Again, I don't own Twilight. Read and Review, thanks!
As soon as I got to my car, I drove to the one place where I could be alone. I tried to hold in my tears until I got there, but I couldn't help but let them overflow out of my eyes. And then I pulled my car off of the road and onto an unmarked dirt path, and before long, I was in my sanctuary. It was a beautiful, little patch of the beach that no one really knew existed. I did though, and knowing that no one would ever come here but me, it was the perfect place to escape my life.
I flicked my flip-flops off, and ran down the hill and sat on top of a log. At first, I tried to remember why I was here because my thoughts were so wrapped up in Jared. But once I remembered, the tears streamed down my face. Why are you such a dork, Kim? There is that stupid voice again. I DO NOT KNOW. I was annoyed with myself for letting myself think that I could possibly be popular in a different life because the truth is, I would never ever break out of my shell and not be shy.
Once I had shed my tears about me being a loser, my mind wondered off to Jared, like it was accustomed to. He will never love you Kim. Get over it. How many times did I have to tell myself that I have tried, and I can't get over him? I feel like we're meant to be because every time I look at him, I get those butterflies that everyone talks about in the movies. And my cheeks turn red when he sees me looking at him, but he wouldn't know why. He probably sees me as a freak who has no life. Which is very true.
A cold breeze whipped at my tear stained face, so I decided to suck it up for now and make my way home. When I got in my car, I blasted the radio and dreaded what I would do when I actually got home. I had no homework, and nothing else to do. You have no life. Yes, I know this, thank you very much.
After the very short ride, I pulled into the driveway of my house. My mom's car was there also, but my dad's wasn't. Thank God. I love my dad, trust me, but at times, he can be very...overprotective? No, the right word is controlling. He controls every aspect of my life, from my grades to my dating status, although he doesn't have a lot to worry about in that department.
As soon as the door was open, my mom flew at me with her normal round of questions.
"Kim, where were you? School got out more than an hour ago." Had it really been an hour? Wow, that's probably the longest I've ever stayed at my beach.
"I had a project I had to do research on so I just stayed at school. And yes, I did finish it, so don't worry." I looked up to see her face was plastered with that fake smile. She had her make-up the same as every other day, fake and beautiful. That's why I don't bother with myself every morning, I don't ever want to look like that.
"Good, that's the little Kimmy I raised," she patted my head and laughed. Only God knows how much I hate that laugh. "But Kim, I need to talk to you on a serious note, so do you mind sitting in the living room?" I didn't answer, so she pulled my arm towards the couch. As I plopped myself down and sank into the couch, she sat in the chair across from me with her perfect posture. She didn't say anything, she probably didn't even blink because she's made of plastic.
Of course, she was the first one to break the silence. "Kim...I know this may sound a little mean, but I've been thinking lately. We need to do something about your...your image." She said image as if she was disgusted with me, her own daughter. Is that even possible? "I mean, I don't think you even try in the morning. And your father and I have tried very hard to earn everything that we have. You have plenty of beautiful clothes in your closet that probably still have the tags on them. I have to start making an effort in order for you to cooperate with me. So, I'll be picking out your clothes from now on, and maybe in a while I will let you have that privilege back. But as of now, do you understand my predicaments?" She flashed me that same fake smile, while I sat here with my mouth open. Was I five-years-old again, or did she just want to kill me?
I couldn't respond, what am I supposed to say to her? Tell her what you really think Kim. But what do I think? I think...oh God. I know. She's doing this for her, not the family or for me. It's all for her. She doesn't want her image to be ruined because of me. What a lovely and caring mother I have. Tell her, Kim. Do it now. I opened my mouth to say what I think, but I stopped myself, and bite my lip.
She looked at me with her eyebrows raised, so I know that I have to make my decision, and fast. "I...I...uh...yeah, I get it. Thanks for caring about me mom. I have homework, call me down when dinners done." I lied to her like I always do, and ran up the stairs to my room.
I slammed to door, and slid down it to think about what just happened. STUPID! I told you to say something! That was your one chance! SHUT UP! I didn't like arguing with the voice in my head, it always seemed to be right, but I never listened. Then, my phone rang and I jumped. I laughed at myself as I ran to pick it up. At least I'm lucky enough to have my own phone line. That way, the fake Barbie or the overprotective dad couldn't listen into my conversations. At least they trusted me that much.
"Hello?" I asked this as a question, but I had a pretty good idea as to who it was anyway.
"Jeez, why didn't you call me? You said you would, so I've been sitting here waiting. And after a while, you didn't call, so I called you,"Sarah complained. I could feel her pout coming from the other side of my phone. She always was a complainer. Not a very attractive quality, but I still love her for it.
"Yeah sorry, I just...something happened after you left me at school, so I was upset, and yeah..." I didn't need to keep explaining, she knew what happened.
"Was it Paul?" I didn't answer, I couldn't. The tears started to from in my eyes, and I shook my head. As if she could see me, she said "Oh come on! Again?! I can't believe him! How could he constantly do this to you?! Kim, are you still there? Are you O.K.?" She sounded very concerned, and for her sake, I wiped the tears away and sniffled.
"Sarah, I'm fine. Really. All he did was trip me and I landed on my hands and knees. The only thing that really upset me was what happened afterward." She didn't reply, she was waiting for my response. I sighed, I would have to tell her eventually, she's the only one who ever listens to me. "I just, I was thinking...and I don't know, Sarah. Why can't I be good enough for him? Is it because I'm not popular, or not pretty enough?"
"Kim, you know what I'm going to say. You ARE pretty enough, you ARE good enough. He just doesn't see it. So what if you're not the most popular girl in school? That shouldn't change anything. And Kim, I've told you this before. If he doesn't notice you, then you shouldn't bother with him. I'm sure there are plenty of men that would kill for you, Kim. You're beautiful and funny and smart and-"
"I get it Sarah, thanks," I sniffled again. I'm not the best person in these situations. "If you want me to, I'll try to get over him. But I honestly can't promise you anything, really. Don't count on it to work out."
"Thank you Kim. Now, how was your day, minus the whole Paul thing?" This is one of the reasons why I love Sarah, she didn't drag things out like most of the girls in out school.
"Oh, I have a funny story for you. You wanna hear it?" I asked, even though I already knew her answer.
"Yes! Please! Don't leave out any details." Sarah said, almost begging me. She loved gossip, unlike me. I'd rather just blend in with everyone without getting on anyone's bad side.
"O.K., so when I got home today, my mom pulls me into the living room to talk. Then she says that both of parents have worked hard for all that we have and blah, blah. So, from now on, in order to appreciate every thing we have, she's picking out my outfits for school. Am I five now? I think, no, I know it's all for her image, not for our family at all."
I heard her gasp, and all I could do was laugh. After a minute of me laughing, she was still speechless. "O.K., Sarah? Your scaring me..."
"Why would she do that to you? Is she trying to torture you?!" I laughed again, my stomach was starting to hurt. Nothing was even funny, I guess I was laughing this one off instead of crying like I usually do.
"That's what I said! Anyway, how was your day?" I asked her. She probably had some new gossip that I could pretend to listen to.
"Wonderful. Did you hear about Mike and Katie?" I honestly already had, but for her, I didn't answer. That way she would think I hadn't and she could tell me all about it, and I could pretend to listen and think about Jared.
"Oh my! O.K., so the other day at a party-" she continued to talk, but I zoned out. I began thinking about his hair. And how it shined all the way down his back. I thought about his smile, and how every time he smiled, his eyes shined with confidence and beauty. I thought about his eyes, and how they were the perfect shape and color, and how they fit him perfectly. I don't know how long this went on, but then I was snapped back into reality.
"Kim? Hello?! Are you there?" Sarah sounded frantic, and I had to get back into the real world. I couldn't let her know that I wasn't paying attention.
"Huh? Yeah, I'm here. I think it's terrible what Mike did to Katie. How can you cheat on someone? Especially like that, at a party where she's at too." I'm thankful I heard this story, or else she would have known I spaced out the entire time.
"Yeah, same. I don't know. Well my moms calling me, so I'll see you tomorrow, bye!" She hung up, and I was left alone. Why did this always happen to me? I can't be left alone. I'll either just start crying or thinking about Jared. And neither one of those is a helpful choice. I sat up out of my bed, and got up to look at myself in the mirror.
My legs are too short for my long torso. My eyes are far too small for my face, and my cheekbones are too high for my liking. My russet colored skin didn't bother me as much as everything else about my body because it was normal. That was probably the normal part of me. My black hair reached just past the bottom of my ribs. It was straight, black, and boring. That's why he doesn't notice you, it's because you're too normal and plain. The tears blurred the vision of myself in the mirror. So I sat back down on my bed and glanced back to the clock. It read 8:30. We always waited for dad to have dinner, no matter how late it was. Then my mom called me downstairs, and I heard the front door swing open.
I took each step down the stairs as slow as I could, and when I got down them, my mom and dad were standing in the doorway kissing and hugging each other. My throat burned and I almost threw up. I turned my head towards the kitchen, and walked to our dining room.
"Kimmy-bear! How was your day?" My dad asked as he walked into the room, and I looked up to see that he had a genuine smile on his face, hm, that's something new.
"Good dad. How was yours?" I had to ask, otherwise he would yell at me. But truthfully I didn't care how his day went.
After dinner, I said goodnight to my parents, and half ran up the stairs. I entered my room, and tried not to slam the door shut behind me, but I couldn't help but let the anger out. Why were my parents so perfect? And why couldn't I be like them. As I changed into my pajamas, I thought about dinner. I sat there the whole time, while my parents talked about their days and how wonderful they were. They barely even looked at me. They didn't acknowledge me because they were ashamed of me. They have learned to ignore me completely, just like the rest of the world.
It was already 10 o'clock now, and I was exhausted. I had had my fair share of crying today, and crying always wore me out. I started thinking after I turned my lights off. What would your life be like if you were perfect like your parents? Jeez, I know. Perfect. That's what my life would be. I would have friends, an actual family, and Jared...Oh Jared. How much I would give for him to love me. Or even just notice me. A tear found it's way down my cheek, and I wiped it away. Not now, go to sleep. So with all of my effort, I pushed the thought of Jared out of my head, and tried to fall asleep. The last thing I remember thinking was of course, about him.
