Rosalina's POV
I was walking home from finishing up some stuff for the school newspaper, though James wasn't really happy about it. He said it didn't fit the "head cheerleader" image. I told him I didn't care, that journalism was what I really loved. He finally gave in and accepted it.
Let me guess, Nat told you a bunch of horrible stuff about me. How I broke his heart, abandoned the band, and never looked back, never feeling bad. Well, part of that is true. I did break Nat's heart. But I had to. At least, it seemed right at the time. Now, I was having…no, it was definitely the right thing to do. Yes, I'm captain of the cheerleading squad. Yes, I'm editor in chief of the newspaper. And yes, I'm dating James Jackson, the starting quarterback. My life was perfect. Or at least, it should have been. I had what every girl growing up and going through school dreamed about. Then why did it feel so wrong?
It wasn't that I didn't miss the guys. I honestly did. But you have to understand, the peer pressure got to me. By the time the guys were freshmen, I was a junior. I was really getting a lot of flak about hanging out with freshmen. When the band decided to call it quits, it gave me the excuse to walk away. But now I wondered if it really was the best idea I had ever had. Why the hell was I so confused all the time!? I had fame, I had popularity, I had the perfect boyfriend, I had the perfect everything! Well, except the absolute perfect best friend. I guess that was the one thing I let get away. I missed Nat a lot. I thought about trying to get back in touch with him, but I knew after everything I had done, he would hate me forever.
As I walked, I heard someone in one of the apartments on my right playing a song that I hadn't heard for a long time. Not since the first Naked Brothers Band concert in Chicago. Someone was playing Rosalina. I looked up at the open window and realized that I was walking past the place where the Wolffs lived…where Nat lived. Whoever was playing it didn't start singing, just playing it. I guessed it was Nat. Did this mean that he did miss me? My heart jumped a little. But then reality set in.
If he really missed me, he would have tried to get back in touch. It had been five years since we had last talked, and three years since I had last seen him on somewhat friendly terms. I know it's my fault for being an idiot, but I can't help what I did. But maybe I could make a change for the future. I stopped, and almost went into the apartment, heading up to the Wolff residence. To see Nat and to try and make amends. Almost. I reconsidered and kept walking. As much as it hurt not having Nat in my life anymore, I think it would hurt more to try and rebuild the bridge that I had burned.
I opened the door to my own house and walked in.
"Dad, I'm home!" I yelled as I went into the kitchen to get a snack. He came in a few seconds later.
"How was school, dear?"
"It was school. Same stuff different day. Teachers giving me more homework than I'll ever have time to finish, not to mention the looming senior project."
"What does your project have to be on?"
"I have to do a job shadowing of someone in a field I want to go into, do some research about that field, write a cover letter and make a resume as if I would actually be applying for this job, do an interview of the person I job shadow, and type it all up for my English teacher to grade."
"Sounds like you've got a lot of work ahead of you."
"Yeah, and that's just the project. That' not even the essay I have to write for English. I have no idea how I'm going to get this all done."
"Did you ever think that you may be overstretching yourself? That you try to do too much in school?"
"No, dad. I never had this much trouble before."
"You also were not a senior before. Have you even decided on a college that you wish to attend, yet?" I looked at the floor, and he knew the answer. "Rosalina, I love you. But you cannot keep putting of this decision."
"I know, dad. It's just hard."
"I know, dear." He told me as he came over and hugged me. I hugged him back.
"Dad, what's wrong with me? I always had everything so well balanced, and so easily. Now it's like I can barely keep it balanced, and as soon as I do, something else gets thrown on, throwing me off balance again."
"Have you ever considered that maybe the friendships you let go are the problem?"
"Dad, we've been over this. I know I made mistakes with them, but I just can't go back to them. They all hate me, anyways." The doorbell rang. I went and answered it to find Cooper standing at the door. I was a little shocked.
"Hey, Cooper." I said a little hesitantly. Even though I had always been closest with Cooper…aside from Nat, of course…I hadn't heard from him in three years.
"Hi, Rosalina. May I come in for a few minutes?"
"Of course, come on in." I said and opened the door a little wider, also standing aside so he could come in. He did.
"Thank you."
"So what's up? Last time we talked was…" I stopped, knowing he would know.
"You can't blame yourself for what happened, Rosalina. The band broke up. Our schedules became too much."
"Does he still hate me?" Even after all these years, Cooper knew exactly who I was talking about.
"I don't know. He never mentions you anymore, and if he does, he only refers to you as 'her'."
"I heard someone in his apartment playing Rosalina today. I bet it was him."
"It may have been. I know he mindlessly plays music when he's upset. He may have started strumming it."
"Maybe I should go over there and talk to him. I mean, it has been five years since we've talked." Cooper paused, looking pained. "What's wrong, Cooper?"
"I really don't think you trying to rebuild that bridge is the best idea. At least not right now."
"Why not? Now's as good a time as any."
"It really isn't Rosalina. Actually, it's kind of a terrible time."
"Why?"
"Well, Mr. Wolff finally is getting recognized for his accordion playing. He joined a group at his most recent accordion convention, and they're doing a global tour."
"That's great! But where are Nat and Alex going to stay?"
"That's part of the thing, Rosalina…wait, is that their cd?" He suddenly asked, noticing the disc cover on the table. I cursed under my breath. I meant to put that away. Nobody was supposed to know I had that.
"Yeah. I was just curious about what they sounded like. I went online and gave a couple of songs a listen. I liked it, so I got the cd. There's no crime in that."
"Rosalina, I'm going to ask you something, and I want an honest answer. Just like old times, ok?" He asked.
"Cooper, don't you think it's been a little long for me to just be able to open up to you like this? I mean, it has been three years."
"And whose fault is that? I sent you several texts and emails, trying to keep in touch. You never responded." I bit my tongue, because he was right.
"I'm sorry. Ok, I'll be honest."
"Thank you. Now, my question. How much do you actually miss Nat?" His question caught me completely off guard.
"I…I don't…why would I…Cooper!"
"Rosalina, you said you'd be honest." He said. I plopped down onto the couch, putting my head in my hands. I had always known that I had to face this question. I just always expected it to be an internal thing, not have someone actually ask.
"If I have to be honest, Cooper, I miss him a lot. More than I'll ever let on at school, and especially around James. I see him walk down the halls, and I hurt all over, knowing how much I hurt my best friend in the world. I broke his heart and made him feel like I didn't care at all. I know I'm getting what I deserve, Cooper, but that's why I want to go over there. I want to see him. I want to apologize. I want to start trying to make the amends that I'll never fully be able to make. I want Nat back in my life."
"Now, doesn't that feel better?"
"It actually kinda does. I didn't think it would, but it does."
"May I ask another question, then?"
"Sure, why not."
"Do you still love Nat?" If I had been unprepared for the first question, this question was the last one I was expecting.
"I never loved him. That was made clear after we got back from that summer tour."
"Rosalina, you may have been able to lie to us all and fool everyone else, but did you really think I bought it? I saw the way you always looked at Nat. I saw how naturally it came for you to be jealous at all the fans pawing at him. I saw all the little things that most of the other guys missed, like the kiss on the cheek on the beach, the small attempts between you two to flirt." My heart sank. I thought everyone had missed all of that.
"And I saw your face after you kissed him in New Orleans. That wasn't a look of making him happy, or trying to help him 'get his feelings out so that he would get over it'. That was a look like you had just found a pot of gold. You looked like you had finally found the one thing you had always been looking for. So why'd you let it go?"
"Because I had to, Cooper! You don't understand! My friends at school were already hassling me about being such good friends with him! My school life would have been over if I had started dating him!"
"So we were right, you did pick popularity over us. Over him."
"I know it was wrong, Cooper, but it felt right at the time. Now I just want to fix it."
"Well, like I said, now's not really the time. Maybe when he comes back in four years…" He stopped, realizing what he said.
"What do you mean 'four years', Cooper Pillot?"
"I mean that the reason there isn't a problem about where Nat and Alex are staying is because they're going with their dad. The group wants THE Nat and Alex Wolff to open for them…"
"Why the hell didn't you say something before!?"
"Because I didn't think you cared! And when I realized how much you did, I knew it would break your heart. I was hoping to get through this and let Nat go, only letting you know when he was actually gone."
"Cooper, I have to go see him. I can't and I won't let him go without even trying. I won't wait another four years." Before he could even respond, I was out the door. I was half way down the street before Cooper came out of my house. I heard him yell something, but I didn't care. I had to talk to Nat. Cooper had finally made me face everything that I had been suppressing. Now I just hoped that Nat would be able to forgive me.
I hurried into his building, and ran up the stairs to his floor, taking the stairs three at a time. When I got to his floor, I took a few deep breaths, and brushed myself down, making sure my shirt wasn't wrinkled or anything. I don't know why I cared so much about how I looked, but I did. I even stopped at a picture and used the glass to fix my hair. Maybe I did love Nat more than I wanted to let on, even to myself. No, I loved James. James was the perfect boyfriend.
When I got to the door, I hesitated, but finally knocked. The door opened.
"Oh, it's you."
Bum Bum Bum! Who was it at the door? Guess you'll have to wait until next chapter to find out. I'm trying to keep it going, but for some reason, this story doesn't seem to flow for me as easily the others did. Maybe it's just too early on, yet. Guess we'll see as it continues. Hope you guys are enjoying it, anyways! Reviews are always appreciated!
