The young buck deer's impressive set of antlers, although not yet having had the chance to grow into the regal crown of a stag, were still awe-inspiring as he lifted his head up abruptly from the forest floor he'd been opportunistically grazing from. Dewy clouds of breath formed and then petered out around his sensitive nostrils and for a split second he stood frozen, unable to decipher the meaning of the threat he'd sensed more by innate instinct than by scent alone. Within that instant, the decision was made and his legs loped forward, the muscles powering up to provide thrust for a sprint that had once been peerless in this forest. Unfortunately, the one who had infringed on his world was now what faced him.
Renesmee leapt with the grace of a gazelle, but the weight of her body slam into the buck's side compared to an elephant. The chosen deer slumped, stunned, as she had intended, and she allowed herself only a twinge of pity and regret for the majestic creature as its long limbs thrashed dangerously beneath her. A few practised twists of one hand and she'd broken vulnerable vertebra in his neck, her slight frame quaking with adrenaline as her quarry stilled. The most tantalising arterial blood would come from the throat and chest, but she aped her father's penitent practice and started her drink from the hindquarters, avoiding the empathy that would come from witnessing the light fade from the animal's wide eyes. She always killed her 'meals' beforehand, Jacob had pleaded for that in her earliest childhood and her parents had immediately acquiesced. Years before, after a growth spurt and the accompanying check by her doctor grandfather, she'd gone out on a hunt and drank from living animals before releasing them, having learned that her venom was impotent and wouldn't poison them. However, both Bella and Jacob, in a rare moment of unity, had condemned her kindness as misplaced and did not relent even as she wept her ignorance. Later, Jacob had shown her how one of the rabbits she'd fed from had become deranged, beating itself to death against a tree, while another had been set upon by its warren-mates and ripped to death in an act of self-preservation. She'd learned that day that she truly was an anathema to the world in which she found herself, good intentions or not.
On this day however, she drank those memories and others away into the near oblivion of bloodlust. She'd drained every drop from an animal which could've sated the thirst of her whole family if she'd been more temperate. Gorging in this way wasn't like her at all, a need that would push her family over the edge was a tickle in the throat to her, but if the vague plan she had in her mind came to fruition this would be her last feed for a while and she would need every strength her hybrid body could give. Pulling herself up from the deer, she felt an enraged anguish seize her momentarily in its grip, the familiar echoing emotions of the imprint pull tugging poignantly at her heart. She gasped as the overwhelming feeling receded as quickly as it had come, fading to a niggling chill of foreboding as she stood up. It unnerved her and she stepped back from the carcass, leaving it to the more conventional predators, hanging fearfully back from being too close in her wake, to clear away. Of course, the imprint had, for her, always been there whether she was aware of it or not, it had prevailed on her since birth, but these past twenty four hours had destabilised everything. Since Jacob and Bella had painfully collided once again after years of avoidance, everything felt different. Jacob's wolf had not taken over again since it had allowed him to flee in agony, and as he had withdrawn into himself their bond had fluctuated. Occasionally, it was stronger than it had ever been, as if for minutes at a time she shared his heart and mind, but in other lonely hours it was as if he was an empty vessel, shutting her out until she wondered if their bond had been a mere illusion. As for Bella, she had retreated even further, Renesmee couldn't be sure how far, or how things could possibly worsen, but if her family's actions and words today were anything to go by, then the condition of Bella Cullen had slipped further towards the unknown. The intention to uncover everything however, was rapidly becoming her daughter's only wish.
Jasper Hale heard his adoptive niece's approach long before she could clearly be seen. He'd never gotten into the habit, unlike other members of his 'family', of faking sighs for emphasis, but upon feeling the first wave of Renesmee's conflicted anxiety he felt desperate for a release of his own resignation. Instead of acting on that urge however, he took the more practical step and left the peace of the threadbare garden surrounding Jacob's cabin to resume his duties as sentry under the shade of the wooden porch.
The flame of her hair was an approaching beacon over the hill. She was Artemis the Huntress personified with a gift hare hanging from one hand, only missing the bow and arrow she would never require. In a blur, and a creak of the wood beneath his feet, she was beside him. "How is he?" she asked tightly, eyeing the closed door her mate hid behind but actually stepping back from it.
"Unaltered." Jasper reported, the Southern drawl of his human life lengthening and softening the detached verdict. "My powers of emotional…persuasion cannot do much with apathy."
"Apathy?" Renesmee echoed incredulously, "That's not Jacob! You know what happened yesterday, I told you that I witnessed him fall apart…" She trailed off bitterly, used to her family being uncomfortable with her connection to Jacob, "Don't you believe me?"
Jasper didn't flinch, his golden gaze, darkening with blood lust as the scent of the hare's blood pooling in its limp body hit his sensitive nose, was none the less penetrating as he focused on her. "You forget that I have 'witnessed' the repercussions of your mother's…entanglements since before you were born." His full, bloodless lips twisted, "Perhaps you should allow your do…Jacob his apathy, it is a form of peace when the world remains unchanged."
Renesmee bit her lip, hearing his sincerity, even as she hoped the words applied more to her uncle than to her imprint. Jasper had always been the most distant of her relatives, but she'd soon learned that manner was uniform with them all. Little though she understood his power, she knew he was as overwhelmed with emotions as her father was with thoughts, that he would appreciate the allure of apathy was understandable. "Maybe." She conceded, handing him the hare she'd caught on the way home, "Thank you for staying with him." Her tone lightened knowingly, "I brought you back take out for your trouble."
Jasper's passive face quirked in amusement, "You have been spending too much time with Emmett." He gave a neat, graceful bow as he accepted the meal, "I will stay here for the time being, but your father and Alice have been requesting my talents to rouse Bella." He told her apologetically.
Renesmee shrugged distractedly, sighing internally over her father and aunt's persistence. If Jasper's influence was all that was needed to help her mother, then yesterday wouldn't have happened. Still, she'd also sought out Jasper to ease Jacob's troubled mind, so maybe she was equally misguided by desperation. "I understand." She murmured, moving past him to slip through the door to Jacob.
Jasper politely tapped her shoulder. "Nessie…" He prompted, brushing his fingers across his mouth.
Renesmee blankly mimicked the action, grimacing as she felt the tell-tale stickiness of blood still clinging to her face like lipstick smudged by a kiss. So much for comforting Jacob with her presence. She hastily wiped the stark memory of her meal away with her sleeve then rolled the stained fabric up to her elbow out of sight. "Thanks." She muttered ruefully.
As Jasper chivalrously opened the cabin door for her, a frayed growl rumbling from within cut Renesmee to the quick. Rationally, she knew Jacob was reacting to the onslaught of Jasper's scent, not to mention said full vampire's proximity to her, but she couldn't stop a shudder of unease travelling up her back as, unlike before, the warmth of Jacob's protectiveness did not blanket her via the imprint bond. "Jacob?" she called into the gloom as she stepped inside, unable to stop the catch in her voice.
"Carlie?" Jacob's voice was husky, but the relief in it made Renesmee relax, maybe the change between them wasn't as fundamental as she'd begun to fear. This was confirmed as she saw him trying to rise from his position spread over his small couch, though with her keen vision she could see his prominent muscles quivering with the effort. "Where have you been?"
Renesmee felt her lips part in disbelief. You couldn't tell? She asked silently. He'd always been able to pinpoint where she was before. That ability, she suspected, was part of the reason her overprotective family, still haunted by the threat of the Volturi to their youngest member, had consented to Jacob submitting utterly to the imprint bond and staying with her. "It…it doesn't matter." She answered quickly, trying to dismiss her concerns as well as his question. "How are you?"
There was a long pause before Jacob answered, slumping back onto the couch as he did so. "I'm still here." He replied eventually. Renesmee's brows furrowed as she approached, her stomach sinking as she sensed that, at best, the words were laced with a sardonic humour the opposite of the bright, light heartedness she'd always taken refuge in. At worst, they were bitter and resentful. "I'd be better if the lee…Jasper didn't insist on acting as my nurse while you were gone."
Renesmee couldn't stop her mouth from curving upwards at the thought of her stoic uncle playing nurse, but still defended him. "I asked him to watch you for me. I thought his talents would help you…"
Jacob's clenched jaw twitched, a soft growl rattling his chest although, oddly, producing the sound seemed to hurt. "Carlie, the last thing I need is having more vamp voodoo around me…"
"Voodoo?" Renesmee echoed, crushed by the implication and sinking down onto the edge of the coffee table rather than the arm of the couch next to him as she'd intended. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Jacob flinched as the imprint bond reinforced what his commonsense was telling him, he'd hurt her. As always, the compulsion to soothe her overwhelmed all else. He reached over, with a grunt of pain that his mate didn't fail to notice, to grasp one of the hands clenched in her lap. "I wasn't talking about you Carlie…and really, who am I to talk, since my tribe's ancestors turned me into a werewolf?" He ran one hand continually up and her magically smooth skin, as if reverently caressing a religious icon.
"I guess so…" Renesmee agreed with a rueful, forgiving smile, before she suddenly froze under his touch. "Jake, you feel cold." She gasped out, leaning forward to check his face and bare chest with the back of her hand like a mother fretting over a child's fever. His body was even colder than his hands, even by her warped hybrid thermostat. The throbbing, animalistic, supernatural heat that had always warmed her body, which was merely chilled compared to her family's frozen shells, was now ebbing away. "You're almost back to a human temperature!"
Jacob flinched at her reference to the fact that he wasn't human, not completely anyway. It occurred to him now that his duplicitous, half-man half-wolf nature again made him similar to Renesmee. The spirits who guided the wolves had a sick sense of compatibility though. He awkwardly shrugged off her point about his temperature, it was almost a relief to feel the cold in a way he hadn't for eight years, though it was disturbing to feel Renesmee's chill bite him harder. "Maybe." He muttered, "Sometimes that happens when a wolf is injured." He grimaced as her huge eyes fixated on the prominent crescent moon scars that were carved in silver on his mahogany skin. "Come on now Carlie, Dr Cullen told you himself that he'd taken all the venom out, and if it turned out that he hadn't I would've…" He gave a disgusted gulp, "…changed by now."
"I know what he said but…" Renesmee trailed off, suddenly unable to articulate what she felt. Changing tact, she regarded him piercingly, "What if your mind, your emotions are doing something?" she questioned, "I saw how you fell apart yesterday and…and the imprint feels different somehow Jake…"
Jacob began to shut down, Renesmee was aware of their link suddenly wearing down to a tenuous thread. "Yesterday is over." He forced out darkly, "Nothing has changed." His resigned, stoical expression relented slightly as hers became pleading, "Maybe…the feel of the imprint has changed for you now because of what you saw yesterday." He said softly, his tone sympathetic.
"Are you saying I was blinded by my naivety before yesterday?" Renesmee demanded angrily, her voice cracking, "That can't be all it is, the imprint…"
"Isn't perfect." Jacob told her gloomily.
"It never has been for you, if what you told me yesterday still stands." Renesmee retorted, failing to keep the accusation from her voice.
"Of course not!" Jacob snapped wretchedly, "The imprint can't erase everything from before you were born, you're Bella's daughter for God's sake, it's not as if I can forget her with you!" As Renesmee began to sob, lurching up from the coffee table and away from him, he too began to feel empathic tears slide down his cheeks, "I'm sorry Carlie…sorry for all of it. I care for you, I was broken under the warmth of the imprint but it's the only happiness I have now. I wanted it to work for you, to be able to be truly happy with it and not know anything else, just as I'd like to be."
Renesmee sniffed, trying to recover. "Well, that won't be now." She forced out, "And I know that it isn't your fault anymore than mine Jacob." She gathered herself up proudly and headed for the door, "I have to go…" She tried to summon up a lie, "I need to hunt…"
"You've just been hunting." Jacob interrupted, "I can smell the deer's blood on you." His gaze narrowed, "You're lying to me Renesmee." That conclusion came with some disbelief, since the mere thought of lying to him had never occurred to his imprint before, that he knew. His eyes widened as he probed for answers through their link, "Carlie, going back to the res won't help anything…"
"But it will help me to understand at least!" Renesmee cried out desperately, "It'll help us to understand and come to terms with it Jacob, isn't that what we need?" She brought her hand to her hard chest, strengthened by her heart's languid but still real beat. "Please Jacob." She pulled up all her force of will and pressed it on him, this time the imprint, as well as, she suspected, his unspoken agreement with her sentiment, made him give in.
"Be safe." He whispered as he curled up on the couch again out of her line of sight.
"I'm the rightful Alpha's imprint, whatever else I am. I'm at my safest in La Push." Renesmee reminded him softly before flying out the door at vampire speed.
At first, Renesmee had intended for her sprint from Jacob to continue until she reached his home, but in actual fact her legs carried her back to where everything had begun to fall apart, the threshold of her mother's bedroom. Despite how conflicted, verging on hateful, her feelings for Bella Cullen were in that confused, resentful moment, she couldn't suppress a gasp as she saw her. Grandpa Carlisle had been right, in a manner of speaking, when he'd told her that drinking Jacob's blood had revived her; the sunken, starved quality her features had so disturbingly held the day before had gone, in fact she was the most beautiful just then that Renesmee had ever seen her, but she was also unconscious, there was none of the stiffness that had been there when she was merely faking oblivion. Jacob's blood had done something to her as surely as her venom had altered his wolf, the couple were as close once again as they were far apart.
Renesmee, her decision to seek answers in La Push now a certain one, was about to turn away and start her journey when her father's lean frame moved through the room. As soon as her eyes locked with his golden ones she knew he must be hearing her thoughts, and that he knew the details of the plan as intimately as she did. At once, since his knowledge meant her entrapment, she fled from him at top speed. Unfortunately, her full vampire sire could outrun his hybrid daughter in any race, and he was motivated.
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen!" Edward's desperate shout echoed over the forested hills as he seized her arm in a vice like grip, leaving them both standing, gazes locked, on the highest hill overlooking their family's current mansion.
"Don't stop me Father." Renesmee ground out, "You know why I'm doing it!"
Edward lowered his arm, bringing hers down with him, and stroked her miraculously rosy face with his other hand. "Nessie, my dearest, I know you are no doubt worried about what the dog's blood has done to your mother, just as I am worried, and I know that the imprint must be a trial for you, but risking your safety in the wolves' reservation will not help anything."
"How do you know that?" Renesmee demanded, "When is the last time you tried to relate to the tribal legends which have so much sway over my life?" Her tone softened from angry to beseeching, "I have to go Daddy, please understand…"
Edward responded with a fake but none the less pained sigh. "You are in everyway my Isabella's daughter. So passionate, but so unconcerned with your own safety and in need of guidance."
Renesmee flinched at this patronising indictment of both her mother and herself, twisting away from his touch. "Don't you want some 'guidance' about what happened yesterday? Between Jacob and Bel…Mom? Don't you ever ask yourself why something like that's still possible between them now that she's changed and married to you and he imprinted on me?"
Edward blanched and she knew she'd hit a nerve. "It is true that your mother and Jacob always have had a…connection that I've never been able to circumvent, but Bella is my soul mate and, repugnant to me though it is, Jacob Black is yours Renesmee."
"I'm…I'm starting to think that a soul mate doesn't mean much if your heart belongs to someone else." Renesmee replied thickly, "They're not exactly happy, and neither are we, so…"
"Ours is not to question why." Edward murmured the platitude like a prayer in a mournful, resigned tone that was more telling than any words of agreement could ever give his daughter, "Life and love has turned out this way Nessie, going back to La Push, to the past, won't change that."
"I have to discover that for myself." Renesmee replied heavily, "Let me go, please."
Edward Cullen, her father, stood in silence for a long time before asking in a whisper, "How do you intend to travel there?"
Renesmee was caught entirely off-guard by the question and didn't have a ready answer. "I'm…going to run I suppose."
She could've been imagining it but she thought she heard a sound from him that was something between a scoff and an amused chuckle as he pressed the keys to his newest Volvo into her hand. "If you take the car you will return to us all the quicker, my sweet little Nessie."
A/n: PLEASE REVIEW! :D
