Here's the second chapter. Thanks to all who reviewed. I grant you the
super power of Manta Ray Explody. It's fun! If anyone's interested, check
out my Survivor parody. It has Gaz and GIR in it, but it's in the
crossover section. Anyway…enjoy.
Disclaimer: Did I not already say I own nothing except Cheddar? DIDN'T YA READ IT?! DIDN'T YA????
~
CHAPTER TWO: A Day of Mental Torment
"As I was saying," grated Ms. Bitters's elderly voice, "the Ancient Egyptians put excruciatingly delightful amounts of emphasis on doom. They recognized that they were doomed the moment they were alive…just doomed….doomed…so they spent the whole purpose of their existence on constructing tombs and writing scripts of the dead for their doomed corpses….doom, doom, doom…"
"Ms. Bitters?" ventured Keef. "Are we ever going to learn about something else? I mean, we're always talking about death, destruction, and the universe imploding, so why don't we discuss something cheerful for a change? Like, maybe, unicorns, fairies, or sunshine…" (A/N: Torture! AHHH!!!)
"Silence, child! You smell of bratwursts!" said Ms. Bitters, giving her frightening stare.
Zim laughed to himself, while at the same time considering the Ancient Egyptians and their death rituals. Even though he had no ties to this planet, nor did he want any, it was an interesting topic. He liked doom.
Dib slipped a suspicious glance at Zim to his right. So far, so good; he had managed to keep whatever had possessed him in check for two hours that morning.
Keef was persistent. "What's so wrong about…about sunshine…and…and fairies?"
"Everything. They bring miserable children like yourself joy, and bliss is ignorance," said Ms. Bitters irritably. "They are too bright, too happy, and they will have no place in my classroom. If you ever have to get used to the monotony of today's hideous society, you should not expose yourself to such fantasies."
Keef shrunk in his chair, his happiness diminishing a great deal. The other kids exchanged glances back and forth among each other, and they all seemed to have the same message: Skool was hell.
"Now, then. Anyone who opposes the way I teach may speak, but be prepared to face the consequences later."
Dib tried to rein the inner goldfish ghost in, but he couldn't contain the insanity that had been brought down upon his large, large head. "YOU! MARSHMALLOW SQUEEZER!!" he found himself shrieking, pointing wildly at Ms. Bitters.
Ms. Bitters raised an uninterested eyebrow.
"HAVE YOU NOTICED THE ABNORMALITY OF THE CANTALOUPE SYSTEM?! I TOLD YOU THEY WEREN'T NORMAL!!!"
Everyone stared, and Zim seemed greatly amused.
"Go ahead! FONDLE THAT SHAMROCK! I DARE YOU!!" screamed Dib. (A/N: I think Cheddar's elderly owner was a homeless recipient of Happy Noodle Boy at one time or another…)
And then it was over. Well…most of it, as Dib still wanted to wallow in a water pit really bad. He sat down in his seat, fully aware of what had occurred, and equally as embarrassed.
"Go. Just go to lunch and get out of my sight," commanded Ms. Bitters, who had already had enough of the reek de children for today.
~
Gaz sat down next to her brother at an empty table and eyed her tray of apricots and barbecue sauce with distaste. She wished she didn't have to occupy the same table as Dib, but all the others were filled with ditzy fools. It wasn't as though she cared to eat right now, anyway. Gaming was more important, and her attention capacity was again filled with blood and vampire pigs as she took out her Game Slave.
Dib, too, was examining his food, his hopes of decent substance annihilated. Nonetheless, he was hungry, and he loaded his fork with apricots coated by a slimy layer of barbecue sauce.
Cheddar had waited for this opportunity, and was already thoroughly amused by the sheer prospect of making his human host lose whatever sanity he had left.
Dib's face went blank as he dropped the fork he had poised in front of his face. It clattered to the ground and Gaz looked up in annoyance.
"It never fails," she began, "wherever I go, there's some miserable piece of humanity trying to destroy my game. You're all the same. Disturb me again, and I promise I'll rip off your eyelids and tack them to my wall." With those loving words of encouragement, Gaz returned to her game, to which she was enslaved.
Zim had been watching Dib this whole time. Things had been unusual that Monday morning. Dib hadn't accused Zim of his alien likeness at all yet. In fact, he hadn't said anything. It was as though he was watching himself, afraid he'd slip up and say something he didn't mean to.
Well, those efforts were a waste. (A/N: Brace yourselves.)
Dib lifted his lunch tray and hurled it through the air at Melvin, who was knocked unconscious. He began foaming at the mouth, and shook his head from side to side so vigorously that some of the foamy sickness flew off and hit poor, unfortunate Zim.
"AARRRRGGHH! Human filth!" Zim shrieked as the saliva burned his green skin. He began convulsing, in the disgusted way he did at times, and cursed Dib some more.
Gaz paused the second level and grabbed the knife on her lunch tray. She kept her promises. So much for Dib's eyelids.
"COME, FLY WITH ME TO THE LAND OF TURTLE EXCREMENT!" Dib hollered, windmilling his arms enthusiastically.
"Already been there!" said someone happily in the background. Cheddar, who was firmly in control of Dib at the moment, chose to ignore this.
Dib spied a glass of water on Sara's tray. Water…sweet water. He made a dive for it, and ended up landing awkwardly on her table.
"Weirdo," she muttered, turning away as Dib grabbed the glass and poured it all over his scythe-like hairstyle.
"YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE SLATHERED WITH PIMENTO OILS! I USE ANTIBACTERIAL HAND CLEANSERS! FEAR THE BRITISH SALAMANDERS, FOR THEY WISH MY TRACHEA DEAD!"
Cheddar, in longing for the days of his old woman's breakdances, knew what was coming next. Dib began breakdancing on the floor of the grimy cafeteria. Gaz stood to the side, waiting patiently with the knife intended for Dib's eyelids in her right hand.
~
It was recess. Dib was in control of his mind at the moment, and he sat thoughtfully on a bench off to the side while the other filthy, giddy children tossed a ball around, jumped rope, exchanged tongues, shaved themselves, licked the pavement, diligently picked their noses, and crapped their pants…the usual. Except Gaz and Zim, who were engrossed in a game console and mocking other kids, respectively.
"I wish I could close my eyes," he thought aloud, wondering why he was possessed by a demon fish. He had so far endured a day of pure mental torture, and it wasn't even over yet.
His thoughts were interrupted as seven large manta rays landed with a smack on the hopscotch area. Their gills rippled a bit in the breeze before they exploded with violent force.
Dib sat up. Crap, that was odd. Still, he wanted more than anything in the world to close his eyes. Even Gaz witnessed it and laughed darkly, amused.
Dib stared at the sky. The sunlight was hard on his eyes…he kept turning over and over again in his mind how he could have possibly let Gaz remove his eyelids without even taking off his glasses. Even more important, though, was that he find a way to expel the psycho goldfish from his brain. He just couldn't live like this every day…
~
Will Dib's mentality still be intact after Cheddar's through with him? Will Zim use Dib's insanity (more so than before) as a weakness to rid himself of the human who ruined his plans time after time? Will Ms. Bitters give Dib the promised consequences for speaking out of line? Will Gaz return Dib's eyelids? Will GIR run around the nearest golf course, slapping himself with slices of beef jerky? The answers will be revealed in the next chapter. Perhaps.
Disclaimer: Did I not already say I own nothing except Cheddar? DIDN'T YA READ IT?! DIDN'T YA????
~
CHAPTER TWO: A Day of Mental Torment
"As I was saying," grated Ms. Bitters's elderly voice, "the Ancient Egyptians put excruciatingly delightful amounts of emphasis on doom. They recognized that they were doomed the moment they were alive…just doomed….doomed…so they spent the whole purpose of their existence on constructing tombs and writing scripts of the dead for their doomed corpses….doom, doom, doom…"
"Ms. Bitters?" ventured Keef. "Are we ever going to learn about something else? I mean, we're always talking about death, destruction, and the universe imploding, so why don't we discuss something cheerful for a change? Like, maybe, unicorns, fairies, or sunshine…" (A/N: Torture! AHHH!!!)
"Silence, child! You smell of bratwursts!" said Ms. Bitters, giving her frightening stare.
Zim laughed to himself, while at the same time considering the Ancient Egyptians and their death rituals. Even though he had no ties to this planet, nor did he want any, it was an interesting topic. He liked doom.
Dib slipped a suspicious glance at Zim to his right. So far, so good; he had managed to keep whatever had possessed him in check for two hours that morning.
Keef was persistent. "What's so wrong about…about sunshine…and…and fairies?"
"Everything. They bring miserable children like yourself joy, and bliss is ignorance," said Ms. Bitters irritably. "They are too bright, too happy, and they will have no place in my classroom. If you ever have to get used to the monotony of today's hideous society, you should not expose yourself to such fantasies."
Keef shrunk in his chair, his happiness diminishing a great deal. The other kids exchanged glances back and forth among each other, and they all seemed to have the same message: Skool was hell.
"Now, then. Anyone who opposes the way I teach may speak, but be prepared to face the consequences later."
Dib tried to rein the inner goldfish ghost in, but he couldn't contain the insanity that had been brought down upon his large, large head. "YOU! MARSHMALLOW SQUEEZER!!" he found himself shrieking, pointing wildly at Ms. Bitters.
Ms. Bitters raised an uninterested eyebrow.
"HAVE YOU NOTICED THE ABNORMALITY OF THE CANTALOUPE SYSTEM?! I TOLD YOU THEY WEREN'T NORMAL!!!"
Everyone stared, and Zim seemed greatly amused.
"Go ahead! FONDLE THAT SHAMROCK! I DARE YOU!!" screamed Dib. (A/N: I think Cheddar's elderly owner was a homeless recipient of Happy Noodle Boy at one time or another…)
And then it was over. Well…most of it, as Dib still wanted to wallow in a water pit really bad. He sat down in his seat, fully aware of what had occurred, and equally as embarrassed.
"Go. Just go to lunch and get out of my sight," commanded Ms. Bitters, who had already had enough of the reek de children for today.
~
Gaz sat down next to her brother at an empty table and eyed her tray of apricots and barbecue sauce with distaste. She wished she didn't have to occupy the same table as Dib, but all the others were filled with ditzy fools. It wasn't as though she cared to eat right now, anyway. Gaming was more important, and her attention capacity was again filled with blood and vampire pigs as she took out her Game Slave.
Dib, too, was examining his food, his hopes of decent substance annihilated. Nonetheless, he was hungry, and he loaded his fork with apricots coated by a slimy layer of barbecue sauce.
Cheddar had waited for this opportunity, and was already thoroughly amused by the sheer prospect of making his human host lose whatever sanity he had left.
Dib's face went blank as he dropped the fork he had poised in front of his face. It clattered to the ground and Gaz looked up in annoyance.
"It never fails," she began, "wherever I go, there's some miserable piece of humanity trying to destroy my game. You're all the same. Disturb me again, and I promise I'll rip off your eyelids and tack them to my wall." With those loving words of encouragement, Gaz returned to her game, to which she was enslaved.
Zim had been watching Dib this whole time. Things had been unusual that Monday morning. Dib hadn't accused Zim of his alien likeness at all yet. In fact, he hadn't said anything. It was as though he was watching himself, afraid he'd slip up and say something he didn't mean to.
Well, those efforts were a waste. (A/N: Brace yourselves.)
Dib lifted his lunch tray and hurled it through the air at Melvin, who was knocked unconscious. He began foaming at the mouth, and shook his head from side to side so vigorously that some of the foamy sickness flew off and hit poor, unfortunate Zim.
"AARRRRGGHH! Human filth!" Zim shrieked as the saliva burned his green skin. He began convulsing, in the disgusted way he did at times, and cursed Dib some more.
Gaz paused the second level and grabbed the knife on her lunch tray. She kept her promises. So much for Dib's eyelids.
"COME, FLY WITH ME TO THE LAND OF TURTLE EXCREMENT!" Dib hollered, windmilling his arms enthusiastically.
"Already been there!" said someone happily in the background. Cheddar, who was firmly in control of Dib at the moment, chose to ignore this.
Dib spied a glass of water on Sara's tray. Water…sweet water. He made a dive for it, and ended up landing awkwardly on her table.
"Weirdo," she muttered, turning away as Dib grabbed the glass and poured it all over his scythe-like hairstyle.
"YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE SLATHERED WITH PIMENTO OILS! I USE ANTIBACTERIAL HAND CLEANSERS! FEAR THE BRITISH SALAMANDERS, FOR THEY WISH MY TRACHEA DEAD!"
Cheddar, in longing for the days of his old woman's breakdances, knew what was coming next. Dib began breakdancing on the floor of the grimy cafeteria. Gaz stood to the side, waiting patiently with the knife intended for Dib's eyelids in her right hand.
~
It was recess. Dib was in control of his mind at the moment, and he sat thoughtfully on a bench off to the side while the other filthy, giddy children tossed a ball around, jumped rope, exchanged tongues, shaved themselves, licked the pavement, diligently picked their noses, and crapped their pants…the usual. Except Gaz and Zim, who were engrossed in a game console and mocking other kids, respectively.
"I wish I could close my eyes," he thought aloud, wondering why he was possessed by a demon fish. He had so far endured a day of pure mental torture, and it wasn't even over yet.
His thoughts were interrupted as seven large manta rays landed with a smack on the hopscotch area. Their gills rippled a bit in the breeze before they exploded with violent force.
Dib sat up. Crap, that was odd. Still, he wanted more than anything in the world to close his eyes. Even Gaz witnessed it and laughed darkly, amused.
Dib stared at the sky. The sunlight was hard on his eyes…he kept turning over and over again in his mind how he could have possibly let Gaz remove his eyelids without even taking off his glasses. Even more important, though, was that he find a way to expel the psycho goldfish from his brain. He just couldn't live like this every day…
~
Will Dib's mentality still be intact after Cheddar's through with him? Will Zim use Dib's insanity (more so than before) as a weakness to rid himself of the human who ruined his plans time after time? Will Ms. Bitters give Dib the promised consequences for speaking out of line? Will Gaz return Dib's eyelids? Will GIR run around the nearest golf course, slapping himself with slices of beef jerky? The answers will be revealed in the next chapter. Perhaps.
