I'm back!!! That didn't take too long, did it?
And now to thank my reviewers!!! And hopefully attract more!!!
Lunarious- Umm...thanks. That was a copy/paste review, but you were my FIRST review so I must thank you.
frost-bite hurts- love the name! Did I update soon enough for you?
FireStarter911- Pretty names...but I was looking for strange names, because the Acolytes are a bit tweaked in the head and they'd name a kid something really stupid (like Moon Unit.. heh heh). Thanks for reviewing, and suggesting things. You're the only one who did.
Bronwynne- That's what I thought when the idea popped into my head...and then I wondered if I was consuming too much sugar...I'm currently eating a three-foot-long pixy stick.
Oh yeah... I chose a really bad spot to stop...but I wanted to post so I apologize.
And so Piotr looked.
DUN DUN DUUUNNN.....
"A HA!" Remy yelled, leaping into the air in triumph. He had been leaning over Piotr's shoulder when Piotr...checked. Remy did a little jig before realizing that he was the bish Acolyte and, as such, did not do little jigs, so he stopped. Piotr looked at him strangely.
"We need t' get out more, homme," Remy said, trying to save face. "Indeed," was Piotr's answer.
"Why was dat such a big deal again?"
"I do not know."
"Well...it's a girl," Remy said, looking at the small, sleeping, oblivious child.
"Ve should call her...Keety," Piotr said.
"Isn't dat one o' de X-Men?"
"Possibly..."Piotr answered, looking all shifty-eyed.
------------------------
Pyro had thought Remy leaving him behind had been the worst thing in the world. But we all know what a cruel thing fate is, and so Pyro found himself walking home in a downpour of rain (question: just what else would downpour?) Our lovely little pyromaniac was cursing Remy in seventeen languages (19 if you count American-English, British-English, and Australian-English different languages...which they aren't...but I think they have different swears...and this is pointless...)
"I HATE YOU REMY!" John shrieked to the sky. A man passed by him, huddled down in his raincoat but still managing to give Pyro a very strange look.
"YEAH WELL I THINK YOU'D BE SHOUTING TOO IF YOU GOT ABANDONED IN THE RAIN!!" John screamed at the retreating back of the hapless man. He then proceeded to, once again, try to light his lighter. He got a spark that was immediately killed by the torrential torrent of rain. Then psychotic genius struck John. He darted into a store and tried to light his lighter in the dry interior of a Wal-Mart. He got another spark that fizzled into nothingness. John was going to go...more insane than he currently was.
"Hey you!" John shouted at the manager, "Where d'ya keep the lighters?"
"Sorry sir, we don't sell lighters here."(A/N: What?! No lighters at a Wal-Mart?!!)
John's scream could be heard from the Acolyte's little metal dome base-thingy-ish-...thing.
"What was dat?" Remy asked, taking a break from his debate with Piotr over the little baby's name.
"I am not knowing, comrade. Her name should be...Keety."
"Is dat de only name y'know, mon ami? I say Belladonna."
"No, Belladonna is too long."
"Den we'll call 'er Belle."
"No. Vhe shall call her Keety."
"How 'bout a compromise?" Remy said, not really interested in continuing this conversation, "How 'bout we call her..." Remy paused, not able to come up with any name except 'Rogue'. The TV blaring in the background provided him with a name.
"...Bertha!"
"Uhm...alright," Piotr agreed.
------------------------
John trudged up to the big metal base that housed the Acolytes. He had searched through several shops before finding another lighter, and now that lighter was tightly clutched in his fist in a pathetic attempt to keep it dry (Not that he thought that the wetness caused his lighter to stop working...just a precaution. John needs his fire like Minion needs her three-foot-long pixy stix. 36 inches of pure sugar. oh yes. fear me.)
John walked through the door into the dry, warm, well-lit base the Acolytes called 'Horatio' . Pyro was dripping water everywhere, but didn't really care seeing as how Remy, Piotr and he made Mastermind do all the janitor work around the base. It was because Mastermind was ugly, not because anyone had a personal problem with Mastermind. Except for his ugliness, of course.
John dropped his trench coat on the floor and went off to find his friends. Mastermind scurried out of the corner and grabbed the coat before scurrying back. If you listened closely you may have heard "precious, precious coat it is, our precious now, stupid fat pyros..."
------------------------
2.23 MINUTES LATER!!!
"Lemme get this straight," John said, "You guys chose, of all the names in the entire world, BERTHA?!"
"Oui," Remy answered sheepishly, already regretting his choice somewhat. Unfortunately, he couldn't undo his decision because Piotr had fallen in love with the name Bertha. Piotr was currently on the floor playing with the little baby who shall now be referred to as 'Bertha'.
"Then again, I suppose your name's Remy...and Piotr's is spelled really weird..." John said, more to his fire-loving self than to Remy.
"Dis from a guy named St. John," Remy sneered.
"Ya know what would be really cool?" John asked, "If I were sainted. Wouldn't that be awesome? And my name would by St. St. John!!!" John's eyes lit up, "I could be the patron saint of fire!!!"
"Yeah..." Remy went back to watching his TV. The same one that had provided him with the name 'Bertha.'
"So...how'd you two come up with the name 'Bertha'? 'Cause that's quite possibly the worst thing you could name a kid," John asked.
"TV," Remy answered. Piotr and Bertha were playing on the floor. Bertha was crawling around and passed in front of the TV.
"Aren't we just the cutest baby?! Yes we are, Bertha-snoogums..." Piotr cooed as he crawled behind the small child. He was following her as she romped around in her diapers.
"Dat's disturbin'...I t'ink Petey's gettin' a bit caught up in dis, mon ami."
"Too right mate...I think I'm gonna puke," as John said that a strange smell wafted through the room.
"Ugh, Remy mate, warn me before ya do that."
"I didn' do dat. Piotr?"
"I believe it vas little Bertha."
"Berthas can't be little. Bertha must be preceded by 'big'," John remarked intelligently. Wow. John can remark intelligently. Didn't know that was possible.
"Vhatever...I think Bertha's pants might be...filled."
"Merde. Anyone know how t' change a diaper?" Remy asked.
"I could burn it..."
"Great mon ami, too bad dat we don' need t' do dat."
"I have never changed a diaper," Piotr remarked dryly from his little corner.
"Remy neither...now what?" Remy asked. Everyone shrugged. Yes, everyone. Even little Bertha (whoops, it has to be BIG Bertha. so says Pyro and Pyro is always right. almost always.)
Since no one had a clue, they went to find help. Did they phone up their mommies? Did they go buy a parenting book?
Of course not. These are the Acolytes we're talking about.
They went and found Sabertooth.
Now, Sabertooth had left as soon as Magneto departed. Sabes had gone and had a lovely cup of tea with Logan (didn't ya know?? They're brothers!!), then he'd gone to the dog pound and harassed all of the poor lil' puppy dogs. Sabertooth hated dogs and took every opportunity to annoy, kill, harass, maim, mangle, and/or injure them.
When the rest of the Acolytes found Sabertooth he was taking a nap, like kitty-cats tend to do. However, Sabertooth couldn't very well help the Acolytes asleep, so Remy, Piotr, and St. John would have to wake him up.
God save us all.
"Hey Sabertooth...wake up," Remy commanded as he prodded Sabertooth with his metal-y-staff-thing of death and green fumes. Remy got no results. Sabertooth slumbered on.
"Sabertooth? Comrade?" Piotr asked while doing nothing else.
"HEY VICCY!!! I GOT A NEW LIGHTER!!!" John screamed at twenty decibels while dancing around flicking said lighter on and off. This, sadly, failed to wake up the napping mutant. Which probably saved John's life, for if Sabes had just heard John refer to him as 'Viccy' John's life could be measured in milliseconds.
"PYRO!!!" Remy yelled, trying to shout over Pyro and failing dismally. John was just too loud, and Remy just can't yell. So Remy left and went to go find some kitty treats. For Sabertooth, not himself. That would be gross.
Meanwhile, Piotr and John were trying everything to get Sabertooth awake. They tried bullhorns, bulls, horns, rubber duckies, a car alarm, a bassoon, a little yippy dog, a big yippy dog, one of John's smelly shirts, an alarm clock, a blaring TV, a blaring stereo, a blaring fog horn, a snail, a random French dude, the Eiffel Tower, a metal rod, Professor Xavier, a starfish, sushi, a computer, three yippy dogs yipping in unison, three yippy dogs yipping in not-unison, a DVD, Rogue, and a potato chip. None worked. John and Piotr were out of ideas. That's when Remy returned with the kitty treats.
"'Ere kitty, kitty," Remy said in that voice people use when they're trying to get helpless animals to come to them so they can kill, er, 'save' them. Remy waved the treat around. Sabertooth sniffed the air and bolted upright, jumped Remy, wrestled aforementioned kitty treat from Remy, and went back to bed.
"So...now what?" John asked as he and Piotr helped a bloody Gambit to his feet. Bertha chose that moment to burst into tears.
"Oh shit," John swore.
------------------------
Wow...that was actually pretty long (for me, at least.) Don't name your kids Bertha, folks. It's cruel. Your kid could be a skinny little 2-foot-1 person weighing in at 35 pounds and he/she/it would still be known as "Big Bertha." You'll screw up your kid permanetly. Pity no one told the Acolytes... Could I get more reviews??? Like say...six??? That's not a lot!!! pweese???
And now to thank my reviewers!!! And hopefully attract more!!!
Lunarious- Umm...thanks. That was a copy/paste review, but you were my FIRST review so I must thank you.
frost-bite hurts- love the name! Did I update soon enough for you?
FireStarter911- Pretty names...but I was looking for strange names, because the Acolytes are a bit tweaked in the head and they'd name a kid something really stupid (like Moon Unit.. heh heh). Thanks for reviewing, and suggesting things. You're the only one who did.
Bronwynne- That's what I thought when the idea popped into my head...and then I wondered if I was consuming too much sugar...I'm currently eating a three-foot-long pixy stick.
Oh yeah... I chose a really bad spot to stop...but I wanted to post so I apologize.
And so Piotr looked.
DUN DUN DUUUNNN.....
"A HA!" Remy yelled, leaping into the air in triumph. He had been leaning over Piotr's shoulder when Piotr...checked. Remy did a little jig before realizing that he was the bish Acolyte and, as such, did not do little jigs, so he stopped. Piotr looked at him strangely.
"We need t' get out more, homme," Remy said, trying to save face. "Indeed," was Piotr's answer.
"Why was dat such a big deal again?"
"I do not know."
"Well...it's a girl," Remy said, looking at the small, sleeping, oblivious child.
"Ve should call her...Keety," Piotr said.
"Isn't dat one o' de X-Men?"
"Possibly..."Piotr answered, looking all shifty-eyed.
------------------------
Pyro had thought Remy leaving him behind had been the worst thing in the world. But we all know what a cruel thing fate is, and so Pyro found himself walking home in a downpour of rain (question: just what else would downpour?) Our lovely little pyromaniac was cursing Remy in seventeen languages (19 if you count American-English, British-English, and Australian-English different languages...which they aren't...but I think they have different swears...and this is pointless...)
"I HATE YOU REMY!" John shrieked to the sky. A man passed by him, huddled down in his raincoat but still managing to give Pyro a very strange look.
"YEAH WELL I THINK YOU'D BE SHOUTING TOO IF YOU GOT ABANDONED IN THE RAIN!!" John screamed at the retreating back of the hapless man. He then proceeded to, once again, try to light his lighter. He got a spark that was immediately killed by the torrential torrent of rain. Then psychotic genius struck John. He darted into a store and tried to light his lighter in the dry interior of a Wal-Mart. He got another spark that fizzled into nothingness. John was going to go...more insane than he currently was.
"Hey you!" John shouted at the manager, "Where d'ya keep the lighters?"
"Sorry sir, we don't sell lighters here."(A/N: What?! No lighters at a Wal-Mart?!!)
John's scream could be heard from the Acolyte's little metal dome base-thingy-ish-...thing.
"What was dat?" Remy asked, taking a break from his debate with Piotr over the little baby's name.
"I am not knowing, comrade. Her name should be...Keety."
"Is dat de only name y'know, mon ami? I say Belladonna."
"No, Belladonna is too long."
"Den we'll call 'er Belle."
"No. Vhe shall call her Keety."
"How 'bout a compromise?" Remy said, not really interested in continuing this conversation, "How 'bout we call her..." Remy paused, not able to come up with any name except 'Rogue'. The TV blaring in the background provided him with a name.
"...Bertha!"
"Uhm...alright," Piotr agreed.
------------------------
John trudged up to the big metal base that housed the Acolytes. He had searched through several shops before finding another lighter, and now that lighter was tightly clutched in his fist in a pathetic attempt to keep it dry (Not that he thought that the wetness caused his lighter to stop working...just a precaution. John needs his fire like Minion needs her three-foot-long pixy stix. 36 inches of pure sugar. oh yes. fear me.)
John walked through the door into the dry, warm, well-lit base the Acolytes called 'Horatio' . Pyro was dripping water everywhere, but didn't really care seeing as how Remy, Piotr and he made Mastermind do all the janitor work around the base. It was because Mastermind was ugly, not because anyone had a personal problem with Mastermind. Except for his ugliness, of course.
John dropped his trench coat on the floor and went off to find his friends. Mastermind scurried out of the corner and grabbed the coat before scurrying back. If you listened closely you may have heard "precious, precious coat it is, our precious now, stupid fat pyros..."
------------------------
2.23 MINUTES LATER!!!
"Lemme get this straight," John said, "You guys chose, of all the names in the entire world, BERTHA?!"
"Oui," Remy answered sheepishly, already regretting his choice somewhat. Unfortunately, he couldn't undo his decision because Piotr had fallen in love with the name Bertha. Piotr was currently on the floor playing with the little baby who shall now be referred to as 'Bertha'.
"Then again, I suppose your name's Remy...and Piotr's is spelled really weird..." John said, more to his fire-loving self than to Remy.
"Dis from a guy named St. John," Remy sneered.
"Ya know what would be really cool?" John asked, "If I were sainted. Wouldn't that be awesome? And my name would by St. St. John!!!" John's eyes lit up, "I could be the patron saint of fire!!!"
"Yeah..." Remy went back to watching his TV. The same one that had provided him with the name 'Bertha.'
"So...how'd you two come up with the name 'Bertha'? 'Cause that's quite possibly the worst thing you could name a kid," John asked.
"TV," Remy answered. Piotr and Bertha were playing on the floor. Bertha was crawling around and passed in front of the TV.
"Aren't we just the cutest baby?! Yes we are, Bertha-snoogums..." Piotr cooed as he crawled behind the small child. He was following her as she romped around in her diapers.
"Dat's disturbin'...I t'ink Petey's gettin' a bit caught up in dis, mon ami."
"Too right mate...I think I'm gonna puke," as John said that a strange smell wafted through the room.
"Ugh, Remy mate, warn me before ya do that."
"I didn' do dat. Piotr?"
"I believe it vas little Bertha."
"Berthas can't be little. Bertha must be preceded by 'big'," John remarked intelligently. Wow. John can remark intelligently. Didn't know that was possible.
"Vhatever...I think Bertha's pants might be...filled."
"Merde. Anyone know how t' change a diaper?" Remy asked.
"I could burn it..."
"Great mon ami, too bad dat we don' need t' do dat."
"I have never changed a diaper," Piotr remarked dryly from his little corner.
"Remy neither...now what?" Remy asked. Everyone shrugged. Yes, everyone. Even little Bertha (whoops, it has to be BIG Bertha. so says Pyro and Pyro is always right. almost always.)
Since no one had a clue, they went to find help. Did they phone up their mommies? Did they go buy a parenting book?
Of course not. These are the Acolytes we're talking about.
They went and found Sabertooth.
Now, Sabertooth had left as soon as Magneto departed. Sabes had gone and had a lovely cup of tea with Logan (didn't ya know?? They're brothers!!), then he'd gone to the dog pound and harassed all of the poor lil' puppy dogs. Sabertooth hated dogs and took every opportunity to annoy, kill, harass, maim, mangle, and/or injure them.
When the rest of the Acolytes found Sabertooth he was taking a nap, like kitty-cats tend to do. However, Sabertooth couldn't very well help the Acolytes asleep, so Remy, Piotr, and St. John would have to wake him up.
God save us all.
"Hey Sabertooth...wake up," Remy commanded as he prodded Sabertooth with his metal-y-staff-thing of death and green fumes. Remy got no results. Sabertooth slumbered on.
"Sabertooth? Comrade?" Piotr asked while doing nothing else.
"HEY VICCY!!! I GOT A NEW LIGHTER!!!" John screamed at twenty decibels while dancing around flicking said lighter on and off. This, sadly, failed to wake up the napping mutant. Which probably saved John's life, for if Sabes had just heard John refer to him as 'Viccy' John's life could be measured in milliseconds.
"PYRO!!!" Remy yelled, trying to shout over Pyro and failing dismally. John was just too loud, and Remy just can't yell. So Remy left and went to go find some kitty treats. For Sabertooth, not himself. That would be gross.
Meanwhile, Piotr and John were trying everything to get Sabertooth awake. They tried bullhorns, bulls, horns, rubber duckies, a car alarm, a bassoon, a little yippy dog, a big yippy dog, one of John's smelly shirts, an alarm clock, a blaring TV, a blaring stereo, a blaring fog horn, a snail, a random French dude, the Eiffel Tower, a metal rod, Professor Xavier, a starfish, sushi, a computer, three yippy dogs yipping in unison, three yippy dogs yipping in not-unison, a DVD, Rogue, and a potato chip. None worked. John and Piotr were out of ideas. That's when Remy returned with the kitty treats.
"'Ere kitty, kitty," Remy said in that voice people use when they're trying to get helpless animals to come to them so they can kill, er, 'save' them. Remy waved the treat around. Sabertooth sniffed the air and bolted upright, jumped Remy, wrestled aforementioned kitty treat from Remy, and went back to bed.
"So...now what?" John asked as he and Piotr helped a bloody Gambit to his feet. Bertha chose that moment to burst into tears.
"Oh shit," John swore.
------------------------
Wow...that was actually pretty long (for me, at least.) Don't name your kids Bertha, folks. It's cruel. Your kid could be a skinny little 2-foot-1 person weighing in at 35 pounds and he/she/it would still be known as "Big Bertha." You'll screw up your kid permanetly. Pity no one told the Acolytes... Could I get more reviews??? Like say...six??? That's not a lot!!! pweese???
