Cartman slept peacefully throughout the night, and had a pleasant dream. He was walking through Starks Pond, which looked like a winter wonderland. A beautiful fairy appeared in front of him. "Out of the way, hoe. I'm going fishin'!" he said, in true Cartman fashion. "Cartman…I can make your one true wish come true…" She said, hauntingly. "Really?" he said, interested. He was thinking of all the dirty things he'd do with her, but the apparently mind reading fairy snapped him out of it. "And no, I will not have sex with you! In your dreams tubby!" "Ey! I'm not fat, I'm-" he started. "Yea, yea, you're big boned, sure sure." The fairy said, examining her nails. "Son of a bitch!" he exclaimed.

"Alright, if you're really a fairy then you can read my mind and be able to tell what my one true wish is!" Heh, heh. I'm gonna have 10 million dollars!! He thought, thinking as hard as he could about ten million dollars, so he could make it easy for the wish granting fairy to find his one true wish. The fairy smiled as she delved into his innermost thoughts. "Alright, as you wish. Tomorrow morning when you wake up, your wish will be a reality. Your one, true, wish." She added, emphasizing the true. And then she was gone. 10 million dollars is mine tomorrow! This is so totally tits!

Stan woke up to feeling something small and warm near him. "Stupid cats…" he muttered, figuring it was one of the many stray animals Shelly would bring home. Why the girl was so nice to animals, but a complete bitch to him was beyond Stan. He lifted a corner of the blanket to shoo the creature away from him, but what he saw was not an animal at all. Eric Theodore Cartman, aged 3 years old, was curled up against his stomach.

The child was small, which surprised Stan, as Cartman was such a fatass. He was now swimming in his 'old' clothes. He had the same soft, perfectly tousled brunette hair that Cartman would only let show if it was for a very special occasion, the same dimples, rosy cheeks , thick eyelashes, and eyebrows which forever looked like they were questioning something. The only thing missing (besides the fatass-ness) was his frown lines. Seeing as Cartman was either grinning or laughing evilly, or in a fit of anger all the time, he had developed prominent frown lines.

This new Cartman looked so innocent. And, Stan hated to admit it, really adorable. The kid was curled up in a little ball, as if he was cold, despite having the combined warmth of his oversized clothes, the blanket, and Stan's body heat. His eyelashes fluttered lightly in his sleep and he was sucking his thumb. Could he get any cuter? Stan stared at the child in disbelief. How could this sweet, innocent thing be the same kid that almost exterminated the Jews once? And how was this even possible?

He knew a lot of strange things happened in South Park, but never anything this strange. And when things happened, they happened for a reason and were related to the events that were going on in town. This circumstance was completely random. There was a very young Cartman nestled next to him, and he had no idea why. Stan attempted to get up to reach the phone. He just had to call Kyle; he was going to flip when he saw this angelic looking child and realized it was his mortal enemy.

Unfortunately, Stan soon learned that even though older Cartman was a very deep sleeper, young Cartman was not. As soon as Stan moved a small bit, Cartman stirred, opened his wide grey eyes and wailed. Stan held him tightly to his chest; it was more of an attempt to soften the cries than to comfort him. The kid was small enough to be held so he picked him up and started rocking him. "Shhh…be quiet, Cartman, my parents are still asleep. Geez. I thought you were annoying when you were my age…" at this, Cartman began to scream louder. "Aww. No, Cartman I didn't mean that! Quiet down…that's a good boy. I'm just gonna get the phone, ok?" The child obediently quieted down. Wow, maybe that's all it takes to make him shut up, Stan thought. I gotta remember that.

Stan was no sooner in the kitchen when he heard tiny footsteps following him. Cartman stood in the doorway, one hand in mouth and the other holding his pants up. Grey eyes stared into him; a mixture of sadness and confusion from having just woken up. "…Mommy? Don't leave me Mommy!" Stan sat down, shocked. This kid thinks I'm his mother? Oh, poor Cartman. His mom was a hermaphrodite, after all. He smiled and pulled the kid into his lap. "No Cartman, I'm not leaving you, I promise. Call me Stan, ok? And I guess we better go find you some decent clothes. You might get lost in those ones!"

He tickled the boy under his chin, just to put a smile on his face. Cartman turned out to be incredibly ticklish, and was laughing crazily and running around the room, apparently hyper. Whoa, thought Stan. Cartman's weakness is tickling? I better be writing these down. And with that he grabbed a notepad and began noting things he could take advantage of later. Cartman took this as an opportunity to find the perfect hiding spot.

"Alright Cartman, where are you? I'm serious, kid, those clothes are a safety hazard." After about ten minutes of intense searching, Stan began to panic. Oh shit oh shit oh shit! I lost Cartman! Huh, I wonder how many people get to say that. Then it came to him. I'll call Kyle! He's got Ike; he must be good with kids. How hard could it be for Kyle to outsmart this kid when he's got a genius for a little brother? Stan ran to the abandoned phone and speed dialed Kyle's house. He prayed Kyle would pick up, and not his bitch of a mother. As luck would have it, a groggy Kyle answered the phone. "Whaaa…Stan, it's 6 in the morning. On Saturday. Are you nuts!?" Kyle muttered. "Listen, I need you to haul ass over to my house right away! I…umm…I lost this kid I was babysitting for and if I don't find him his parents won't pay me! I need your help dude!" Stan rambled.

"I'm on my way!!" A click on the line told him that Kyle was probably speeding down his street on his Big Wheel (or whatever they're called) already. Stan smiled to himself; he hated it as much as the next guy when stereotypes were proven true, but Kyle didn't stand a chance when money was mentioned. Stan took the waiting period as an opportunity to take a small nap; he was exhausted. But unfortunately, Kyle's speediness interrupted his sweet union with the pillow. Stan jumped up and answered the door. "Kyle! Thank God you came; I just can't seem to find this kid anywhere!" Maybe I'll just leave out the part about how the kid is his sworn enemy. Kyle started whistling, as if beckoning a dog. "Come out, come out wherever you are!" Sparky ran to the living room immediately. Stan looked at him strangely. "Dude, he's a kid, not a dog." "Well do you have any better ideas? You're the one who lost him!" Kyle retorted. "Wait, I think I see him," said Stan. A tuft of brown hair retreated further under the sofa at these words. "I've got cheesy poofs…" Stan said sing songingly, even though he had none.

Like lightning, Cartman ran out from under his hiding place. "Cheesypoofscheesypoofscheesypoofscheesypoofscheesypoofs….!" he exclaimed, while jumping on the sofa. Kyle was trying to get a good look at the boy, but only ended up making himself dizzy as he tried to follow Cartman's rapid movements to random parts of the living room. Stan broke the news to him. "Sorry Car-um, kid, that was a lie. You can't be having cheesy poofs this early in the day, look how hyper you are without sugar!" Cartman was very disappointed. "You lied! I want cheesy poofs!" "No can do, kid." "But Steeehn, if I don't have cheesy poofs I'll have to eat something else that's really lame and then I won't be cooo-oool!!!" Cartman began one of his infamous tantrums. "You know," Kyle started, "This kid reminds me of someone…"

Uh oh, what gave it away? =) tune in soon to find out! By the way, I guess I'm kind of contradicting myself because in chapter one I made it clear that Cartman's mom isn't around much, so his little "but meeem!" fits wouldn't be very relevant. Well, for those of you who picked up on that, let's just pretend that Cartman's mom is usually home on weekends, and that's when she spoils him! Yay!