Kururuo Sakuro: Thank you for your Review! I'm thrilled that somebody likes it :) And per you're Suggestion I did some Change for this chapter. I really am thankful that you pointed those things out, because even I had the Feeling it was to rushed and Tsuna was too OOC. I'm not sure if I can get rid of his OOcness ... Well I do my best! I didn't Change the Yamamoto part, because ... hehehe I won't say it! XD I hope the changes made the chapter better.
Disclaimer: I don't own KHR.
Authors note: And here somes chapter one! I have the Story in Progress, but I have the next three chapters finished. Chapter number two will be uploaded next week!
Beware! This chapter has Kyoko bashing, not because I dislike her, but because it's written to show the inner devil of a jealous girl.
Enjoy, or not, it's up to you!
Depressing Saturday
A few day into the third year of middle school and Hayato was depressed beyond recognition.
Why?
Because Juudaime was happy to have his first ever date with Kyoko, that bitch. Yes, she was a cute and nice girl, but when you are jealous, even someone sweet like her was a nasty bitch.
Every day since one and a half year he took female hormones to become the girl he truly was. So far just his sister knew about it.
Bianchi was his hero, she loved him unconditionally and he worked hard not to faint because of her face. (There was slow progress)
Both were now sisters and spend more than enough time together. They talked about girl things and love, especially love. Bianchi wanted him to fight for his love, but how?
In Juudaimes eyes he was the reliable (but scary) and strong storm guardian, a guy who lost his temper really fast and would shoot before asking questions.
He did not know, that all those anger issues were the result of not being who he really was. Not that Hayato blamed his beloved boss for not noticing. He made sure that his friends would not find out about his true personality, not yet. He knew, that he was a girl, but to say so to others was frightening.
In the world of Mafiosi was no place for a transsexual.
Hayato woke up and felt like shit, last night she cried herself into sleep. Life was so not fair to her.
Why was she born a boy?
Why was that bitch born as a girl?
Why was she such an wimp?
Why didn't she have the courage to face her friends and tell them who she really was?
All those question drew circles in her head and made her dizzy. It wasn't the first time she cried because of her own cowardice.
She had a major headache, to much crying did this to you.
Not wanting to get up on this depressing day, but needing to pee was really irritating. Grumpy as hell she got up, the natures calling was to strong.
Her night groom was all wrinkly and hung loosely around her not curves. She almost tripped over Uri, who meowed in protest but didn't scratch. Some time ago she found out, that Uri was well behaved at home and would never harm her. Maybe the reason for that was her change in personality once home. She had the vague feeling that Uri attacked her every time she was not herself. Strange, really.
As she looked in the mirror she had the wish to faint. How could she look so utterly disgusting? Her eyes were red and swollen, there were dry tears and snot on her face (ew!) and her hair was a total catastrophe. Shaking her head she undressed and took a long, warm and relaxing shower, unwanted hair was shaved of (not that she had much of that). Lucky her, she had no beard to shave. It would have grossed her out if she had facial hair. The doctor said something about late puberty. Because of the hormones she would never have a beard. As she heard that, a heavy weight was lifted of her shoulders (the first positive thing ever!).
After her shower and drying she put on lotion, she did not want to have dry skin.
Naked like she was, she could spot the really small breasts, which developed after she begun taking her medicine. The doctor said that she would never have any real breasts, but hey there was the option of silicon.
What really bothered her was, that she would never have a feminine waistline. The bone structure of her body couldn't be changed with hormones. But after some research (and disturbing pictures) she came to the conclusion, that wearing a corset permanently, could change that to a certain degree (there was a picture about a women with a really small waist).
At home and alone she would put on her corset and make herself a smaller waist. With that her hip would seem rounder than it really was. It gave her almost a perfect female figure. Wrinkling her nose she put on some panties, this thing between her legs was just in the way, so she stuck it behind (it was not really comfortable, but the panties fit better that way).
The bra she wore was really expensive, because it was one especially for people like her (a gift from Bianchi). It was more an artificial bosom than a bra and had a nice size, which was a perfect fit to her small hips. (it would really look stupid to have big boobs but a small hip) This lucky girl was never a masculine type of guy, so she would never show too much that she was born with the wrong body. Once she had clothes on nobody would ever think, that this was a biological boy.
Dressed in a fluttery skirt, some tights, fitting shirt and shoes, she came to the conclusion that she was much more cuter than Sasagawa Kyoko could ever hope to be. With the wig she would not be recognized as Gokudera Hayato.
The wig was wavy and a shade darker than er true hair. With it she looked a lot like her beautiful mother.
Today would be the first ever time for her to go through Namimori all dolled up. Normally she would take the bus or train to another town, because she was afraid to be recognized.
But after weeks and month of spending time as a girl in other towns without being found out, she was positive that in Namimori it would be the same. It was an important part of her therapy. She had to become confident in her appearance, if she wanted to get the permission to undergo the necessary surgery. This permission was the one thing she needed the most. So she had to show the Psychologist, that she really had what was needed to be a girl. She had to have the necessary courage to be true to herself and the people around her. The last part was the hardest.
But today her sole mission was to stalk Juudaime and Kyoko. Hell, she would make sure that this bitch would not break his golden heart, or do something stupid to let him loose his face. She knew it would only hurt to see those two as a happy couple, but she had to make sure that Juudaime was doing the right thing. If he was really happy with Kyoko she would let go and move on.
Yeah like hell that would happen! If push came to shove she would send Kyoko to fucking Siberia just to have Juudaime for herself. Hey she was a girl in love, don't blame her. Putting on a light Jacket and grabbing her handbag she left the house. Inside her handbag she had her Vongola gear and some dynamite (couldn't go out the house without that), like normal she had an undefined number of bombs on her.
Juudaime was a really great guy, he told his friends when and where he would meet with Kyoko. Hayato was really thankful for that, because she didn't have to search for him.
There!
He was in front of a fountain, waiting for the girl.
He looked handsome (like any day) in his Jeans and button-down shirt. The only accessory he wore was his Vongola ring (he never left it at home).
As a trained hit man she knew how to hide without being to suspicious and how to look natural during observation.
That bitch let the boss wait almost twenty minutes before she showed up.
If it was her, she would bow down in apology and beg for forgiveness, but no Sasagawa just smiled and asked if Juudaime did wait long. He just blushed and said no, Kyoko giggled silly and she had the urge to strangle her. Those two were not really sure what to do, so they just strolled around town. Sometime during her observation she ran into someone.
"Whoa! Careful there."
That annoying laugh was something she didn't want to hear.
"I am so sorry! But please excuse me, I am in a hurry!" The Baseball freak smiled stupidly, why was this guy so big? Hell she wore heels and had to look up to him.
He even had the nerve to grow bigger than Juudaime and Juudaime had had an amazing growth spurt. She bowed politely and was on to further stalking. After some time she stopped.
"Why are you following me? It is quite disturbing!"
If this were a normal day she had blown up the guy without further ado. Hopefully he didn't recognize who she was.
"I don't follow you! I follow them!" he pointed towards Juudaime and Kyoko.
She blinked. Ah! There, she knew the guy had his eyes on the bosses woman – that could get him killed. In the Mafia you don't go around ogling at the bosses woman. But somehow she smelled a chance. An idea plopped into her mind.
"I follow them, too."
"Why?" Yamamoto did sound suspicious, being a Mafia man he had to consider that she could be an enemy. So the guy could take his job serious.
"I fell in love with the guy at first sight." She blushed, saying it to a guy you considered a friend was really hard. Baseball freak scratched his head.
"Well he is kinda my best friend and I kinda like the same girl as him." His laugh sounded nervous.
She blinked and tilted her head slight to the side.
" I have a great idea!"
He was interested on the spot.
"Hey Tsuna! Fancy meeting you!"
"Yamamoto? What are you doing here?" Tsuna looked confused, mostly because his friend had a cute girl at his side. A girl who seemed familiar, but he didn't recognize.
"I'm on a date! This is Sawaki Hana!" (She did need an alias and didn't come up with something better)
She bowed her dark silver head slightly, Tsuna smiled friendly and introduced himself and Kyoko. Kyoko didn't seem to be happy (Yes take that!).
"We could make this a double date. Should be fun!" Great, Yamamoto was a really good actor.
"I'm sure Sawaki-san would like to spend time with you alone." The read head sounded a bit angry, like a dog which sniffed competition.
"I think it would be fun to spend time with Yamamoto-kuns friends." As a girl she could be nice and at the same time threatening, it was something only girls could pull of. So it didn't come as a surprise, that those cute girls were throwing daggers at one another through smiles.
Like the good and friendly guy Juudaime was, he spoke up to cut the tension.
"Why don't we all go eat lunch in that new café the street down? And there we can talk more about this double date thing." Juudaime really should speak more. He had such a smooth voice (although he did sound funny during his changing of voice). The other three agreed, not that Yamamoto and her had something against it and lunch did sound like a great idea.
Now they sat at a table waiting for the food, talking. Then to her upper shock the stupid woman came trough that door.
"Hahi, what are you guys doing here?" She had the nerve to sit on the last available spot at their table.
"We have a double date!" cheerful idiot he was Yamamoto had to answer her.
Haru blinked.
"Not fair Haru wanted to have a date with Tsuna-san, too!" Kyoko smiled at her, a real smile and not a dagger-throwing one.
Really strange …
"Why don't you eat with us?" Did she have to ask this annoyance? Both of them were introduced and there were the dagger smiles, but they were other then those between her and Kyoko. It felt as if she daggered at her as reinforcements.
Really strange …
"Say Sawaki-san, which school are you from?" Had that to be Harus first question?
"I don't go to school. Truth is I'm much older than I look." They all blinked confused. "How old?" From Kyokos mouth it sounded almost like a cats hiss. "Twenty." Lying like this came natural when you had to pretend to be another person your whole live.
"How did you meet Yamamoto?" She didn't think Juudaime would be interested. "I met her at a baseball match some time ago." This guy beamed at the boss like no tomorrow. "Is that true?" Now she could see the concentration between Kyokos eyebrows, funny.
She could only smile and nod.
"Please excuse me. I have to freshen up." She needed a time out, before she could punch those stupid bitches, hell they are good at interrogation.
"Me too!" Those two really did follow her!
Yamamoto said something about girls and toilets and Juudaime did laugh over that. How she loved it when Juudaime laughed.
Once inside the confine of the girls toilet Haru and Kyoko glared at her.
"What is it? I have to pee."
"Peeing can wait!" Kyoko snapped, what was wrong with her?
"Why are you going out with a guy much younger than you?"
"Because I thought he was older!"
"Oh come on, Yamamoto-kun doesn't look older than your average Highschooler!" Now Haru did hiss at her.
"What is it with you two? I don't understand why you are so angry, especially Sasagawa here." She had to remind herself not to shout or the male voice would come up.
"I like him."
"As Kyokos friend I help her to get him." Forget peeing, those two were so dead!
"Then … why are you dating Juudaime, when you don't even like him that way?!" The girls looked confused, blinked and then all hell broke loose. "Gokudera-kun?!" Shit … it was the male voice and holding dynamite in both hands had blown the cover perfectly. The three of them stared at each other. She put away the bombs and looked away in shame.
"Yes."
"Why."
"Because ..." taking in a deep breath she faced them: "I am a girl inside the wrong body."
"and … what does it mean? Are you gay or something like that?" Kyoko didn't know what to think of this statement.
"... I don't know if you could consider me gay. I mean at heart I'm a girl."
"But you like boys?" Haru had a frown on her face.
"Well yeah. But you like boys too – and that does make you hetero."
"Well if you put it like that … but … you're a boy … and … I don't know what to say anymore!" Now the stupid woman pouted.
"Then just shut up!" She didn't have the patience to discuss with her those things.
"So uhm, you like Yamamoto?" Kyoko asked shyly and to avoid a headache.
"Hell no!"
"I just met him, because he did follow you and Juudaime, same as me." the last part was mumbled. "Back to my question! Why are you dating Juudaime if you don't like him that way?"
"Because I wanted to know which way I feel for him. I was not sure if I loved him like that or just as a friend."
"And?" She snapped.
"He is just a friend there are no deeper feelings." Haru was quiet, but looked happy. "So, when the time comes say it. Don't go around putting up his hopes, because he really likes you."
"I wouldn't be to sure about that."
"What do you mean?"
"I think Tsuna-kun is as unsure about his feelings as I." Never did Hayato think someone was as wrong as her.
"Than Haru has a good chance with him!" Normally she would have snapped at her, but she knew that Haru had more of a chance inside Juudaimes heart than her.
By the time they came out the food was there. Juudaime and Yamamoto looked at them with the – what the hell took you so long on toilet – look. But those two were gentlemen and didn't ask, they even waited for them before eating. Sitting down at the table they began their meal. Sometimes she would feel a gaze on her, like somebody did study her. But every time she looked up her friends looked normal. There was no chance for her to talk to Juudaime, because Haru did take his attention. Kyoko was all ears to Yamamoto, and she felt just out of place between this couples. Her most beloved seemed out of reach, so much that it hurt.
At the end of the day the five of them bid goodbye (somehow they spend the day as a group) and were on their own ways.
It was just before she reached a corner, that Juudaime came to her.
"Sawaki-san!" She came to an halt.
"Yes?"
"I won't be able to sleep peacefully if I just let you go!" (Reborn would kill him if he let a woman go home alone in the dark) He smiled this smile, she was sure in the future he could get women pregnant with that smile. (The most people would probably say he looked nervous and unsure. But she saw his true side, that he was hiding.)
"So please let me accompany you home." He had this shy look on his face, the look he gave people when he didn't know if they wanted him dead or not. There was no danger in letting him walk her home, because the boss didn't know where Hayato lived.
"Sure why not." They walked in silence and it was nice.
"I was really grateful today, that you and Yamamoto came along." Tsuna muttered it more than actually saying it.
"Why?" That was confusing.
"Well between me and just Kyoko, it was somehow awkward." He shrugged his shoulders and scratched his head.
"I don't know if her and I are fit to be a couple. And somehow I have the nagging feeling that she is more interested in Yamamoto ... and Yamamoto likes her, that I'm sure of." A defeated sigh didn't suit him.
"But this Haru girl seems interested in you." Juudaime scratched his head.
"Yeah, she is hell bend on marrying me..."
"But?" He looked at her and smiled shy.
"She is … well, annoying. I mean, she is a good friend, but I think she would annoy the hell out of me. There are enough annoying people I have to deal with!" The tone of his voice said how embarrassed he was to put it like that. At that she had to laugh hard, so hard it did hurt.
"... and Yamamoto?"
Tsuna didn't look at her, but he wanted to know.
"I just wanted to help him get the girl he likes. We would never fit together - he is too much of an happy go lucky person."
"Truth is … well, ... I couldn't even imagine him with a mature girl like you." He looked at the floor and she blushed, hard.
She was beet red by the time they reached her home.
"So this is it." She said a bit sad, because she wanted to spend more time with him.
"Can I have your mobile number?" His voice changed into something calculating, but she wasn't aware of it. Hayato reached inside her handbag, but remembered something. "But I'm sure I have your number." it was a whisper, nothing more. Juudaime did dial his number and on cue her phone rang. Frozen on the spot, she lost all colour and didn't know how to get out of this situation.
The ringing stopped.
Both of them didn't know what to say or do in this situation.
"Juudaime I'm ..." With his hand on her mouth she couldn't speak.
"I don't want to know it! Good night!" With that her beloved boss made a run for it.
Like in trance Hayato entered her flat, put her shoes away, changed out of her clothes and got into bed. Crying herself into sleep like last night, not knowing what to make out of Juudaimes reaction. Full of insecurities were her dreams filled with nightmares.
What a depressing Saturday
On his walk home Tsuna had the chance to think. Ever since they came back from the future he had the feeling something had changed. He didn't know what. Now that he thought about it, quite a few things changed. He knew somewhere between the return from the future and the ordeal with Shimon Gokudera began to seem softer. He just thought it was because he had learned to trust his friends more. Kyokos eyes would linger on Yamamoto. But he ignored it.
Tsuna spend more time with Enma than with his other friends, because he was the only one who could understand his reluctance to become a Mafia boss. That was seemingly wrong, then the more time he spend with the other the more he felt like he would no longer know his friends.
Sometime after they broke the curse of the Arcobaleno he saw Yamamoto looking at Kyoko. His gut told him, that those looks weren't the kind of friendly gazes other girls got from his friend, but he choose to ignore this feeling for a long time.
Today it was the first time he had the urge to punch his best friend. In the Mafia it was a law not to look at the bosses woman - but Kyoko was never his.
Yesterday he put all his courage together to ask her out. Afte a lot of stuttering and awnkwardness she agreed easily and he knew she was not as nervous about it as he was. His gut told him what that meant.
He didn't need his Hyper Intuition to tell him that she would never love him like that – but he did hope it would work out.
During their date they were being followed, heck Reborn would kill him if he wasn't aware of his surroundings at all times. But he knew from the feeling his followers gave him, that they were Gokudera and Yamamoto. He didn't even wonder about Gokudera, because that guy was his personal stalker. Tsuna knew that his storm guardian meant no harm in stalking him, so he just ignored it.
Why Yamamoto was on his heels he really didn't want know. To his surprise Yamamoto came out of his hiding with a beautiful girl at his side. That girl was cute but somewhat familiar, she looked a little like Gokudera but that could just be coincidence – if only his Hyper Intuition would shut up.
Calculating her height minus the heels she was just a little taller than him. Her voice was soft but had a male tone to it.
At first he wanted to refuse this double date – but somehow he ended up agreeing to it.
Kyoko looked like she wanted her dead. That was the most depressing moment ever, because Vongola intuition said – Kyoko likes Yamamoto very much and doesn't want to share with the beauty at his side.
As those three girls took their time in the bathroom he did something out of character. He confronted Yamamoto about his feelings. "Sorry Tsuna." and his friend did look sorry, but also challenging.
Defeated he gave up, to fight with his best friend over a girl which would never love him was stupid. Yamamoto was more important than his one sided feelings. During lunch he watched Sawaki Hana, because Kyoko didn't even pay him much attention and he didn't want to show Haru any intrest, she would just get the wrong idea about it. A lot of things Sawaki did reminded him of Gokudera. How she would touch her ear when putting a strand of hair behind it or how she used the straw: stir two times right, one time left then drink until the glass is half empty. Why he knew this things about Gokudera was something even he wanted to know.
But the most common she had with his storm guardian were her hands. She had long and elegant fingers, well manicured nails, like a person who cared more about her hands than everything else. As she stood besides him he smelled the faint scent of gunpowder. Strange enough it did go well with her perfume.
At first he thought himself paranoid, but his phone call and her ringtone proofed otherwise. It freaked him out. What was the reason for this dress up? Tsuna wanted to believe that Gokuderas outfit was just a cover to play this double date thing. But how he moved and talked seemed so natural. He doubted that he wore girls clothing as a costume just to stalk him. And no normal guy could walk in heels like that without experience. He was to good at playing a girl and he put so much effort in his outfit, almost as if he was truly a girl. It confused him and today he was not ready to talk about such a delicate matter and made a run for it. Not knowing how much it hurt his storm guardian.
Back at home Tsuna just wanted to go to bed. Reborn looked at him as if he wanted to torment him (the kick to the head was the first step). "Not today Reborn. There are some issues I have to deal with. I don't think I would be able to concentrate on training." He whined in his most whiny voice. "Fine, but tomorrow ..." "I will be ready for your tutoring. Wake me whenever you see fit." With that he shut the lights down.
Reborn knew that whatever it was Tsuna was dealing with, it was personal, so he didn't ask. This boy had more to handle then most guys his age. He had lousy grades, the weight of the greatest Mafia Family to carry and to top it all he was sixteen and in puberty. He was allowed to deal with his personal live alone, it was something Reborn wouldn't interfere with as long as it didn't interfere with Family matters.
