The light was turning dusky outside the palace windows, the church bells toned the hour lazily. Six. Six of the clock and things couldn't be worse.

Arthur paced rapidly before the door of Gaius's quarters. It had been nearly an hour since his father had been carried there and no word of what was happening had reached his ears. As he paced he tried not to think of his last words to his father…the last words the king had heard or thought he'd heard.

" I cannot forgive what you've done father…"

The image of his father's stricken look, his cry of pain, replayed in his mind like the pattern behind your eyes when you stare at the sun too long. It filled his every thought, his every emotion, there was no time for anger or resentment. If it still existed it didn't matter, all that mattered to Arthur now was that his father would live. Live to hear the words he'd meant to tell him. Live to know he still loved him.

Arthur turned his back to the door, leaning on a window sill staring out at the court yard below his eyes blank.

" Oh God, Forgive me." he thought, " I wanted him dead…I did. When I said it, I meant it…but now…now I would give my own life for him to live."

Arthur turned his eyes to the darkening sky and felt a shudder pierce his heart. " He was in perfect health. He was hardly sick a day in his life, until today. It was like my words struck him down." Arthur felt the tears sting his eyes, " God in heaven, did I do this? If I did how am I any better than him?"

All at once the door behind him creaked open, jarring Arthur from his thoughts. He turned to see Merlin sweaty browed and solemn faced emerging from the physician's room. As his eyes met his, Arthur felt his heart shrink. Finally he was able to speak through dry lips.

"How is he?"

" Arthur," began Merlin, " Arthur, I'm so sorry…"

Arthur 's heart pounded in his veins. Dread threatened to choke off his breath, to send him reeling. He reacted the only way he could and keep his pride. With anger.

"Don't you tell me he's dead, Merlin! Don't you say it!"

Merlin's face was immediately sympathetic, " Oh God, no! Arthur, no, he's not dead."

Arthur felt his senses return in a rush. " God in heaven, you scared me…what's happening Merlin?"

"Gaius could explain it better, but he told me to give it a go..so…"

Arthur fixed his eyes pleadingly on Merlin, " Merlin…what is wrong with my father?"

Merlin paused choosing his words when he spoke it was hesitant, careful as though he knew he was about to hurt Arthur and wanted it to be as little as possible. As though he could save him pain. As though he deserved it.

" The King had an old Injury…a war wound…"

" Yes, from the same battle that killed Morganna's father..I know..but that was years ago."

Merlin bowed his head and nodded, this was obviously hard for him, poor tender hearted Merlin. Arthur had to feel for him. Merlin swallowed.

" The wound caused a weakness in the veins beneath the skull….no one could have known it . But today, they burst and he started bleeding."

Arthur leaned back against the window sill breathing deeply, " So, you're saying my father is bleeding inside his head?"

Merlin nodded grimly. Arthur resisted the urge to punch the wall behind him with frustration. " And what does that mean?"

Merlin shuffled slightly, " The pressure from the blood was very bad. It was what caused his pain and collapse…the only way to relieve it was for Gaius to…" Merlin trailed off. Arthur waited his heart in his mouth.

" To what? Go on Merlin!"

" Gaius had to put a small hole in The king's skull to let the blood…"

Arthur threw up his hand, " Enough!" he paused recovering himself, " But the bleeding's stopped? Right? It helped?"

Merlin was slowly crumbling, " Arthur, the pressure's gone…but there's nothing we can do about the bleeding. The veins have to heal on their own it will take time."

"But, then he'll get better..he is going to get better isn't he Merlin?"

" I…I don't know. "

Arthur felt his energy leave him, a numbness spread over him. He leaned forward.

"Arthur, I'm so …"

Arthur held up his hand, shaking his head. " Is he in pain?"

" We don't think so…he's ..unconscious."

Arthur felt himself nod, " Can I see him?"

"Not yet, Gaius will come to you when you can."

Arthur met Merlin's eyes, " If..if things don't change. How long will I have?"

" Gaius says the king will not last out the night."

Arthur turned away again. " Do what you can…please."

"Always."

Arthur heard the door creak closed and he sagged to his knees his face in his hands.

His knees had barely touched the ground when he felt arms wrap around him from behind. Woman's arms, tender yet strong and he recognized the smell of honeysuckle .

"Gwen…." Arthur went to rise, but the arms pulled him close instead and before he knew it his head was resting in the hollow of Gwen's throat. Even at his darkest hour he could appreciate how wonderful it felt, how right to be there. Never the less he protested. " Gwen, we shouldn't…"

"Hush, who makes these rules? A woman can't comfort someone she cares about…someone she…"

There was a pause and Arthur felt himself lean into the hollow of Gwen's neck. " I know you want to help me Gwen, but if anyone ever saw…"

Gwenivere stood and he stood with her, her voice was hoarse. " I hate this Arthur…I hate that I can't be what I want to be to you. We're in love…but were not…and yet we are again? I can't live like that, but I suppose I must if I love you. " A deep pause, " There I said it. The world didn't end did it? I love you Arthur and if you love me too you can't keep pushing me away…let me help you. "

Arthur took her hands, he could feel the tears rising in his eyes. " Gwen, it isn't you…"

"I know, it's them…it has to be secret…"

"No…I don't mean that, to hell with that…it's just…" he paused trying to swallow the tears rising in his throat, " Gwen, I can't let myself be comforted right now, I can't risk seeming weak …especially with my father…" he paused, Gwenivere moved close and kissed his forehead gently and passionately. Arthur shuddered his voice a shaky rasp. "Gwen, please….don't make me feel."

He felt the warmth of her tears as they fell on his brow mingling with his own. " That's my job Arthur, you gave me your heart…I have to protect it."

Arthur leaned forward until he was resting under the satin hollow of her neck again and then with no regard to propriety or appearances he clasped his arms around her and wept like a child. Gwenivere drew him close whispering to him. " It will be all right Arthur."

"Oh Gwen," he thought to himself, " Oh my love, I wish I could believe that."