirked their eyebrows and turned to Marth, eyeing him suspiciously.
Narrator 1: Com'on people! We're on a strict time limit here! Let's chop chop and hurry it up ok? My dinner doesn't cook itself ya know!
Narrator 2: ...What does this have to do with your dinner...
CHOP! CHOP!
Roy comes bounding down and swings his sword wildy around as Narrator 1 is saying "chop chop".
Narrator 1 and 2: What the heck? Where'd he come from!
"CHOP CHOP!" Roy exclaimed...then he stopped abruptly. "You said chop chop...wait, what's my line again?"
Narrator 1: You idiot you're not supposed to come out until after the tournament! You're supposed to be sleeping! And you don't even have script!
"Oh..." Roy turns away, painfully rejected, and quickly runs to a dark corner and starts crying and snoring at the same time.
Narrator 1: Oh great, can we get some warm milk on the set? Roy's having a nervous breakdown again! Can someone hurry it up!
Narrator 2: He's not having a nervous breakdown, you just hurt his feelings.
Narrator 1: Bu-
"Can we please get on with the tournament?" Master Hand wrings his hand impatiently.
Narrator 2: Go on, continue.
"Alrighty then, Marth and Luigi, you are up first! Hurry up on over to the stage...Poke Floats! And to make the match more exciting, we shall add Bob-bombs to the stage! Muhahahahahahaa!"
"3...2..."
Marth fixes his hair quickly, then takes his stance while Luigi finishes up his spaghetti.
"1...GO!"
Almost instantly when the fighters are dropped onto the stage Luigi gets hit by a Bob-bomb.
BOOOOOOM!
"AAAHHHHHHHH!" Luigi is instantly KO'd by the explosive walking black bomb.
Marth landed on the Poke Float, only to quickly jump up again as another Bob-bomb comes bouncing down towards him, missing his feet by centimeters. Drawing his sword he continues to bounce around on the Float, avoiding the falling Bob-bombs, waiting for Luigi to respawn. Seeing the glowing platform rapidly descending with Luigi, Marth begins to charge up his strongest attack. Knowing that he is invincible for a few seconds after respawning, Luigi dives off the platform straight at Marth, his fist balled up into clubs. Unable to cancel out of his strongest attack, Marth tries to release it quickly and jump away, but is karate-chopped off the float by Luigi before he could get away. Luigi stayed close, closing in for the kill...when-
BOOOOOOOOOM!
Another lit Bob-bomb bounces off Luigi's head, KO'ing him again. However, Marth, in attempt to defend himself, had struck out with his sword, and his sword struck another Bob-bomb that appeared in front of him. The battle continues in this fashion, the fighters getting blown up by the Bob-bombs and generally not landing a single blow on each other.
"SUDDEN DEATH!" Master Hand booms.
"Ah great," Marth says, utterly asahamed of his stupidity to walk into 3 bombs in 2 minutes, with Luigi doing the same. Their percentage was raised to 300, and Luigi cried his war cry ("meow") and charged with an incredible force of 2 centimeters per minute while, Marth stood there, preparing to counter. Right when Luigi was about to strike some 20 minutes later, Marth simply slashes him with his sword, sending Luigi hurtling through the air and crashing into the screen. The battle was over.
"And the winner is...Marth!" Master hand announced over his...intercom thingy thing thing. Everyone clapped and cheered and threw roses and phone numbers, and autograph books and cows and chickens, and underwear to show their appreciation toward the incredible swordsman.
"Um...thank you?" Marth stammers as he hurriedly gets off the stage, barely avoiding a large cow being chucked at him.
"MOOOOOO!" The poor cow cries as it hit Luigi who was just coming off from the stage, sending him off the stage and crashing into the real screen this time. Yey!
...Then everyone started cheering and clapping and throwing roses and phone numbers and horses and blah blah blah at the cow this time.
"...moo?"
Meanwhile...
"It's alright lil' bro, you'll get me next time." Link said patting Young Link on the back, who was still disappointed he lost to his future self again. Then he suddenly was enraged.
"I'm not your 'lil' bro'!" He yelled, throwing a random chicken at Link (probably got it from the last scene) "I'm your past self!" And without another word, he walked away cursing as little boys do when they didn't get something they wanted.
Narrator 1: Huh, I still do that...
"Mmmmmm, chicken," Link says as he happily bites a chunk out of the poor chicken.
"Er...hey, that chicken's still alive." A voice came from behind him.
"Gosh dang it Zelda, I was just about to roast it!" He argued at the voice, who he apparently thought it sounded like a woman's voice but it was actually a man's voice. Suddenly a fire popped out of nowhere along with a frying pan and some boiling water in order for Link to cook his chicken.
"Zelda? Who's she?" The voice asked Link who was singing as he cooked his beloved chicken, which was still alive. Poor thing.
Turning around, he saw a tall young man, with a long sword and the most perfect blue aquaish hair he has ever seen in his life.
Narrator 2: OMG, you made him gay!
Narrator 1: Shut it!
"Hey, I'm not gay!" Link cried out.
Narrator 1: Go back to roasting your chicken skirt boy!
"It's a tunic, not a skirt!" Link yelled.
Narrator 1: Sure it is...
"Why you-"
"PIGGY!" Out of nowhere Roy comes running in stealing Link's half alive half roasted chicken and running off with it.
Narrator 1 and 2: ...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CHICKEN! MY CHICKEN!" Link takes off after Roy.
"Hey...that chicken smells good, I WANT SOME!" Marth, who was the tall young man with the perfect hair if you didn't guess by now (stupids), followed Link closely as well.
Rumble...
Narrator 2: Looks like the other fighters heard as well...
Everyone who fought in the tournament and lost came thundering down and after the 3 figures far ahead, one of them holding the poor chicken.
Narrator 1: Alright this is getting old, rewind this scene rewind it! It has a few glitches.
Rewinding...rewinding...rewinding...
"MOOOOOOO"
"AUGHHH!"
Narrator 1: NO! Not that much!
Fastforward...fastforward...
"Hey Marth, where'd you find that kind of hairgel in the town market yesterday?" Peach asked him nicely as-
Narrator 1: Too forward too forward!
Narrator 2: (Sighs deeply)
Rewinding...rewinding...
Narrator 1: Right there stop! Now, go to where Roy is.
Roy comes charging out of the hospital, smelling the good smell of chicken. "Mmmmm...chicken! ME WANT CHICKEN!"
Narrator 1: (Grabs a muzzle and some rope)
"Chicken! PIGGY!" Roy yelled as he saw Marth and a weird elf in a skirt cooking some chicken.
Narrator 1: Wait! Pause it! Right there! Yeah! Good. (Goes down to the story grabs Roy, takes him back to the hospital, shuts him up with the muzzle, and straps him down to the bed with the rope.) Phew, okay, on with it!
"Oh, hi...who are you?" Link asked peering at the guy with the perfect hair/Marth who was eyeing Link weirdly after seeing the elf bite into the live chicken.
"The name's Marth." Marth answered, still keeping his distance.
"Oh, hi there Marth." Link replied nicely. "Care for some chicken? Still fresh."
"I can see." Marth stammered taking a step back. "But no thanks."
"Ah, your loss." Link said. while he was fighting with the chicken, trying to push it into the boiling pot. "Well, if you don't mind I have to finish this up, since Ness the little boy and the Iceclimbers were disqualified for misconduct in the bathroom and for generally tearing it down, I have to go fight some cocky pretty boy who suprsingly looks like you and who defeated Luigi."
"Oh really?" Marth said shakily, adjusting his cape. "Wow, what a loser."
"Yeah so I have to eat this here chicken first, and then defeat the nicompoop." Link answered a death glare gliding towards the chicken as it clucks in fear. "So I shall talk to you-"
"PIGGY!"
Narrator 1: NOOOOOOO! Not again!
Narrator 2: (Cracks up and points at Roy who is still strapped to the bed and the muzzle loose around his neck. Roy is hopping along but trips and roll down the hill and crashes into Link and Marth and the chicken and sends everyone flying)
Narrator 1: MY BEAUTIFUL FANFIC! RUINED! RUINED I SAY RUINED!
(CENSORS THE REST)
Narrator 2: ...Well this is the end of chapter 2. I had to stop it before it got really crazy (man that escalated fast). We will update with chapter 3 when Narrator 1 is out of the cussing rehab. So...ya.
