Pocket Monstrosities

Episode one-Gotta Hatch 'em All

Part two- Autumn Elm

Oscar left the house, then turned round and made his way back towards it, stopping before he hit the door which would have been very painful and made his way left round the back, where he grabbed some POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS his mum had had tied around her leg when she got in from 'a night out with the girls' a few weeks ago, and wrapped it around the house so that no one would ask about Baby Bob's screaming, and ran next door to Professor Elm's lab.

Inside, the first thing he heard was what sounded like the Professor's voice yell "DUCK!" and Oscar took the liberty of asking where the duck was, and before he knew it he was thrown off his feet by a large yellow burst of light that hit him.

To that he commented "Ow"

"There it is!" said a girl's voice.

Oscar looked up, ahead of him he saw Elm, holding a large bazooka-resembling thing that no doubt the yellow light had erupted from. Beside him stood a girl about his age (Oscar's not Elm's) with long blue hair highlighted in some places. It was this girl, assumingly, who had said, "There it is!" and Oscar asked, "Where's what?" as he wasn't sure what was where and where was what. Being hit with a yellow light from a bazooka-resembling thing has that effect on the best, but Oscar suspected he'd be equally in the dark about what was where and who was what even if he hadn't just been hit by the yellow light from the bazooka-resembling thing.

In answer to Oscar's question about who was what and what was where the girl replied "The duck" and pointed straight at Oscar.

Oscar stood up, nearly falling over his webbed toes. This was odd, not only did Oscar rarely fall over his webbed toes, but his toes where rarely webbed anyway. He felt his face to make sure it was still there and couldn't help noticing that his beak was all wrong. As a matter of fact, his beak was all wrong simply by being there as it wasn't normally. Things got worse for Oscar as not only was he put out to find his tail stuck under a shelf, he was put out to find his tail there at all.

"Professor" he said formally.

"Yes?" replied Elm.

"Why am I a Phyduck?"

"I don't know," replied Elm "maybe you should have ducked when I told you to"

"Maybe" said Oscar.

"Don't panic," said the girl "it'll wear off after a while"

"This is Amanda by the way," Elm said, referring to the girl (not the chocolate bar he was eating, the wrapper of which he threw in the bin. Green isn't he? Quite right) "my lab assistant"

"You mean ass-istant" Oscar corrected.

"What?" Elm asked.

"Oh come on," Oscar said in despair "when are you going to admit to your paedophile life anyway? I think the whole town knows"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Elm said cautiously.

"Oh come on," Oscar yelled angrily (he was still a Phyduck, which didn't help) "we all know what you do at the aquarium with those Magikarps"

"What are you on about?" Elm replied.

"He means all that stuff you do on Fridays" Amanda chipped in.

"Amanda!" said Elm sternly "you know I've been treating that sick Magikarp these last Fridays"

"No Professor, I mean when the staff leave. Remember, the other week I came in to give you your coat that you left in the car and I saw you…"

"Shut up Amanda!"

"No, no Professor you misunderstand me," Amanda pleaded "you've still got those scars on your chest from when that one evolved"

"Silence Amanda!" Elm commanded.

"Excuse me!" said Oscar angrily "I'm still a Phyduck! Is there anything you can do about that?"

"I told you," said Amanda "it'll wear off a while"

"How long?" Oscar asked.

"Few months"

"WHAT!"

"She means a few minutes" Elm said, at that point the Phyduck skin cracked and Oscar was a human again.

"Well hel-lo!" said Amanda, getting her first sight of Oscar as human "who's got nice biceps then?"

"WHAT!" Oscar yelled again, finding nothing other to say on the contrary.

"Sounds like someone's in love Amanda" Elm laughed.

Oscar swore, though not too loudly.

"Who are you then?" Amanda asked, getting dangerously close to Oscar.

"Er, Oscar" Oscar replied.

"Me too" Amanda said happily "well," she then added when she realised what she'd said "obviously not I mean you're me and I'm you and…"

"Don't you mean, I'm me and you're you?" Oscar corrected.

"Something like that," said Amanda "and can I just say," she looked at the Professor and pointed at Oscar "he's got sexy leggies, sexy leggies, Oscar sexy leggies, Oscar sexy leggies, Oscar sexy leggies… why are you covered in vomit?"

"Long story" Oscar asked.

"We're in no hurry," Elm informed.

"You don't wanna know," said Oscar, "involves my brother"

"I don't wanna know" Elm agreed.

"Sexy leggies, sexy leggies" Amanda chanted.

"Please stop" Oscar told her flatly.

"Yeh Amanda that really is getting annoying now" said Elm.

"You're just jealous Professor," Amanda said "but your leggies are sexy too. Not as sexy as Oscar's though"

"Wow," said Elm (Who had never been told his leggies where less sexier than someone younger's, nor had he ever been told his leggies where sexy at all, he personally would prefer to have fins) "she really likes you Oscar. Gonna ask her out?"

"I've only just met her!" Oscar replied.

"Wow," said Elm again "love at first sight. How romantic. Go on kiss!"

Amanda puckered up, but was somewhat disappointed when Oscar turned to Elm "Professor do you have a job for me?"

"What?" Elm asked "oh of course yeh. You see, I have this friend called Mr. Poke'mon…"

"Don't think I'm being nosy just because I'm being nosy," said Oscar "but is Poke'mon his real name?"

Elm laughed "Of course not. He changed his name when he became a great Poke'mon Professor"

"From Mr. Dragon Ball Z" Amanda added.

"Okay…" Oscar felt like Obi Wan Kanobi in the waiting room of Faulty Towers "so go on"

"Oh right yeh," Elm went on "anyway, Mr. Poke'mon says he's found something very interesting"

Five minutes ago this would have intrigued Oscar, but now he knew that something 'interesting' to anyone with the slightest connection to Professor Elm or Amanda was likely to be very unclean and probably dangerous, so Oscar asked the first thing that came to his head "Is it likely to turn me into a Poke'mon?"

Elm shook his head.

"I'll go and get it for you"

"How did you know I was gonna ask you to do that?"

"Wild guess"

"So clever" Amanda said dreamily.

"Here Oscar," Elm picked up a Poke' ball and threw it to Oscar, Oscar caught it "there'll be Poke'mon in the grass. Take that ball and use the Poke'mon inside it to defend yourself"

"Is it a Magikarp?" Oscar asked.

"Yes it is" Elm said proudly.

"Have you got any other Poke'mon?" Oscar asked, as a rather sick picture of what this Magikarp may have experienced formed in his head.

"Yeesh fussy isn't he?" Elm sighed.

"Ahh," Amanda sighed happily "all the best men want their lives properly not just balls thrown at them. They want the right balls, proper balls, balls with no fish attached"

"Here," Elm threw Oscar a second Poke' ball "Chickorita. Have a look eh?"

Oscar pressed the big white button on the ball and Chickorita popped out.

"Oh you handle your balls so fine Oscar" Amanda clapped.

Oscar's new Chickorita then continued to throw leaves at Amanda.

"Arrgh stop her!" Amanda yelled.

"So where does Mr. Poke'mon live?" Oscar asked.

"Up past Cherrygrove city" replied Elm.

"Thanks," said Oscar "c'mon Chick"

Hurriedly, he returned Chickorita into her ball and hurried out of the lab.

"My hero" Amanda sighed from under the leaves.

Outside the lab, Oscar got his Chickorita out again.

"I like you" he said.

"Chick, Chick, Chick" said Chickorita.

It was at that point that Oscar spotted another kid about his age, which had been watching the entire goings on through the window of Elm's lab. In fact, he was still staring through the window.

"Who's that 'orrible little pervert?" Oscar asked.

Chickorita shrugged.

"Well," Oscar said, "bet he isn't looking at Amanda"

Chickorita sighed at this point, for she was in fact a lesbian and had fancied Amanda (throwing leaves is considered romantic to a Chickorita) but that will never be important for our story so we'll avoid it.

Oscar and Chickorita made their way over to the perv, where Chickorita had expected a hefty fistfight between Oscar and this long, red haired funny boy.

However, Oscar simply said "Hi" and the long red haired funny boy simply said "F off" and kicked Oscar over the hedge onto some tarmac.

Worried, Chickorita ran to her master's side and made sensitive "Chick, Chick, Chick"s until he looked up.

"I'm fine," he said "I'm fine"

Chickorita was hoping her brave young master would return to bust the ass of that evil red haired perving youth but instead he said, "He seems like a nice guy, doubt he could cause any harm. C'mon Chick, Cherrygrove city"

Chickorita was disappointed, but she trotted after her master anyhow. He seemed a nice sort of chap.

Oscar really has a way with women, lucky s…