The Hitchhiker

Based on characters and situations from Disney's Kim Possible.

Written by Adam Leigh.


Day 370

Technically its day 371 now, but I have a lot to say about yesterday and I want to get it down while I can still vaguely recall my thoughts. I wish my head wasn't throbbing while I write this, but I don't want to forget, hangovers be damned.

Anyway, its starts with this: I'm sitting in Mack Truck with Shego.

Well, this world's Shego, anyway, who calls herself Sharon Hedge. She seems... not at all what I would expect her to be like. I would have figured, even in this subdued world that Shego would still be a criminal, a grifter or maybe an enforcer for some gang. But, no, she's a trucker. I can't even believe I'm writing that. I thought falling through some crack in the world was going to be the strangest thing to happen to me ever, but here I am, hitching a ride with Shego the Trucker.

She should have her own TV show.

I should note that her change in vocation has not altered her personality in any way. She's still as irascible, sarcastic, and flippant as ever.

Oddly, I find it very comforting. I feel some of the nostalgia from my old life, with less of the "she's trying to kill me" part.

I wonder what she's actually shipping?

*** KP – KP – KP ***

Kim opened her eyes and stared blearily around. She could feel movement, and hear the muted rumble of an engine nearby, but for a moment she couldn't figure out where she was. Her mind raced back to find a similar situation to compare this to and recalled a time she was knocked unconscious and stuffed in a shipping crate by Drakken.

At that memory, Kim's eyes snapped open and she quickly tried to leap to her feet for an attack. As she jumped, however, her head hit the ceiling of the small area and she ended up knocking herself down to land face first onto the floor between the seats of the semi truck's cabin.

"Ack!" yelped a woman's voice nearby and Kim craned her head to see Shego staring down at her from the driver's seat with a expression of terror.

Kim immediately recalled where she was and blushed heavily.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" shouted Shego.

Kim pushed herself up to kneeling position. "I'm... sorry," she said. "I had a ... bad dream and didn't realize where I was." That was at least partially true, she rationalized in her head. She rubbed her eyes and slowly climbed forward to sit in the passenger chair. She felt Shego's eyes on her like a torch and looked slowly over towards the driver.

Shego's face was twitching as she tried to maintain an angry scowl but the edges of her lips kept trying to turn up in a smirk. After moment she gave up and laughed loudly. "God, Princess, you are like the weirdest person I have ever met, and that's saying something."

Kim frowned and pouted. She didn't particularly like being called weird but she also couldn't think of a way to explain what she had just done without sounding like a lunatic. "I'm not that weird," she said.

"Oh, man, the fact that you're even embarrassed by that is the icing on the cake." She laughed again. "Has nobody called you a screwball before?"

"No," said Kim quickly, and then blanched. "No, I mean, yes, I've been called names before, but I mean-"

"They've never been appropriate before?" offered Shego.

"Yes. No. Wait..."

Shego laughed again.

Kim gave up. "Where are we?"

"Ah, changing the conversation? Don't worry, I won't forget," said Shego as she tapped the side of her head. "We're in Illinois still."

"You got going pretty early," said Kim. "It looks like it's not quite eight yet."

"You're too adjusted to East coast sun," said Shego. "It's already past nine."

"How did you know I was on the East coast?" started Kim.

"I may be grasping at straws here, but your bag says COLUMBIA ENGINEERING in big letters across the front."

Kim looked down at her sling bag and blinked. She was right.

"Oh," said Kim. "Well, I could have gotten it somewhere else... a brother perhaps or maybe I ordered it online."

"Sure you did," said Shego. "You haven't yet denied it, I should note, just offered other possible explanations."

"Actually I'm from Middleton," said Kim. "But, yes, I was just in Maryland."

"Hmm," Shego put a finger to her jaw for a moment. "There are no Columbia campuses in Maryland. You get around quite a bit, Princess. For a hitcher, anyway."

Kim grimaced. She had been roaming around the East Coast for the last year looking for any physicists or engineering geniuses that might be able to help her. She'd had no luck, of course, and had decided that the list of names she had out in California was large enough that it was time to make the trip. If that turned out to be a bust, well, then she'd be looking at Europe or Japan, neither places she had much hope of getting to on her charm alone.

"I'm looking for something," said Kim, simply. "I thought it was somewhere on the east coast, but now I'm looking west."

"All the way west, apparently," laughed Shego. "What? No help in flyover country?"

"Flyover country?" asked Kim. She'd never heard of that place before.

"You know, everything between Appalachians and the Rockies?" said Shego. "The part of the country our media elite fly over without ever stopping in."

"Oh," said Kim. "I guess not. I'm not really looking for water, though. I'm trying to find certain people who just happen to be on the east and west coasts."

"Oh, now, people are different than 'things' as you said before." Shego glanced over at Kim. "But it's strange that you would equate them."

"I don't equate people to things!" said Kim, a little offended.

"Then what did you mean before, when you said you were looking for 'something'?"

Kim bit her lip for a moment then looked out her window. "I don't want to talk about it."

Shego shrugged with a grin. "So be it, Princess, you can have your secrets."

Kim considered that. She wasn't really being secretive, but she had little reason to explain the whole story to someone just giving her a ride. More often than not people considered her crazy afterwards, and they were only on the first day of a three day trip to Los Angeles. Kim didn't want to end up stranded somewhere.

"What about you?" asked Kim after a minute. "Where are you from?"

"Oh, I have to give you my backstory but you don't have to tell me yours?" asked Shego.

"Err...no, I-"

"Chicago," said Shego before Kim could ramp up her defense. "Born there anyway, moved away when I was ready for college. That didn't work out for me though, so I got into deliveries, then shipping, and now, I have my own rig. Youngest I know to have one."

"So you've been doing this for a while, then?" asked Kim. "Shipping to the West coast."

"And back again, yeah," said Shego. "It's a nice drive most of the way. Getting through the mountains is always the annoying part. I'd rather just go between Ohio and Texas all year."

"Wouldn't you get bored?" asked Kim.

"More than I am now?" Shego rolled her eyes. "I'd rather not have to deal with heavily populated areas where people might take notice of me."

"In a giant green 16-wheeler?" Kim said. She was smirking.

"Well, that's one thing," said Shego. "I like to cause a commotion. But I don't like people scrutinizing my logs, and asking stupid questions."

"What do you mean?"

"There are these stupid laws on driving limits," said Shego with a scowl. "You can't drive more than 70 hours every eight days, you can't go more than 14 hours in a day, and you have to take breaks at least every 11 hours. You need an incredibly long 34 hour break before starting from zero again. It's stupid."

Kim boggled at those numbers. "Don't you want to take a break? Aren't those limits for your health?"

"No," said Shego. "I don't need a break, I don't get tired."

Kim waited for a minute to see what happened to the rest of that statement but nothing surfaced.

"You don't get tired?" asked Kim, slowly and with no possibility of confusion.

Shego sighed. "No, I don't. I need a little sleep, mind you, but I just don't get tired."

Kim suddenly felt a little lost, like she did when she first arrived in this world. "Is that... normal?"

"Does it sound normal to you?" snapped Shego.

"I don't... think so?"

"Wow, you really are a nutjob."

"I didn't just claim never to get tired," said Kim. She was staring at Shego intensely for multiple reasons. She wasn't sure if the trucker was just putting her on with a bit of road lore, and wanted to search for signs of deception.

She also was hoping in her heart that it was true. Since coming to this world, Kim had met with a lot of people and talked with even more but she had yet to encounter anything extraordinary. Sure, this world had its technological marvels and gifted athletes and thinkers but, the magical inventions of Drakken, the amazing nanotechnology her father worked on, and the alien super powers that Team Go had were all absent.

Not getting tired was not anywhere near throwing balls of green plasma around, but it was something.

"I had an accident as a kid," said Shego. "Got hurt on my head, and afterwards I just don't get tired. I don't even get fatigued. I just need to sleep for about four hours every forty-two."

"Forty-two hours? What caused that? I mean, did part of your brain get damaged, or...?"

"It's called Adenosine Immunity," said Shego. "My brain doesn't respond to the chemical signals that tell me I'm tired."

"That might explain the tired part, but not the no-sleeping for two days part," said Kim, suspiciously. She knew at least a little bit of brain chemistry thanks to her mother's constant admonishment of her coffee drinking.

"Look, I don't know," said Shego, shortly. "I just don't need it as much as normal people do, and nobody has ever told me there were any other effects. I don't get tired or sloppy, my body isn't breaking down, and I'm not going insane – unless picking you up counts as a new symptom."

Kim sighed. She didn't know whether this counted as something extraordinary or not, but she'd certainly never heard of people who only needed four hours of sleep every two days. "What do you do at night?" she asked. "Since you're not sleeping while everyone else is."

Shego shrugged. "The trucking industry works round the clock. There are more than a few towns and rest areas that are friendly to that. I find things to do."

Kim rubbed her eyes and looked back outside. Then she looked back again. "Did you even stop last night?"

Shego looked at her briefly then said nothing.

*** KP – KP – KP ***

Day 370 (continued)

I'm still not sure what to think about her. She's revealed to me that she has some strange condition that prevents her from getting tired, and I'm not sure if that means she's 'super' like she was back at home or if this is just a genetic anomaly. I'm sure of one thing, though, she did NOT just get "hit on the head" and wake up with this condition. Mom would have a field day if she heard that explanation and I don't buy it any more than she would.

So, she's lying to me, which is no big, I'm lying to her. I'm just being more obvious about it. Does that make it fairer? Or is lying, lying?

I'm starting to wonder why she picked me up, though. It seems like she's got her routine and her ways and I'm just sort of throwing her off her game. Has she ever picked up other hitchhikers? She also appears to be doing something to get around the rules of trucking that she recited to me, because she hasn't stopped since she picked me up last night. That's about fourteen hours of driving right there, which is supposedly the limit in a day let alone in a single sitting. Keeping me around lets me in on her secret, which is reckless. She doesn't know me. I'm a stranger to her. Why let me in on any secrets?

*** KP – KP – KP ***

Kim jumped down from the cab of the truck and stretched, arching her back as she pushed her arms up as high as they would go. She felt tied up like a pretzel and desperately needed to untangle. After dropping her arms she crouched slightly then back flipped three times into an empty section of the gas station parking lot. She landed gracefully then grabbed her hands behind her back and pushed them upwards to work out the last kinks in her shoulders.

When she was done she rolled her neck and started walking back towards the truck. Shego was standing there, her mouth slightly ajar while she stared back. Kim blushed slightly at the attention.

"Sorry, if that was weird," Kim said when she was up beside Shego again. "I used to be a cheerleader."

Shego blinked twice, then shook her head and turned towards the Food Mart. "You know how to pump gas, Princess?" she called.

"Yeah," Kim nodded.

"Then fill 'er up," said Shego.

Kim looked at the truck's massive gas tank. She'd never pumped gas into a truck before, but figured the concept was the same. She had some trouble getting the gas cap off the tank, but after figuring out the trick she managed to get the diesel flowing. She turned to lean against the truck just as Shego was exiting the shop. She was carrying a rather large bag.

"Got 'her going?" asked Shego.

Kim nodded. "No big."

"Here." Shego tossed Kim a triangular plastic box, which the latter caught deftly and stared at. It was a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly.

"You didn't—" Kim started but Shego waved her off.

"Yes I did. I wasn't going to have you starve to death in my truck." She rolled her eyes and climbed up onto the door of the cab to put the bag through the open window. "The smell would have been horrible," she added.

Kim still looked surprised when Shego turned back. "Thank you," she said quietly.

Shgeo stood still again for a moment and then looked away. "You're welcome," she replied in equally quiet tones. The silence hung for a moment without either girl saying anything before Shego walked over to the gas tank to inspect it for... something.

Kim looked at the sandwich in her hands and felt relieved. She really didn't have any money left; she probably would have starved if Shego hadn't thought of her. She opened the wedge and took a modest bite of her PB and J.

"There's not much to do around here, unfortunately," said Shego without looking back at Kim. "I tried to push it too far without refilling, so we're not at an ideal spot. But there are a few attractions. And its daylight which should at least mean that anything that is around is open."

Kim swallowed and looked puzzled. "What do you mean? We're staying?"

Shego now looked over her shoulder. "I told you, there are laws preventing how much I can drive. The company I'm with, they overlook some of the things I do, but even they get audited sometime. They at least let me drive an eighteen hour shift before shutting me down, but after that I have to stop for about ten hours."

"How do they know?" asked Kim. "Your log sheet?"

"That and the GPS in my cab," said Shego. "It's not just a map, it's also tracking my location data. Stores it in an encrypted drive in the dash." She shrugged. "Not unbreakable, and I know a guy who'll do it for me from time to time when I do side jobs, but it's not like I'm putting miles in for the sake of it. If the fastest a container of magazines can get from Tucson to Portland is two days and I do it in one and half, then, well, it's pretty obvious I'm breaking the rules."

Kim blinked. "I had no idea shipping was that heavily regulated."

"I don't know if 'regulated' is the right word," Shego said slowly. "But there are rules and sometimes they're enforced. It's hard to tell when it'll happen so I try to be on guard." She shrugged. "Anyway, unless you're in a rush, we're sitting pretty for ten hours."

Kim took another bite of her sandwich and nodded. After swallowing she looked all the way down the long trailer truck and frowned. "You're just going to drive this thing around to see the sites?"

Shego snapped her head around to stare at Kim. "First off, 'this thing' is my rig, and you'll be sure to respect her." She stared at Kim evenly, who just looked surprised in response. "And secondly, no, I don't drive her around on off time. I have something better for that."

"Better?" asked Kim. "You have, like, a car packed away in there or something?"

Shego smirked. "Even better."

"Better than a car?"

*** KP – KP – KP ***

With a roar, Shego and Kim were speeding through the twisty roads through the Bray Conservation so fast the trees became a solid green blur to either side of them. They were riding Shego's modified 1972 Kawasaki Triple H2 Mach IV and blazing along the barren roads at nearly 100 miles per hour. Shego had boasted that her version could go over 170 mph, but she didn't dare try it on a curved road or with a passenger.

Kim clutched onto Shego tightly as they road, fearful of falling off. Kim had actually ridden plenty of motorcycles back home, but none of them were older than a few years. This forty year old bike seemed a little rough at the seams and Kim wondered if at any point it was going to throw them off and go driving in another direction.

To her credit, however, Shego never gave any signs of struggling against the machine. She had changed into a leather outfit for the ride, which Kim noted had a wedge-shaped splash of vibrant green running down the back in an angular direction, reminding her of Shego's traditional look. Kim was offered a black helmet, which she accepted, and another leather coat which was way too big for her. Instead she pulled out a denim jacket out of her bag and slipped it on. At the speeds they were going at, the differences between a denim jacket and a leather one were purely cosmetic.

The ride was fast and Shego seemed to like to corner as sharply as she could without losing her passenger. After about forty minutes they slowed a bit and pulled into a large parking lot next to a bar. Kim jumped off the back of the bike while Shego swung her leather covered leg over and pulled off her green helmet. She looked at Kim with a smile that practically glowed.

"What did you think?" asked Shego, holding her helmet under her arm like she was posing for a magazine photo shoot. She was an impressive sight, Kim silently admitted, standing next to the large bike, covered with leather, and undeniably happy.

"Not bad," said Kim. "You handle her well."

"She and I go way back," said Shego as she gently ran her hand over the seat of the bike. "She's part of the reason I never made it through college."

"Oh?" said Kim. "How's that?"

"Well, first you gotta understand... " she trailed off. "You know what, lets go inside and I'll explain." She pointed behind her.

Kim looked past Shego at the bar. It was a fairly large building, but built with a simple style. Wood shingles, log patio. There were neon decorations in all the windows displaying beer brands as well as one sign that said "Git Yer Fill!" with a stylized smiley face holding a mug of beer. It looked like, not to put too fine a point on it, not the classiest joint that Kim had ever been to.

Not to mention it was just shy of noon.

"They serve lunch here?" Kim asked.

"Yeah, sure, but it's hardly the reason to be here," laughed Shego as she turned to walk towards the front door.

Kim sighed and followed cautiously. They pushed through the front doors and into the bar. Kim noted it wasn't nearly as shabby as she had imagined. There were uneven wood boards on the floor but it looked like a design choice, as they ran up to a large stone bar surrounding a veritable mountain of liquor stacked on top of a train of fridges filled with beer. There were a few people already sitting at the bar when they arrived. Getting an early start on the day's drinking, Kim presumed. But Shego distanced them from the others and sat on a relatively empty section of stools.

Shego ordered beer and Kim initially ordered a glass of water before Shego interrupted her and sent for a beer as well.

"I can't afford—"

"I am not stupid," Shego said pointedly. "So I would appreciate it if you'd stop thinking I am."

"I don't think—"

"I know you don't have any money," said Shego quickly. "I haven't forgotten that I picked you up on the side of the road. I brought you here, I'll pay for you. Just don't bring it up again, okay? I don't want a big deal made of this."

"But—"

"Ah!" Shego held up a hand and made a closing motion. "Not. A. Big. Deal. Understand?"

Kim hesitated and Shego cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes at the redhead. Kim eventually nodded and sighed.

"There we go," Shego said with a satisified smile. The bartender put down their two beers. "And here we go!" She picked up her glass, clinked it against the one in front of Kim, and took a deep draught.

Kim took a sip of her beer and then set it down quietly. She had drank alcohol before, but hadn't made much of a habit of it in college. She was still underage, she realized, and hoped that nobody was going to start looking for her ID.

"So, the story?" said Kim, hoping to change the topic.

"Story?" asked Shego when she set down her glass. "Oh! About college and my bike!"

Kim nodded. Shego settled on her barstool and began her story.

*** End Two

A/N: And just like that, I've got a plan, a conclusion, and most of this story written. It will be 7 parts plus an epilogue. I've made a couple of small tweaks to Chapter 1 to accommodate the conclusion I wrote, but it's essentially the same. Oh, and I added chapter titles. They probably don't make sense now. That'll change.

I'm not sure exactly the release schedule I'm going to use, but I would imagine there will be an update once every five or six days or so, so I have time to do editing and proofing of each chapter.

Please, let me know what you think of this series! Especially as things develop, I'd like to know what people's impressions are of Kim and Shego. I've toyed extensively with them here, and I'm hoping that people will find it both entertaining and surprising.

- UPDATE: Ugh, typos. I just fixed about a dozen of them, if you notice any more PM me so I can change 'em. And if anyone would like to pre-read for me, I'd appreciate it. Each chapter is about 3,500-4,000 words long and I need a turn around time of about 3 days.