Author Notes: I know I said this was a one shot – but now there will be three! I've had a couple of requests to expand on it and I when I was thinking about what I could write the lovely Urania16 for her b-day gift, I came up with this!
Happy Birthday Urania16
Thanks to Mellow_mel for her fabulous beta
Disclaimer: See Part 1!
Cake - Chapter 2
Sharon sat silently in her car, her hands flexing around the leather steering wheel as she stared at the faceless apartment building dead ahead.
The streetlight above her car flickered rhythmically; that flickering combined with the pounding of her own heart felt hypnotic. Sharon was in a state of flux; she had never done anything so out of control in her life…
'Just think about it….' Andy had said casually - almost cockily - as he left her standing in her doorway that night.
Sharon had thought about it; every time she saw him, every time she was alone, every time somebody mentioned cake…all the damn time.
It was driving her to the point of distraction.
Sometimes it angered her - the fact that Andy could just so calmly insinuate that 'maybe he was the man for her'… just so simply throw it out there like it were the easiest thing in the world.
She was married, they worked together, she was his boss – and above all it was against the rules. This situation was far from simple and Sharon felt it cruel of Andy to parade it in front of her like it was a real possibility.
It wasn't. They couldn't. She couldn't…
Yet here she was; sat outside his apartment, trapped inside her own head.
Even if they did something about this infatuation…it couldn't last; this was 'Andy Flynn' – the man had huge a back catalogue of 'conquests' and made no secret of the fact. Combining a forbidden interdepartmental relationship with Sharon's reputation for being an ice queen…it certainly made it more exciting…made her more of a challenge.
Sharon knew that Andy cared for her, but was it worth risking their jobs and their friendship for a flash in the pan affair?
What would happen once he got bored?
Sharon reluctantly released the steering wheel and pushed a shaky hand through her thick hair.
'What am I doing here?'
No matter how hard she tried, Sharon couldn't fight her attraction. Like a moth to a flame, Andy drew her in; he had kept his professional distance, but with lingering glances and fleeting touches he made his presence and his attraction to her known.
He was driving her crazy.
Despite her resistance, every passing day since Andy had revealed that their attraction was mutual, Sharon found herself drifting closer and closer towards the edge of rationality. Now she was teetering on the precipice, poised to throw caution to the wind and herself into his arms.
And what was the catalyst for this uncharacteristic turn of events? Just the inquisitive mind of a teenage boy.
xXx
Earlier that night….
As the credits rolled, Sharon stretched out on the couch and eyed her foster son suspiciously. She had been surprised that Rusty had actually chosen to watch yet another version of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Having studied the play for school last year, she had thought that he would have had his fill of the story, but it was clear by the puzzled expression on his face that something had been playing on his mind.
"A penny for your thoughts?" She asked as she swung her feet off the couch and pushed the blanket from her legs.
"What?" Rusty, who had been deep in thought, looked up from his position on the arm chair, a frown creasing his brow.
"You look confused about something."
He shrugged; "I guess I just don't get it."
Now it was Sharon's turn to frown, as she got to her feet and grabbed their drinking glasses from the table. "What don't you get?"
"The whole suicide pact thing…." He got to his feet and followed her into the kitchen, coming to rest against the counter as she filled the dishwasher. "It just seems a little…farfetched."
"Well," Sharon opened a cupboard door and took out a dishwasher tablet, "although it's a fictional story, Rusty – being in love can make rational people do some very irrational things. "
"But suicide?"
"Oh, it happens." She shut the dishwasher door and pressed the start button.
"You've been in love, right?"
"I have." Sharon crossed her arms over her chest, a soft smile touching her lips.
"What did it feel like?"
"Well," Sharon was a little taken aback by the directness of his question. "It's hard to describe, Rusty…"
"I mean, I understand familial love. I love my mom and you know…you…" At this admission, Rusty avoided her gaze and looked embarrassed; Sharon's smile broadened as he continued. "But how does it feel in be 'in' love? I can't imagine ever being so into someone that I like, want to hurt myself."
"Well," Sharon rocked back on her heels, "Romeo and Juliet's love was a little more complicated…it was forbidden by their families and they knew that they could never be together in life."
"Yeah, I get that," Rusty pushed his hair out of his eyes, "but…What does it feel like? When do you know that it's real love and not just a really good friendship?"
"It's difficult to describe...You just kind of know." Sharon's eyes narrowed, her interest piqued as she realised that Rusty may in fact be talking about his feelings for somebody he knew. "Are you talking about anybody in particular or…"
"No." He answered a little too sharply, "I'm just asking."
"Oh," Sharon responded with a knowing smile and turned to rinse her hands in the sink. If Rusty wasn't happy to discuss his love life with her, she wasn't going to push the matter.
"You're still married to Jack," Rusty continued his line of questioning, "so you must still love him, right?"
"Rusty," Sharon warned as she turned back to face him, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel; Rusty knew that she didn't feel comfortable discussing her marriage with him.
"Right, talking about Jack is off bounds." Rusty raised his hands in defeat and backed away from the counter. "Forget I asked."
"Rusty," Sharon felt a rush of guilt; she knew that love wasn't the easiest subject for any teenager to broach with an adult, but considering Rusty's family background and sexual history…it must be more confusing. She couldn't blame him for being curious about her relationship with Jackson – the least she could do is be honest with him. "Rusty, wait."
Rusty stopped by the refrigerator and reluctantly turned to face her.
"In some way I will always love Jackson," Sharon spoke sincerely, taking a step towards the young man. "He is the father of my children and we have a long and complicated history. But I am not 'in' love with him. I haven't been for a very long time."
Rusty looked as puzzled as he did when they had started their conversation; Sharon touched his arm as she walked past him into the living room. "Honey, don't worry about it. When you feel it – you'll know."
"Will I know right away?" He spun to face her; still unsatisfied with her answer.
"You mean love at first sight?" Sharon grabbed the remote from of the table and switched off the TV.
Rusty nodded.
"Maybe," she shrugged. "More often than not though – it's something that grows over time, as you get to know the person."
"But what does it feel like?"
Sharon sighed and sunk to perch on the side of the armchair – it was clear that Rusty wasn't going to drop the matter, but she was struggling to reconnect with her emotions; she'd spent the best part of 20 years trying to suppress them.
She thought of Jack; he was her one and only love… he had been dashing and handsome…but the emotions felt too distant…too damaged to discuss. Instead, to her surprise Sharon found herself thinking about a certain lieutenant…
"It's…consuming." She said flatly, a little disturbed at her train of thought.
"Consuming?"
"That feeling of falling in love…" she clarified. "It's so…it's so all-encompassing…one day you're just minding your own business, living your life and suddenly there's this person." With each passing word, a realisation dawned; what Sharon had assumed was a crush, some silly infatuation with Andy…was actually something much more dangerous. "They fill your thoughts every waking minute of the day – you can't get them out of your head. You long to be close to them…imagining living your life without them makes your heart, physically ache. And if you're lucky enough…it's requited."
Sharon's stomach clenched, 'Oh God.'
"So like, if you're lucky enough to feel that and have the other person feel it too, then you should just go for it?"
"Well," Sharon carefully contemplated his question. "Every situation is different, Rusty. I'd say that the feelings of all parties involved definitely need to be taken into consideration." She tried to keep the conversation focussed on him and the person he may be talking about; pushing her own emotions to the back of her mind.
"You mean if they already have a partner or something?"
"You can't always help who you fall in love with Rusty," she said solemnly. "And sometimes…even though it hurts, you have to walk away."
"Do the right thing, huh?"
"Exactly." Sharon smiled, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Okay, but what if it's your own feelings that you are worried about."
"If you're scared of being hurt?"
"Yeah."
"Well," Sharon looked into the boys eyes; his hopeful gaze was untarnished. His young life, although turbulent, had still to suffer the agony of a broken heart…though his past made him cautious. "I'd say that sometimes Rusty, you just have to take that chance."
Rusty nodded and this time, seemingly satisfied, he turned and headed to his room…leaving Sharon alone in the darkened sitting room with her own advice.
xXx
She should have just stayed in bed; things like this always felt better in the morning. But instead, against her better judgement, Sharon had left her apartment in the middle of the night and driven across town - all because of the advice she had given to a teenage boy.
It didn't make sense - it was unlike her to do something so irrational.
'Love makes rational people do irrational things.'
"Damn it." Sharon cursed under her breath.
It had occurred to Sharon, as she lay in bed, that her reasons against a starting a relationship with Andy, were not completely founded.
In fact, picking holes in her excuses had been incredibly easy once she had set her mind to it.
So she was married; Sharon was fairly certain that Jack hadn't remained faithful since their separation…honestly, she wasn't entirely certain that he had been faithful before their separation.
The work element was a little more complicated…but fighting her attraction couldn't be any less distracting than giving in to it…could it? Sharon could hardly focus around Andy as it was – surely removing some of that…tension would be a good thing?
Then there was the rule; no interdepartmental relationships. It was the responsibility of the officers involved to report any relationship to their superiors immediately. In normal circumstances, the officers would be reassigned…but Sharon's situation was far from normal.
She was one of the highest ranking female officers in charge of the most elite division of detectives in the LAPD. Assistant Chief Taylor would make an example of her in a heart-beat – she'd be forced into retirement.
But that was only if he found out.
Sharon shook her head and sneered at the irony; Captain Raydor, former head of FID, was actually considering breaking a rule that she herself had enforced.
The final thought that passed through her mind, the thing that propelled her from her bed and into her car, hadn't occurred to her until her conversation with Rusty that evening.
She was afraid.
Sharon was afraid of being hurt, she was afraid of rejection, of investing too much in something that may never be.
She didn't even know if Andy felt the same way….Which was exactly what she was there to find out.
'Sometimes, you just have to take that chance.'
TBC
A bit on the mushy side for me huh!?
