Sadie

"Stop it what is it you want!? I can't understand you!" I break down to ground as my 2 month old baby keeps crying "Are you in pain!? What am I doing wrong?!"

He just keeps crying! He's been crying for 2 or 3 hours I can't even tell anymore. I've fed him, changed him tried to hold him in my arms NOTHING WORKS!

Could it be something wrong? Some birth defect? Something I did during the pregnancy? Or a ursid thing? Would John know what to do if he was here? I'm a failure

"Sadie... let me take over for you" mom enters the room

I look up at her "Mommy..."

"Just go to your bedroom" She smiles "I'll take it from here. Up we go Nate!" She says as she picks up Nathaniel from his crib.

I leave the room in defeat. It hurts to know that I'm unable to even help my own son...


I wake up, it's been so long since I slept a good night. I stay up taking care of Nate every night and even before he came home I'd just lay in bed thinking about him...

I'm useless. I go to his room and look down at his crib, he's sleeping so peacefully... I caress his little small hairs on the top of his head "I'm sorry..." I whisper and he moves a little and his little blue eyes same as my own. I stop breathing scared of every single move or sound i might make. To my surprise he just lets out a little giggle

"Why don't you pick him up Sadie?" I turn to see my mom at the door "Come on don't be scared, just support his head!" She encourages

I do as she says, very carefully and fully scared and I can barely even breath. Sensing the little baby in my arms fussing "Mom you take it, he... he doesn't like me" I say almost in tears

Mom sighs "Sweetie, he's sensing you're uneasy... That's why he can't relax in your arms, you do have to be careful but you can't be unsure of yourself! Babies are very perceptive..."

"Mom...I can't do this... Nate will hate me..." I choke on my words trying not to cry I look down on my arms my son he... is quiet looking at me...

"Sadie... He will never hate you. You just haven't got the hang of it yet."

"Mom, I'm doing this alone, I couldn't even be pregnant right! He had to be hospitalized!"

"Sadie it was not your fault, those things happen!"

"I didn't even know his father was!" I held him tighter

"Again not your fault you were drunk, and anyway you love Nate's father"

"He can't even be with us" I look down again to Nathaniel "I'm sorry Nate... I'm sorry I'm such a mess of mother..." His little hand reaches my finger and grabs it, he just smiles at me and like that I feel like I've been forgiven... I know logically that he didn't understand a thing...it feels like he's trying to make me feel better somehow...

"See I told, just take a deep breath" I do as she says and hold him close to my chest "Why don't you breast feed him, I feel like you two need to catch up" She smiles and leaves us.

How I miss his father but I know I have to be strong for him... for both of us..

John our little boy just accepted me as his mother today...


AUTHOR'S NOTE/

Okay I know this is short but I thought of this thing of Sadie struggling to be a mom and just feeling like a failure

Just send new prompts and ideas for these one shot stories :D credit will be given