We were late to his mother's house for dinner because somebody, and I'm not naming any names, decided to go for an extra "quickie" in the shower.
Okay. I admit it, it was me.
We got there about 1:45, and his mother met us on the doorstep.
"Joseph," she said disapprovingly, then she turned to me and smiled, "Stephanie it's nice to see you again."
"Thanks for having me," I said politely, "sorry we're late."
"It's not a problem sweetheart, at least you're here now." she said.
I stared at her in shock. This was not Mrs. Morelli. Angie Morelli should be scolding us right now, telling us how rude it is to show up to an occasion late when somebody invites you. Where was that Mrs. Morelli at?
I just laughed at myself and shook it off. Oh well at least his nutty grandma isn't here, she'd never let me hear the end of it.
"Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie," I knew that voice. I hated that voice. It couldn't be.
"Taking advantage of my favorite grandson again aren't you?"
Bella. That's why Mrs. Morelli was being so nice.
Shit!!
I quickly turned around and put on my fakest real smile I could come up with. "Nu-, I mean Grandma Bella," I exclaimed, " how nice to see you again." Oh boy, this was going to be one interesting day.
"It's not very nice to lie to and old lady, Stephanie," she reprimanded me.
"How do you know I'm lying?"
"Your mouth is moving," she said without delay.
I started to go towards her, "You know what you-," but I was cut off by somebody pulling me back.
"Cupcake, now is not the time to go psycho on my grandma, drop it."
I looked at him with disbelief. "I wasn't going to do anything to her. What kind of person do you think I am that you would think I would go after an old lady?" I asked in feigned disbelief.
He smiled at me and gave me a look that said, " not now," and left the room to go help his mom with lunch.
I turned around and found Bella looking up at me, a smile on her face, and her hands folded around her mid section. Which told me one thing.
She knew.
" So have you told Joseph yet?"
"Told Joseph what?"
" About the baby," she asked.
I sighed. You just could not hide any secrets around this family. " Yes, I've told him."
" So when is the wedding?"
Woah, wait a minute. Did she just say wedding? I was not getting married. I was not ready for that responsibility. I just found out that I was going to be a mom. Let me get used to that idea first.
" Umm, we're not getting married."
" You are having a baby, aren't you," she asked, " you need to get married."
" We don't NEED to get anything," I was getting mad now, " you NEED to shut up."
" Well I have never-," she started.
"That's right, get used to it, and stay out of it. Joe and I will get married when we think we're ready to. We're not going to get married just because we're having a baby together. It's the 21st century not the dinosaur age," I was yelling now, but I couldn't help it. When Bella wasn't scaring me she was making me mad.
Bella started shaking, and not with laughter. She started moaning, and moving her arms around. That could only mean one thing. She was putting the eye on me.
OH HELL NO!!!
"What the fuck do you think you're doing old lady," I screamed at her, causing Joe and his mother to come in the family room.
"Bella stop," Mrs. Morelli yelled.
But she just kept going on moaning on and on about three babies, all boys, and Joe and I living in sin. Now I'm not normally a violent person. Except when I'm around Bella. She drives me crazy, so I have an excuse. I started to yell at her again, but a hand covered my mouth. I was turned around and escorted out of the family room to the kitchen.
"Stephanie," he stated angrily, " why must you always get her going? Why can't you just get a long with her through one family dinner? Is that too much to ask? Just once, just once, I wish you would listen to me."
"But Joe, she' s the one that started it, I was being nice to her. And what do you expect the woman hates me she always has."
" You were being nice to her, Stephanie, you are never nice to her."
" What so you're calling me a liar now," I asked in disbelief over what I just heard. I can't believe we were standing here yelling at each other, on a day no less, that was supposed to be the happiest of our lives. We're going to be parents for goodness sake.
" No! I'm not calling you a liar, damn it Stephanie, stop putting words in my mouth."
" You know what, think what you want. I'm out of here."
" So what," he said, " this is how it's going to be for the rest of our baby's life. Mommy and Daddy getting into fights and then Mommy walks out, and runs off into the waiting arms of another man. A man that's not it's daddy. How do you think it' s going to feel? Huh? Tell me that Stephanie."
" This has nothing to do with Ranger, and you know it. So leave him out of this. What about you though, huh? What about you, it just seems like Terry is always waiting there on the sidelines for you when things get tough." I knew I was being a bitch then, cause I knew he never once went out on me with Terry. But I was so mad at the Ranger comment it just slipped out.
He was even more livid now, and his yelling got even louder, I've never seen him like this. "Terry! I haven't been with Terry since high school," he was screaming so loud right now I figured if I survived this screaming match I would need a hearing aid. "I'm not the one with issues on being faithful Stephanie. I told you, I love you. That's it. But you on the other hand," he stopped.
I knew what he was trying to say, and I knew he was right. I did have commitment issues. So much to a point where it was hurting my relationship with the one guy that I really wanted to be with. I looked up at him and what I saw was like a bullet to my heart. I saw hurt. I knew I was the cause of it.
" I've told you before, Stephanie," his voice was calmer, lower now, " I would marry you today, tomorrow, whenever your ready. I really would. I would go to the moon and bring you back a rock, if that made you happy. I'd do anything for you, and you know that. But every time we get into these arguments though, you walk out, and where do you turn to? You go to him, each and every time."
I looked down at my feet with guilt. I knew he was right. I did do that every single time, and I had no one to blame, not Joe, not Ranger, not even my cheating ex husband, just me.
He was crying now, " Stephanie, one of these times, I'm scared you're not going to come back. I couldn't take it, Steph. And now we're having a baby," he paused, "you need to make a decision. You need to decide what you want, who you want. You can't keep walking on the center line, it doesn't work like that Stephanie. We both need to grow up and take responsibility for this child, because it doesn't deserve this. I need to grow up and focus on being the best daddy in the world, and you need to grow up and decide what you want." He walked over to the table and sat down. When he looked at me I could tell he was scared.
I focused on the silence around me. I could tell Angie and Bella had heard every word cause one of them was in the room sniffling. I'm guessing she knows that she's going to be a grandmother again. I laughed. What a way to break the news. I turned and looked at him.. He was looking down staring at his hands. He was scared, I knew it, and I hated myself for it. I walked over and knelt in front of him and put my hands on his knees. I looked up and saw tears. Tears I knew that I had been the cause of.
" Joe," I began and he looked at me, his heart may have been located in his chest but his was showing through his eyes right now. I smiled at him, as if reassuring him that everything was going to be ok. " Joe," I said again, " today we found out news that is going to change our lives forever. We're going to be parents. I know that. You know that. And right now I'm pretty sure the whole burg knows that," I laughed. He looked at me and smiled, and nodded his head in agreement. Angie Morelli, wasn't just a good cook, she was also a very good social butterfly, and since this news involved her also, she was going to make sure everybody knew.
"Joe, ever since I was 16 you were the only guy I ever pictured in my life forever, well except for my dad," I laughed but continued. " When I was in my first year of college, it was you I imagined walking with me, on the campus, or sitting with me under a big tree having a picnic or studying. When I was dating Dickie, it was you I imagined sitting at the table across from me at one of those really fancy restaurants he took me to. Hell when I was marrying him I wish to this day it was you I had married." I looked up at me and he smiled at me to continue.
" Even when I was shopping for my dress, I asked myself if you would like it, I didn't even care what Dickie would think. And I don't want you to think that I'm telling you all this cause I'm having a baby with you, and I want you to feel better. I'm telling you this cause I think you need to know. Joe, when I first found out I was pregnant today, the first thought on my mind was you. I couldn't see anybody else fathering my baby but you," I breathed and then continued. " Joe I know that you don't deserve all the things I've done to you. You've been nothing but good to me, faithful, and you have never strayed even when we were on one of our breaks. And I can sit here and try to explain to you why I did what I did with Ranger that night, and put the blame on someone else, but I can't blame nobody, not Ranger, not even Dickie, for what I've done. And I sure as hell can't blame you. I know I've hurt you so many times, Joe. You are the most wonderful, tender, loving, guy I have ever met. Nobody I've been with can make me feel like I do when I'm with you."
He was quiet, looking away at the far west wall in the kitchen at a picture of me and him, just taken three months before, at Lelani's third birthday party. That night we had a fight, and I left him again. He found me in my apartment sharing a bed with Ranger the next morning. I flinched at the memory, and the hurt expression on his face. It was the same expression he was wearing earlier. Luckily we were able to talk it out about a week later, and what was left unsaid was erased with an evening of balls to the wall marathon sex. I smiled remembering the morning after, I couldn't walk so I had to call into work. But it was worth it. That was the last recent break that we went through, and probably the most difficult. And I knew that there were going to be no more chances after he took me back this last time. Hearing about me and Ranger was one thing, but seeing me with him was completely different.
" Joe," I whispered, and he looked at me. His eyes were full of pain. I knew he was remembering that night just like I was. " I want you, all those times when I was with him, I thought about you. I thought about what it would be like to lose you, and I didn't like what I saw."
He looked at me and a relieved look came across his face. And then I knew, if my choice had been different, I would've destroyed him. " I want to be with you too, Cupcake."
" I do to, Joe, so much. Now I'm not talking marriage right away though. We're not ready, that's why your grandma and I got into the fight, but someday, yea. I would love to be a Mrs. Morelli. But your right. We both have some growing up to do, me especially, and adding marriage and a baby into our messy lives would be a lot of work. Let's wait a few years ok?"
He smiled and nodded, " More than ok," he laughed, " l love you so much."
"I love you too," I said and smiled, "more than you'll ever know."
We both stood up then and shared a breathtaking hug. He looked down at me and moved a piece of hair out of my face and bent down gave me the sweetest kiss I've ever received. I looked at him and smiled. " You can't get rid of me that easily, Joe Morelli."
" I'm glad, Cupcake."
And then a voice broke into our silent reverie. " Well Joseph, I think it's about time I heard that I was getting a grandchild from you," she laughed and looked at me, " I was getting worried." She came over to both of us and gave us each a hug. " Thank you, Stephanie," she whispered in my ear, " this is just what he needs."
I smiled and nodded at her.
Grandma Bella came around the corner, and looked at the scene. Angie had obviously talked to her, and when Angie talks, you listen. "Stephanie," she said, " I'm sorry, I just don't want to see my grandson get hurt again, I just figured marriage would be the best way."
I smiled and nodded, " It's ok, Bella," I said, " and I'm sorry too. You were just looking out for Joe, and I got kind of mad."
" So you're carrying a Morelli bambino, huh?" She looked at Joe then back at me. " You must be hungry, then."
"Starving," I laughed.
" Well then, let's eat," Angie exclaimed, happy that the fights were over. And the news that she was going to have a new grandchild in nine months, I'm guessing had something to do with it too. I laughed and looked at Joe.
"Yea let's," I laughed and grabbed his hand, " say did you happen to make any canolis?"
