A/N:- So this is chapter 2 of Had I Known. It's the conversation between Embry and his mom.

Hope you enjoy, and review even if you hated it :)


Present.

You can go run the perimeter one more time. I hear her think

What are YOU going to do? I question. If she thinks that she is going to be let off early then she has another thing coming.

I am on patrol with Leah Clearwater. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate this girl with a passion. Yet Jacob has us conveniently patrolling alongside one another.

Secretly I think Jacob is trying to help us resolve our differences. Too bad he doesn't realise I don't need any help. Nothing on earth will make me want to willingly befriend Leah Clearwater. Not after what she has said.

I am the only one who has a strong dislike for Leah Clearwater in our pack. Jacob and Seth obviously have to like her. Seth is her brother and therefore is compelled to love her, though it doesn't mean he is immune to Leah's witty sarcasm and spiteful comments. On the contrary, Seth is the hardest hit by them. Jacob, for some unknown reason, has taken to appointing her his beta and this information came as a surprise. I always thought he would have chosen either me or Quil as his second in command. I guess I was wrong.

Over the years, Leah and Jacob have developed a special bond. I say this because what they really have is something much more than that. The irony was not lost on me. Who would have thought that Leah would do to Nessie, what Emily had done to her? It is different in the sense that Sam had imprinted on Emily and Jacob has not imprinted on Leah, but it is similar because in both situations a happy couple have been separated.

I will never know what it's like to imprint. I don't think I am destined to find my soul-mate. Not if fate has a part to play in it. I see the imprint couples playing happy families everywhere I go.

I see Sam and a pregnant Emily and their son, Sam Jr. also known as SJ. I see them with smiles on their faces, living the perfect life; but I also see the cracks underneath their happy exterior. I see the strain in Sam and Emily's relationship. I see the worry in Sam's eyes when he sees his son, how he wonders if fate will be as cruel to SJ as it was to him.

I also see the way he looks at Leah; though he will never openly admit it, he still loves her. The way jealousy and anger contort his expression when he sees Leah and Jacob together. He secretly still wishes that it was him and Leah and not Emily and him.

Which brings me back to imprinting. I am certain I will never imprint, it doesn't faze me though. I wouldn't want to be subjected to that kind of love. I don't see the appeal in submitting yourself solely to one person.

Jacob, though he has an imprinted, doesn't feel the pull that the others do. I can feel how he feels about Nessie when we phase, and it isn't nearly as strong as what he feels for Leah. This leads to question the whole concept of imprinting and whether it isn't just a psychological condition in some of the wolves who have some sort of inferiority complex.

I have become so consumed by my thoughts that I forget Leah's presence and fail to notice her ranting and raving about how I should mind my own 'fucking business' instead of worrying about hers.

Life doesn't revolve around you Leah. I was just thinking about imprinting in general, and you happen to come up a lot when it comes to this topic. You seem to have a lot of experience with imprinted couples. I tell her simply.

Bullshit. You've always hated me and you're only bringing up this shit because you have to get back at me from insulting you and your pathetic mother. Wake up kid; I don't give a flying fuck about what you think about me or what your whore of a mother does either. In case you haven't noticed, everything I said about you was true. You are a bastard child with a dirty whore for a mother. She bites back.

You have no fucking right to talk about my mother like that you bitch!

And you have no right to talk about me like that you son of a bitch. I bet your mother hasn't told you a thing about your past or her dirty little secret.

I pause for a second and go over what Leah has just said. I wonder how she knows so much about my mother. Before I can think about this situation any further, Leah interrupts.

I have my sources. She tells me before phasing out and leaving alone to think about our conversation.

All these years I had purposefully not asked my mother about my father. I did not want to know who he was because it was inevitable that I would have known him. My only options were that of Billy Black, Quil Sr. or Joshua Uley and two of those men were the fathers of my best friends. I have always liked to think my father was Joshua Uley, for he had a reputation of being a sleaze and was never a good father to Sam. Secretly I wished it was either Jacob's father or Quil's father because then I might just be able to fit in with them, I wouldn't have felt as distant from the pack as I did.

Everyone has tried to make me feel welcome, to make me feel a part of the pack, but despite their efforts I have never felt like I belong. Oh I know it sounds cliché but it is true. Watching from a distance at pack gatherings I see how everyone has known each other for generations, how they greet each with such warmth and familiarity. I seem so out of place.

I have never given much thought to these things. I thought them trivial in the past. Lately I have come to realise that these things are those which shape me as a person.

Had I known who my father was, maybe I wouldn't be so secretive or so self-conscious. After I finally understood my background and how it affected people's views on me, I had hidden behind my shyness. I never approached people. I had always waited for people to approach me. Now I realise that if I had a father maybe my childhood would have been different.

I phase and pull on my cut-offs. I finally decide to have the long overdue chat with my mother about my father.

.............

I walk home purposefully. As I walk I think, about my father, about my mother and about my friends. I think about how my mother had willingly done it with the man who was my father. Surely she must have known that he was a happily married man? That he had a kid? Or kids in Billy Blacks case.

The more I think, the angrier I get. How could my mother have been so careless? How could she have interfered like that? I begin to shake with anger this surprises me because normally I have never have problems when it comes to my anger. I was probably the calmest person in pack or a close second next to Seth.

I storm in the door and walk straight to the living room where I know where she will be.

"Who is he" I shout as soon as I walk into the room.

She looks up, startled. She was obviously not expecting this.

"Who is who?" She questions, puzzlement written all over her face.

"You know exactly who I'm talking about" I say my eyes narrowing.

I know that shouting isn't going to get me anywhere but I can't help it. I am not even thinking about what I am saying. It just seems to come out of its own accord.

"Look Embry, are you sure you want to know? I don't think now is the best time, you look a mess" She says.

She still has no idea about my shapeshifting abilities and I don't intend on telling her. She never tells me anything.

"THEN WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME? WHEN I FIND OUT FROM SOMEONE ELSE?" I shout. I know I can't lose control in front of mother. Though I am angry at her, I would never wish pain upon her.

"Embry, can you please calm down. I'll tell you, but listen to me. You can't judge me for what happened. Promise me that." She says, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks.

"I can't promise you anything" I whisper.

I know my mother never wished for any of this. I know that I was a mistake to her, she didn't plan me. I never understood why she kept me but I have a feeling I would find out today.

"I was young at the time, a fool" She begins. "I had known Billy Black since high school, he would often come down to the Makah Reservation to meet up with friends, I knew from that moment he came down for the first that I wanted to end up with him. Though he probably had no idea existed let alone give me the time of day. At the time he was with Sarah Boure. I didn't think it was going to last long so I kept positive. During some of his later visits I worked up the courage to speak to him, he seemed like a nice guy. Over the next few months we became friends. The last time I saw him was A few years later I found out from one of his friends on the reservation that he was getting married to Sarah. I was devestated." She says

I snort. I figure it's a ploy for me to feel sorry for her. I can't fathom why she would be so upset over some man she had only known for a few months. She seems to pick up on my skeptism for she continues.

"I know it seems hard for you to understand but it's true. I felt strongly about him. A few years after his wedding, he came down to the bar where I was on the Makah reservation. I was surprised to see him and after my shift was over I sat down to talk to him. He told me that he had been having problems with his marriage and had taken off for a few days to clear his head. We must have gotten drunk after this because I don't remember anything afterwards. All I remember is waking up on the sofa with the worst hangover I had ever expereinced.

"The next few months were the most confusing of my life. I found out I was pregnant 2 months later and began to panic, I had to move out because my parents refused to let me stay with them. When I told Billy he was surprised but wanted to see his son grow up, I moved to LaPush when you were in the second grade because I didn't want to leave my home at first. Later I realised that it wasn't fair on you and I took us to La Push so you could see your father and have a relationship with your siblings. I don't think he ever told Sarah or the kids otherwise I doubt your relationship with Jacob would have been the same" She says.

We spend the rest of the night dicussing my childhood and her past. It was then I realised I couldn't stay under the same roof as my mother anymore. Not after the childhood she gave me was the worst part of my life.

A few days later I move out. I pack my bags and walk out the door pausing only to say a swift goodbye to my mother. I tell Jacob and Quil that my reason for leaving was the strain the phasing secret was putting on our relationship. They don't look anymore into it.

I can't tell Jacob or Quil about my mother's revelation, it would ruin our friendship and I wasn't prepared to risk the closest thing I've had to real friends over some stupid mess my mother had gotten herself in.

.............

"This isn't fair on her. This isn't fair on any of us" I hear him whisper fiercely.

I am sitting on the sofa in the cramped quarters of Sam and Emily's house whilst being interrogated by my best friend, brother and alpha.

"What isn't?" I question; though I know perfectly well what he is referring to. I don't know how he found out but he did.

He has been endeavouring to undergo this conversation with me for the past few weeks, and I have been expertly avoiding. I was succeeding up until now, which is when he corners me at Sam and Emily's baby shower.

"You know perfectly well what I am talking about" He mutters glaring at me with a look of pure frustration`.

"If you're so adamant on having this 'discussion' why don't you just use the alpha command? Then I'll have no choice but to answer you, albeit unwillingly, but you'll get the answers you have been searching for nonetheless." I hiss.

I know it's something Jacob would never do; he was much too self-righteous for that. He felt the need to show us that that he was not in any way similar to Sam; that he had control over us without having to resort to force.

I didn't give a shit about whether he is like Sam or not, frankly I had no problem with the guy. The sole reason for leaving the other pack and my brothers was to join my best friend. The only people in our pack who have an aversion towards Sam are Leah and he, although Seth agrees that Sam can be an asshole when he wants.

"You know I can't" he spits out.

I admire him for his gratification, but sometimes it borderlines on arrogance; such as now. He has been constantly pestering me to have this conversation with him and my patience is beginning to wear thin.

"You haven't even tried" I point out scathingly.

Had he used the alpha command after the first rejection, he would have all the answers right now and he would be contemplating them instead of still attempting to pry the answers from within me.

"Look Embry this is for your own good, tell me and I promise I will help you. I just want the best for you. This has nothing to do with me." He proclaims, anger hinting his tone.

There are some topics people, especially those who are my friends, know to avoid in my presence. It is an unspoken rule and right now, Jacob Black is violating it.

I may be cynical, extremely over analytical and much too apprehensive than was healthy but I know that nothing is ever done solely for the purpose of helping another. There's always a catch, a deeper meaning. I have learned the hard way.

"I don't want to have this conversation with you. Or anyone else for that matter" I say getting up off the couch and walking towards the front door. There is no need for my presence to linger at this gathering any longer.

Sighing, I bid farewell to both packs and begin my journey home.

Having no partiality for phasing and running home home, I begin walking in the direction of the home I shared with Quil.

I have known Quil since the second grade, when I had moved here with my mother after she felt that my childhood experience would be much better in La Push rather than on the Makah Reservation. Well so she had told me at the time.

I had moved out of my mother's house a few weeks ago; my inclination being that I could no longer be a part of my mother's life. Not after I found out about all the lies she has been feeding me.

Jake found out about the argument with my mother and has since been longing to know the nature of our 'discussion'. I'm pretty sure he knows what the main issue we discussed was, and that the only reason he feels that it is place to know is because it may concern him.

Growing up as the bastard child on the reservation was never easy. I was always the topic of discussion amongst my peers. I was shunned by everyone. The outcast. In the second grade, Quil and Jake took to befriending me.

As it were, my cynical nature prevented me from trusting them completely; I was still very reserved and didn't entirely believe that anyone would want to be my friend.

I still have my reservations about my friendship with both Quil and Jacob.

To put it simply, I can't completely open up to them. Though that isn't really saying much, I have never been one to express my feelings. I feel as if I can't trust myself enough to keep my secrets, then why should I expect anyone else to keep them for me.

Granted I am closer to Quil than Jacob, but that doesn't mean I tell Quil everything. I doubt either one of them will understand my situation even if I try explaining it as best I can. How can they? Quil is part of the perfect poster family and Jake is so infatuated by Nessie that he can barely even understand the time anymore let alone my problems and their isn't a chance in hell I'm risking my friendship with Jake by telling him about his father.

My mother has never been much of a parental figure in my life. She left me to take care of myself after I reached the fifth grade; if she wasn't out partying then she would be at home unconscious or in a drunken stupor. I know she is ashamed of me and which is why to this day whenever she meets a new guy, something which happens often, she decides to leave out the fact that she has a son.

This is why, when I confronted her about my past and found out the truth about my father, I left.

Yawning, I look up at our little house and walk sluggishly over to the front door. Pulling out the key from my pocket I turn it, walk in the door and collapse on the sofa mulling over things which I have been keeping bottled up inside.

Had I known all this before, I would have most likely