This update has been a long time coming as I have been crying over the latest chapters of Bleach. Oh, Kubo- why would you do this to me? Now I have to make the official announcement that my story is becoming more and more AU, but I won't tell you why, for spoiler effect.
All I have to say, is this stupid lost badge arc better be worth it.
Chapter One
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato
Yuzu watched her brother sleep on the table with a smile.
It was unusual of him to fall asleep during the day, though what was even more strange was that he wasn't closeted up in his room with homework or one or another of his visitors that he was so convinced that no one knew about. Bless his heart, but did he not realise that sound travelled, and a lot of the time his friends were not very quiet? On many an occasion she had woken up to the sound of deep male voices echoing through the corridor, and she knew for a fact that she wasn't the only one: once, on one of those earlier times, she had stuck her head outside the door only to find her father leaning on the banister, smiling to himself as a voice that was almost familiar- the same way that you can recall a voice of a family friend that you only remember from your earliest childhood- laughed, and Ichigo loudly muttered something about hats, and clogs.
She still didn't get that.
Her father had his eyes shut: she didn't think that he noticed her, though it was hard to tell with him. She wasn't sure how much Ichigo or Karin knew, but she could tell that there was a very serious side to their father, one that he did not let out often enough.
Yuzu knew that some people might have considered her to be very observant, even if she came across as naive, but she didn't think that either of those were the case. It was just that there was an underlying aspect of character that both her siblings- and, in part, her father- all shared, and that was a deep introversion. Not a selfishness, and it wasn't so much a negative quality as it was completely ambivalent. They had secrets, those three, but it was obvious that they did.
Yuzu's secrets? Well, they were for her, and no one ever suspected.
Like Ichigo, for instance. He would never have even guessed that she knew about Grimmjow- and he would have been blown away to learn that she had actually met him. And it was sweet, how they all assumed that just because she couldn't see spiritual things the same way that they could, it didn't meant that she hadn't heard them talking about it, or couldn't feel them.
She couldn't help but stroke an errant strand of his hair back from his forehead as she moved past his chair again, smiling.
Yuzu moved cautiously around him, making sure that she was as quiet as she could be as she prepared dinner and made the beginnings of everyone's lunch for the next day. Some might say she was doing everything a little early: it was only half three, after all, and as it was a Sunday she had nothing to do but it always was too complicated to leave. Karin didn't eat onions, and disliked carrots; Isshin was not partial to tomatoes in any form, and he wouldn't ever eat fish, and Ichigo wouldn't touch anything with chilli in it. As such, she regularly had to make several things at once, rather than just being able to make one lunch that she could divide up between four.
She couldn't say that she minded too much- frankly, if she wasn't always busy, she thought that she wouldn't know what to do with herself. She kept expecting to wake up one day and resent that she had become a mother before she had even become a teenager, but the bitterness still hadn't come. She liked to be needed- she knew she was never going to be as intelligent as Ichigo, or as good as sports as Karin: she'd never be as brave as either of them, or as confident, and there was no way she'd ever be as great as her father, either.
So this little that she could do made her feel like she had a part in it, like she was something that belonged.
The oven beeped, and she shot it a frown, as if that would be enough to silence it. The cake was ready, and she moved to take the tins from the oven, making sure that she closed the oven door with as little noise as she could.
Ichigo really could be daft sometimes, she couldn't help but conclude as he made a noise in the back of his throat as he continued to sleep. But idiot or not, Ichigo was remarkably happy at the moment. It was quite astounding to see, but sometimes he even woke up with a smile on his face, and delivered their father a less-than-serious blow as they bickered before breakfast.
She didn't think that he had noticed the way that he acted- the way that he stared into space sometimes, the way that he was always just a little bit more positive about things. Oh, his scowl was in place as it ever had been, and he wasn't at the doodling-hearts-and-flowers stage, but there was a remarkable change in him, something that made her glad.
Yuzu had been worried about him for quite a long time now, after all: normal teenage boys don't walk around looking like they have the fate of the entire world on his head. And though she knew that there was a lot about the time Ichigo spent away (honestly, did he really think that substitute would kid anyone but Karin, and only then because she never really paid attention anyway?) that she didn't know about- and never would learn about, no doubt, but she had a feeling that there was some serious stuff going on there.
There had been a while when she had been concerned that it was going to keep haunting him: that those dark shadows in his eyes were never going to go.
And now, he seemed to be forgetting about it.
It was cute, really, to see what love was doing to her big brother.
Grimmjow had never pretended to be a patient man. He had always known that there would be an element of the awkward when he had to meet Ichigo's friends- and even thought he really, really did not want to do it, it was one of those inevitable things that he just couldn't get out of, no matter how hard he tried.
Not that Grimmjow was starting to go soft, and was doing things that he didn't want to do for the sake of other people.
Hell no.
It was just because, well… well, he had to, you know-
Ah, fuck it.
He rested his head in his hands and gave up trying to rationalise his own pansy-ness. He wasn't going to lie- this whole thing sounded like too much of a effort, and he still didn't quite understand what it was that was keeping him here, sat awkwardly on Ichigo's bed, waiting. At least it would only be that tall one though- the quiet guy, who wasn't all that spiritually strong but was pretty intimidating looking, unless you were like Grimmjow and was never intimidated by anything, of course. Ichigo said his name was Chad, but Grimmjow couldn't say that he cared too much about it- all he knew was that the guy was huge, and that he had a lot of respect of Ichigo.
But what was really winding Grimmjow up, was that he didn't understand why Chad had not told anyone about him.
The first time he had met the man, he hadn't even noticed him. Grimmjow had just turned around, and there he had been, standing there quietly and watching Grimmjow kill a hollow as if he were watching some sort of film, or something. There was no judgement there- and no blunt reaction. It had been discomforting and a little disturbing, because all he had done was nod a greeting, and turn around to walk off, as if he had just wanted Grimmjow to know that he was there, and he was watching.
But Chad, he had come to understand from what Ichigo had said of him, did not have any loyalty to the Soul Society. His side was next to Ichigo- no matter where that lead him.
Perhaps this should have comforted him a little- after all, the friend of my friend is my friend, and all that bullshit, but it wasn't the way that Grimmjow was used to thinking, was used to feeling, and he was still uncomfortable.
"You alright?"
He rolled his eyes at Ichigo from where he sat on the bed. Below them, the front door closed. They could hear the faint sounds of Yuzu's pleasant chatter to Chad, and as she offered him a drink and gestured him up the stairs Grimmjow was a little ashamed to admit that there was a small but tight knot of anxiety in his chest.
The door opened. Chad stepped through.
And Grimmjow did not know what he was waiting for- a dramatic noise, a yell, the drawing of weapons? But no, there was nothing: Chad just made a low noise that might have been a greeting, and took a seat on the floor, stretching his legs out across the room. Grimmjow's eyes flickered to Ichigo: to his surprise, he looked pretty damn nervous.
Before he could say anything, Chad turned to look at him. The dark curls of his hair fell back from his face and his eyes stared through, deep and thoughtful and very sincere. Grimmjow found himself pinned, unable to look away from that gaze. He wondered if he should feel uncomfortable with that stare, but there was no anger in those eyes, no judgement: just as Ichigo had said, just as he had seen before and yet just what he had not believed, Chad did not seem to have a problem.
"Grimmjow."
The former-Espada found himself almost jumping in surprise at his voice: it was deep and thick and heavy, and it killed the retort in the back of his mind almost instantly with its substance and complete calm. He became suddenly aware that Ichigo was standing, walking towards the door: a moment later he had gone, leaving the two of them together in the room.
It should have been tense. It was tense. But not in the way that he had expected.
"Ichigo is very important to me."
Grimmjow stared levelly at him: after the moment of surprise, he found himself unwilling to bow to the respect that he did not want to have for this guy.
"You are to him."
Chad looked away then, to a point just above Grimmjow's shoulder, out the window. There was the hint of a smile on his broad jaw, and it was clear that he was thinking of something quite important to him. There was so much that was left unsaid by that statement, but it was impossible to ignore the sentiment and those unspoken words.
If you ever raise your zanpakuto to him again, then I will kill you. You have left the place where you belong, to forge a life here, and that means that it is to here where your allegiance now lies. Your loyalty is to Ichigo Kurosaki, and that is where mine is. And because of that, my allegiance is also to you, and so I will protect you, to protect him. But do not think that I forget who you are, and what you are capable of. Remember, if you mess this up, then you will regret this for the rest of his life. Grimmjow, though you made his life ridiculously complicated, you make him happier than I have ever seen him, and so I will never do anything to try and remove you from him.
Grimmjow, if you hurt him, then I will kill you.
Chad closed his eyes, and looked away.
"I hope that we have an understanding."
Grimmjow found himself nodding, as Chad stood up. Without a word he left, disappearing through the door and out of the house without a backwards word or glance. He nodded to Yuzu as he passed, and shut the door behind him with a quiet click.
Out on the street, he shoved his hands in his pockets. The evening had grown chill, but he still stared up at the sky as he walked along with something close to a smile.
He always liked it when he finished a job.
When Ichigo opened his bedroom door to find Renji and Rukia sprawled out in his room, his initial thought was total and utter panic.
Not because he didn't want to see them, and wished he could back away: if Grimmjow were to appear right now, as he normally did, there was nothing he could do to stop it getting out. Even if Renji and Rukia promised to keep it quiet, they still had an obligation to the Gotei13, and things would not remain in the dark.
But then reality kicked in, and he remembered that Grimmjow wasn't an idiot (most of the time) and that he would think to check who was around before hopping through the window.
So Ichigo hoped, anyway.
"Wow, talk about an unenthusiastic welcome."
"Man, it's almost as if you didn't want to see us."
He rolled his eyes at them, although not in an unfriendly way. It struck him then that he had missed these two, idiots though they may be- he had just been too caught up in everything else to remember. The Soul Society had taken on an uncomfortable role in his head- he had fought alongside them in the war, but now they had become something of a threat to him, if only in his head: the thought of discovery made him feel a little nauseous with concern, the same sort of feeling he only got when he thought his little sisters might be in danger, or when he realised he was in a fight way out of his abilities, before the adrenaline and self-belief kicked in and knocked him back into shape.
He'd sort of forgotten that no matter what ended up happening, he would always think of Renji and Rukia as something more, something distinct, from the rest of the Gotei13.
He gave himself a mental shake, and shot his two visitors something close to a smile. Perhaps on a more expressive person that might not have seemed enough, but on Ichigo it looked just about right. They smiled back. After all, they had missed him, as well.
"Ah, shut up, the two of you. The hell are you doing here?"
Renji, flopped out on the bed, stuck a finger up in his general direction, clearly making a joking protest. Rukia, head on a pillow snaffled from his bed, stretched out across the floor with a distinctly unladylike grunt, and smiled back at him.
"We missed you, Ichigo. And besides, we were due a couple of favours. We want to see the others, as well, before we leave, but we've only got twenty four hours. Do you think that will be enough?"
Ichigo shrugged and nodded. It probably would be, if the others didn't mind being woken up. Well, lets be honest- when Rukia was on a mission of any sort, it didn't make a difference what other people wanted at all, as long as she was pleased. Renji certainly looked along for the ride- as he always was, when anything concerning Rukia was going on.
"So, how have you been, Ichigo?"
What a question indeed. How had he been? It had been complicated, these last few months, more complicated than he would care to admit. The strange relationship between himself and Grimmjow had shot up out of nowhere, like one of those weeks that looks like hassle to begin with but to which you soon become used to. Although, he thought wryly, perhaps a weed wasn't the most flattering of comparisons that he could have made, even if it was the one that jumped to mind first of all.
But, in general? Things were reverting to something close to what he could call normal. He still went to high school, still had homework, still fought with his father and was pissed off by Keigo and still argued with Ishida. Inoue's cooking was still terrible, and Yuzu's was still great.
The only difference between his old world and this new was shinigami duty, and even then, part of him enjoyed that.
Well, he enjoyed it when it wasn't too much stress, anyway.
"Everything's good. How about you guys?"
More and more hollows were leaking through, at the moment. More than there ever had been, in fact, and Ichigo could tell by the too-flippant tone of Rukia's voice that they were here for something more than a holiday. He just hoped that it was the unusual level of activity that they were here to look into, rather than anything else. The thought that they might have noticed something amiss, something in the direction of himself, was terrifying.
Because now, there wasn't only Grimmjow to worry about.
There was Karin, as well.
"Grimmjow, you're not thinking."
He rolled his internal eyes at the voice echoing out from the inside of his mind, wondering what the hell his zanpakuto was talking about now. Recently, it was like all she did was moan and insult him. Mind you, she always did that- now, it just seemed a lot worse. God damn, was he becoming sensitive?
No, no. Of course that wasn't it.
"All you ever do is bitch, woman. What am I not thinking about this time?"
He sat on the windowsill of an empty house a few streets away from the Kurosaki's home, carefully suppressing his spiritual pressure as much as possible. He was sure that he had felt those two shinigami vanish a couple of hours ago, but he wasn't taking any chances when discovery was such a critical issue. The night was cold, and his breath misted in front of him, but he didn't shiver: in fact, he could barely feel it. His attention was too focused elsewhere to be concerned about the winter weather.
"Everything."
"Fucking useful, that."
He realised that he had muttered aloud, not that it really mattered all that much- there was no one about on the street below, and even if there had been, it wasn't like they would have heard him either way, him being so high up. Even so, he had to fight down a little embarrassment. What had happened to self control?
He rolled his eyes. He was Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. That was what happened.
"Grimmjow."
"Alright woman, alright. Go on then, enlighten me. I can tell you can't wait to do so anyway, so you might as well get on with it."
Pantera padded back and forth in his mind, sounding mighty smug, he had to admit, although he still didn't understand quite how the bitch managed to make the sound of her paws on rock sound smug. A serious skill, right there, he was forced to concede. She may be a part of his soul, but the bitch sure knew how to press his buttons in just the right way to make him want to hurt her. If you ever could really hurt the manifestation of a sword that lived in your soul.
"Your attention is too focused on the wrong world. You're forgetting what we saw in Hueco Mundo."
He rubbed his hand over the jut of bone on his jaw, pressing a finger against the teeth.
"I ain't forgetting anything. I remember what is there. I just don't see why it has anything to do with me."
Pantera began to wash her paw, something that he knew she only did when she was being disapproving, and didn't want to show it. Unfortunately, it sent the message across just fine regardless. Grimmjow scowled at her.
"You know me better to know that I've forgotten anything."
She shook her great, domed head at him, and sighed. There were some things that there was no point arguing about, and even if Grimmjow was convinced that he was not putting their strange discoveries in Hueco Mundo the back of his mind, Pantera was sure that he was. And, though she wanted nothing more than to let it lie so that Grimmjow could carry on the way he was, she knew that she could not. The hard roads always had to be taken, one way or another.
They had decisions that they needed to make.
When Grimmjow finally dared enter Ichigo's room, he was surprised to see that he was still awake. In all honesty, he hadn't expected it, which might have begged the question as to why he had found his way there in the first place. However, he never bothered with that sort of self-questioning. He would have woken Ichigo up even if he had been asleep.
Ichigo was sat on his bed, half-reclining but wincing as he dabbed at a deep graze that ran down his stomach, his shirt hitched up. Normally, the sight of Ichigo's bare skin might have turned him on a little, but not now. Instead, he frowned, and stepped down from the windowsill.
"Idiot. What did you do there?"
"Hey, be quiet. Karin is still up, and your voice carries. Not to mention your reiatsu."
Grimmjow raised an eyebrow, and threw himself down on the bed next to him. He rested his head on Ichigo's shoulder, closing his eyes and making a growling noise under his breath.
"Ichigo. I'm here several times a week, and at stupid o'clock most of the time, and not once have any of your siblings noticed that I'm in here with you. And that idiot of a father of yours clearly has no idea, either, so quit your bitching."
The tone was light-hearted, but the teasing mood was broken when Ichigo groaned in pain as Grimmjow emphasised that point with a sharp jab in his ribs. The former-Espada frowned at him, because though he didn't exactly pull his blows even when he was only messing around, there was no way that he had hurt enough to warrant that sort of reaction. Unless, of course, Ichigo was hiding something- and knowing his perchant for not mentioning things as a matter of pride, that wasn't an unlikely explanation.
Grimmjow growled again, half under his breath, and tugged at Ichigo's shirt until he gave in. With an annoyed noise and a disgruntled expression, he let Grimmjow raise it up, revealing the spreading range of newly formed bruises that had turned his side into an ugly mass of colour. Fresh purples reached the length of his ribcage, a clear impact bruise that might even have broken a couple of ribs. The darkest parts of it were almost black, the edges sore and red.
"The hell happened to you?"
It was then that Grimmjow realised a more pressing question: unless there was something that Ichigo wasn't telling him, it was pretty safe to assume that Ichigo had got the injury fighting a hollow of some sort, or perhaps sparring- what was the issue was that he was no longer in his spirit form, and yet it had lasted the transition into his living body. He scowled even more when he realised this. There were enough impossible questions in his world without this new development to consider.
Ichigo turned his head to the side, clearly annoyed himself.
"Damn hollow caught me by surprise yesterday, didn't it? Didn't notice its fucking tail. Shaped like a mace, with spikes and everything- it caught me in the side, and knocked me flying, which was a bit of a bitch."
Grimmjow stared at it for a moment longer.
"Must have been moving pretty damn quickly."
Ichigo nodded, glancing at him with a look of curiosity. He wasn't prepared to ask- after all, with Grimmjow, it was generally just better to let him come out with whatever was bugging him, rather than trying to force it out of him, something that he had learnt was a waste of time. Grimmjow, though, seemed to be hesitating over something.
"Did it… did it have a hollow mask?"
Ichigo blinked- that was definitely not what he had expected. Not only was it delivered in an odd tone of voice, it was also an extremely strange question. His forehead creased up in confusion as he lowered his shirt again.
"Of course it did. It was a freaking hollow. Why?"
Grimmjow just shook his head, as if he himself didn't know why he had asked the question. Ichigo waited a moment, but when it became clear that nothing further would be elicited from the former-Espada, he lay down on the bed, trying his hardest to find an even faintly comfortable position that didn't make his ribs feel as if they were about to explode out of him. It was the sort of awkward injury that he never felt he could go to a hospital with- too many questions. His father was out of the question just for irritation issues, which only left Urahara or Inoue- and he'd find one of them as soon as possible in the morning.
The problem was, they were too overstretched. What with the increase in the influx of hollows and the growing demands that put on himself, Ishida and Chad, he barely had time to breathe, let alone time to recover properly. Urahara had warned him about this: when he fought too often, with too much force, sooner or later injuries would start leaking through to his physical body. As if he were reading his mind, trying to come up with a solution, Grimmjow asked the question that Ishida had posed to him not a week before.
"Why the hell don't you let that sister of yours help you out? I mean, damn, it must be a bit demeaning, having to ask a little girl, but still-"
"You know why."
Grimmjow shook his head. He honestly didn't understand Ichigo's reluctance to let Karin join in these minor battles and skirmishes. Of course, though her growing strength was incredibly noticeable, it didn't mean that she had manifested any sort of power- and now he thought about it, he didn't even know the likelihood of that happening. From the sound of it, Ichigo was something of a fluke.
Still, it was a thought. There was only so much he could do without giving himself away, and the locals were clearly swamped.
He tutted to himself. There he was again, acting sensible. It really was quite depressingly out of character for him not to charging into each and every battle without any consideration. For the first time though, he actually had a reason to be... well, a reason to be careful, as much as it pissed him off to admit that was a truth. In the meantime, though, he was growing incredibly bored, almost enough to want to make a mistake and do something big enough to bring down the whole of the Gotei on his back. The old Grimmjow wouldn't have thought twice about doing it, but now...
Ichigo, seemingly oblivious to Grimmjow's inner thoughts, just rested his head against the pillow, on top of Grimmjow's outstretched arm, which fitted almost perfectly into the curve of his neck. Grimmjow was always a furnace, he had noticed: skin always hot enough to make him feel drowsy.
He had never really thought about it, but wasn't it strange that a spiritual being, something that was essentially no more tangible than a ghost to most people, could be so… warm?
Ichigo sighed a little as he felt the ache of sleep catch up with him.
Grimmjow stared at the back of his head, and had anyone been there to see him, they would have been amazed: as soon as he was sure that Ichigo had fallen asleep, he reached out, pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck. He pulled back as if he had been burnt, perhaps suddenly aware of what he was doing, and closed his eyes, trying to ignore how uncomfortable he was, pressed between the wall and the solid mass of Ichigo's body, one arm out at an awkward angle, the other crushed underneath him.
"Oi, Ichigo?"
But the other was already asleep, leaving Grimmjow in a particularly uncomfortable position for the night.
Perhaps he should have made more of an effort to get out, or just woken Ichigo up... but then, there were a lot of things that it would be sensible to do that he did not. Instead, he prepared to be sore in the morning, and tried to force himself to sleep.
Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake,
The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day
Fall Out Boy
