Cowboy Bebop and all its contents are the copyright of Shinichiro Watanabe and Bandai.

Cowboy Bebop: Live and Learn


Episode 27: Words That We Couldn't Say

" Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."


Jet quietly entered the 24-Hour Diner. At two in the afternoon there weren't too many customers present and he took a seat at the bar. His mind was troubled. Too many questions and too few answers kept him up for the past three nights. No sign of Spike, no word on whether-or-not he was even alive. Laughing Bull could provide no further assistance, ISSP records held no new information, and none of his connections, legal or otherwise, knew of Spike's current state…. what else could he do?

" Excuse me, sir?" Asked a forty something waitress, her messy brunet hair tied back in a ponytail. " Can I get you something?"

Jet looked up at her suddenly realizing that he had been distracted. " Oh! Sorry. I didn't hear you."

" S'alright. If you like I can give you a few minutes…"

" No, no I can order something now. Uhm…" He looked down at the menu she placed in front of him. " … Can I start with a coffee?"

" Regular or de-caff?"

" Regular."

As the waitress went back to the kitchen Jet took a few moments to secure his umbrella. The light drizzle outside was sure to become a downpour before he finished his coffee. He looked over his shoulder and glanced around. The diner wasn't anything special as far as diners went. It had an antique vibe made prevalent by the obligatory chrome on every wall, cheap vinyl on the cushions of every seat, and an ancient jukebox in the furthest corner. A discreet number of booths lined the wall behind him and a uniformed set of windows provided most of the light above each table.

Jet found the place welcoming and cold at the same time. If it weren't for the flat-screened monitor hanging above the bar, Jet thought he might have forgotten which century he was living in for a bit.

The smell of fresh-brewed coffee wafted past his nose and his stomach growled. Somewhere behind him the waitress was taking another customer's order while three old men entered the diner chatting about their younger years, shaking off the rain from their jackets as they past by.

Jet looked up at the monitor.

" … traffic was affected. Area hospitals were inundated with the wounded or fatally injured Red Dragon members. Most did not survive. ISSP have been working hard to uncover what happened but so far their efforts have been unsuccessful. When asked about why information behind the events of the Red Dragons is not yet forthcoming Commissioner Devin Grant had no comment. We will keep you updated on any further developments as they take place.

And in other news a new medical procedure called MRS, or the Memory Retrieval System, has been approved by VEMA. VEMA, Venus Emergency Medical Agency, is a branch of the Venus government focused on the continued improvement of medicine and medical procedures. VEMA has been the primary focus of the Solar System government assembly for the past six months. All this because of a raging controversy that has arisen in political circles regarding whether-or-not coma patients should be sustained by artificial life. It is hoped that MRS will put the controversy to rest by providing answers to questions over what goes on in the minds of coma patients. Testing is scheduled to begin this spring."

" Here ya go."

Jet looked down as the waitress served him his cup of coffee. The aroma relaxed his nerves, if only for a few moments.

" Can I get you anything else?"

" Yeah." Jet quickly glanced at the menu. " Can I have the roast beef sandwich with fries on the side? And can I order two bowls of chili to go?"

" Sure thing."

Jet was certain Faye hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe some hot chili would entice her appetite. She didn't seem to care much about eating lately, which concerned him. Faye was always up to eating… until Spike left.

Jet sighed and ran a hand over his bald head. Sometimes he wished he could just walk away from all the pain… or erase the past. He wearily glanced out a window.

Outside the clouds darkened and washed the city in a grey mist as rain fell into the streets, against windows, and into gutters. But the lazy silence that had settled over everyone in the diner was suddenly interrupted.

" Gosh dangit! What's the use of having one of these things if it ain't gonna play nothing!"

Jet and the rest of the diner looked over at the jukebox where an old man was slamming buttons down in an effort to get it working again.

One of his friends came to his side and glanced back noticing all the surprised stares. " H-hey, just forget it. It's too old to work anymore. We can go down to the music store and listen to stuff there."

" But it ate my quarters! I want 'em back."

" Come on. What's the big deal? They're just quarters." A third companion chimed in, grabbing hold of his disgruntled friend by the sleeve. " You're just making a scene. Let's go sit down."

Jet returned his attention to the counter as the waitress set his meal down in front of him. Taking a slow bite of his sandwich he become aware of someone sitting down on the stool next to him.

" Must be nice to have friends that stick with you through-out life."

" Must be." Jet replied casually. " Although I can't say I would know from personal experience."

Bob nodded. " Yeah… I hear you."

" So…" Jet turned to him, speaking around another bite of his sandwich.

" Any news?"

Bob sighed and shook his head. " I'm sorry Jet. I've asked everyone I can think of, went places I probably shouldn't have, and I can't tell you one way or the other. There just doesn't seem to be any trace of him."

Jet sighed and turned back to his empty coffee mug. Bob sat beside him in silence, briefly glancing up at the monitor. The waitress returned with a coffee pot.

" More coffee for you, sir?"

Jet nodded. " Just half way, thanks."

" Anything for you?" The waitress turned to Bob.

" Uh, yeah I'll have a coffee. Regular."

" So, what are you going to do?" Bob continued, watching Jet stare down his coffee mug. " Continue the bounty hunting business with… wait is your other partner still with you?"

Jet nodded, looking straight ahead as he raised the mug to his lips. " Yeah… she's staying." He took a slow sip. " At least for now."

" So the two of you can still handle the bounty-hunting work now that you're down a man?"

Jet shrugged. " I don't know. I've been thinking about other ways to pay the bills."

" Then you would prefer to stay in the area…"

Jet took another sip and set down his mug resolutely. " Well… if the tables were turned he wouldn't leave without knowing for sure one way or the other."

" I'm not gonna lie to you, Jet. Things don't look good. Anyone that's even remotely connected to … them," Bob lowered his voice significantly.

" … has a way of getting into serious trouble or dead."

Jet frowned at him. " Don't you think I know that? I don't want to know anymore about them. I just want answers about what happened to him and I'm not letting this go until I do."

Bob sighed heavily. " Jet… be careful. There are some things in life better left unanswered."

Jet turned to him then, his eyes squinted in a dangerous glare. " What's that?"

" You heard me." Bob replied, completely unfazed. " ISSP doesn't know if any leaders escaped the attack… or if what happened that night was the end or the beginning."

" It was definitely the end." Jet muttered, turning back to his coffee.

" Yeah." Bob agreed. " But the end of what?"


Faye sat quietly on her mattress. Images from the small monitor next to her bed displayed happier times. She watched herself laugh and dance in a place that no longer existed save in her dreams and on the beta tape.

" If tragedy were a person… it would be me." She sighed sadly.

She fell back on her mattress, a beautiful, languid display of tired limbs. Her ebony hair splayed about her head in shiny curls, vanishing into the shadows just beyond the artificial light of the monitor's glow. As things were, Faye felt deeply the loneliness of her situation and continued to stare vacantly at the ceiling. There was nothing she could do to go back in time. Thinking about the past was too painful… remembering what happened, too defeating.

" … spike… why did you do it?..."

Faye rolled onto her side, tears streaming down her cheeks and along the soft curve of her nose. Wearily she closed her eyes and willed herself to think of something else. And suddenly she remembered the face of a friend… now much older. The wheelchair had taken the role that strong legs once filled. Faye remembered spontaneous races up the hill with the goal of reaching home first, the coveted prize. They were friends… close friends…

Faye opened her eyes. " Maybe I do belong somewhere outside of here…"

Sitting up again she rewound the tape and paused when the monitor displayed a happy group of girls.

" I was happy once." Faye whispered to herself. " Maybe… maybe I could be again. Well… at least after Jet fixes my ship."


Tharsis General Hospital…

" Has there been any change?"

" No. The patient remains unresponsive to all stimuli." A nurse replied looking from the coma patient to the doctors reviewing the medical charts.

" Okay. Well… I really don't see what more can be done. Any other suggestions?"

The room fell silent.

" And has there been any luck in finding living relatives?" The doctor continued after a moment.

The nurse shook her head.

" Then that's it. There's nothing more that can be done. His organs can still be salvaged. Prep him for operation."

" But what if it's just taking longer for us to find his family?" The nurse asked.

The doctors turned to her, one interested in her question… the others annoyed.

" If we wait any longer and he continues to show no further signs of cognitive activity we risk losing other patients who could benefit from his organs."

A second doctor continued while gathering the charts together. " This man was found in the Red Dragon headquarters. He's most likely a syndicate member, which means he was a killer. By taking his organs and giving them to people who still have families he would actually be a part of something good, for once in his life."

The nurse looked at the doctors with shock and contempt. " So that's it, then? You're all just going to walk away and throw him aside like a used paper cup?"

One of the more aggravated doctors glared down at her. " Is this some kind of fantasy you're trying to live out? We do this kind of thing all the time. Why should this case be any different? Just because the patient happens to be good looking?"

" Alright enough!" Another doctor commanded. He turned to the nurse.

" You're concern for the patient is commendable, despite what some individuals might think. But there has been no change and there is nothing more we can do for him here. He's occupying a bed that's needed. It would be better, for all involved, to remove him from the hospital as soon as possible."

The nurse frowned and looked away, anger and disappointment evident in her stance.

" But I think…" The doctor continued, " Its possible that he might have relatives."

Some of the doctors rolled their eyes while others raised their hands in a helpless gesture of frustration.

" I think this man is a perfect candidate for the MRS project. That way any family he might have can be given more time to find him and our hospital might gain recognition for aiding a great cause. It could open new doors."

" That sounds great but you're forgetting all the paperwork that this idea of yours would involve." One of the doctors replied to him as they walked away. " Not to mention having to convince the top heads that it's a good idea."

" Don't worry, I'll handle it."

As the doctors left the room the nurse returned to the patient and gently stroked back dark-green curls from this forehead. " You hear that? You still have time. Maybe you were a bad man… but you could still make things right." The nurse shook her head and pulled the curtain back around his bed.

" You okay?" A second nurse asked as she approached from the door.

" Yeah… its just… I don't know why but some lives are just too hard to see go."


Two weeks later…

Faye sat in the yellow chair. Her eyes glanced from her fingernails to the monitor screen and back again. Satisfied with her right hand she finally switched to her left.

" … and although the city is still searching for answers people are determined not to fall into an economic depression. Small businesses are pulling together, churches are reaching out to the needy, and non-profit organizations are giving of their time and donations. Although the fall of the Red Dragon syndicate has wounded many… in a way it has also been the best thing that ever happened to the citizens of Tharsis City. Economists are speculating that the repercussions of the Red Dragon destruction will be felt as far away as the moons of Saturn. Many planets will be looking at Tharsis City to see if every-day folks can overcome economic crisis.

There is a growing sense of community and 'do-unto-others' attitude that seems to be contagious here in Tharsis. City officials are planning to commemorate this significant change by building a park on the exact lot where the Red Dragon headquarters once stood."

Faye's lips pursed as she filed down the remaining fingernails of her left hand. And as she worked to achieve the perfect manicure Jet passed by, the smell of motor-oil and antifreeze wafting in the air after him.

" So, any luck with getting the ships back in working order?" She asked, casually.

Jet paused on his way to the kitchen. " Yup. I finally found the electrical circuit and got that up and running again. But the placement of it is so difficult to reach. Your ship's inner workings were never meant to be very accessible."

" Duh." Faye snorted with humor. " But what it lacks in ' under-the-hood' accessibility it gains in smooth, faster-than-lightning steering maneuverability."

Jet stared at her for a long moment. " … duh?"

" It was an expression back in my time."

" Huh." He rubbed the back of his neck before continuing on his way. But he suddenly paused and turned back. " Hey, Faye… Would you mind standing by the Bebop's communicator for a few hours?"

Faye looked up then. " What for?"

" I'm almost finished with the ships but the Hammerhead needs a new spindler cust, navigation board, spark plugs... I'll have to run out and pick stuff up."

" Well, is the Red Tail safe to fly?"

Jet nodded. " Yeah. I just finished patching her up."

" Then let me get the parts. I'm bored just sitting around here and you definitely need to wash up."

" Its really not a big deal, Faye. I'll be back soon."

" I would rather go." She replied, quickly getting to her feet and hurrying past him to her room. " Just write down what you need and I'll pick it up in a flash. Thanks Jet!"

He watched her hurry into her room and close the door. With a sigh he shook his head and headed for the control deck. The only paper on board was kept in a drawer under the captain's control panel. It was the only safe place he could find where Ed never ventured.

Jet sighed. " Man, things are just too quiet around here without her." He had just reached the drawer when the sound of healed soles clanging on metal stairs reached his ears.

" Okay Jet. I've got paper here." Faye returned, already dressed and ready to go.

" Wow, that was fast!" He remarked as she handed him a paper pad and pen.

And as he wrote down a short list of parts he felt obliged to share a few verbal instructions too. " Now don't let anyone convince you of buying new models of anything. Its just bogus talk to make extra woolongs and we don't have it. Okay?"

Faye rolled her eyes good-naturedly. " Got it, Jet. Don't worry. I know how to shop for good bargains."

" No shopping Faye. Just go in, get what's on the list, and leave."

" Okay, okay." Faye waved to him dismissively. She turned to go and suddenly stopped in her tracks. " Hey, can we eat when I get back?"

The question caught Jet off guard. " Uh… yeah. I'll get to that right after I shower."

Faye nodded and hurried out of the control deck.

Jet watched her go and suddenly felt great relief. It was the first time she had asked for food since Spike's departure.


Two hours later

Faye stood in silence. She stared at the remains of the Red Dragon Headquarters with a mix of disdain and sorrow. Only the foundations remained. Soon, not even that would be left.

For several moments she tried to imagine the park that city officials were planning to build. But no matter how hard she tried to envision the change Faye couldn't find peace.

" What a stupid waste." She finally muttered.

And even as she said the words Faye stepped into the crumbled ruins, randomly kicking pebbles and broken bricks in her way. She walked in a distance and stooped down to lift a tattered curtain free from the rubble. Staring at it for several moments Faye wondered in what room it might have hung.

What happened here that night? Her fingers traced over a large tear in the fabric. Spike was definitely here… Chaos was never far from that lunkhead. But… did he win or…

Faye suddenly noticed dark stains on the material and realized it was dried blood. Blanching for a second she quickly stood up and let the curtain fall back to the ground, wiping her hands on the seat of her pants.

Maybe I shouldn't have come here. She thought to herself and brushed her bangs out of her eyes as the wind picked up. If only there was a way that I could have helped him… if only I hadn't met Julia… maybe then he would still be… Realizing where her thoughts were taking her, Faye stopped them abruptly and turned back to the Red Tail. Her hair blew against her face again, obscuring her expression as she paused to look back at the pitiful scene. And suddenly Faye felt uneasy… as if she had entered a place where she was never meant to be. It was there, in those ruins, that Spike Spiegel had started his life and it was there that it had ended.

The thought sent shivers up her spine and she bit her bottom lip, fighting back unwanted tears.

He would have been back by now if he were still alive. Or if he were hurt he would have found a way to let us know… The only reason we haven't heard either way is because he's… he's…

Faye couldn't finish the thought as tears blinded her vision and she stumbled, half blind, to the Red Tail.


Two and a half hours had passed since Faye had left to pick up parts for the Hammerhead and Jet was beginning to wonder if it had been a bad idea to let her go alone. But then, he heard the door to the common room slide open.

" Dinner's ready." He stated even before Faye had reached the first landing.

He paused from polishing his cybernetic arm and looked up at her a moment. Faye seemed distracted… almost lost. The thought troubled him.

" So… did the guys at the shop give you any hassles?" He hoped her demeanor was the fault of the uncivilized mechanics. That was something he could fix.

Faye flopped down on the yellow chair and sighed. " No. I told you, I know how to find good deals." And she lifted the bag containing the needed parts onto the table.

" That's good to hear." Jet replied and studied her for a moment longer. He briefly entertained the idea of pressing her for more details about what happened between picking up the parts and returning to the Bebop. But when her eyes finally met his he lost his nerve.

" Let's eat, then." He said instead and rose from the couch.

Faye followed him into the kitchen in silence. She took a seat and watched him dutifully serve them two bowls of Ramen Noodle soup. And as she looked down at the bowl he placed in front of her Faye noticed that he had taken the time to add green peppers to the noodles.

" Cute." She smirked without looking at him.

" I try." He smiled and took a seat across from her. He watched as she picked up her spoon and took an experimental sip. When she didn't complain he began his meal too.

They ate in silence, each lost in their own thoughts until Faye finished her portion and rose to set her bowl in the sink. Jet saw her reach for the sponge.

" It's okay, Faye. I'll wash the dishes. You went out to get the parts."

" Are you sure?" She asked without turning around. " You made dinner…"

" Its just two bowls, Faye."

" Okay." She sighed and started for the door. " Thanks."

" Your welcome." Jet rose from his seat, having finished his portion too.

" Hey, Faye?" He asked just before she stepped into the hall.

" Hm?"

" Do you want to help me work the parts into the engine? You could hand me my tools…" He sensed that she was sad. But there was also something different about her… a grim determination that had him unnerved.

" … thanks but… I'm kind of tired now. I think I'm going to head for bed early." She replied softly.

Jet turned to her then. " Faye… you know that if there's anything bothering you… I'm here. I'll listen."

Faye looked back at him in surprise. " Uhm… thanks Jet but I'm not suffering from anything a little sleep can't fix. I'll be alright."

Well, he had tried. Jet nodded and turned to the sink. He knew she was lying… she needed to talk. But he also knew that in cases of the heart it was better to let things happen in their own time. Tonight was not it, apparently.


Nine hours later…

Jet looked at his alarm clock and pulled himself out of bed. Nothing like getting up at six in the morning. He thought to himself while making his way down the hall to the latrine. And as he did so, still blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he passed by Faye's door and paused. It was open. She never left her door open… even when she was awake.

Taking a moment to think over the possibilities behind this new development, Jet chanced a peek inside only to discover that the room was devoid of any personal effects. Surprised he quickly forgot the " call-of-nature" and hurried to the hangar.

Even though he already knew what he would find Jet couldn't help checking. Perhaps he had just over-reacted. But as the hatch to the hangar opened his suspicions were affirmed. The Red Tail was no longer there.

Jet bowed his head and remained where he stood for several minutes, trying to accept what happened without disappointment. Slowly, he turned away and entered the common room where he flopped on the yellow chair. It was then that he noticed a note with his name on it. Reluctantly he reached for it and took a deep breath before unfolding the message.

" Jet… I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was bothering me last night. My leaving has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my past."

Jet paused. Did he want to read any more? Her words were too familiar. The past... he had been lucky to overcome his. But he wondered if it was just another meaningless experience. After all, the only people he thought were close to him didn't seem to hear his warnings… or care. Wearily Jet looked back at the note.

" … there's too much for me to say about everything so I'll stop here. Thanks for dinner. And thanks for the memories."

Jet dropped his hands to his lap, the note forgotten as he sat alone in the common room. Only the sound of the fan whirling above his head could be heard.


Faye double-checked her coordinates. Together all her things, sold at several markets, gave her enough woolongs to reach the destination that blinked back at her from the digital screen. She tapped the dot with a delicate fingernail.

" No going back." She murmured to herself. " This is it. All or bust." Faye eased the Red Tail into the hyperspace route, merging effortlessly with the morning space traffic.

As she switched from manual to cruise control Faye looked in her rear-view mirror at the reflection of Mars. Its burgundy atmosphere and swirling clouds left her teary-eyed and heartsick. She was leaving behind a life that seemed to be the best thing that happened to her since waking up from a fifty-year long, frozen slumber.

" Goodbye." She whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes. She reached for the radio control and turned the volume dial up high. I hope I never see Mars again.

The Red Tail entered hyper speed, twinkling like a tiny star for a moment before vanishing into the darkness of space.


Don't Look Back

Opening quote: Winston Churchill