I saw stars that shined like your eyes.
Clarke [11:47pm] Hey
Clarke [11:47pm] Are u home yet?
Clarke [12:00am] Are u sleeping?
Clarke [1:26am] Goodnight
Lexa's phone kept lighting up with Clarke's texts and she knew she should have answered but she couldn't bring herself to do so. So instead she kept looking up at the sky, drawing invisible lines between those shining dots with her finger. Almost as if she was looking for new constellations, or maybe an answer, hidden in the stars.
"It's late, what are you doing here?" A sleepy voice brought the brunette out of her thoughts and she forced herself to look at the door "Nothing, couldn't sleep."
"It's freezing."
"I know."
"Come inside."
"They remind me of her." Lexa answered her eyes reflecting the bright of the stars as her head was right where in was minutes ago, towards the dark sky.
"Of Clarke?"
"Mmm" her almost brother, Lincoln, sat beside her, taking her hand between his
"How is she?"
"Fine. Tired, I guess. I'm hurting her." Lexa's voice broke a little at the end. She knew she was hurting Clarke she knew it for sure but she couldn't help it. She didn't know how not to.
"Then stop."
"It's not that easy, you know." The brunette eyes were glossy with tears.
"It is." Lincoln made Lexa sit in his lap, an arm circling her waist. "It is." He whispered again and placed a kiss between her hair.
Clarke [1:43am] I can't sleep. Just tell me you're okay.
Lexa's phone lighted up again and she sighed.
"Answering her texts is a good start to stop hurting her you know?" Lincoln voice was soft and Lexa sighed again and took her phone to answer.
Lexa [1:44am] I'm okay. Go to sleep, is late.
Clarke [1:44am] You too.
Lexa [1:45am] Lincoln's here, were watching the stars.
Clarke [1:45am] Tell him I say hi :)
Clarke [1:45am] The sky's awful here, you're lucky.
Clarke [1:45am] I wish I could be there.
Lexa [1:46am] For the stars?
Clarke [1:46am] For you.
Lexa's eyes smiled with a smile that didn't quite reach her lips. Clarke was amazing, and she wanted so desperately to be with her, to be hers. But she couldn't.
Lexa [1:47am] Goodnight Clarke.
The answer never came and Lexa figured Clarke must have gone to sleep. She stayed there, freezing under the stars, a little bit longer, sitting in Lincoln's laps, just enjoying the silence and the dark until her brother was too tired to keep his eyes open so she headed inside too.
Sleep was still out of reach for the brunette that kept tossing and turning in her bed, with a certain blonde occupying all her current thoughts. Her hands acted without permission and the next thing she knew she was lying in her bed with her phone between her ear and her pillow, the beeps almost lulling her to sleep.
"Lexa?" Clarke's voice was worried, with just a hint of tiredness in it.
It took an awful bunch of seconds for the brunette to answer "I saw stars that shined like your eyes." Was all she said because that was all she did while watching the stars: compare them to Clarke's eyes. "But yours are cuter." She said matter of fact.
A slight laugh filled Lexa's ear and she felt it in every part of her body "Thank you" said a quiet voice from the other part of the line, the hint of a smile suddenly appearing between the brunette's lips. And they stayed there, phone pasted to the ear, without saying another word, their breath lulling each other to sleep. That was all it took for them to drift off, and for the first time in forever Clarke didn't cry herself to sleep and Lexa had a smile on her face and everything felt right.
Sometimes I just try not to fall apart.
Clarke chewed at her bottom lip as she waited in line for her coffe, it was a cold winter morning just after Christmas, and Lexa was coming back home today. They were going to spend New Year's Eve together, with a bunch of other Clarke's friend, and she was so excited for it. Spending time with Lexa was her favorite thing in the world but spending New Year with her was beyond exceptional. When her name was called Clarke took the hot coffee and headed out to the street pacing faster towards Lexa's house, the fast pacing turned into a run and by the time she was in front of the brunette house her cheeks were red and her legs hurt, but she didn't care. Trying to catch her breath she knocked on the door and waited until it flung open and she was met with a pair of beautiful green eyes.
"Hi," Clarke said smiling hard "how are you?"
"Fine, tired. You?" Lexa answered letting Clarke in, her gaze following her as the blonde walked through her house and seated on the couch.
"Good." She waited until Lexa took the seat beside her and offered her a sip of her coffe, which the brunette accepted kindly.
Hours later Clarke was lying with her head on Lexa's lap while the brunette was stroking her hair slightly umming to a song in her head. Clarke's blue eyes were glossy because everything about it felt so right and so good that it almost made her cry. Loving Lexa was never hard, she had loved her since the first time she had seen her, walking down the hallways of their college with her long brown hair tied up in braids, jeans and a sweater that was way too big for her petite body, at least by two sizes. Her head was always down, you couldn't see her face that often, let alone see her smile. But something about her was so intriguing that you couldn't take your eyes off her small figure. So Clarke didn't. And here they were. She knew everything about her, she saw her when she was happy and when she was sad, she saw her tired and angry and she loved her. Oh, God, she loved her so much.
"What's wrong?" Lexa said stroking Clarke's wet cheeks.
"Just thinking." The blond shrugged, not sure when she exactly had started crying.
"About what?"
How much I love you "Life" Clarke forced a smile.
Lexa nodded and Clarke knew she didn't believe her but she knew better than asking, and for that, the blonde was glad.
The room felt silent and Clarke took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Sometimes I just try not to fall apart, you know?" Lexa looked down, her eyes locking with Clarke's. "Even though I am, most of the time."
"That's why you were crying? Because you were falling apart?"
"No. Because for the first time I wasn't."
