Welcome to the Sixties (From "Hairspray")
By Shakespeare's Girl
I do not own anything, neither "Hairspray," nor "Smallville", nothing. Except a really weird Imagination and too much caffiene.
Our scene opens on a stage set to look like a street in Baltimore in the Ninteen Sixties. Lex and Clark are on stage, DSR (Down-stage right). Clark is wearing a Catholic School Girl uniform, and looking all too excited and happy. Lex is wearing a green bathrobe over a house-dress. Lex looks very confused.
Lex: Clark, where exactly are we?
Clark: It's ninteen sixty two, Lex!
Lex: WHAT! No! Clark? Hey! (Clark has grabbed Lex and is dragging him CS) Where are we going? What am I wearing? NO! Clark, LET GO!
Clark: Lex, it's changing out there! You'll like it. People who are different, their time is coming!
(Clark begins to sing, and his voice is suspiciously high and girly.)
Hey Lexy, hey Lexy look around
Everybody's grooving to a brand new sound
Hey Lexy, hey Lexy follow me
I know something's in you that you gotta set free
So let go go go of the past now
Say hello to the love in you heart
Yes I know that the world's spinning fast now
But ya gotta get yourself a brand new start!
(Suddenly, Chloe, Lana and Lois all jump out from behind Clark, which is odd, because Clark has been moving this entire time. The three of them are all wearing hideous orange sequin-covered dresses and sporting beehives.)
Clark, Chloe, Lana and Lois:
Hey Lexy welcome to the sixties
Oh oh oh oh oh
Hey Lexy welcome to the sixties
Oh oh oh oh oh
Go Lexy, go go go!
(As Chloe, Lana and Lois continue singing this chorus, Clark drags Lex DSL, mostly he is sucessful because the other three are pushing Lex after him. They arrive DSL, at what appears to be a ladies botique. Lex stubbornly refuses to go any further, so Clark picks him up as he sings.)
Clark:
Welcome to the rhythm of a brand new day
Take your old fashioned fears and just throw them away
You should add some color and a fresh new 'do
Cause it's time for a star who looks just like you!
(Jonathon Kent has entered as Clark has been singing. He is dressed in an outfit that would do a used car sales man proud. He also wears very large, very ugly horn-rimmed glasses. An excited Clark runs over to Jonathon, but Lex screams at his appearance and cowers in fear. He tries to escape, but gets distracted by the orange dresses and the fact that Jonathon is pinching Clark's cheek and saying--)
Jonathon: There's my shining star! Fantastic to meet you! I'm Mr. Kent!
Clark: (sort of shy, as if he's never seen Jonathon before) It's so nice to meet you!.
Jonathon: (looking at Lex) Clark, is this your older sister?
Lex: What? Hey! No! I--! Hey! Let me go!
(Jonathon has grabbed Lex and pulled him away from Clark, who is happily munching on a huge plate of donuts that seems to have dropped out of the sky.)
Jonathon: (discretely, as if he is asking something slightly embarrassing) 54 double d?
Lex: (confused. Suddenly gets it.) NO! I AM NOT A WOMAN, DAMN IT!
Jonathon: (oblivious to Lex's shouting) I HIT THE MOTHER LODE!
Lex: (as he is pulled by the girls into a dressing room, that has also dropped out of the sky) HELP!!!!
Chloe, Lana, Lois:
Yeah yeah yeah
Welcome to the sixties
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh Lexy welcome to the sixties
Oh oh oh oh oh
Go Lexy, go go go!
Chloe: (jumping in front of the dressing room door, where there are banging noises, and the sound of Lex screaming for help)
Don'tcha let nobody try to steal your fun
Cause a little touch of lipstick never hurt no one
Lana: (joining Chloe in front of the door)
The future's got a million roles for you to choose
But you'll walk a little taller in some high heeled shoes
Lois: (joining the other two)
And once you find the style that makes you feel like you
Something fresh, something new!
All Except Lex:
Step on out, hear us shout,
Lexy that's your CUE!
(The Sequin Dress Girls all jump back, to reveal a furious Lex. He is wearing a pink sequin dress, equally as hideous as the orange ones, a beehive wig, and drag-queen make up. To top it all off, someone has made him wear matching heels. Lex snarls as a pleased Clark runs into the dressing room. In a few seconds, Clark returns, in an identical dress to Lex's and with a beehive.)
Lex:
Hey, Chloe, hey Lana,
Look at me!
I'm the final sight
That your eyes will see
Hey Lois, hey Jonny,
What's your rush?
If you go outside
I'll have you hit by a bus
(Everyone but Clark, who doesn't really have anything to worry about backs slowly away from Lex. Clark continues to dance around Lex happily, completely ignoring the fact that Lex is threatening to destroy his friends.)
Clark and Lex:
So let's go go go back to Smallville
Tell the people to all run and hide
Lex:
Cause my Tommy gun's empty too fast now
I'll kill the people who don't step aside
Lex and Clark:
Oh oh oh oh oh
We're killing in the sixties!
Oh oh oh oh oh
Clark:
Go, Lexy, go go go!
Lexy:
My fingers itch
Clark:
Itch!
Lex:
It's such a sin
Clark:
Sin!
Lex:
I'm gonna throw that town in the rubbish bin!
Clark:
Rubbish bin!
Lex:
I'm gonna get--
Clark:
Get!
Lex:
My sweet revenge!
Clark:
Go, Lexy!
Lex:
Mighta once been holding back
But baby NEVER AGAIN!!!
Clark:
Go Lexy, go go go!
(Lex storms off, with Clark in his wake, happily scatting on "Go Lexy, go go go".)
