Chapter 1
The silence eats away at you eventually. Eventually, you stopped feeling, and just went on with your life. I'd seen death before, saw it right up front and personal. But this was different. Kid's ain't supposed to die, not before they're even old enough to really live.
Silence. That's how the next few hours were. The car ride home was full of silence. Soda wouldn't move from the couch, so Darry and I pulled the mattress into the living room, and we all just sat there, in silence.
The only thing to break the silence, was my old mutt, Scamp, whining at the front door, begging to be let in the house. I looked at the door in disgust, too shell shocked to get up and let him in, even tho it was freezing outside.
Eventually, Twobit and Steve made their ways over, and let Scamp in while letting themselves through the door.
Scamp ran past me, into the boys room. He returned a moment later, carrying one of Darry's ratty sweatshirts. He laid it across my lap, then curled up next to me, his head on my outstretched leg.
"We can't just sit here, we can't!" I finally snapped. "The state's gonna come along and decide if it's good for Soda to still be in Darry's custody. C'mon, snap outta it," I hissed, my eyes full of tears. I got up, and with my good arm, smacked Darry upside the head. Not hard, but hard enough to bring him to his senses.
"Darry, I love you to pieces, but c'mon, for your brother's sake," I said lightly, as I used all my strength to push him over, onto his back. "C'mon, for Sodapop,"
He said nothing, his eyes vacant, lost.
I jumped when I heard Soda let out a sob. I went to his side, and pulled him into my arms. I hummed softly, just like my mama used to when I was a little girl. I'd seen enough death to last a lifetime, but I wasn't cold, numb to it yet. I was hurting, emotionally and physically, but these guys were my only family now, and if I had to deal with pain to make them okay, I sure 'nuff would.
"Why are you even here?" Steve asked suddenly. "You don't gotta be a greaser, you could get out, you ain't got nothing to lose. Why'd you stick around? After your mama died, I mean?"
"Because my mama always told me, that if my heart told me to stay, to stay put. She always said I had a way with people, that I'd hate being anything but who I was born to be. I dropped out at 13, and started working odd jobs, and learned to fight like a man. Mama always said I was too soft to be a greaser, but too tough to be a Soc. Said I was stuck in the middle of a lost cause. She'd been right. My place is here, no matter what," I said. I looked at Darry, my eyes full of tears. "Anyhow, you don't leave the 'uns you love behind, no how,"
"Damn Darry, this girl'd go and die for you if she had to," Twobit said with a smile in my direction.
"Sure would," I said, then looked at Scamp, who was sitting at the door, his ears flat against his head. I glanced at the news paper, that was laying on the floor next to the mattress.
I took a deep breath, and lightly moved a now sleeping Soda into a more comfortable position, before getting up. I looked at Darry, who was still laying where I left him, his eyes on the ceiling. I glanced at Steve, then nodded for the door. He followed me out, Scamp darting between our legs, his furry tail low, his eyes sad.
I turned to Steve, holding back tears as I said "I have to go to the cemetery, I shouldn't be gone any longer than an hour or two. Make sure those two get some sleep, alright? And do me a favor, tell Twobit to clean up the house a lil. I don't know if and when the state's gonna drop in, but odds are they will, and soon. The house's gotta be presentable."
"Why do you have to go to the cemetery? No one's been buried yet," Steve asked, his eyes watching me carefully.
"My mother died 2 years ago today. I've gone and sat with her every year since," I said sadly. "Despite everything, I ain't about to change that now," I added.
"Alright, but be careful. Soda and Darry need you around, they need someone strong enough to deal with all this," Steve said softly. Steve and I never really saw eye to eye. I wasn't fond of Soda's best friend, but I dealt with him, because he didn't treat me like dirt like most of the greasers did. Not our gang, but in general, I was the outcast.
"I'll be careful. I've got my blade, and my dog, ain't nothing gonna happen," I said, then grabbed hold of Scamp's tattered collar. "Take care of 'em while I'm gone though. I ain't ready to lose any more brothers," I added, then started a slow jog down the dusty street.
Halfway to the cemetery, I ran into a gang of older guys. They were greasers, but I wasn't familiar with them. I knew they always showed for a rumble, but they were rough, not your friendly bunch.
"Hey Fox, your brother's lookin' for you," the oldest one called. I stopped in my tracks.
"Which brother?" I asked. I only had one living biological brother, who I last seen at my mother's funeral, two years ago.
"Marty, he said you'd show up today," he said.
Marty. My oldest and most violent brother. The only one who didn't get himself killed, or kill himself. Marty, my only brother who hated me enough to convince my father to leave me behind.
"What did he want?" I asked.
"Said he had somethin' for you,"
"Is that so, hmm," I said, then continued down the street. It was a long walk to the cemetery, but I didn't care. I'd taken the walk countless times before.
When we got through the gate, Scamp immediately beelined for my mother's grave. He had been her dog, and when she died, it had taken it's toll on the elderly dog.
"Fox," someone called from behind. I turned, my hand instinctively reaching for my blade. Marty stood a few feet away, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
"Mutt," I growled, using his old nickname. He and I used to be known as the Fox and the Mutt, when we were kids and still got on good. He outgrew the name years ago, but I stuck with Fox, most of the guys knew me by it, rather than my real name.
"Knew you'd show. You always do on mama's day of death, don't you?" he said, his voice soft, brotherly almost.
"Always do, always will," I said, my heart pounding in my chest.
"Heard your boy Dally died last night. Shot down by the fuzz," he said.
"What's it to you?" I asked.
"Just surprised you're still hanging around with the hoods. You're better than that Foxxy, you always was," Marty said, walking a few paces closer.
"Get lost, Mutt. It's been two years, why you comin' around now?" I growled.
"'Cause pops wants me to bring his baby girl home," he said. I looked at him, stunned.
"He ain't want me, he said so himself."
"He was upset, Katelyn, he loves you, we all do. Angie died last summer, and pops' been a mess since," Marty said softly.
"I ain't coming home. This is my home," I said.
"You a dump broad, you know that? I told pops it'd take force to drag you on home," he growled.
"I'm a grown woman, I ain't gotta listen to you," I said, my voice stern, though my head was pounding.
That sparked Marty's fire. He never liked girls who didn't listen to him. He charged at me, and grabbed my wounded arm tight. I gasped, as a bright light filled my eyes. Next thing you know, Marty's screaming at me, calling me every name under the sun, cursing me to hell. I collapsed on my mother's grave, then noticed the blood on my hands. I had stabbed my own brother. I looked up, and saw Marty walking away in the distance. At least he wasn't dumb.
"Ah, mama, I wish you were here. Shit's gone real bad. Johnny Cade died last night. After the rumble. Dally got himself shot down by the fuzz, and Ponyboy, oh, jeez, mama, Pony's dead. Remember that little boy? The youngest Curtis brother? The one you said was real fine, s'long as he didn't end up getting himself locked up? He died last night mama," I sobbed. The tears finally came, and there, in the cemetery, with Scamp on my lap, I cried for the loss of my dearest friends. I cried for the loss of my baby sister, who I never really knew. And I cried for all the other people, the Socs, the Greaser, all of 'em. I cried.
I made it home around 3 that afternoon, and was surprised to find the house clean, and both Soda and Darry fast asleep. Steve was sitting at the kitchen table, his eyes half closed. Twobit was stretched across the kitchen floor, fast asleep.
"Steve, go get some sleep, I'll take over from here," I said as I pushed Scamp off Twobit.
"I couldn't sleep if I wanted to," he murmured.
"Know how that is," I said with a sigh. I made my way over to the fridge, and tossed Scamp a few slices of bologna. He ate it happily, then wandered into the living room, probably to curl up with Soda on the couch.
"How long they been out?" I asked, leaning on the sink.
"Darry finally crashed 'round noon. Soda's been off and on, he keeps wakin' up screamin'" Steve said with a yawn.
"Alright...alright," I said matter of factly. I stepped over Twobit, nearly falling over in the process,and retrieved a blanket and pillow from the bedroom. I tossed the blanket over him, then had Steve help me push the pillow under his head.
I said nothing as I made my way into the livingroom, and sat down on the mattress next to Darry. He rolled over, and opened his eyes slightly.
"Get some sleep, you look half dead," he muttered.
"Naw, I'm good Darry, go back to sleep," I said as I pushed his hair out of his face. He muttered something I didn't catch, then fell back into what seemed like a peaceful sleep.
"Fox?" Soda murmured from the couch.
"Yea, Sodapop?" I asked, getting up slowly and walking to his side.
"You're a real good person, you know that?"
"Thanks Soda. Now go back to sleep."
"I mean that. You're too nice. Darry should marry you. You make him nice."
"Shush now Soda. Sleep," I said gently, as I sat next to him, softly stroking his messy hair. I felt my eyes get heavy, and soon, I fell asleep, on the floor, between the two people I cared more about than any other living thing.
