"Hello viewers and welcome to...Total Drama Action!"Chris said."And gaming."Chef reminded."Yeah yeah whatever." The host shrugged it off."During the last episode we introduced our campers;And yes that's just as boring of an episode as it sounds..But me and Chef did get to see something the viewers didn't get to." The camera turned to static and a video of Hannah stuffing the box full of votes for Nate played on the screen."The motherly Hannah cheated a fellow camper on the first episode;She couldn't even wait till after the first authentic for her to fish in the ratings." The host smiled and rubbed his hands together."Well the kid had no chance anyway;Plus he was a loon."Chef reminded Chris but he was shushed.

-
Intro song playing -
watch?v=4TAwpi-QzDg -
The camera was focused on Nash and No-Name."So you have absolutly no idea where you came from or you was." She asked him."Not a single bit,I woke up about a week ago on the side of the road with no memory;It was pretty trippy really but I've had a pretty fun adventure."He shrugged."Eh I guess that's good enough of an explanation;I'm used to being able to tell a lot about people by how they act but you barely seem to know anything about yourself."She gave a concerned frown. "Well that's why I am here I figured if I was on TV someone would claim me and I could find my family;Or I could just use the two million and find a way to get emanctipated."He reached over and randomly poked her she awkwardly poked back."Hey Nash hows it going cutie?"Tim walked over and walked set down blocking the space between Nash and No-Name."Hows it been?"Tim asked raising an eyebrow trying to be at his hottest."No amount of abs,good looks,or fake charm is going to attract me to you;Don't you have a girlfriend at home anyway?"Tim denied automatically."Lies won't change how your commitment issues will effect a poor girl that thinks you're the world."Nash's normal nice mood was slowly fading away at the ran up behind Tim."You have a girlfriend at home!I feel so betrayed...And the fact you'd do that is sicking...But then again players are really hot and sorta my thing."She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him until his face turned blue. Tim started tossing and thrashing trying to get Ramona off him whenever Chris called over the intercom for everyone to come to the food court. Ford ran past and got Nash by the hand off the ground."Come on friend our breakfast is ready;Time to go make Chef feel good despite his lack of cooking talent. Everyone deserves compliments right?" Ford ran off and Nash and No-Name followed him. Whenever the Penguins got there most of the Gorrilas was already there. "Ooooh it's the other hottie."Ramona playfully punched Stetson in the arm.

"I didn't think food could get any worse then what they gave us at school."Zack pinched his nose."I could make ten times better then this useing simple recipes."Chef hit him over the back of the head with the serving spoon while he was saying ow Chef put a spoon full in his mouth and he threw up into the grime. Chef shrugged and stirred the vomit into the food."OK I'm not picky but that's gross;I think I'll find another way to get food."Kevin put his trey down and went to sit down.A bunch of people started complaining so Chef decided to bring out a non-puke filled grime."I'll take two scoops."No-Name smiled and gave him two scoops. "I can go a long time without eating,I think I'll just pass breakfast."Nash put her tray down."Hello Chef I've seen you cook terribly for the past two seasons but I want to give you the benefit of the doubt;Even though your food taste terrible to everyone else maybe there is someone out there who loves it!Like Owen? Anyway." Chef plopped the grime down on Fords tray and pushed him with one hand."First the crappy flag now this."Ashley complained while carrying her tray."Meh it's not too bad maybe there's some way I can convince Chef to make me something better hehe.." Everyone got to their seats and if they wasn't afraid of the food they was trying to coax it down."How are you eating this stuff."Nash asked no name."Meh before I got here I ate some pretty bad tasting stuff I'm used to it." "How does a cannibal go on a diet?" Kevin asked Michelle."Uhhhh...How?"Michelle asked."He only eats vegtables."Kevin responded."Ewwww."Michelle giggled and leaned up against him."I wouldn't want your mom to have to see you end up with someone like him;Aren't you meant to be sitting with your team anyway Ms?"Hannah grabbed her by her hair and pulled her over to the Gorrila's tables.

-
Confessionals -
Michelle:"Why does Hannah have to be so mom like;I came here to avoid my parents not to gain another one."She banged her head on the wall of the porta potty.

Ford:"Being nice to Chef isn't that hard;I know on the inside hes a big cuddle bear!"Ford raised his amrs in the air and did jazz hands.

-
Back to breakfast -
"You're so cute even if you do chew with your mouth open."Ramona pinched Tim's cheek and he blushed and backed away a bit."You're really creepy;Even more when you pinch my cheeks like my grandma does."Tim said under his breath as Ramona still reapproched him."Aw ladies man can't handle a bit of crazy."Stetson said in a baby voice."Well yeah;If you had to deal with her you'd be pretty creeped out too."Tim retorted."Could you both shut up I'm too distracted by your argueing to enjoy my grum."Marcus gazed at Stetson."It's OK friend rather or not you get to finish your goop. It'll still be hot days from now;It seems to make its own heat almost like it's alive. Isn't it slightly adorable?"He laughed."This guy is insane."Marcus grunted."Be nice;Even if it is true."Hannah's hand gently slapped the back of his head. "Why didn't you do that to Stetson he's bullying the other team."Yes exactly the other team;Both you and Michelle need to watch yourself."Hannah crossed here arms. Marcus just sighed and put his head down on the laid a hand on his back."Even if you don't like me I hope we become great friends later finished his meal and folded his napkin then took his tray to Chef."I would say something but if DJ taught you nothing you have no way of learning;Shameful." Chef just grunted.

"This spook also has prongs like a fork..."Deb looked at the spork from all sides."It shall be my foon." She looked around everywhere and then slid the spork into her pocket after licking it off."That wasn't weird at all."Marshal nervously laughed looking over at Deb who was right next to him."That idiot won't last long." Ashley said walking past to take her tray up."Goodmorning campers."Chris said as he walked into the door."Today you shall be fighting for your booties!"Chris yelled. "Meet at the water where you shall find your ships;It's going to be a full on out swashbuckling ship battle!"Kevin cheered lightly."Woo ya. So many things could go terribly wrong...People could drown,get hit by cannon balls,fall through broken floor or ooooh."He rubbed his hands together."Those all sound terrible;But if it makes you happy then I guess they're doing the world a bit of good!"Ford squeezed Kevin's shoulder a scowled a bit and brushed Ford's hand off his shoulder. Everyone got up and took their trays over to Chef and walked out the door. Once they got toward the shore the boats came into sight."These boats are huge;They look almost exactly like the boats used in Pirates of the Carrabien!"Lazlo said."That's because this challenge is probably based off of Pirates of The Carrabien,Idiot." Ashley rolled her eyes."Hello maties."Chris said sliding down from the crows nest and then struggling to remove his harness."Todays challenge will be based off the famous Pirates of the Carrabien will be provided cannon balls and one hundred precento authentico cannons to sink the other teams ship."A few campers looked concerned but only one spoke up."Um why would I let any of my team get on those death traps?"Hannah said crossing her arms and tapping her foot."Jeez you're like seven-teen and act older then me. You also sound older then me considering you forgot the fact life jackets exist."Chef walked infront of each camper and handed them an old life jackets as Chris was talking."These don't seem to be up to safty code."Hannah was still refusing to get on the boat."Yeah I know;It'd be a terrible thing if someone got hurt. I mean I'm sure it's nothing two-million dollars would be able to ...Go!"Hannah just stood there as all of her team and the Penguins ran past her knocking her down and some accidentally stomping on ran past last and stepped on her on purpose."I am sorry but I want to fit in."He laughed a bit then helped her up;Then they both ran onto their boat. Chris's voice came over the microphones on the boat."Rules are simple;Last boat standing doesn't have to send someone 's as simple as that."The intercom turned off."Well that was pretty boring considering it came from Chris."Tim said."That don't matter right now I can't risk you guys being harmed;Arm those cannons!"Hannah said shoving a cannon ball into the cannon and lighting it. The cannon ball fired and smacked into Ford on the other boat."That could've been worse."Ford wrapped his arms around his stomach and fell to the ground gasping for air."Kevin laughed jumping over him to place a cannon ball into the cannon and lit it;The fireball launched across the water and hit the boat of the Gorrilas."Sorry not sorry."He put his hands around his mouth and shouted. Tim laughed from behind.

"You dimwits are so slow!"Ashley dropped a cannon ball into all three cannons for her team."Jeez I didn't know you was that strong." Lazlo said."I'm not strong I just hate losing!"She yelled pushing the nerd out of the way to get more cannonballs and yelling for the others to fire the cannons. Back on the Gorrila's boat Zack was sitting on the floor drawing up sketches."We have no time for this;Do you want to drawn?"Hannah tried pulling him up."No I want to fix the holes in our boat;It looks so poor and ratty like this. It's officially the trailer of boats."Zack responded."Hey I live in a trailer!"Michelle yelled."Sucks for you."The perfectionist said emotionless to distracted by his plans to care."Wait,Why sink their boat when we could just get a certain Eve 2.0 mad so she accidentally destroys her teams boat." Hannah suggested. "For the motherly type you're pretty evil."Marcus sneered."Yes;And as the mom of the team it's my job to make sure my family...Eeer I mean team is succesful."Everyone shrugged."She defiantly seems dumb enough to fall for it."Deb said."Deb do you even know who we're talking about?"Hannah asked. "We was talking about you right?"Deb facepalmed and sighed."Hey blonde!"Hannah yelled over to the Penguins team trying to get Ashley's attention. Ashley pushed the cannon ball in and launched it;It went through a large hole that was already in the Gorrilas boat."What do you want?"Ashley sneered. "Don't you think it's ironic how that little twig doubted your strength?"Hannah was carefully baiting Ashley while Kevin,Lazlo,No-Name,and Nash was trying to take wood from the top deck to patch holes."What do you mean?"Ashley frowned a bit."I mean he seems to think you're just a regular stupid dumb and weak blonde girl!You're not going to let that little dweeb walk over our womanly pride like that are you?I mean heck he has blonde hair too and he's mocking you for it!"Hannah 's jaw dropped then her face face turned red."You little *beep*!" Ashley started stomping up to where everyone else was and grabbed Lazlo by the front of his shirt."Do you think I'm some stupid girl punk?" She shook him until his glasses fell off and then she stepped on them."N-No."He whined sinking his head down into his shirt like he was a turtle. Ashley grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head up."It's a shame I'm going to have to kill you;I thought you was pretty cute for a I figured out you was a sexist hypocrite!"She smacked his face."Hypocrite?Ka-ki-kill?Cute?"Lazlo said trying to stick his head back into his shirt with a slight blush on his face and a fresh wet stain on his pants."Ew he wet himself!"Tim yelled as Ramona clinged to his arm.

No-Name pulled Nash back from trying to help the poor nerd."Not a good idea."He gave a nervous slouched picked Lazlo up and took him to the deck and shoved him into a cannon."I get clausterphobic please let me out!"Lazlo yelled."Don't worry soon you'll be over on the Gorrilas boat and you'll have plenty of room."She lit the cannon and sent the nerd flying all the way through the Gorrilas boat into the water on the other rushed over to the other side of the deck and jumped into to get to Lazlo. He swam him over to the ladder and climbed up it carrying him to the deck and starting CPR. Lazlo sputtered back to life with a burst of water all over Marshal's took his hand and whipped it off annoyed."Our boat is sinking!"Hannah yelled."Everyone to the wheel thing!" Everyone ran up to the steering wheel of the of a sudden Chef climbed onto the deck of the Penguins boat with a dart gun and blew three darts into Ashley's neck."First episode and there's already a small chance I have a law suit on my hands!Great..."Chris sighed."Due to the fact that the Penguins couldn't control themselves...They're the official losers of the first challenge of this season!"Chris said a smile slowly growing on his face."Wait what?!"Kevin asked. "That might get crazy ratings from your edgier crowd;Isn't ratings the entire point of this show?"Kevin yelled spreading his arms out."Yes but it also cost me big money to have someone almost die on camera;Ever thought of that?"The host was obviously irritated."Gorrila's feel free to go back to go explore;Penguins meet me at the elimination set in an hour!"Chris demanded.

-
Confessional -
Lazlo:"Even though I almost died I feel so alive!For the first time ever someone called me cute!"He was wobbling around and holding his head.

Kevin:"I think one death wouldn't effected the show to much...Just like leave it off footage and have someone remove his vest so he sinks to the bottom. I mean he's pretty much dead now anyway. "I'm not doing that bad!Plus I can hear you..."Lazlo said from outside of the Porta potty."What're you doing out there!?"Kevin shouted. "I sorta fell and can't get up."Lazlo started opened the door and walked out nodding his head.

Before and during the elimination -
"I hope we don't get eliminated we didn't do much throughout that challenge."No-Name's cheeks turned a light red and he scratched the back of his neck. "Nah we're safe;I mean it's one-hundred precent Ashley's fault we if we didn't do anything we don't have to worry;Chris probably wants her gone considering she almost got his show kicked off air."No-Name bobbed his head agreeing to Nash's suggestion."What do you think gave Ashley that idea anyway?"No-Name asked?"I don't know. I think it could've been Hannah yelling it at her while you guys was distracted."Nash responded."You knew that'd happen?"No-Name asked."Meh,I did but I didn't have enough time to do anything until it was happening;Then you held me back."She rolled her eyes."Whoops."He lightly rubbed his forehead."Late enough?" Tim asked. "Your girlfriend is missing too."No-Name responded."No I'm not."Ramona came out from the small wooded area with a bunch of grapes and handed them to Tim. "Here's your food Mr."She pinched his cheek."I didn't ask for this..."He sat the grapes on the ground."Oh well."She sat down right next to him."Where did you even find those?"Nash asked."I brought a bunch of fruit with me...Shhh..."Ramona got an inch from her ear and backed away."Welcome to your first elimination slightly less then Extrodinary Penguins;You know where to cast your votes Amigos and Amigas." The host spread out his pointing it near the porta ,Ramona,and No-Name went to cast their votes;Everyone else already had.(Well except Ashley who was still tranqed)

"The votes was close almost a tie."Chris said reading through the cards."If I call your name you will retrieve a banana;If not you will go shall not collect two-million...DOLLARS!"Chris said and unpeeled a banana and started to eat it."Which means there will only be six of you guys left after today."Chris said throwing the banana peel behind his head."Wait what?"Kevin asked."No no no;It's only the second episode isn't a bit to early for a double elimination?" The Host scratched his chin."Not really;Thanks to the wrong person going home last time I'm making up for it."Chris chuckled."You're punishing us for the Gorrilas screwing up?" Asked Tim."Precisly;Last time the votes was rigged by Hanah for the "poor" paranoid kid to go home;I was going to change it up to surprise her and send home Stetson but nooo. Someone needed to jump into the water and swim away."Chris finished his sentence and the Penguins looked around at eachother."First banana goes to Nash." Chris throw the banana and she caught and peeled it."That quiet kid."Chris tossed the banana at No-Name."I talk alot I just always get interrupt-"Chris started calling out more names."Kevin,Tim,Ford."Three bananas flew into the air."The last banana of hope goes to..."Lazlo."Ramona gasped a bit,Tim cheered,and Lazlo cheered. "But he's still going home;He just looks like he need food. Do you weigh like seventy pounds or something?"Lazlo cheered lightly."He ran and got into the back of the broken down intern wheeled Ashley's seat to the limo and tilted it so she slid from the chair into the limo seat."Is she going to sleep through the whole ride?"Lazlo asked Chef."You better hope so."Chef turned on the engine and hooked the horn loud a few times yelled for her to wake up. Ashley woke up and trained her eyes on the poor could probably be heard towns away.

"Final thirteen!"Ford offered Kevin a highfive;Whenever Kevin didn't respond Ford lifted his Kevin's hand and slapped it."Wooo." The happy go lucky loon cheered."Well he isn't wrong;We're still only one person behind."Reassured Kevin as the camera man walked near him."Could you not!"Kevin slapped the camera out of the camera mans hands and the screen went to static and outro credits started to play.