And now may I present to you the next sexy chapter – I take no responsibility for any sexy brain damage caused by the reading of this chapter.

To anyone trying to do a sexy count… good luck.

Don't judge by first impressions, Elphaba told herself, it's a silly human instinct that must be ignored. Remember Galinda? Your best friend? Remember Fiyero? Your… Images of Fiyero staring across the cage at her the day before filled her mind. However, they were soon obliterated by seeing him run away moments later and then his proposal to Moonlight earlier that morning, not to mention he was her best friend's boyfriend – she shouldn't be thinking about him like that anyway… OK, don't remember Fiyero, but remember Galinda, I mean she wasn't quite as annoying as she first seemed. Maybe Moonlight and her annoying Fiyero stealing perfectness will grow on me…

Elphaba wasn't convinced. Anyway, it was hard to concentrate on thinking when you were handing tissues to your best friend who had been sobbing in the girls toilets for the last, Elphaba estimated, six hours.

"Oh Elphie, he's perfect and now he's LEFT ME! And I'm UGLY!"

She would have laughed if it had been another context, well laughed and then killed Fiyero, but for all her denial Elphaba was sure they were dealing with something deadly.

"I want to kill her."

Me too, "Galinda, I'm sure she's not really as bad as she seems, I bet this has all just been a big misunderstanding."

"Yeah right."

Exactly.

Shut up.

She sighed, "Galinda, come on, you're going to have to come out eventually, I'm sure it's not really as bad as it looks"

It took her another three hours to drag Galinda out.

They ran into Madame Morrible just as they left the bathroom.

"Oh Miss Elphaba, Miss Galinda, I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Sorry we missed our lessons Madame, you see Miss Galinda was emotionally scarred and decided she needed to cry her soul out in the lavatories all day."

Madame Morrible waved her words away, "Oh don't worry about it dear. We cancelled all the lessons today to celebrate the wonderful event of Moonlight coming to Shiz, in fact the Wizard has declared the day a national holiday. No, no, I was coming to talk to you about your dorm."

"What's happened to it?"

"It doesn't exist anymore," said Morrible simply, "we knocked it down to build Moonlight a palace."

Galinda's mouth fell open, Elphaba was sorely tempted to do the same, "…what?"

"It was the obvious option," Morrible explained, "the dorms were clearly far too small and plain and would be permanently damaging to Moonlight's delicate but sexy physique so we built her a palace just like her one in the Kingdom of the Eternal Moonlight but there wasn't enough space so we knocked down your dorm. We felt it was teeny tiny sacrifice for the much, much, much greater good of the wonderfully beautiful and sexy Moonlight's well being."

"So where are you intending for us to sleep?"

"Oh don't worry deary, at Shiz we make sure even the ugliest of our students are accommodated for, you girls will sleep in this mouldy old tent."

Elphaba inspected the bag of rags she had been handed, "Madame you can't expect me to sleep in this, my father has paid for me to be in a dorm."

"I'm afraid, Miss Elphaba, the sexy Moonlight's needs come before yours."

"But Madame, I'm sure you're under a legal obligation to provide me with a suitable residence…"

Morrible smiled grimly, "Not anymore I'm not, the Wizard's just passed a law saying we can do anything for the sake of dear Moonlight, now I'm off to order some new dresses for Moonlight from the Emerald City, goodnight girls."

As soon as Morrible was out of sight Elphaba turned to Galinda, who looked like she was going to sob for nine hours again, "You're right Galinda, this Moonlight needs to die, and fast."

Tents are not desirable, especially manky tents, especially when there's frost outside. Elphaba, Galinda and certain fanfiction authors couldn't believe that they'd ever had to sleep in such a horrible thing. All in all cold, dirty, greasy haired or not both girls were rather glad when the morning arrived. After all, Elphaba reasoned, she liked lessons and at least the classrooms would be warm.

And warm the classrooms were but Elphaba hadn't quite bargained on her maths classroom being covered in pink lace and vilely floral smelling. Sitting in the teacher's seat was… Moonlight!

"…What are you doing here?" asked Elphaba warily.

Moonlight giggled happy, "Well I saw that all the girls here were all really ugly so I asked Madame Morrible if I could give everyone a sexy makeover lesson. And she said that I was a genius and that was the best idea she had ever heard and we should have a lesson like that everyday instead of maths because maths is boring."

"So how are we going to do calculations?"

Moonlight chuckled again, making Elphaba feel annoyingly inferior, "That's what a calculator's for seaweed! And anyway, I can do any maths problem in my head in less than a second – I'm half mathematician you know! Now you and blondie, go sit over in the 'hopeless case corner'"

Galinda was not too traumatised to not argue with that, "Excuse me I'm not a hopeless case."

Moonlight looked at her scathingly, "Now let's see, greasy hair, spotty face, makeup looking like it's been put on in a tent. Why Miss Galinda you really are the toughest case I've yet to face."

"But…"

"Now get into the ugly corner before a give you three years of detentions."

Galinda fumed, "Elphie?" she asked when, too angry for tears, she had finally shuffled over.

"Yes?"

"Remember when you first became my roommate and I thought you were horrible and ugly and awful and I hated you with ever tiny fibre of my being, so much so that if we were in a musical we would have sung a vaguely suggestive song about how much we loathed each other?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I do."

"Well I hate this Moonlight a bazillion times more than I hated you."

"Well it's nice to know I only come second on your worst first impressions list."

When all the class came in and were divided into their respective ugliness (which for some reason appeared to be essentially a boy/girl split) Moonlight turned sexily to the class, "Hello class," she giggled, "I'm your teacher, but don't worry I'm not a horrible geeky ugly person like Elphaba I'm still just as sexy as ever (which is like amazingly, superbly and beautifully sexy). But I'm also very sexily good too so I decided to improve all the horrible ugly people in the school so when they look in the mirror they'll only want to slit their wrists and die a little bit!"

Fiyero started clapping, "Go Moonlight!"

"Oh you're just so sexily good," Boq cheered.

"You're my one true love!" Tibbett told her.

"I love you Moonlight," Avaric squealed.

"I know you do," replied Moonlight, "now come on, let's get makeovering, remember to put on these sexy latex gloves – we don't want to get any ugly germs."

"Ugly germs," spat Elphaba uglily, "you do know there's no such thing?"

"Don't even say that," cried Moonlight beautifully, suddenly her beautiful sapphire blue and emerald green sparkly orbs filled sexily with tragic scarlet tears of blood which trailed beautifully in little spirals down her sexy pallid face, "for my own dear, beautiful, innocent, honest, pure, sexy mother died of ugly germs. My father was so depressed that he got amnesia and sexily forgot that if you stab yourself in the chest with a sword you died. I was sexily left orphaned and alone on and iceberg and was raised by lions and then they DIED."

All the boys (who were all so good and sensitive) eyes filled with sexy manly tears when they heard Moonlight's tragic and unfortunate tale. Elphaba looked faintly nauseous.

But Moonlight swallowed bravely and sexily and left her tragic past behind her, "Now come on we've got loads and loads and loads of unuglifying to do!"

The next hour or so were the most torturous of Elphaba's life and by the end she was wondering why she'd ever pitied the witches burnt at the stake during the time of the Ozma. Oz, if they could see her now they'd pity her.

Finally, just after Moonlight had declared (sexily), "Oh just wear a paper bag over your head, it's the only way you could ever not give children nightmares and old ladies heart attacks when you look at them." The bell for the next class rang.

Dragging along a hysterical Galinda, ("Elphie, I'm not ugly, I'm not! I think Moonlight needs glasses… I mean she is wrong, right? I'm not ugly am I?"), Elphaba was surprised that she was most looking forward to a lesson taught by Doctor Nikidik – at least he didn't have over twenty names.

"You know what?" she muttered to Galinda, "I was wrong about Moonlight. A fast death is too good for her – she needs to die a slow and painful death – preferably involving flesh eating slugs."

But she was in for yet another shock as she entered the history classroom.

"Doctor Dillamond! You're back!"

Doctor Dillamond smiled at her, "Yes, Miss Elphaba I'm back. Moonlight got the Wizard to reinstate me, she also made sure he gave back all the Animals their rights and ended world poverty."

Before Elphaba had a chance to even gasp in response Moonlight sexily skipped into the room beautifully.

Doctor Dillamond beamed at her, "Ah, there you are my favourite pupil! Did I tell you? For your amazingness I'm going to give you straight As in all my classes."

Moonlight giggled, "Oh! My! Jonas! Thank you so much Dilly!"

"Anything for you sexy Moonlight."

"That's completely unfair," Elphaba grumbled, "what's the point in getting grades without knowing the information… wait, did he just call Moonlight sexy?" But there was a greater problem troubling her, Moonlight had just done what she had always wanted to do. Moonlight had fought the cause that she would have happily given her life for and won, easily and perfectly – how could she hate someone who had done something so right?

Still, Doctor Dillamond's return had undoubtedly been the only good thing that had happened to her all day and, for the moment, Elphaba was just content to sit back and listen to Doctor Dillamond's teaching. Although she was pretty sure normally he'd tell Fiyero off for carving '3 FT luvs 3' into the desk.

…That was until about two minutes into the lesson when Moonlight let out a dainty and undeniably beautiful yawn, "Dilly, history's sooooo boring, can't we do something more interesting?"

Doctor Dillamond looked up at her. That's it, thought Elphaba, that little cow has finally made a mistake, there's no way Doctor Dillamond would ever take someone insulting his subject kindly.

Moments later she scolded herself for her naivety as Doctor Dillamond's face broke out into a grin, "You're soooo totally right Moonlight! I don't know why I didn't see the boringness of history before. Let's do karaoke instead!" and he pressed a button on his desk that Elphaba had never noticed before and suddenly the room turned into a karaoke studio and Doctor Dillamond was wearing DJ clothes which, if asked beforehand, Elphaba would have assured anyone he would rather have lost his ability to speak than wear.

"Who wants to go up first?"

"Oh me, me!" Shouted Fiyero, bouncing up and down, Doctor Dillamond (or DJ Dilly as he now called himself) handed him the mike.

"This song is dedicated to my true love Moonlight," he told the class passionately and sexily, his voice full of desire for his one true love, and suddenly he sung 'My Heart Will Go On' in his sexy new British accent. Everyone cheered as his voice was so sexy. All the girls were jealous because he was singing it to Moonlight and not them.

Elphaba sat sulking in the corner.

Next up was Boq, he sung 'I'm Too Sexy' while doing a strip tease, when he took off his shirt to reveal his ultra sexy eight pack abs and sexy muscles. All the girls swooned at his sexiness but he ignored them all except Moonlight who he swept into his arms and kissed passionately until she awoke again. Everyone cheered.

"I think I'm going to be sick," muttered Elphaba from the corner.

She looked over at Galinda, now for from able to even be comforted, curled up in little ball muttering, "This is not happening; it's all just a horrendifyed dream. I'll wake up and I'll be pretty again and Fiyero will be my future husband and Biq will not be sexy and…"

Elphaba had never thought she'd wanted exactly what Galinda wanted quite as much as she did now.

After every boy in the class had sung about just how much they loved Moonlight and even a couple of girls had tried singing (although they only managed to produce vile screeching noises and put grease and dirt onto the microphone) Fiyero spoke up, "It's not fair, we've all sung sexily but you have a voice of an angel Moonlight you must sing to us you sexy beast."

Moonlight giggled musically, "Ok Fiyeroypoo, anything for you!"

She walked sexily onto the stage, her golden curls flowing gracefully around her like a golden waterfall in heaven. She opened her mouth and the most beautiful stream of notes ever heard came out, she sung 'Wake Me Up Inside', 'Bella's Lullaby', 'Part of Your World', 'Don't Stop Believing', 'Turn Around, Bright Eyes', 'My Immortal', 'Defying Gravity', 'Chronicles Of Life And Death', 'Seasons of Love', 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow', 'Baby', 'When You Look Me In The Eyes', 'We're All In This Together' and 'This is Me' sexily. Afterwards everybody clapped for an hour and suddenly realised how ugly their voices were compared to Moonlight's.

Moonlight giggled modestly, "Yes, yes, thank you, I know I'm brilliant and super and great and beautiful and sexy, after all I am half musician."

Elphaba was sure she'd never been quite so green, "Come on Galinda," she said, dragging her distraught friend up, "I never thought I'd say this when there was not a tortured Lion Cub in the room but we need to get out of this class right now."

Galinda was happy to oblige.