Chapter 2


I sat in the state police car, gripping a bottle of water and feeling almost completely miserable. To the side, Yaheen and his host sat at the wheel watching me. The trip back to the car had been both uncomfortable and humiliating. Karen's body was exhausted and injured and her progress had been considered too slow by all of the others. I had -grudgingly- agreed to be carried the rest of the way on someone's back. Most of the others had already left, and a phone call had been placed to Karen's parents to let them know she'd been found and was on her way home. Karen was happy, but her expression only reflected my own thoughts and fears. I was about to take a huge risk by confiding in Yaheen. It was just stupid luck that a friend had been part of the search team, but how trustworthy was that friendship, exactly?

"You were going to explain the situation to me," he prompted. Now he was beginning to sound impatient.

I nodded. "I'll tell you what I can," I said simply.

Yaheen seemed satisfied with that answer. He turned they key, starting the car as I buckled Karen's seat belt. Once we started moving, I took a deep breath and slowly gave him an edited version of what had happened. He may have been a friend, but if he were to be questioned by a superior that friendship would mean nothing. It was just safer for both of us this way.

"I saw the surprise attack that the andalite bandits made a few days ago," I began, startled by how calm I sounded. "I saw the entire thing, Yaheen. They killed Estril and I wanted revenge. I didn't have time to inform anyone or ask permission to go. I would have lost my chance. I followed one of them away from the battle."

His eyes went wide, but he didn't look at me or say anything, so I continued.

"I followed her... yes 'her', it's not completely unheard of for females to act in their military. Anyway, while I was following her I...we were attacked by a bear. We were both thrown into the river. Listen closely, Yaheen: She saved me."

I watched his expression. There was disbelief, which I had expected, and confusion, which didn't surprise me, but there was something else too. He took a second to glance at me from the corner of one eye.

"One of the Andalite bandits saved you?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes," I said, "but there's more too it than that."

"I'm not sure I want to know the rest," he said, sounding terribly uncomfortable. "You obviously failed to kill or capture this Andalite you followed, but to be saved by one? To have the pity of an enemy..."

He sounded disgusted.

"That's just it, she didn't want to be my enemy. She could have let the bear kill me. She could have killed me herself; she had the opportunity to do it a number of times, but she didn't," I said.

Yaheen snorted, "I guess you're going to tell me why this Andalite was so 'kind', aren't you? It was probably all an act, Aftran."

That wasn't exactly the reply I had been hoping for. I knew he was thinking it must have been some kind of trick, which was exactly what I had thought at first too, but I didn't want this conversation to become one about enemies or duty. I decided to try a different approach.

"You know I requested this host," I said conversationally. "It was a good decision. I like being away from the violence of being a soldier. It's almost...peaceful. My brother never had the chance to try living like this. I think he would have preferred it, but now I'll never know for sure."

"He was doing his duty," Yaheen's voice was flat. "We all do what we have to do; we all follow orders."

"But does it really have to be like that?" I asked. "What if everything could be different? What if we could live without having to guard or fight, without having to listen to them cry."

He didn't ask who I meant by 'them'. We both knew. I watched as he shook his head sadly and for a moment we both sat in uncomfortable silence. Although all of my questions had been directed at him, I was giving them serious thought too.

What if everything could be different?

What if we could live without listening to them cry?

I looked down at my hands. Karen's hands. I moved her small fingers, opening and closing them as fists. These were good hands, hands that could reach and touch and create and move through a world that one couldn't imagine unless they had actually seen it. Amazing, yes, but were these hands worth her cries? Were they worth taking away her freedom, even if I had no other option? It was a difficult question. A part of me wanted to ignore it, to look the other way and go on as normal, but I couldn't. Not anymore. Once you see the truth, it becomes harder and harder to look away.

"She saved me, Yaheen," I said quietly. "She didn't want to fight anymore than I do; probably no more than any of us. What about you, if there were a different way, wouldn't you want to consider it? She fought because she saw no choice and until recently, I didn't see any other choices either, but between the two of us, we found some solution."

"Of course I would consider it, but there isn't another way. Besides, I thought I told you I didn't want to know the rest," he reminded me, fidgeting nervously in the driver's seat.

I shook my head. "I think you should hear this, because...because I need your help. I promise I won't tell you anything that you could be punished for."

His face was drawn and he slowed the car, pulling off to the shoulder of the road and then turning the engine off. He stared at me.

"What exactly did you 'do'?" He asked. He sounded frightened. I had just admitted that I had done something worthy of punishment and although the idea of being involved was nerve-wracking, he apparently thought enough of me to risk listening. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"We made a deal," I said. "It was just between the two of us, a way for us to step away from the violence and the invasion. She wanted me to leave my host and never take another one again."

"In exchange for what?" The question exploded from Yaheen before I had a chance to say anything else. "Some self-righteous, arrogant Andalite expects you to give up.." he sputtered for words, "give up...well, everything!"

"Yes," I answered. "That's exactly what she wanted me to do, but she agreed to do the same. She trapped herself. I watched her do it."

He seemed to be at a loss for words and I was forced to admit to myself that if I had heard claims like this a few short weeks ago, I wouldn't have believed them either. His brows furrowed in thought. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak then shut it again without a word. I waited. It was important -very important- that I hear his reaction.

"You intend to hold to your word..." Yaheen managed.

I nodded.

"I don't see how any Yeerk could stand to do something like that," he said as he shook his head slowly. "How can you give up everything, just like that?" He snapped his fingers on the last word. Such a human gesture.

I swallowed and fought down the urge to begin crying. I would miss the range of ways humans could express their emotions. I had been trying to think about the 'rights' and 'wrongs' of the situation, but his words threw my grief at the coming losses into sharp focus. I lifted my -no, it was Karen's- chin and sucked in a shaky breath.

"She did. 'Just like that'." I quoted him sourly, "It's...It's the right thing to do. What I'm doing to Karen, it isn't fair."

Yaheen barked out a rude laugh, resting his hands on the car's steering wheel. "Life isn't fair," he said.

"It's not," I agreed reluctantly, "but that doesn't give me the right to be unfair to her, either. The cruelty of nature is one thing. It's another entirely to knowingly make a decision that will hurt someone."

I felt sick saying those words, and before meeting Cassie I probably would have laughed at them, but now the truth of them bit into me like a blade. I couldn't deny them, even though doing so would have been the easier choice, but now my choice was made and my time was limited.

"You're not hurting her," he said, "not really anyway. I think your reaction to all of this is a little extreme. It's just the way things are."

"Is it?" I shot back. "I have taken her freedom. Because of my desires -not needs, desires- Karen is being denied her own chance to live. All of that, for what? To see Estril killed? I don't want to do this anymore."

A look of doubt flitted across his face and he frowned.

"Earlier, I told you that I needed your help," I began.

Yaheen raised his hands, cutting me off, "Oh no. Don't expect me to lie to our superiors about this for you, Aftran."

I ignored him, and choosing my words carefully, I told him what I needed. This was the moment I had been so afraid of. If he was going to betray me, this would be the time for it.

"Tomorrow morning, I will need to feed," I said. "and as you're aware, human children don't just walk around by themselves. As a favor to me...as a friend, would you escort me -and Karen- to and from the pool? Besides, I'm sure the police will want a statement from her about the whole ordeal."

I lifted an eyebrow as I sat waiting for his answer. I had Karen's small hands clenched into tight fists, white knuckled with stress and fear. Would he agree? Without asking him to do anything 'wrong', I had just given him a story that would cover him taking Karen from her parents for a while, and I had ensured that Karen would not be wandering home by herself after...after...

"I can do that much for you," he said softly, surprising me.

Before I could say another word, he started the car again and pulled back on to the road. I slumped back against the seat feeling a strange mixture of emotions. I was immensely relieved that he had agreed to help Karen, but I also felt an ice-cold dread about what I was about to do. Soon Karen would be returned home and I would have one last night with my host. One last night being able to see and touch the world around me, and then I would do as Cassie had done and turn to a sightless, helpless life.

Inside her own head, alongside the grief and gratitude she was feeling, Karen tried to comfort me. I had taken her body, made the human child my slave, and yet she didn't want me to be afraid. I had been right to call her innocent.