Chapter 2: When the Levee Breaks
An orange sphere whizzed past Derek's ear as Lizzie took a shot on his goal in their pick-up game outside the house. The fall weather was ending, so Nora and George shooed the kids outside whenever possible. The shot went a wide of their makeshift goal, so Lizzie rollerbladed down the street to bring the ball back inbounds. Edwin seemed glad of the break, leaning heavily on his stick. Sam also seemed distracted, looking off into the distance. Derek's eyes narrowed as he followed the blond boy's gaze over to where Casey sat on the porch, immersed in her book.
The round puck streaked past Edwin's feet and it was game on. Sam brought the ball under control and deftly passed it back to Lizzie. She shot again, but Derek blocked the puck and tore off towards Sam's goal. Squinting, he couldn't help but remember Casey's sad smile when she danced. His legs pumped faster, his look of concentration being replaced by a grimace. Caught up in his thoughts, Derek didn't even bother to slow down as Sam moved into his path. Instead, he checked the taller boy to the ground.
"What the fuck, Derek!" Sam yelled, dusting off his palms.
"Sorry, man," Derek mumbled, looking away. His eyes met Casey's when her head snapped up to see what the commotion was.
The weird, protective nausea welled up in his stomach. It made Derek so uneasy, he just skated off the road and stomped up the steps, ignoring the girl sitting there. Sam followed his best friend soon after, muttering obscenities. He caught up to his friend right before Derek managed to slam the door. The defeated look in his eyes made Sam stop in his tracks before cautiously entering the familiar messy room.
Years being friends with such a domineering personality had made Sam patient, so when Derek sat on his bed staring blankly into space, the blond boy didn't push him to speak. He grabbed an old issue of Spin from under a dirty shirt and waited, letting Derek take his time. After several false starts, Derek finally cleared his throat.
"As you can tell, I've…not been feeling like myself lately."
Sam turned the page in acknowledgement.
"I think I know why, so I have to ask you one question, even though it's going to sound ridiculous."
"Shoot." Derek looked Sam straight in the eye, his entire body tense with a seriousness that Sam had never seen in Derek before.
"Has Casey been trying to get back together with you?"
Sam blinked, completely taken aback. "No. We don't even hang out anymore. I guess you could say we're friends, but…" He trailed off, worried by Derek's grimace.
"Did you ever…rape Casey? Don't lie to me Sammy."
Looking at his best friend with wide eyes, Sam stammered out a simple no. Derek breathed a relieved sigh and lay back on his bed. He believed Sam, and he hadn't even wanted to ask. Despite getting the answers he was looking for, the uneasy feeling in his stomach wouldn't go away.
"Has she been seeing anyone? Hanging around with anyone?"
Sam looked away from the bed. "I wouldn't know."
"How wouldn't you know! You dated the girl for two years!" This was the frustrated Derek he was used to. But now, the tall skater didn't really give a shit.
"Well, I know she doesn't like me, and that's all I need to know!" Sam hissed, fed up with Derek's antics. "For fucks sake, she broke up with me, not the other way around."
"Oh." Somehow, talking about Casey always made him look like an asshole, Derek mused.
Running a hand through his messy hair, Sam picked up the magazine and let his friend ruminate. After a few minutes of silence, he caught Derek's eye. "Listen, if you think something's seriously wrong with Casey, enough to ask me if I'd do…that, then obviously it's big. So I'm going to lay this on the table, but I don't want to talk about it after today. Okay?"
Derek nodded, attentive.
"When we broke up, back in July, Casey said she wasn't being fair to me. Said she was breaking up with me for my own good," Sam snorted at her audacity.
"Sounds like Casey," Derek sympathized.
"Yeah. She can be pretty patronizing. Anyway, I asked her why the hell she'd say that, and at first she didn't want to tell me. So I kept asking, cuz I was mad, yanno?"
Derek wisely kept his mouth shut. The drama was long past and he hadn't wanted to bring it back up, but he was willing to do almost anything to make the nervous feeling go away.
"So finally, she told me that she liked someone else, and that she didn't feel right staying with me, because she didn't love me." Sam breathed heavily, glad to finally be able to talk to someone.
"But she didn't say who?"
Laughing quietly, Sam shook his head. "And I didn't stick around to find out."
If anything, this news made Derek's stomach churn more. He hated this feeling, and hated more that Casey was bugging him, even though she wasn't right there in the room nagging.
"I appreciate it." Derek held out his hand and they gave each other a manly handshake, signifying the moment of sharing was over.
"I know what it's like, man. I've got sisters myself."
The s-word made Derek flinch internally. The guilt welled up in him again, and he wished he could get over whatever it was that made him not accept her as part of his family.
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Casey sat in her room, looking out at the setting sun. She had finished all of her homework on Saturday so there was nothing left to do now but get started on some of the more long term assignments she'd been given. But for the moment, she just stared at the pinks and purples streaking across the sky and tried to find the peace inside that she'd lost two years, one month and seventeen days ago. Her mother's wedding day.
She closed her eyes and tried to fight the melancholy. It wasn't like her to give in to disappointment, to accept fate, to believe in destiny. She'd turned this problem over and over in her head, examined it from every angle conceivable, run innumerable scenarios, and always the outcome was less than satisfying. Or more bluntly, and she was being more blunt these days, thanks to her Venturian housemates, the outcome was bad.
Her mom thought it was just stress. The stress of being a teenager, of taking university exams, of living in such cramped quarters, of an intensified sibling rivalry, of boys and dating, and even maybe sex. Nora knew she was partially right, but she didn't know which part. So Casey continued to spiral into self pity, and no one was there to stop her.
Before her last recital, Casey had been able to give her self some breathing space by expressing all of her pent up frustrations into her dance, but now…
Now the one person she didn't want to ask her questions was the only person who cared. Lizzie had given up after her big sister bit her head off every time she asked. Whatt a great sister, Casey mentally scoffed.
What was his game, she wondered? Derek always had a game, always wanted to mess with her head. That was part of the reason she spent so much time trying to figure him out. She still hadn't gotten it down to a science, though she'd basically majored in Derek-ology these last few years. She didn't know what made him tick, she only knew the mundane things, like his favorite laundry detergent (Tide with no additives), what kind of milk he drank (1, though he preferred ½), that he takes fifteen minutes to get ready for a date with a girl he really likes, ten if she's just hot, and seven if he only had an ulterior motive, like homework help.
The last tidbit pissed her off to no end. Casey couldn't understand why he wasted his time on girls that only took fifteen minutes to get ready for. When she had an exciting date, she took almost an hour. It was obvious he didn't really care for these girls, anyone could see that, and Casey did take some small satisfaction from the fact that Derek hadn't found Miss Right.
There was a soft knock at the door. "Dinner, Casey!" Lizzie called, her footsteps heading back to the dining room.
The first thing Casey noticed as she trotted down the stairs was Derek's piercing gazed fixed on her. She tried to stride quickly past his seat on his favorite chair, but he stood up to block her path.
"I need to talk to you after dinner," he breathed into her ear. His shaggy hair tickled her forehead.
"Why?" Casey's voice didn't betray the butterflies in her stomach. She'd had lots of practice.
He shook his head. "After dinner," he whispered.
Casey felt her cheeks flush, trying not to imagine what he could possibly want. She'd heard him say those same words over the phones to several girls, and it wasn't always about trigonometry help these days.
She avoided his glances throughout dinner, unable to face him head on, still bewildered by his sudden interest in her life. Maybe he finally wanted to be a real brother to her. The thought almost made Casey choke on a pea. Did he really want to be her family? She certainly didn't think of him as family, never could. He pushed her well out of the realm of family at every opportunity, never spending a second with her; declining family get togethers if she was there; never putting her needs over his own. And other than this new acknowledgement of Casey's mental health, he still acted like the same old Derek. He hadn't said a word to her at school last week, she remembered, cheering up a little.
It was an odd flutter in her stomach when she thought of Derek. She didn't want him to notice her, but she wanted him to notice only her. She was a fucking mess around him, really, so she reined herself in more. It hurt to keep everyone out though. Casey missed confiding in Lizzie. But she knew that this time, she couldn't tell her sister a thing. She couldn't let anyone know.
Casey straightened in her chair, and then next time she felt his gaze on her, she looked right at him, face blanker than Maverick's in his final poker game.
"Derek, can you pass me the bread, if you're not too busy stuffing your face?"
Even though he'd seen her moping all day, Derek was relieved by the lame insult. She'd said it full of spirit, in top form, trying to bait him into a shouting match. This was the Casey he was comfortable with, the Casey he wanted to be around. He blinked, startled by his own choice of words.
"Can you not hear me over the sound of your sloppy masticating?" Casey inquired impatiently.
"Dad, can she actually say that at the table?" Edwin asked, shocked.
The innocent query saved Derek the trouble of responding. Caught up in his own thoughts, he doubted he could've made a decent comeback anyway. George took up the challenge of trying to explain the difference between masticating and 'that' while Lizzie and Marti shouldered the not so difficult task of making fun Edwin's mistake.
With all the noise going on around her, Casey's spirits lifted. This was still a normal family, and she was still a normal girl with a normal boy problem. She excused herself from the table, running up stairs to her room to straighten up. If she was going to treat this like she was normal, then she would have to act like it. Running a brush through her hair, Casey envisioned her snappy responses to Derek's barbs.
"Oh, and I'm sure George will love you spending the rest of your life mooching off of him." It didn't quite have the same ring saying it out loud, but it did make her feel better.
As per usual, Derek didn't knock when he entered.
"Casey, I knew you liked to study, but practicing comebacks? This is a new low."
The brunette spun around, mortified. "Can't you ever knock!" she sputtered, her cheeks stinging with heat.
Derek just cocked his eyebrow and smirked, thoroughly amused. "If I did, I'd miss shining moments like this. So I think…no."
"Ugh, what did you want?" Casey busied herself with fixing her ponytail, trying to focus on her resolution.
For a minute, Derek didn't remember. He watched her play with her hair, mesmerized by the deft movements of her fingers.
"Well?" she snapped.
Derek shook his head. "Never mind. You seem back to your normal, bitchy self."
Casey frowned. "I'm not a bitch."
Her comment stopped Derek in his tracks. "Really, Case? Because, you know, yelling at Lizzie and brushing off your mom and making everyone worry about you while you just sit around and sulk and don't care about our feelings is a pretty bitchy thing to do."
Flabbergasted, she didn't know how to respond. "Is that really how you see me?" Casey slumped to the bed, her renewed spirit already broken. Since when had she been a bitch?
Derek sighed. How was he going to get out of this one without looking like the good guy? "No. I mean, yeah, you've been acting all…depressed for the last couple months, and that's just not who we were used to. You're getting angry with your sister, not at me." He looked directly at her, trying to keep the confused look off his face. "What is going on?"
So he had noticed. She stared at the floor trying to avoid his gaze, sounding out a million answers in her head. "I haven't been acting depressed," she offered lamely.
"You are a terrible liar, Casey." Derek rolled his eyes. "Let's see. It's not about your dad, or you'd be talking to Lizzie. It's not about school, otherwise you'd talk to Nora. Which leaves…a boy."
Casey tried not to react, but she knew she looked a bit shocked.
"So it is a boy." A cold wave of nausea flooded his gut, but he kept the smirk on his lips just the same. "You're trying to get back with Sam." It was a bluff, but he knew Casey would fall for it.
"No! We don't have anything in common, we fought all the time…this has nothing to do with Sam. If you want me to, I won't even come within a fifty foot radius of him. Will that make you feel better?"
He had to steer the conversation back towards her. Casey was a master of deflection. Despite the seriousness of the situation Derek laughed. "Casey, for once in your existence, give it up! You are so in your own world, trapped in your own way of thinking that you never let anyone help you, even when you need it!" He sat down on the bed beside her. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but dammit Casey, talk to me."
She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. "What would you do if you liked a girl completely out of your league. Popular and funny and she made you feel so alive, like no one ever has before. But at the same time, you know that if you ended up dating her, you'd basically just be one more in a string of meaningless flings, so you don't even want to ask her out, even if you could, but you can't because she's a teacher!" The words spilled out of her and she couldn't any longer hold back the tears that had been threatening since Derek walked into the room.
Derek was stunned. "You have a crush on a lesbian teacher?"
"Ugh! No Derek, it's a metaphor! A comparison without using the words 'like' or 'as'!" Casey shoved him off the bed and pushed him out the door. "This is why I didn't want to tell anyone! I knew you wouldn't understand!"
She shut the door on him with a bang and sank into her bed, trying to wipe away the tears. Walking over to his room, Derek felt even more troubled than when he'd first gone to talk to her. What was with Casey and all her damn metaphors? First, Ben prancing around like a nutcase, trying to get her to notice him in that stupid recital. Now, Casey admitting to having a crush on a lesbian teacher. But if it was just a comparison, then she had a crush on some boy, a boy who was popular and funny and completely…a teacher?
No, that couldn't be it, he reasoned, chewing on his knuckle. Casey wouldn't have found any of the teachers at school attractive. Not even Emily thought they were all that cute. Why would she say teacher? Someone studious? No, none of the popular students were all that serious. Teacher...what was a teacher to a student? Someone who punishes kids? Maybe she liked to be punished?
Derek almost choked on his breath at that interesting thought, and decided that while it was not the right line of thinking, he filed it away to revisit later, when he wasn't so puzzled.
He flopped down onto his bed, remembering the recital. Ben had acted like a complete jerk to her, once she acknowledged his presence, he'd just shoved her around, like the stage was all his, made her march to his drum, was in complete control…
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The door flew open and Derek stood looming over her while she tried to wipe her eyes.
"What now?" Casey sniffled, desperately trying to compose herself.
Derek crouched down so that he was eye level with her, searching her face. The look in his dark brown eyes was new, cleared of the confusion she'd seen just a few minutes ago, but lacking their normal arrogance. They were soft, even if his mouth was drawn into a harsh line.
"Do you really have a thing for your teacher?" he asked voice low.
"What? Derek, I already said…"
Casey was cut off in midsentance by Derek's lips pressing against her own.
