The First Anniversary: Chapter 2

Everything they needed for the two nights they were going to spend at the fishing lodge were fitted into four saddle bags and the couple took off in the early morning of their wedding anniversary on horseback. The sun had barely made an appearance, and Marianne was still stifling yawns. Somehow Christopher was more used to early mornings, perhaps because of the army. Marianne decided, however, to make more of an effort to get out of bed early from time to time: the morning was beautiful!

The sun was still low but its light was already a promise of a beautiful day coming. The fields were covered in a thin veil of mist after the night, and morning dew was still present. The air even smelled different and somehow its coolness did not bother Marianne at all. Birds were starting to make noise in the trees but apart from that the only sounds came from the hooves of their horses. These weren't the fastest of Christopher's horses, but Marianne didn't mind: they had all the time in the world, and she'd rather a slower, level-headed horse each than one of his fresher and more frisk ones. Like the one that had spooked and thrown him off in the middle of nowhere soon after their wedding.

Gods! That was nearly a year ago! Marianne shivered again at the thought of nearly losing him so soon after finally marrying. He was on his horse just a few paces ahead of her and she admired his silhouette against the pale morning light. She found him very attractive anyways, but on a horse he was absolutely stunning. Something about the combined power and elegance of him and his horse, and then his gentle control over the beautiful animal just made her hear flutter and her insides summersault. She could have lost him!

Brandon realised his wife had stayed behind and he turned in his saddle a little, reaching out with his hand for her to grab it and come back alongside. They were not talking about anything now, but the silence was not empty. He loved this feeling he could have with her when there was no need to fill the air with conversation yet they were very closely connected, sharing the moment and the space in this moment.

They carried on, side by side, holding hands for a while longer. Marianne's expression was peaceful, even content, but Brandon could see she was deep in thought.

"What's on your mind, dearest?" He asked quietly after a while. Marianne looked at him and smiled.

"It's just with today, I find myself summing up the year again," she started, took a breath to organise her thoughts a little, and then elaborated:

"I was so nervous a year ago. I couldn't wait for us to be married, as you know. I was sick and tired of having to wait and finally the day came and it was time to step into something new. With you, my love. So many things happened before we got there, but also since. I was just thinking of you when you came off your horse, how frightened I was I would lose you so soon after finally becoming your wife. And then…well… then the baby. Losing the baby. It made you so miserable and I didn't know how to be there for you..:"

"Darling, please, you were there for me in every way possible and I was as miserable for the baby as I was for you. We were both so looking forward to it. But we cannot explain the ways of God or nature. I hope you are not feeling bad for me anymore? I have started to accept that sometimes we can only take what comes and try and learn from it."

"Learn?" Marianne asked.

"If that is the right term for it. What I mean is that there is only so much we can do. Our lives and bodies are more than what we can command or demand, and that little life was not strong enough to join us. The only part of any of this that we can control is our own conduct. I still want to apologise to you for the way I pulled away. I convinced myself that it was within my powers to protect you from anything happening to you again, but that's really not true. I have learned that much. I can protect you by not giving you my feistiest horse, or making sure you are warm and cared for. But I can't really protect you from life." Brandon had given the matter a lot of thought in the recent weeks, as well.

"No, I suppose you're right. And I can't stop life from happening no matter how I worry about you," Marianne concluded, giving his hand a squeeze. They smiled at each other, never taking their eyes off each other and trusting their placid horses to keep to the road.

"But, enough of these sombre thoughts!" Marianne then pulled herself together, determined to cheer the mood up. They were, after all off to spend a few days all on their own, away from everyone and everything. Brandon laughed at her declaration of cheer – it was probably impossible even for her to keep her bubbly nature under wraps very long these days.

"Are you quite ready to rough it out with me?" Brandon asked. She seemed to be very excited to go away with him and not really have the usual comforts around. Little did she know, he mused to himself, but worked hard at maintaining a neutral face.
"Oh, it's going to be lovely!" She rejoiced, and commanded her horse to a light trot so as to get her there faster.