Chapter 2 - 3 JohnDave 3 - 3 DAVEKAT 3 - Depression
AN: THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH DEPRESSION BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO WARN I'M GONNA GET REAL DEEP ON STUFF AND I'M JUST WARNING YOU SO I DON'T GET YELLED AT! So I realize that in cannon John and Dave live very far away from each other but to make this easier everybody lives within driving or walking distance and all go to the same school and stuff because that just makes everything easier on everyone. Also I don't own Homestuck. If I owned it there would be a hell of a lot less death.
~ENJOY MY LOVLIES~
John Egbert and Dave Strider were the "most purrfect and adorable couple efurr" – or so Nepeta would say. Dave and John had been dating for only the last few years but Dave had fallen in love with John long before then. Dave had an okay life but almost everyday when he was left alone with just himself and his music he got a sudden feeling... where he was slowly consumed by his thoughts until they all rushed in at once.
John and Dave were cuddling on John's bed watching Nic Cage movies when John's dad said it was time for Dave to leave. Dave packed up his stuff, put on his shoes, and headed down the street to his house. He threw his backpack on the floor by the door and even though he knew his bro was probably at work or... somewhere on this damn planet, he yelled out "I'M BACK FROM JOHN'S HOUSE AND I'LL BE IN MY ROOM SO DON'T BUG ME" and did what he said he was gonna do – go to his room.
Dave's bro was almost never home. Dave didn't know where he went and honestly didn't care. He usually just assumed he was at work or something. Dave didn't mind mostly. He was actually very introverted unless you got very close with him. He didn't mind the silence until his mind would wander.
Dave had depression and was fully aware of it. He knew that it was a big problem but he didn't want anyone to worry so he never told a soul. Not his brother. Not John. Not one person knew he had depression and it was going to stay that way. He also knew it was getting a hell of a lot worse.
Dave had thought about killing himself on more than one occasion but eventually didn't because just before he would get up to grab a knife or a bottle of medication John would pester him saying "hey cutie :)" or "I love you! 3". He wasn't depending on John to save him but when he was at his worst and those messages would come up on his phone he just had to smile and realize that staying alive was the better choice.
But everything keeps getting worse. He can't stand the pain and feeling like there is a giant weight bearing down on him. The weight got slightly lifted when he saw his dorky boyfriend and more when the were hugging or kissing or even just touching. And lately he couldn't see John as often because his father needed him to do things or thought that they were together to often. Dave wanted to be with John as often as possible because when they were together he could just listen to John ramble on about his movies and Dave's mind wouldn't wander as much.
Now things were going down hill for obvious reason. He wasn't able to see John and he didn't get out much so he couldn't keep his mind off of those dangerous thoughts. It didn't help that one of his friends – who was more of an enemy Dave liked to keep close – would bash on him whenever he got the chance. Ah, yes, Karkat Vantas was a bit of an asshole.
Dave was actually pretty okay until he got a message from Karkat. The conversation they had went like this.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 2013 – 11 – 11 – – 16:30
CG: GOD DAMNIT STRIDER WHY ARE YOU NEVER THERE WHEN I WANT TO YELL AT YOU.
CG: STRIDER?
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT ITS BEEN OVER AN HOUR WHY ARE YOU NOT ON THE COMPUTER OR DEVICE?
CG: ANSWER ME!
TG: hi karkat
CG: OH SO NOW YOU ANSWER?
TG: yeah
TG: i was at johns house
TG: no need to get your god damn panties in a twist
CG: OH I WILL GET MY PANTIES IN SUCH A TWIST THAT THEY WILL BE PERMANENTLY UNTWISTABLE!
CG: I JUST WANT TO TALK TO A FRIEND AND HE ISN'T EVEN ON HIS PHONE OR COMPUTER AND I GUESS IS AVOIDING ME LATELY.
TG: im not avoiding you bro
TG: im just back from visiting my boyfriend jesus...
CG: YEAH, SURE.
CG: YOU JUST DON'T LIKE ME AND WE ALL KNOW IT!
TG: well youre not exactly my best friend but id at least talk to you
CG: IEUHJTREJGFUTRJKGTJKRIGFUJ FUCK YOU!
CG: YOU SUCK!
CG: WHY DO WE EVEN CALL EACH OTHER FRIENDS?
CG: I MEAN... I DON'T LIKE YOU AND YOU DON'T LIKE ME SO WHY DO WE EVEN TRY?
CG: LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?
CG: ITS JUST WEIRD
TG: says the dude who is probably the weirdest dude ive ever met
TG: you dont have an inside voice
TG: i dont think you even know the definition of a "quiet voice"
TG: unless youve completely lost your voice
CG: SHUT UP!
CG: YOU'RE A REAL ASSHOLE YOU KNOW THAT?
CG: YOU REALLY NEED TO STOP.
CG: GOOD FUCKING BYE!
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 2013 – 11 – 11 – – 18:43
Even though Dave had seemed like he could take thing like the coolest cool guy you've ever seen the things that Karkat said – though they may or may not be as offensive as you would think – hurt him like hell. He honestly couldn't stand it sometimes. Usually after talking to Karkat he felt like a fuck up and felt like nothing. No matter how happy was earlier that day.
When John was back from helping his dad and taking an unexpected nap it was almost 8. He looked at his computer and noticed Dave hadn't messaged him once since he arrived home. He got a little worried so he messaged him in hopes he was okay. This happened once or twice before but Dave seemed fine when he replied. John sent the message.
By 7 that night Dave knew he was going to do it. Everything keeps getting worse and worse. He started realizing obvious reasons why he didn't deserve to live. Sadly he couldn't see the small beauties in life at that point. He turned off his phone and computer and walked around his room thinking of his options. This took quite a long time considering his mind was a mess.
By almost 8:15 he went to go find a rope. Realizing his bro was never prepared for ANYTHING he found out there was no rope. After looking for about 20 minutes Dave opted for a slower death and went to the bathroom. Dave sat on the floor crying for about 10 minutes. He stood up and looked in a drawer for pain killers. He found some then dumped them all out on the counter. One by one he kept taking pills until he was unable to stand. Then everything for him went completely black.
John was getting worried when he still hadn't replied. Dave replied almost immediately every time. John insisted his dad drive him to Dave's house and he finally did after MUCH begging. John ran to the front door and knocked. No answer. John tried to find the key he kept in case he needed to get in (John forgot things at Dave's house very frequently so Dave finally just gave him a key to grab his stuff if needed) and unlocked the door. He ran to Dave's room and saw a note on his bed.
"John,
I'm really really sorry... I've had depression for who knows how long. I finally can't handle it anymore. My bro's never home. Karkat treats me like shit. I can't handle it. Not to mention I feel worthless if I let my mind wander. I can't fucking do this anymore. I don't know exactly how I'll do this but I will."
And then suddenly John heard a thud come from the bathroom. He ran in there and sure enough there was Dave. Passed out and pills scattered everywhere. John tried to see if Dave was breathing. He was but it was starting to get shallow. "Fuck!" John cried out.
John ran to find a phone and he did. He called 911 and then Dave's brother. He frantically ran around trying to find the things the emergency service people said he needed to try and help Dave. John couldn't help but cry and almost hyperventilate because he was so scared.
The ambulance got there and they rushed Dave to the hospital when Dave's bro suddenly burst through the door. Bro drove John to the hospital because it was hard to see his boyfriend like that.
AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: So I warned you. This was insane to write! 0.0 I haven't wrote about a character committing suicide before so I hope I portrayed it okay... Also if you ever think about killing yourself please don't do it... Its a permanent solution to a temporary problem and if you ever need help you can talk to me. It's probably best if you contact me on Tumblr (the same as on here – Karin-chan2000) because I'm on there a lot more often but if you don't have a Tumblr feel free to talk to me on here cause I'm always willing to help. If you're wondering Dave made it out okay (the drugs hadn't taken to much affect considering John called 911 so quickly) and after that Karkitty watched his words a little better and John was around him almost 24/7 for quite a while. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!
~GOODNIGHT MY LOVELIES!~
