Sardonically Sarcastic!
FlorMorada
I do not own Victorious.
...
Perfectoria Vega
...
Hi, guys, it's me, Tori.
Let me just start of by saying I'm so talented and wonderful and flawless woo because everyone loves me don't they! :)))
...Even though I honestly never act like that on the show.
Or, at least I hope not.
Anyway, I haven't just woken up; I've been downstairs in the most famous living room in like, the world (it's the only place my friends and I seem to ever hang out, wtf),
playing my piano.
Idk what song I was playing, but probably some famous Kelly Clarkson or old Rihanna, with beautiful 'a-z lyrics' copy and pasted in italics there,
You know, like when all you see is a
Bunch of lyrics
(Bunch of lyrics, ohhhh woaahhh)
When all you want to do
(All you want to do, oh yeahhhh)
Is read the fucking
(Read the fucking, oh)
Storyyyyyy,
as my fingers 'delicately dance over the keys'.
Ughh, and my tummy's rumbling now, gurgle. Wonder whyyy.
…And you authors make it seem all innocent and non-cliché, but everyone obviously knows the reason my stomach's literally dying. If you don't, you'll find out soon enough, because all my stories are the same, remember, so you'll have read about me in this way before.
Anyway, I get up from the piano stool and walk on up the stairs, into my bedroom – lmao, yes, I do have one.
My house is not just a living room, kitchen, bathroom and piano, despite the show's portray of only that.
I choose some clothes that probably aren't that interesting, considering you guys only describe them in half as much detail as that Jade's hair streaks and black clothes and 'porcelain pale face' and shit. I lay them on my queen sized bed (bc rich bc my dad's a policeman? ok) and go into my en suite bathroom, omg,
eN SUITE.
I use the lavatory (or 'pee', or 'piss' or 'go to the toilet', depending on where you authors are from). It's the end of May which is when my 'cycle's' supposed to start, but like since the last eight months, my period isn't here.
But why would a perfectly healthy, virgin, normal wEIGHT girl miss a period, huh
A girl will only miss a period if they're pregnant or uNDERWEIGHT
Say, if they're not eating.
...Still don't get it, readers?
Okay so I get up, was my hands and stuff and get out my bathroom scale. I strip, completely, even taking off my stud earrings and hair tie because I nEED FUCKING ACCURACY.
Now. Depending on whether you authors know about stuff like this, have experienced it, or are just guessing,
My shockingly underweight weight could be, say, 93lbs, or 100lbs, or, if you're just guessing, author, "any low number will do," you'll think, so you may write the scale showing like 80lbs.
Assholes. :)))
(Seriously? 80lbs? Like, I wish-
oops never mind.)
Anyway let's go with 100lbs. And so I'm all like,
"This is too fucking high. I'm 5'5" which makes my BMI like 16 point something OMFG THAT'S SO FAT
No eating today, at all"
And now, finally, you've realised I have anorexia.
Because, authors, its not like you can be naturally skinny. Or have a really small appetite which results in a lower than average weight. Or store fat on the inside.
NOoo.
If you're skinny with cheekbones, you're anorexic.
Now let's fast forward to school bc I'm already the main character in the show - who care's about my fanfiction life?
*~Perfectoria~Vega~*
*~(You authors think your line breaks are so cool but they're so not um.)~*
"So, guys, you wanna go to Nozu after school?" Robbie asks (why are we talking about after school? We only just got into school wut).
"Yeah,
sure,
*other confirmations here*."
...Wait wait wait, what?
"""nOO everyone has said yes but I don't wanna eat out bc fucking calories"""
"What about you, Tori?" one of the guys asks, dunno who (you authors never specify). "
"Ummmm..."
And like I don't wanna say no because they're my best friends and I'm the main character so I mUST BE WITH THEM AT ALL TIMES!
And if you authors make me into a whore, I'll be feeling jealous that Jade will get to be with Beck without me (because I love Beck omggg, and stealing boyfriends is totally my thing isn't it)
But calories aHHH.
I say yes anyway.
I'll burn it all off with the elyptical and I'll run before school tomorrow and I'll just fucking starve until I'm skinny enough ugH.
*~Perfectoria~Vega~*
"Tori, you okay?" André asks me once we're at Nozu (wow, school's gone by already?).
I look up at him and smile. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be."
He stares at my plate. "You haven't touched your sushi."
"""Omfggg has he found out my secret?"""
"That's why we brought you here," Jade says, "I wanted to prove to the guys that you aren't eating."
"""nO fuck off Jade"""
I forced a smile. "I have a big breakfast," (a glass of water), "I haven't been that hungry."
"Tori," Beck says, "you're never 'hungry'. And you can't concentrate and you're tired all the time and you're always too busy exercising to hang anymore."
"""Ahhh how do they know, noo"""
"And you're like, SOOO skinny now, Tori, LOL," Cat adds, "like skinnier than you used to be beforeee. You look skinnier than me and I'm 5'3" HehEHE. OMG. That rhymedddd."
"""ugh stfu, Cat"""
I know they've realised already but I still manage to open my mouth to ask them, "and what are you trying to imply?"
Robbie sighs. "You're like my sister, she was-"
"WE KNO UR ANOREXIC, VEGA," Jade shouts.
And then. Well. You authors can make the story go in one of either two ways. I'll either be all,
"I know and I hate it, I wish I could stop but I can't Ana is just too strong, nooo."
And then everyone will start telling me how beautiful I am, even Jade (Jori FTW!) and that I'm the perfect weight and even if I wasn't it'd be chill because idk, I'm just perfect like that anyway (lol) and my mental illness is suddenly cured (wut),
Or,
I completely lash out at them and they tell me I need help and I tell them they can go fuck themselves bc I LOVE Ana and no one can take her away from me,
And then I push the sushi away (ha, we're still at Nozu?) and go home,
And get on the elyptical or treadmill or whatever and exerciseexerciseexercise bc FAT; I need 90lbs,
And the next day I eat nothing,
And I can't concentrate at school so go home and just exercise more,
And I eat two apples in the evening but that is fucking IT,
And I get skinnier and skinnier and I'm so unhealthy and I'm too tired to dance or act anymore and my voice is too cracked to sing anymore and fUCK I'm still not 90lbs
And then one day I'm in, like, PE or something, and we're running around the track. I've run before but today it's different. So I'm running and I've had not a thing to eat since the day before yesterday and I feel all lightheaded,
And then I faint,
And the teacher comes and calls an ambulance and they take me to hospital,
diagnosing me with anorexia.
And I'm all, "no, this shouldn't have happened, I want to get better now nOO."
But it's too late bc I've lost too much weight and shit and my organs are already shutting down.
So, I soon go into cardio arrest,
and then I die.
*~Perfectoria~Vega~*
And now, you authors put some heavenly monologue about the dead me. Idk what I say. Just a "skinny ain't everything" or whatever. Then I'm looking down from the magical heaven clouds to Hollywood Arts.
And they're all,
..."RIP Tori...
...We loved you...
...You were perfect."...
And then another monlogue - a, "what was 'being perfect'; would I have ever even achieved it anyway?",
With the penultimate line being something like,
'But that's the thing; I was never 'perfect.',
And the last line being a quote-sounding lesson too late learned:
'Striving for it did nothing but take my life.'
...
...So, there's Tori! Again, not mocking EDs at ALL, purely for the sake of the story.
Who do you want next? If you even want another of these things...Beck? Cat?
Review? (DON'T FAVOURITE WITHOUT A REVIEW, GUYS. Even an "update soon" will do.)
...
FlorMorada.
