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Mature Content / AU
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Resistance Training

Chapter 2 - The Failed Escape

-----

"Ok, so what the hell is Resistance training?"

Sakura both looked and sounded exasperated. Her normally immaculate hair was askew, stray strands sticking out at odd angles from having run her careless hand through it so many times. The frustrated expression she wore simply screamed, 'I'm both confused and pissed! Hell, I'm even vaguely confounded about being both confused and pissed so don't freakin ask!'. That, and her face was still slightly flush from the tantrum she'd thrown a few minutes ago forcing them to break from their normal training schedule and take an early lunch.

Both Sasuke and Kakashi had been thoroughly enjoying teasing Sakura about her little 'episode' that morning when Anko had come by to pick up Naruto. It was actually a little bit puzzling to both of them as to why the pink haired kunoichi would even give a damn.

To hear her tell it she couldn't stand the blond loudmouth. She thought Naruto Uzumaki was an idiot, a spaz, and the general bane of her existence. So what was with the jealously parade all the sudden?

Sasuke would have answered her question but he was still chewing on his rice ball. Realizing the question was not rhetorical and indeed meant for him by the burning glare his pink haired teammate was now shooting his way, the broody boy held his hand up with the index finger extended in the universal, 'I'm eating, hold on just one sec…' position. She waited patiently as he finished, or at least as patiently as an extremely impatient young kunoichi could reasonably be expected to wait. She was actually already reaching for her combat gloves so she could deck him when Sasuke did in fact swallow and attempt to speak.

That's when a look of shock washed over his face, followed by a sort of hopeful disbelief, and then something closer to mildly managed fear. Without further explanation the Uchiha made a mad grab for his soda. He tried to suck on the straw and appeared to fail, then tore the lid off of his drink in a near panic and poured a cupful of ice into his open mouth. Sadly, he'd already polished off the drink.

Sakura watched the scene with an ever increasing sense of anger, they'd been pulling this crap all morning! Every time she asked them something about Naruto's training they came up with some wise ass remark. Kakashi claimed she was jealous that she was the last ninja on her block to be learning about Konoha's secret face licking techniques, and Sasuke had already feigned death three different times simply to avoid answering her questions. And even though that genjutsu bit about the panda that killed him with its pinky hold attack was pretty funny (Ski-dush! Honestly where did he come up with that?), enough was enough damn it!

"Oh God damn it, screw you Sasuke! Kakashi, what the hell is resistance training?!" she demanded. "Obviously Sasuke isn't going to be any damn help, he's too busy being an ass!"

"Hmmm?" Kakashi peered over his ever present book and took in the scene unfolding before him. "Uh Sakura, aren't you gonna … ?" he asked pensively, gesturing in the direction of a bluish gray Uchiha who was now waving his arms around in a state of utter panic.

"What?!" she growled menacingly. "I'm sick of waiting for his lame excuses not to answer me! So now you're gonna tell me or somebody who's not me is gonna get hurt!"

"Uh, I seriously think he's chok-"

"I mean now, sensei."

Kakashi cringed, that was one hell of an intimidating aura his little kunoichi was generated there, and where did that lightning in the background come from? He made a mental note to ask Gai if he'd been teaching his students any of his weirder techniques. "Ah, right then, resistance training it is," he said clearing his throat. "Sakura, do you know what courtesan training is?"

She nodded her head, of course she knew what courtesan training was! Every Kunoichi knew about that, and if her parents weren't such stuck up prudes she would have taken that elective years ago! Damn it, just one more thing for Ino-pig to hold over her forehe-, ah, head. Of course that slut got to go, and she just couldn't wait to tell all the other girls about getting to see naughty parts, in the flesh! Shit, three years later and Sakura still hadn't seen any one's naughty parts! Well, she changed a baby once on a D ranked mission but she was pretty sure that didn't count.

Damn Sasuke and his frigidness. That theory of Shikamaru's was getting harder and harder to dismiss.

But if there was one thing she'd learned from her blond moron teammate it was that you didn't give up, and she hadn't. In three more months she'd be a legal adult and sign up for courtesan training anyway, her parents opinions be damned! Then little Miss Kudo in room 403 on south campus B would have her greatest student ever starting on July 5th! And she'd get to see all those naught parts (grown up that is) on days seventeen, twenty three, and forty two. At least that's what the lesson plan she'd accidentally stumbled across in that locked drawer said. 'Mmmmm, naughty parts …'

"Courtesan training? Um, I heard one of the other girls mention it in passing I guess …"

"Riiiiiiiight … hey Sakura? Would you mind not touching yourself like that? It's kinda throwing me off here."

"Oh! Sorry, please continue."

"Thanks. Well anyway, resistance training is opposite of that, get it?" Kakashi's visible eye curved upward in a happy smile.

She stared at him with a look of utter disbelief, "Are you kidding me?! THAT'S your answer? You didn't even say anyth - damn it Sasuke, get off of me!" she yelled, fending off the boy who was now yanking on her arm in a furious attempt to get her attention.

"I think he wants your drink," Kakashi pointed out. "Might have something to do with the weird blue-ish color he's turning."

"Fine, here take it you selfish bastard! Now where was I? Oh yeah, you didn't even say anything! This is like the time we first meet you and you were supposed to tell us about yourself and all you ended up telling us was your name!" she shouted.

Kakashi sighed behind his mask, it made so much sense to him when he said it too. "Look Sakura, honestly I'm probably not the best person to be asking about this stuff anyway."

"And why not? You went through this training didn't you?"

"Well yes I did," he said, pausing for a moment. "But the thing is I never actually passed!"

Sakura completely face faulted. "What? You mean Naruto's going through training that you couldn't get through?" she asked dumbfounded. Kakashi was a jounin and a legend! Naruto was certainly the number one most unpredictable ninja in village but what hope could he possibly have if even the copy ninja Kakashi couldn't manage?

"Yeah, they put me through it three different times, each time with a different instructor of course. That last one was even kind of … big boned I guess you could say. I'm not sure why they thought it would matter to be honest." Kakashi scratched his chin thoughtfully, as if reliving some long distant memory.

"But in the end it was still too much for me and I failed every time, but I guess nobody's perfect eh?" he asked a bit sheepishly.

Sakura went for her combat gloves again but she was cut off by a desperate sound to her right.

"GAAAH! Wha chu he maat er wiit oi!" Sasuke wheezed loudly, clearly upset.

"What was that Sasuke?" Kakashi asked casually.

Sasuke pounded his chest and took in a huge gulp of air as though he hadn't tasted the stuff in a very long time, which he hadn't. "I said what the hell's the matter with you two?! Didn't either of you see me choking just now? I could have died!"

"It was funny this morning Sasuke, but now you're just being annoying," Sakura snapped.

"B-But I wasn't joking, I was choking on my riceball!"

"A riceball?" she growled, "Could you be any more of a drama queen? Is that a splinter? Maybe we should pull you off of active duty until you recover!"

Sasuke looked like someone kicked his puppy. He realized that everyone else in the restaurant was staring now and settled for sinking down into his seat and making himself as small as humanly possible. Sakura huffed and stood up from the table.

"Where are you going?" Sasuke asked sadly, sipping at the soda that just saved his life.

"To go save Naruto that's where! You two obviously think this is all funny as hell but I don't. I've heard things about that Anko woman and if she's administering training to Naruto that Kakashi-sensei couldn't make it through then he might be in some serious danger!"

Sasuke and Kakashi both looked at each other for a moment. Then they looked at Sakura. Then looked at each other again. Then they burst out laughing.

"BAKA's!" she screamed, and stormed off down the street.

Kakashi fought back his giggle fit and watched his little kunoichi marching away, he realized he was going to have to stop her before she went and did something stupid like come in between Anko Mitarashi and whatever it was that had the special jounin's attention at the moment. Those kinds of actions tended to leave a person … less than whole.

"Well, I suppose one of us should go and stop her before she interrupts Naruto's training and gets herself hurt, or worse, causes poor Naruto to pass."

Sasuke snorted, "Good one Kakashi-sensei. I'll do it, I need to go find out from Sakura what kind of drink this was anyway, it's really good. Plus it sounds like you're under-qualified for this mission, you failed this training three times, did you really?"

"Well I don't mean to brag but … yep!" Kakashi chuckled, scratching the back of his head.

Sasuke stood up from the table and shook his head disapprovingly, "So sad…"

"What?" Kakashi asked, starting to get a little confused. "Come on, everybody fails at least once."

"UCHIHA … do not fail," Sasuke said with an air of finality. "I have it on good authority that I'm only the second shinobi in all of Konoha's history that passed with a perfect score. Not even Itachi can claim such a feat."

Kakashi didn't respond to this, in fact it looked more like he went into a state of paralysis or shock, or both. Sasuke allowed himself a smirk of smugness at his instructors obvious inferiority, truly he was on track to surpass them all one day, and then they would all bow down before his greatness! But he had more important things to do, like find out what was up with this drink! The raven haired boy took off down the street to track down his crazy pink haired teammate.

Kakashi's mind reeled as he watched the last member of team vanish into the crowds. A perfect score? Only the second? Who the hell was other one? And why would anyone want to --

"Oh crap," he muttered. "I never should have made that bet with Shikamaru."

-----

Anko practically skipped through the forest humming some ridiculously happy sounding tune to herself. Naruto shuffled along behind holding his right eye and most of that side of his head, staring daggers at the apparently oblivious woman's back.

"Crazy freakin"

"What was that Naru-kun?" she called back cheekily.

"N-Nothing Anko," he blurted out quickly. She turned her head and looked at him out of the corner of her batting eye.

"… sensei," he added quickly. The corner of her lips turned upward even more than they already were and she turned back around, still humming her little tune.

Naruto returned to silently scowling at her, it was apparently the only source of rebellion he had left. Honestly just who the hell did she think she was anyway? Practically kidnapping him away from that worthless sensei of his, cutting him up, beating the crap out of him. All that was all normal enough for a Shinobi he supposed, but she kept making it so weird!

Between the cutting, the licking, and that strange look she had in her eye whenever she stared at him he was seriously starting to get freaked out. If he didn't know any better he'd be worried she was going to try and eat him or something.

As if sensing his train of thought, Anko chimed in. "How's my little trainee doing? Still with me?"

"Yeah," he pouted.

"Awww," she cooed, picking up on his whiny tone. "Don't sound so sad, your cut healed up a while ago, and your eye's looking much better!"

"Gee, lucky me."

Twenty minutes earlier …

Naruto sauntered up to his favorite seat and plopped down, "Three super-sized orders of miso please!"

He chuckled at his own brilliance, but what else could you expect from Konoha's number one unpredictable ninja and prankster extraordinaire?

In truth it was a simple enough trick, but it had worked flawlessly on quite a few of the better Shinobi in the village, even the ANBU. Create one shadow clone, execute a simple yet masterful replacement, and high-tail it over to Ichiraku's for the early bird special. Not many Shinobi could create shadow clones with full personalities, and even fewer knew that he could. They never suspected a thing until the clone popped hours later.

In theory even if she figured it out there was no real danger. The moment the clone was dispelled its memories would race back to the original and he would know the gig was up, and it was time to hide like scared rat. That was the other reason his little escape technique worked so well, it had a built in early warning system.

Ayame turned around and greeted him with a wicked smile that looked totally out of place on the normally unassuming girl, "Well hello Naru-kun! I certainly didn't expect to see you here, especially not considering all the training you obviously still need! What do you think you a little deserter like you deserves hmmm?" she cooed, leaning over the counter and practically bumping her face into his.

The sudden invasion of his personal space and the surprisingly aggressive nature of brunette completely threw off whatever thoughts were running through Naruto's mind. "I uh…" he stammered, stumbling for something appropriate to say.

"Aww, snake got your tongue sweety? Or do just see something you like?" she teased, wiggling her chest with a wink.

Catching on, Naruto's eyes cast down almost against his will and straight down into Ayame's white button down blouse, which was suddenly missing a whole lot of buttons …

"Guh - NO! I mean YES! No wait, I mean RAMEN!" he blustered.

Ayame giggled again, "Don't worry sweetie, I know just what you need. Just give me one second to get it nice and hot for you!"

Naruto watched the girl warily as she broke out a large iron pot and started preparing his meal, something about her was definitely not right, almost as if … "Nah, couldn't be."

Suddenly it occurred to Naruto that he hadn't even spoken a greeting with one of his favorite people in the entire world, "Hey old man, what's up?"

Teuchi was over on the far side of the stand not really doing anything, he chanced a momentary glance in Naruto's direction but seeing the blond's eyes on him immediately decided that something on the floor was far more interesting.

'Huh, what the hell is wrong with him? If I didn't know any better I'd say that -"

"Hey Naaaarruuu-kun! I got what you need right here!"

Naruto broke from his reverie just in time to see the bottom of Ayame's huge cast iron pot fill his vision with nothing but a dull, semi-smooth black surface.

CLAAAAAANG!

The sound Ayame's iron pot made as it careened of off Naruto's steel Hiaite was nothing short of magnificent. You only had to ask Naruto later on and he would have told you all about it, it was the first time he'd actually seen a sound.

The overwhelming vibrations reverberated throughout Naruto's entire body, threatening to shatter his ear drums as his body flew out of the ramen stand. He nearly made all the way across the street and into the nearby building before slamming into the ground and grinding to a dusty halt in the coarse gravel.

Naruto had no idea how long he laid there in the streets before he came to, but knowing the bastard fox the way he did it was a hell of a lot less then it probably should have been. Still, he was a little surprised not to see the distinct off white of a hospital ceiling.

But what he did see as his eyes struggled back into focus shook the very core of soul. What was going on? "Ayame … why?" he whispered pitifully.

Ayame stared down on him with that same out of place predatory grin, "I already told you silly! Because you're a little fucking deserter!"

"Nani?!"

Fortunately for Naruto's already damaged psyche the pretty young brunette vanished in a puff of smoke, only to be replaced by someone who made a damaged psyche look like an ice cream sandwich and a backrub.

"Anko!"

"Anko-SENSEI," she corrected, picking her nails with a kunai that had most definitely not been there a moment ago.

"But … how?"

"But how - what?" she growled.

"Uh, b-but how, Anko-sensei?"

A wide grin broke out on her face, "I'm glad you asked. You see even though it's not in our official curriculum, I should tell you that a deserter has no friends, got it?"

With that she tugged the kunai over to her right and Naruto noticed that Teuchi was standing right behind her. The old man chanced another look over at Naruto before looking awfully guilty and returning his eyes back to the ground, much like before.

"Hey Teuchi, why don't you tell our little Naru-kun how I found him hmmmm?" Anko purred.

Teuchi tried the most pathetic look on Anko that he could muster but she was totally unmoved. With a sigh of defeat the man also vanished in a puff of smoke only to be replaced by --

"YOU TRAITOR!" Naruto roared.

"Look I'm sorry!" his cloned pleaded. "But you don't understand what she can do, I had to tell her!"

"But you're a clone! All you had to do was dispel yourself you idiot!"

"It wasn't that simple!"

"You're simple!"

"You weren't even there!"

"You're not even you, you're me!"

"You see?! You would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes!"

Anko watched the back and forth with increasing fascination. She'd known that the clone he left with her was advanced, but arguing with its own creator?

'Holy shit I think the clone is winning. What the hell kind of shadow clones are these? If they're this detailed mentally I wonder how detailed … Oh no they couldn't … Oh hell yes they could! Anko sweety, you just hit the freakin' jackpot! So much training, so little time! I gotta get this kid alone.'

"Look I don't mean to interrupt this touching scene or anything, but we've got some training to get back too. So why don't you just dispel your little friend here and we can get going."

Naruto scowled at them both and resolutely crossed his arms in defiance. The clone looked crest fallen, "Boss please don't look at me like that! I didn't have a choice!"

"Yes you did."

The teary eyed copy knelt down next to him and placed its hands on his creator's shoulder. "No I didn't, she … did things to me," it whispered.

A slow look of apprehension spread across Naruto's face, "Like what?" he managed, a split second before Anko's kunai mercifully pierced its brain.

The traumatic memories slammed into Naruto's head a second later and he gasped in horror. "Oh my Kami, what the hell is wrong with you? That's sick, he was just a clone! He was only following orders!"

"Aww, don't be upset my little Naru-kun. We're gonna make our own memories."

"You wouldn't …"

Present …

"I think this will do nicely, don't you?"

Naruto inspected the surroundings, yep, still in the forest. "I guess."

"Take off your shirt."

"What?! I'm not taking off my shirt!"

"Listen here gennin, I didn't spend seven minutes planning out this entire exercise just so you could go and fuck it all up by being a prude!"

"Well TOO BAD, SO SAD! I don't give a damn about your –"

The kunai whizzed past his face so quickly that the contact didn't even register, he could only blink in surprise and replay the scene in his mind trying to understand what he just saw. "Wha - gah! Quit doing that!"

"Oh but Naru-kuuuuun," she purred seductively in his ear. "I just can't help myself, whenever you disobey I'm over come with the urge to … taste you."

A bolt of lightning ran straight down his spine and settled into his stomach to stay there and do cartwheels while Anko's ever more familiar tongue dragged itself across the new razor sharp wound he knew he must have.

Blue eyes went wide as saucers as he realized what was happening … again. 'When the hell did she get behind me? And I'm not done yelling at h-her am I? And just what the hell does she think she's do - uw -uw -UW!'

"Oh D-damn … Anko, w-what are you -"

"Anko-sensei," she hissed, grinding up against him hard.

"Ah-Ah, Anko-s-sensei. W-what are you doing?" he stammered, grabbing onto the soft feminine hands that were now clasped around his torso. If he honestly felt like he had even a fraction of the strength required to break her grip he would have tried, but it seemed like every time she did this to him his limbs turned traitor and staunchly refused to obey commands. He wondered faintly if he could even fight off Konohamaru in this condition … probably not.

"Kami, you're so sweet and spicy at the same time …" she sighed contentedly, savoring the bitter flavor that she realized she could only associate with him.

'Kami I never realized how much I missed his blood since that first time. It has to be the fuckin fox doesn't it?' she wondered.

He turned his head, trying to get a glimpse of the woman that was literally overpowering him with her tongue. "What are you --"

"Ssshhhh, you disobeyed an order Naru-kun, so now you have to pay the price…" Her talented tongue went back to work, taking one last luxurious stroll along his cheek for a taste of that sweet, sweet blood, before strolling back and going to work on his tender earlobe. A soft, involuntary moan escaped Naruto's lips and his eyes fluttered back into his head as the new sensation overwhelmed his senses.

'Perfect.' Anko purred her approval into his ear, sending the overwhelmed blond even farther over the edge and away from reality just like she wanted. She took the opportunity run her hands up and down his young, almost nubile male body, much to her fingertip's delight. It was just absolutely gorgeous the way he shuttered and moved with her hands and hips.

The gyrations he was using to grind into her were already making Anko all hot and bothered, and she thought she was the one who supposed to be seducing him! How could such an innocent creature do that? It was like once his mind shut the hell up his body was some kind of genius!

'So that's how it is eh? The files did say he wasn't a book learner, but his body seems to know just what to do. Should have figured seeing the stock he comes from. Kami I knew it.'

She realized with a snort that it was almost poetic, if the blond was even halfway in control of his mind right now he'd no doubt be fighting her tooth and nail. But by shutting his irritating little brain down and going straight to his body he was 'learning' whatever she wanted him too. Anko had to bite back a laugh at the irony of it all. Here she was trying to seduce a young man whom she was supposed to be teaching to resist seduction, except she'd never meet a straight man (Kami he'd better be straight!) that wanted less to do with hot, random members of the opposite sex!

At least on the surface. There was a story there, and no doubt a piece of the boy's incognito libido as well, she was sure of it.

Yet because of the way his mind and body worked together, or rather the way they refused to have anything at all to do with each other, he was perhaps more vulnerable to seduction techniques then any man she'd ever meet! Naruto could scream and rant about how he didn't want anything to do with her all he wanted, all it took was a light touch on any old erogenous zone, or any zone for that matter, and his body completely took over and he was putty in her hands.

Clearly, intense immersion therapy was required here.

He was so caught up in her trance that it barely even registered when Anko's lithe hands slid around his torso and eased down the zipper on his jacket to let the orange monstrosity fall away. It was nothing but a breeze in a hurricane when her blade slit the black tee shirt off of his tanned and tone body. So lost in the feelings she was giving him that he wouldn't have noticed it if a cloud nin kicked him in the gut and poked him in the eye. But he sure as hell did notice when she left!

Almost crying out at the sudden lack of contact Naruto jolted back to reality and took stock of his surroundings. He whipped his head around so fast he nearly hurt himself as he checked the spot she'd occupied only a moment before. "What - What did you … holy crap!"

Anko was barely able to suppress her laughter watching his expressions. It seemed like as soon as one settled in it was thrown out as he realized something new about his situation, or perhaps remembered what she just did to him?

"What did you do to my cloths!" he demanded, pointing an accusing finger.

"Your clothes? Why I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about Naru-kun," she replied.

"Yes you do!" he accused, an angry blush lighting his whiskered cheeks. "And that was my last orange jacket too, they don't even make those anymore!"

"Really?"

"Yes really!"

"That's too bad, and I was so looking forward to cutting the rest of them off of you too …"

Naruto immediately looked stricken, "Cut? No, no! You didn't cut my jacket off! You unzipped it, I remember!"

Anko nodded with a wistful expression on her face, "Yeah I did, but then I took a second look at it and sent a clone off to go burn it. Orange is a really bad color for a ninja ya know? Don't worry, you'll thank me later!" she said cheerfully.

"No!"

"Yup."

"NO!"

Just then the distinctive sound of a fire jutsu exploding somewhere in the distance echoed through the clearing.

"fraid so sweetie."

"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto bolted forward with everything had, racing at her like a speeding train and just as deadly. The anger and loss poured off of his body as waves of red chakra, stolen from his prisoner thanks to his heightened emotional state. Out of nowhere a fully formed Rasengan appeared in his right hand and he instinctively took aim at the heart of his tormentor.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THAAAA- WHOAAAAAA!"

His entire body flooded with an emergency dose of adrenaline as his powerful legs kicked out forward and dug into the hard earth in a desperate attempt to halt his forward motion. Huge chunks of earth were torn up and flung in every direction as his arms waved around wildly trying to keep his last second braking maneuver going, the deadly ball of energy he was maintaining fading away to the nothingness that he conjured it from.

Skidding, kicking, flailing and lunging Naruto felt his movement finally come to end, though he was now about knee deep in the earth. Peeking open a pair of closed blue eyes he found himself face to face with one very nasty looking viper. Its scales were as black as a new moon, and its slitted green eyes gazed at him hungrily, but what really caught his attention was the wide open mouth, and the two inch long fangs, dripping with poison…

He was, give or take, about three inches from a most painful death.

"I like the energy, but this isn't that kind of training blondie."

Naruto chanced a look up to see the smiling face of his new sensei holding the viper like it was any old rusty knife. He forced a nervous grin onto his face. "Too much?"

Anko nodded in confirmation, letting the snake vanish in a puff of smoke.

Naruto let out a huge sigh of relief, he hadn't even realized until just then that he was holding his breath. "Uh … sorry about that," he mumbled.

"Why? I thought it was kinda hot, if a bit clumsy," she remarked casually, ignoring the look of shock on his face. She stalked to the other side of the clearing with a deliberate sway in her hips, that should help put him in the right frame of mind. Once she reached a sufficient distance she faced him again, oh yeah, she had his attention again. She let her razor sharp eyes roll over her temporary student.

A touch of innocence to corrupt? Check.

Wild blond hair falling everywhere? Check.

Sharp, azure blue eyes? Check.

Six pack abs? Check. Ah ha, make that an eight pack! Double check.

A light sheen of sweat and a heaving chest? Check.

A taste of needless violence?

"Check and check. Kami-sama, I think I've already ruined these panties! Guh, why the hell did I wear these in the first place? Oh Yondi-kun I wish you could see me now. I've got a good sixteen years of pent up sexual frustration for you and I'm finally going to get some release! But don't worry, I may be an insatiable nymphomaniac and an incorrigible bitch but I recognize my own when I see them. I'm gonna take good care of your baby boy. By the time I'm done with him he'll properly trained in every sense of the word."

Naruto shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, she was doing that look again! "Uh, Anko-sensei?"

Her eyes snapped back to reality and locked onto his, her grin twisting ever so slightly. "Naru-kun, you may not realize it but your training has already begun."

He didn't seem to believe her. "It has? I thought you were just messing with me."

"I was doing that too," she chuckled, enjoying his confused frown.

"Uh, how am I doing so far?"

"You failed, miserably I might add."

"B-But I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing!" he sputtered.

She reached into her jacket and pulled out a thick binder, opening it for a moment to thumb through the pages. "You know what this is Naru-kun?"

"Should I?"

"Probably," she replied, snapping it shut and holding the thing out so he could read the large black letters printed across the front.

"Resistance - Training - For - Complete - Idiots - 3rd Edition. Hey! I'm not a complete idiot!"

"Yeah, me neither." The binder flew in a surprisingly graceful arc for being what it was, smacking the surface of the water in the nearby stream with a satisfying splat. It stayed afloat for a moment, but quickly succumbed to the watery depths.

Naruto wondered briefly if the binder got off easy, 'Lucky bastard, take the easy way out and drown why don't you.'

Figuring she'd just fish him out of the water he abandoned that escape plan, there'd be others. "So, what are we supposed to do now?"

"Simple, we do it my way. That stupid ass little binder just goes to show you how far we've fallen in this kind of training, and I've never been much of by the book kunoichi anyway. Trust me Naru-kun, you stick with me and you're gonna get an education that'll blow - your - mind."

Something in Naruto's mind flashed back to moment that he realized his jacket and shirt were suddenly missing, and that he couldn't recall the events of the 3 minutes prior to that. It was then that he truly started to panic.

"Are you ready to begin?" she asked coyly.

Not trusting his voice just then Naruto only gulped and nodded his head.

"Good. You should be at least somewhat familiar with this first lesson, it's the bell test."

Naruto felt his body relax a bit, the bell test? Sweet! Maybe this wouldn't so bad after all. But wait, wasn't that a team exercise? Bah, no matter. His eyes roamed her body, a very … feminine body he noted a little nervously.

"Ah, Anko-sensei, you're not wearing any bells."

Just then a breeze blew through the little clearing they were standing in, and her long brown duster swayed in the wind. For a brief moment he was reminded of one of those 'movies' he'd seen over at Hinata's house once. They were the richest clan in the village and could afford this amazing new thing called a televiton or something like that.

It seemed like the good guys and the bad guys always faced off in the end in some breezy street just like this one before the final battle.

And then he heard it, the muffled ding of a bell coming from somewhere on Anko-sensei's person.

She smirked confidently at the questioning look that crossed his face. "See? I'm wearing the bells, and now you only have to retrieve them."

"B-But where are they?"

Her smirk morphed once more into that full out grin that scared the living crap out of him. "That's for me to know, and you to find out."

Realization hit Naruto like a sledgehammer and he lost three shades of color. "T-This isn't going to be like my last b-bell test is it?"

"The one with Kakashi? Shit I hope not."

"Oh boy."

"Oh boy indeed, my little Naru-kun."

-----

Authors notes: How did Anko actually manage to capture, torture, and scare a shadow clone so bad it refused to dispel and turned on its master? Honestly I have no idea, that I leave to your imagination, but if I know her it was just as hot as it was disturbing.

And yes, I'm hammering Sasuke a bit here, but it's all in good fun so Sasuke backers don't get upset!

6/6/09 - Minor update, just cleaning up some dialog and a some grammer.