Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me
Into madness
I know I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
I want him to keep me. I want him to help me survive, I want him to protect me from my inside emotions. The one's that haunt me in my dreams, the one's that make me scream as I wake up, and the one's that make my own mind swirl closer and closer into insanity as days continue to pass. I try, god know's I try, to will this...weakness away, but I just know, it won't ever happen. And when he gives me that cocky, arrogant smirk, i believe everything will be okay. I hoped, I hoped so bad.
[Chorus:]
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
I'm scared, every day, that he will leave me, that he won't give me the time of the day and go off onto another person and love them for the rest of his life. I wouldn't stop him, never, because I love him. I always will. After what he's done for me...all the good, and sometimes bad things, I couldn't help but love him.
I never want him to leave my side. Maybe I'm pitiful this way, or maybe I'm a total...weak bastard, or maybe I don't even deserve protection. But you, Grimmjow, out of all people, should know the answer. No. I could never...own this much love, for it would end up breaking me slowly from the inside. And yet I let it happen. And, if he left me, I was sure to break. I wouldn't worry, though. I wouldn't live long after that, I wouldn't let myself have any more pain, for I would just...die there.
I'm weak. I know this. But still, Grimmjow, if you can hear me, hear me call out to you, please don't leave my side. Please don't leave me.
I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know
That there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be
Blinded by tears
I can stop the pain
If I will it all away
I watch the sight before me. I watch it, stricken in fear, anger, resentment, and...heartbreak. I willed myself to believe Grimmjow would never...never do this to me, but I guess he found it amusing in the end. I watch, I watch, and I watch, until I couldn't watch anymore. Then, with all my might, I let out a terrified and agonizing scream. Tears evaded my eyes almost as quickly.
"HOW COULD YOU!" I scream. Two people, my own goddamn brother and Grimmjow, turn to me, obviously flushed from their activities. I flinch as their gazes fall on me as they lay, lay down, on OUR bed, in MY home. I twitch.
"i-ichi!" Hichigo, my brother, exclaimed. "I can explain!"
I let my gaze fall to the floor. Shaking my head quickly, I look back up, my fst's already at my sides as they look at me in worry. Fuck them. Fuck them all. "y-you..." my fingers twitch, before I turned my head, and ran out of the room. they didn't follow me. I was glad.
After what seemed like forever, I fell onto the ground, oblivious to where I was. It felt something like an alley, but I didn't mind it, it was cold.
I closed my eyes, the flashback of walking back in on Grimmjow and Hichigo replaying in my mind. Curling up, I let out a sharp, angry cry. No one could hear me, so I didn't care. Or so I thought.
"Well, well. What do we got 'ere?" a voice penetrated the dark silence. I flinched, but didn't look up as multiple footsteps came my way. I didn't dar move when they stopped. "Hm. You look mighty fine, mind if we take a taste?"
I curled up tighter. I was too weak, mostly emotionally, to fight back. Slowly, ever so slowly, I stood, and looked the man in the eye. I never saw him before. I didn't care. "Fuck me." I stated, as people behind the man shifted in complete shock.
"Huh. Grimmy told me ya were a feisty one, man, but the fuck? Pitiful. And yet...so delicious."
[Chorus:]
Don't turn away
(Don't give in to the pain)
Don't try to hide
(Though they're screaming your name)
Don't close your eyes
(God knows what lies behind them)
Don't turn out the light
(Never sleep never die)
I didn't cry for him to save me. I wouldn't, anymore. After they left me, from their...previous sex escapades, I was left in the alley. It was cold, dark, and raining. I sat there, completly un-clothed, staring out into no where. More footsteps came my way. I didn't look at him, her, it. It was a single person. It was running towards me. I didn't look up as the figure stopped, but I heard panting, as if it was running on and on, but still, I didn't bother looking up. It didn't matter if I was completly un-clothed.
"I-ichi?" looking away, I sneered as a recognized the voice.
Grimmjow.
Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me
Shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for
I rise to meet the end
"What do you want?" I say to him, not daring to look into his eyes as I feel a new kind of storm rain all over my face. My eyes, already blurry, became almost un-seeable.
"What happened?" he questioned, as if he was shaken. I snorted, obviously humored by the fact that he was so...ugh.
"Why do you care?" I shot back, standing up. Right after, I felt his fingers latch onto my flinching, spasming arm. I hissed, finally looking into his eyes. didn't look too deep, because I didn't want to find the emotions locked away in the window's of his soul.
"Look, I told you we could ex-"
"I don't WANT you to EXPLAIN!" I shout, tearing away the fingers from my arm. stumbling back in anger, I turn my head as I rant. "I don't fucking care what reason you have. excuse, same fuckin thing. You knew..." I let out a shake, as I looked into his eyes, depression and resentment surely in my eyes. "You guy's knew everything that has happened to me...and yet you do this? It's like tearing needles into me ALL OVER AGAIN! how could you do that to me, huh? HOW COULD YOU?" I rasp, my head completly spinned. The aftersmell of sex lingers on my body. "I hope you know, when I die, that the last one who fucked me was your best friend. I didn't recognize him at first, but now I know."
"Who?"
"Nnoitra. And everyone in his gang." I stood, with every last bit of dignity left in my broken, abused, torn, naked body, and I walked past him. He didn't move. "He was the one who fucked me last. Not you. and I will NEVER, EVER let you lay your dirtied hands on me EVER again. ESPECIALLY when you decide to fuck my brother."
I didn't stop. "I thought you loved me! I thought you would protect me from myself! But LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" I scream, as I turned back around to face his back. I saw him flinch. Good. He deserves it. "Y-you...I placed all my hope into you, I let you...I let you in so easily. And look what happens! THIS! YOU KNOW WHAT, GO BACK AND GO FUCK MY BROTHER! GO, GO YOU IGNORANT BITCH!" I turn, and ran away. Forever. The rain pelted deeper down, and my bare skin tingled in numbness.
~A YEAR LATER~
Grimmjow looked at the news from his TV. He was embraced around millions of types of alcohol, but right now, he was immersed in Smirnoff.
"Today, a twenty-seven year old man was found at the stream of Kakura, just below the Koko river." where Ichigo and I first met. Grimmjow thought. His heart ached. "He seems to have commited suicide. However, there is a tape left at the scene. It is a bit disturbing, so tune out if you would not liketo hear."
"Grimmjow." the tape started. Grimmjow sucked in a breath. It was Ichigo's voice. "Whatever you may think, you didn't do this to me. But it still hurt. and no matter what, remember, Grimm, I still love you. Don't be upset...I forgive you both. My brother also. What I told you, Grimmjow, about not protecting me? It was a lie. You protected me better than anyone could. Remember, Grimmjow. I love you. I'll watch over you, for what it's worth. I hope you have a long and happy life with my brother, and possibly find another love. I love you."
Te recording stopped. Grimmjow, choking on his own tears, found himself curling in a ball as depression engulfed him. He cried. Hard, then harder, then harder, until he couldn't even attempt to cry anymore. "Ichig, Ichi, Ichi..." he chanted. He didn't move. He couldn't.
Ever so slowly, after hours on end, Grimmjow stood.
Hichigo burst into the house. A man he hadn't seen in a year. "Did you - ?"
"Don't. Just...don't." Grimmjow said, more to himself than anyone. As if he were a mummy, he walked past Hichigo, who stood shocked.
"Where are you...?"
"The Bridge." Grimmjow stated montonously. He didn't look back, but he shut the door to his house, and blindly walked forward. He didn't stop, he kepts walking, over and over.
"I thought you loved me!" Ichigo's voice rang in his mind. "You didnt do this to me." He did. He did this to Ichigo. He...he killed his lover.
He didn't stop. Grimmjow didn't stop, of course, until he came to meet up with the same bridge Ichigo jumped off of. He flinched, but moved closer to the edge. He wanted to be with Ichigo again. And there was only one way.
"I did it." Grimmjow whimpered as he looked into the dark.
As he stood on the ledge, he shivered. It was cold. He didn't mind.
"Ichigo, I did love you. More than my being. I loved you, I loved you so, so much." Grimmjow started to chant as he closed his eyes. "I was never there to protect you, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for...Hichigo, I swear, Ichi, I didn't know what I was doing. Nnoitra gave me a drug, from Szayel, I guess, and it was just wearing off when you came in. He gave us both the dose. I didn't...it isn't an excuse, but Ichigo, I'm so fucking sorry."
As the last of his tears slide down, Grimmjow jumped. Wind came. Then panic. Then drops of water. Then all of the water.
Grimmjow closed his eyes as he slowly drowned to the bottom of the lake.
"Ichigo...I love you." he thought then.
with a gurgle, he spoke into the water.
"I'm coming to save you."
[Chorus x3]
Servatis a periculum [save us from danger].
Servatis a maleficum [save us from evil].
