Surviving Malfoy _ Part I – Shock and Denial

Chapter 2

Indeed , from antiquity until well into the Modern Ages, a physics devoid of metaphysical insight would have been as unsatisfying as a metaphysical devoir of physical manifestation.

I tried concentrating on the book in front of me, which proved to be rather difficult considering the lack of light in the corridor on which's floor I was currently sitting. I already had my wand in one hand, tip illuminated, but I still had to squint a little to be able to make out the words on the page right in front of me.

I had been in this place for less than twenty-four hours and I had already found something I absolutely hated about it. It was barely nine in the morning and I couldn't even read without a light source because there wasn't a single window in the entire 500ft long corridor. The only, not very effective, light source in here were the candles and (if you were lucky enough to find one) torches on the walls. It felt like the Middle Ages. I could of course try and find a window somewhere else, but then I would risk not finding my way back in time for my first class. I had already spent the first half hour of my free period this morning finding my way to classroom 3C on the third floor.

I missed my small, illuminated, white and sunny mansion. I wasn't used, and I didn't think I could ever get used, to this place. It was dark and cold and not even remotely close to grey in colour. Even the dormitory floors were made of black stone. The only remotely bright spot in here seemed to be the Great Hall, thanks to it's enchanted ceiling.

I sighed and glared at the dark mahogany door in front of me behind which my first class would take place. I had caught sight of my Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher at breakfast, and even he seemed dark. Black robes, black hair, black eyes. White skin due to the lack of light. Then again, I had grown up in a place with white walls, white ceilings, white doors, floors made of white hornbeam wood and silver doorknobs, chandeliers and frames. Maybe I was a little pampered.

I heard footsteps coming down the corridor and quickly buried my nose back in my book. I recognized the voices of Draco and Pansy and let my hair fall over my left ear, hiding my face. I wasn't particularly in the mood to talk to them. They probably weren't exactly happy with me either, if they cared at all. I had gathered from last night's conversation that Slytherins and Gryffindors weren't best of friends, or better, Slytherins weren't friends with anyone but Slytherins. I still had to figure out the benefit of houses, if there was any apart from creating tensions between them.

"Well well. The redhead got herself into Gryffindor." I didn't have to look up to know Malfoy was sneering.

Was this really necessary? Just yesterday we'd shared a train compartment and had had a somewhat decent conversation over dinner and now that I'd gotten myself into a house he didn't like, I was worthless scum? I heard Pansy snigger and chose to ignore. Draco's behaviour paired with the lack of light and warmth I was currently experiencing dampened my mood immediately. I had a hard time trying not to smash my copy of Advanced Potion Making into his face when I next heard him speak.

"I didn't even think a Squib's daughter could make it into any house! I guess Gryffindor takes all the charity cases now, you'll blend in just right with Longbottom and Weasley."

Pansy didn't even bother to snigger behind her hand anymore, she outright laughed. I didn't know who Longbottom and Weasley were, yet, but I was sure they'd done nothing to deserve Malfoy's bullying. I pulled my knees closer to my face, bringing the book closer to my eyes and continued reading about the different methods of potion preparation. I wouldn't pick up a fight with Malfoy.

"Hey loner, he's talking to you!" I heard Pansy snarling meanly.

"Bugger off, Pansy!"

I cast a quick look through my hair in Blaise's direction. I hadn't heard him coming down the corridor but he was now standing with the other two Slytherins, looking annoyed. They left me alone for the remainder of the wait and I was grateful for it, I much rather kept unnoticed.

I put my book away as the other students started showing up and got up from the floor. I stood opposite the door, unlike the rest of my class and an uneasy feeling started spreading in my stomach. I was the new one, I was the outcast. I didn't know any of them and by staying away I made myself noticeable. On top of that, Pansy was still glowering at me from the corner of her eye. I sighed with relief when the classroom door finally opened and Professor Snape stepped into the corridor. His eyes swept over his students before finally resting on me.

"Five points from Gryffindor for not standing in line."

My heart leapt into my throat as I slowly made my way over to the queue, keeping my head down. Talk about keeping unnoticed.

"Inside."

I sat down in the front row, on the far left of the classroom, close to a window hidden by a curtain and made the most of the little light that came through it. The room was mostly lit by candles and, from what I could make out, decorated in a rather gruesome way. I had a picture of a woman laying on the ground in a pool of her own blood, her guts crawling out of her mouth right in front of me and quickly looked away.

I heard wooden chair legs scrape over stone and Blaise sat down next to me. I looked up quizzically, but he simply smiled and reached for his book.

"I have not asked you to take out your books." said Snape, shutting the door and moving to stand behind his desk. "I wish to speak to you, and I want your fullest attention."

What followed was a tirade against his predecessors and a downplay of our abilities in his subject. I wasn't sure if this was all just staged in an attempt at a strict first impression or if this was his normal behaviour. The latter being more likely, I deflated slightly on my chair. He continued for about half an hour, explaining every single picture on the classroom walls and creating panic amongst us about what we were to expect out there more than what was to be in our NEWTs. The second half-hour of the period was spent practicing nonverbal spells with a partner, that I fortunately found in Blaise.

I was more talented at brewing magical things together than actually holding a wand, which lead to exceptionally average results. I was pleased to see that I wasn't the only one struggling with the task. Most people simply muttered incantations and shield-charms under their breath, cheating their way through it, others, like Blaise and myself, simply stared at each other, red-faced, trying desperately to get their wands to shoot out some sort of spell. By the end of the period, only one girl, one of Harry Potter's friends, had managed to repel a jinx without opening her mouth.

"Hey!"

I was already halfway down the corridor by the time the others started to leave the classroom. I had quickly noted down the homework and then crammed my quill and wand into my bag before leaving. And now I saw Blaise running after me, not noticing his friends' looks behind his back.

"Free period?" He asked and I nodded. "I can show you around a bit if you want to."

I stared at him for a second before shrugging, sure.

"He's going to fuck her by mid-november."

My eyes went wide in surprise and disgust as I heard Pansy whispering behind us. Blaise however, didn't seem to have noticed.

"Oh please, Blaise is way out of her league." Draco whispered back. "And he knows it."

"Wanna bet?"

I pressed my lips together tightly and followed Blaise, waiting to be out of earshot from the two Slytherins before speaking.

"You know, you don't have to do this." I said.

"I'm not letting you get lost in the dungeons." Blaise said.

"I meant you don't have to spend your time with me." I said flatly.

"Why? Because of Draco and Pansy? Don't listen to them." Blaise said earnestly. "They're bullies who think they're better than everybody else, which they're not. And I don't care what they say."

I kept silent.

"Now come on, I really don't want you to get lost here." Blaise said.

Blaise's tour through Hogwarts took roughly an hour, which made me wonder how we were supposed to get to class on time. He showed me a few shortcuts, but even those wouldn't be very effective if you had to get from the fifth floor down to the dungeons in five minutes.

Blaise had an Arithmancy class before lunch that I hadn't, which meant that I was alone again. Even though I was grateful for Blaise's company, I hadn't expected it. I had expected him to stay with his friends, even before I'd met them. I hadn't expected him to stay with me just because his mother had been nice enough to let me stay with them or because he was Debbie's brother, and I wasn't yet sure if he was doing it out of sympathy, or because he wanted to.

He joined me again for lunch, which was curious because he decided to sit down at the Gryffindor table, earning him a few curious and suspicious looks. Draco and Pansy glared at him from the Slytherin table and I was suddenly reminded about Pansy's comment this morning.

"What are you doing?" I asked, looking up from my mashed potatoes.

"Having lunch?" Blaise said.

"This is the Gryffindor table." I said.

"So? You can sit at any table you want, unless it's an official feast." He said. "This isn't."

I decided to be straightforward for once.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked.

"Doing what?"

"Defending me, showing me around, having lunch with me?" I said. "This?"

"Because I want to?"

I glared at him.

"What?" He asked.

"You barely know me. You don't have to stay with me just because I don't know anybody just yet. You're not responsible for me just because I stayed in your house for a week, Blaise."

"Do you want me to leave?" Blaise asked, putting down the fork he'd just picked up.

"That's not what I said. I just find it curious that you're looking out for a girl you barely know although your friends are clearly against it." I said, pointing towards Draco and Pansy.

Blaise turned around on his seat to look at who I was pointing. He raised an eyebrow at Draco, who shrugged and turned back to his food.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked again.

Blaise sighed and took a mouthful of cauliflower, chewing it thoroughly and taking his time swallowing before he answered.

"Ok, Debbie might have told me to look after you for the first few weeks."

I glowered.

"Now I'd like you to leave." I said calmly.

"Why?"

"Because I don't need you to play friends out of pity." I said, my temper rising slightly.

"I'm not playing friends out of pity!" Blaise said.

"No you're not." I said. "You're playing friends out of Debbie's pity. That's even worse." I put down my knife and fork and stood up. "I have class."

I didn't wait for his answer, I simple left him sitting there and made my way down to the grounds where my Care of Magical Creatures classes were to take place. I felt disappointed. Not because Blaise had only followed me around because he was asked to, but because Debbie thought I needed someone to take care of me. She'd always been a bit patronizing, mostly because she was a year older, but to go as far as to talk someone into being friends with me was distasteful of her.

"Hey!"

I groaned and turned around, prepared to tell Blaise to fuck off, but it wasn't Blaise running after me this time.

"You're Joeleen Carter, right?" Asked a Gryffindor boy, maybe a few years younger than me. "The new one?"

I nodded.

"For you." He said handing me a roll of parchment, before leaving without another word.

I stared at the parchment for a moment. The boy hadn't said who it was from and I wasn't expecting any parchment rolls either. I unrolled it and read.

Dear Joeleen,

I would like you to join Harry and myself next Saturday. Kindly come along my office at 9pm. I hope you are enjoying your first day at school.

Yours sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

PS: I enjoy Acid Pops.

Acid Pops?

I stared at the parchment again. There was only one Harry he could be talking about and that made my stomach drop. I had a week to prepare myself for this, at least mentally. Dumbledore had told me he would arrange a few meetings over the year, but this soon?

The comment on Acid Pops was a little unclear though. I was still brooding over it when I got down to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Blaise had pointed me towards it earlier when I'd told him that I'd taken Care of Magical Creatures as a NEWT subject, which he'd found unexplainably funny. I was the first one there again, although the class was supposed to start in a few minutes.

I heard barking and turned around just to see an over-sized boarhound excitedly jump towards me. I instinctively took a few steps back so he wouldn't run me over.

"Fang!"

The boarhound stopped and turned to look at who was presumably its owner, an over-sized human.

"Sorry 'bout that." He said. "Fang, sit!"

Fang did not sit. He idly trotted over to me and started sniffing the hem of my robes.

"You the only one?" Fang's owner asked.

I looked at him quizzically.

"Ye're not from 'ere, are ye?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"Ah, I'm the Care o' Magical Creatures teacher!" He said proudly. "And I'm looking fo' me class."

Apart from me, there apparently wasn't a class. Nobody else had showed up and it was slowly becoming clear to me why Blaise had found my choice of subject so funny.

"I think I'm the only one, sir." I said. "I didn't see anybody else come down here."

"Aha." I noticed a quick look of disappointment cross his face before he took a deep breath and continued. "Well. I'm prefessor Rubeus Hagrid and I teach Care o' Magical Creatures." He said, avoiding my gaze. "And this is Fang." The boarhound looked up from the hem of my robes. Professor Hagrid cleared his throat looking anywhere but my face. "As a firs' NEWT lesson I though' yer could learn 'bout Acromantulas!"

I nodded.

"Grea'! Then follow me." He said and motioned towards the forest.

"Wait! I'm going to study actual Acromantulas?" I asked, slightly shocked.

"Well, yeah. What else would'ya be studyin'?"

I wasn't afraid of spiders, but there was something about huge hairy creatures with eight 9ft long legs that was a bit unsettling. Even more so if they were real and alive and living in a colony like they were supposed to be.

"There's an Acromantula colony in there?" I asked, pointing into the forest.

"Yeah."

"And we're going to see them?"

"Even better, yer goin' to talk to'em!"

"Talk to them?"

Professor Hagrid frowned at me.

"But, sir." Somehow I had a problem with that word in this context. "They're going to kill us!"

"No they're not!" He said. "I know their leader. I raised him, we're goo' friends. He's sick and he needs takin' carrof. So tha's what we're gonna do, take care of'im."

I stood there dumbfounded.

"Yer not scared o' spiders, are ye?"

I looked into the dark forest, pondering over my options. I could go and take care of a giant spider with a giant Care of Magical Creatures teacher who seemed to have a soft spot for Acromantulas, or I could run. The latter seemed ridiculous, so I shook my head no and inevitably agreed to what was to be the most terrifying class I'd ever had in my life.

I did not speak with Professor Hagrid on our way through the forest, as he seemed to be brooding over something. It took us a good twenty minutes to get to the outskirts of the spider colony. The huge dome web was filled with spiders of all sizes and I took good care not to step on any of the smaller ones, figuring the Acromantulas wouldn't take it if I did. After a few steps I had the nasty feeling of hundreds of little legs crawling all over my body and I joined Fang who kept himself hidden in Hagrid's shadow. I kept my eyes down, avoiding the gaze of hundreds of black eyes following us through the web. Hagrid stopped in the middle of the colony, where we stood surrounded by spiders, closing up all around us.

"Aragog?" Said Hagrid loudly, his voice so calm he didn't seem to mind the lingering threat emanating from the colony.

"Ah, Hagrid." An old, grey Acromantula emerged from the webs in front of us. "I smell something alive. Have you finally brought something to play with for my sons and daughters?"

I got a sinking feeling. Hagrid wasn't going to feed me to those creatures, was he? Now that I thought about it, I hadn't even questioned him. Who said he really was the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, he might as well be a lunatic fraud looking for some food for his pets. I instinctively pressed myself closer to a whining Fang, who had his tail between his legs himself, and closed my fist around my wand in my pocket.

"She's a student." Hagrid said. "She's here to help, Aragog, not to play."

I sighed with relief but still kept my wand in hand. Aragog's offspring was still clicking its pincers at me from all around.

"What a shame." Aragog moved to stand in front of us.

Hagrid did indeed not feed me to Aragog or his children. I was simply required to feed him raw chunks of meat, which was terrifying enough as I had to put both my arms between Aragog's 3ft long pincers and wait for him to dissolve the meat in my hands before sucking it up, while Hagrid had a careless chat with him. I nearly run from the place when Hagrid told me it was time to go again.

"Yer a Gryffindor, aren't'ya?" Hagrid asked, as he escorted me back to the edge of the forest.

I nodded, still feeling uneasy.

"Ay, I was a Gryffindor too." He said. "Grea' house! You'll make some good friends."

I did not reply. However I sensed that Hagrid was meaning to say something, which he inevitably did.

"You share a room with Hermione, then?" He asked.

I looked at him quizzically.

"I don't know." I said. "I haven't talked to any of them, I don't know there names."

"Nice girl. Bushy hair, always runs around with five books under her arm, good friends with Harry Potter?"

The girl who had managed to curse her opponent silently in Defense Against the Dark Arts class this morning. I nodded.

"I think I do."

"Try talkin' to 'her." Hagrid said. "She's a nice girl. And she needs some female company! Always hanging around with Harry and Ron..."

"Do you know them?" I asked.

"Ay, I do! They come around for tea sometimes. I was the one who gave Harry his Hogwarts Letter! Took'im to Diagon Alley and stuff, his Aunt and uncle wouldn't do it. Those muggles."

Aunt and uncle?

"Why not?" I asked.

"They're not fond o' magic. Kept Harry in cupboard under the stairs for ten years, poor boy. He grew up with them after what happened to his parents, you know."

I nodded again, hoping Hagrid would keep talking.

"They wouldn't let him go to Hogwarts at first." He said. "But from what I gathered, they're happy Harry's gone fo' most o' the year. Awful lot."

"Most of the year?" I asked.

"He stays with'em over the summer."

"Where?!" I asked, maybe a bit too eagerly.

"Bit curious, aren't'ya?" Hagrid said, looking at me. "Anyway, you better get goin'. Stick with Hermione, if you need anythin'."

Hagrid left me on the edge of the forest and I run back up to the castle and down to the dungeons as fat as possible. I somehow managed not to get lost, remembering Blaise's instructions. I got to my potions classroom exactly two minutes before the start of the lesson. The class was already gathered in front of the door; four Slytherins, four Ravenclaws, one Hufflepuff and three Gryffindors: Harry Potter, the girl Hermione and his other friend who, presumably, was called Ron. I deliberately ignored Blaise who was standing with the other Slytherins (Draco, Pansy and a boy I did not know) and went straight to the front of the line.

Professor Slughorn opened the door less than a minute later and I immediately noticed the familiar smell of herbs and fumes. There were four cauldrons, placed each next to a table and I sat down at the table closest to the Amortentia cauldron, relishing the distinct earthy odour of herbs and distilled plants. I bent down to get my copy of Advanced Potion Making just to come back up to Blaise's face, sitting opposite me. I glowered at him, he'd attracted the other Slytherins to my table, Pansy on my right and the boy I did not know to my right, Draco opposite me, next to Blaise. I kept my eyes on the table and payed them no attention.

Professor Slughorn asked us to brew the Draught of Living Death, a potion I'd been told about, but I'd never made myself. Slughorn made a challenge out of it by promising the priceless reward of a small flask of Felix Felicis. I was confident enough to be certain of my victory, I followed the recipe word for word, having the potion at the right temperature at the right moment and managed to get the right colour when expected. However, my potioneer's ego got a slight scratch as I was beaten in the end, by no other than Harry Potter. Maybe this was our connection, a talent in potion making?

I still felt as miserable as Draco looked.

My week only went downhill from there. I felt isolated. Too shy to engage in a conversation with somebody I didn't know and too proud to talk to Blaise, my dreams of making friends were slowly demolished. Harry Potter kept exceeding my abilities in Potion Making, trampling down on my ego, and I kept having to feed Aragog the Acromantula. Indeed, Hagrid seemed to be the only person I was talking too at the moment, I even managed to get myself invited for some tea for the following sunday. By a teacher.

On top of it all I had the incredibly stressful prospect of meeting Professor Dumbledore and Harry Potter the saturday before my tea with Hagrid. The closer we got to the week end, the faster my heart started beating every single time I saw Potter and I was considering standing Dumbledore up, telling him later that I had never received a letter from him. That would, however, put the fourth year boy who'd given it to me in a precarious situation and my conscience wouldn't allow that.

I took a look at my watch and let out a stream of air, my heart pumping in my chest. It was 9.04pm, saturday night. I was standing in front of the Gargoyle that marked the entrance to Dumbledore's office. It was waiting for a password, I knew that much, but I had no memory of Dumbledore ever mentioning a password to me. I kept thinking back at the time he'd spent in New Orleans, the evening discussions with Ma'am Fox and my mother, but, as far as I remembered, he'd never said anything about how to get access to his office. I searched through my bag to look at Dumbledore's letter again, before realising.

"Acid Pops?" I said, uncertain.

For a moment I thought It had failed, but a moment later the Gargoyle waved it's wings and leapt aside, revealing a stone staircase, slowly moving upwards. I stepped onto the next moving step and let it slowly move me up, dreading the approaching office door. I stepped of the moving stairs and hesitated for a moments, before faintly knocking.

The headmasters office was a large, circular room. Rows and rows of painting were hanging on the walls, beside books and various small objects. Feeble looking golden instruments were emitting faint clicking and ticking noises, standing on fragile looking tables. The middle of the room was occupied by a large desk, one large chair on on side, two smaller ones on the other. Dumbledore was standing on the right of his desk, balancing a pensive back into a large cupboard. Harry Potter was sitting on one of the smaller chairs, his upper body turned towards me.

"Ah, Joeleen!" Professor Dumbledore said, a smile on his face. "What a pleasure to see you."

"Professor." I said, nodding.

"Please, come and have a seat.

He pointed at the empty chair next to Potter and I sat down on the far edge of it without acknowledging his presence. Dumbledore sat down facing us;

"Now, I believe you know why you are here." Dumbledore said to me.

I nodded again.

"Would you like to explain the situation to young Harry here?" Dumbledore asked and I felt my face heat up. "Or would you rather have me do all the talking?"

I slightly sunk back into my chair, casting a quick glance towards Potter before nodding at Dumbledore. My heart was beating too fast for me to talk. Dumbledore smiled at me kindly before turning to Harry.

"You haven't talked so fare, have you?" He asked.

I shook my head and so did Potter.

"You see Harry, Joeleen is joining us this year from the Salem Witches Institutes of North America. But I believe you know that much through Professor Slughorn."

Potter nodded, and I leaned back into my chair in an attempt to blur out.

"Joeleen was born here in England." Dumbledore continued. "And she was only brought to New Orleans at the age of one, we believe. I was able to trace her back, even though the person who decided to hide her made quite a good job of it. She grew up in New Orleans, in the company of Meredith Carter. Does the name sound familiar?"

Potter shook his head.

"That is because she wasn't born a Carter. Meredith Carter was born under the name of Meredith Potter."

I could feel Potter staring at me, but chose to stubbornly look away from him.

"She's my aunt?" Potter asked Dumbledore.

"She is indeed." Dumbledore said.

"But how? My dad was an only child! That's what everybody told me."

Now it was my time to shake my head.

"He wasn't." Dumbledore said.

"Then how come nobody knows about her?" Potter asked.

"She's a squib." I said faintly, looking at him, daring him to comment on it, but he didn't.

"She went to a muggle boarding school in London." Dumbledore said.

"Her parents refused to acknowledge her." I said. "She was a squib, she was the shame of the family. So she finished school over here and then fled to New Orleans. All of Salem's staff are squibs, she knew she'd find acceptance there."

"And she took you with her?" Potter asked.

I nodded.

"So your my cousin?"

I exchanged a quiet look with Dumbledore before slowly shaking my head, avoiding Potter's gaze again.

"What do you mean no?!"

"Harry," Dumbledore said. "She is your sister."

"That can't be." Potter said with certainty.

Dumbledore and I kept quiet.

"There are no pictures." Potter blurted out. "And how come nobody remembers mom and dad had a second child?! Do you really think Sirius would've kept that from me?!"

"I know that, Harry." Dumbledore said.

"Than why do you believe her?!" Potter said, rather loudly.

'What do you think I am?" I asked turning to him. "A fraud? Trying to get some fame here? I didn't know anything about this until a few weeks ago either, Potter."

"Now there." Dumbledore said. "I have my theories about how Joeleen disappeared. But you'll have to trust me here Harry, she is your sister."

Potter crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking sternly back at Dumbledore.

"Good." Dumbledore said. "That is all for now. I'll send you both a letter about our next meeting. Good night to the both of you."

And just like that I was leaving Dumbledore's office again, with a lump in my throat. Potter was standing right behind me on the moving staircase, but neither of us said a word until we were out I the corridor.

"You could've told me." Potter said furiously.

"What? That I'm your sister?" I asked. "How was I supposed to do that? You would've taken me for a lunatic! Seriously, how would you have reacted if some random girl came up to you saying she's your sister?"

Potter didn't answer.

"Don't be stupid." I said, as furious as him, and stormed off, leaving him in the corridor.