Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

WINTER LOVE

CHAPTER TWO

Just over an hour later, Kathryn was on Kelvoris. The hotel, the only one on the sparsely populated planet, truly was magnificent. It was perched on the edge of a mighty cliff, towering over it like a castle of steel, and was so tall that the pointed rooftops reached the clouds. From the foyer, which led to cafes, restaurants, salons and shops, was a dramatic view of the mountains below, and Kathryn waited by the plush reception for Chakotay to arrive. It was where she'd told him they'd meet and, providing there was no delay, where he was due any moment.

And then, just as she was about to sit down, he walked in.

Kathryn smiled, even before he had seen her, and felt her eyes fill with happy tears. He looked so well, no outward sign at all of his recent ordeal, and just as handsome as he ever had, even though his hair, like hers, was silver now. It was such a joy to see him, such a joy that as he got closer, and their eyes finally met, all she could do was wrap her arms around him and hug him hard. He did the same, holding her tight against him, and for a long time they just embraced in silent rapture.

"Oh, Chakotay," Kathryn said as they finally drew apart. "It's so good to see you."

Chakotay smiled, unable to resist the tease. "Are you sure about that? A relay all the way from Earth for nothing? Sure you're not disappointed?"

"Disappointed? I guess I should confess that I am. I've had my eye on your antique encyclopaedia collection for years!"

Chakotay laughed and then took her hands in his. "Well, it means a lot to me that you've come. Truly, it does."

"Of course I'd come," Kathryn said sincerely. "You're...few people mean as much."

Tears filled Chakotay's eyes at that, just for a second.

"And I'm glad I've come," she went on. "It's been too long since we've seen each other. And this place...it's just incredible."

"It certainly is. A little known gem."

"Though very busy. Just where have all the people come from? There are few colonies in this sector."

"I don't think all guests are flesh and blood. I think a good number are holograms."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Holograms?"

"To give the place the air of bustle. No one wants to stay in an empty hotel."

"I don't suppose they do, though I can't say I would mind too much. Would beat being crushed by crowds!"

"There is that. But tell me, what are your plans? Would you like us to just have dinner or to stay on here for a few days?"

"Oh, to stay on of course...I'd absolutely love to...but do you have the time?"

Chakotay smiled. "As a captain without a ship I have all the time in the universe."

Kathryn laughed. "I guess. But what about your ride home? The Starblazer can't wait a few days."

"I'll hitch a ride with you...that is if you're flying and I'm welcome."

"For your company, I'll fly. I was going to relay. But my shuttle...if Admiral Hoffman will let me keep it...is very small. We'll have to sleep on pull out bunks."

"That's ok," Chakotay smiled. "For your company, I'd sleep on the floor."

Kathryn teasingly poked his stomach. "Well, if this place only has one room left, and that one room only has one bed, that might well be the case!"

Chakotay gestured towards reception. "Shall we find out?"

Kathryn nodded. "Let's."


Fortunately for Kathryn and Chakotay, especially for Chakotay, the hotel had many vacant rooms of all kinds and sizes. As they could have their pick, they chose a two bedroomed suite on the twentieth floor, and it was so elegant and sumptuous that it far surpassed their expectations. There was a gorgeous lounge with panoramic views of the mountains, a classy bathroom of crystal and sapphire, and both bedrooms had four poster beds of blue satin and lace. After delighting in the luxury for a while, Kathryn took a bath...unable to resist the majestical tub any longer...and Chakotay set the lounge's grand dining table for dinner. What exactly they were having, they had not yet decided, but they'd been reassured by reception that there would only be minutes between ordering and delivering.

When Kathryn had finished bathing, she dressed herself for dinner, and then joined Chakotay in the lounge. His heart, old and tired, skipped a beat when she stepped into the room, as she looked as beautiful to him as she ever had in the classy blue dress she was wearing, and the years that had aged them melted away. He was back on Voyager again, back where he had been happiest. But then, as old feelings returned, so too did the heartache. The ache of a love that could never be returned.

A love he had learnt to live with and to live without.

For Kathryn too, as she entered the room and saw Chakotay standing before a candlelit table, handsomely dressed in a silver waistcoat over black pants, time dissolved and she was young again. Young and in love with the one man she could not have.

"You look...you look amazing," Chakotay said at last.

"Thank you," Kathryn smiled. "I guess the gym three days a week really pays off. But you look mighty fine too."

Chakotay teased. "For a golden oldie?"

"Oh, we're only as old as we feel!"

"And how old do you feel?"

The words came instinctively, as natural as their gaze, their gaze that was taking her breath away. "As young as I am in your eyes."

For a long moment Chakotay held their gaze, losing himself, but then, almost sadly, turned away.

"Let's see what's on the menu," he said. "You must be hungry."

"I am," Kathryn replied. "I haven't eaten since...hell, I don't think I even had breakfast!"

"Then a three course meal is a must."

Like the gentleman he was, Chakotay pulled out a chair for Kathryn and she gratefully sat. There were two identical menus on the table, both in gold covers, and Kathryn picked up one while Chakotay sat and took up the other.

"My," Kathryn said, looking through it, "there certainly is a lot of choice! So much so that I can't believe everything is as fresh and homemade as they say!"

"Homemade, probably," Chakotay smiled. "Fresh, doubtful. Most likely frozen."

"A trick of the trade, eh?"

"And a well known one."

"Really? But then you know me and cooking...we've never been well acquainted."

"Even after all these years?"

"Especially after all these years! When oven's see me coming, they shut themselves off!"

Chakotay laughed. "Well, I guess it's good to know somethings never change."

"Yes," Kathryn said seriously. "It's good to know. Because there have been too many changes lately."

"Yes," Chakotay agreed. "And I'm sorry...about Mark."

Kathryn lowered her eyes and fidgeted with the menu. "Thank you."

Upon Voyager's return, Mark was divorced, and in the weeks that followed she and he resumed their former relationship. It had just happened naturally, as gently as before, and within months were married.

"It must have been a hard time for you."

"It was," Kathryn confessed. "His illness came out of the blue and...and even though it was prolonged, and we had time to prepare for the worst, when it came it...it was still hard to say goodbye."

"How has Fiona coped?"

Fiona was Kathryn's daughter with Mark, born in Bloomington on a sunny summer afternoon, and she had her mother's hair and eyes.

"Better than I expected her too," Kathryn told him. "Like me she was always a daddy's girl and sixteen is so young to lose a father. I was older and didn't cope half as well."

"That's because the circumstances were very different. You were the sole survivor of a horrific accident that killed two people you love. Survival guilt is a hard burden to carry. I know because I felt the weight of it for years. Even now I feel the shame and the pain of not having been there to help my family fight the Cardassians. In my head I know it wouldn't have made a difference, that I'd have been killed too, but in my heart the regret will always hurt."

Kathryn reached for his hand. "If only our hearts would listen to our heads. But I'm sorry, Chakotay. I'm sorry you still feel the burden. You don't deserve to."

"I always will and nothing will change that. But my family would be glad I wasn't there, that I survived, and I take great comfort in that."

"I'm glad you survived too. I can't imagine my life without you in it. All those years in the Delta Quadrant you were my rock and my shelter. My best friend."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "Ditto."

Their eyes locked again, but this time it was Kathryn who looked away. Looked away and wept.

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said. "I shouldn't have mentioned Mark. The wound must still be raw."

"Some days," Kathryn replied. "But it's been over a year now and it's healing. I'm not crying for him...at least I don't think so...I'm...it's being here with you...just the two of us...it brings back so many memories and...and awakens old feelings."

"Yes," Chakotay conceded. "For me too."

"Which makes me think," Kathryn said, getting up and going over to a long window that overlooked a frozen lake, "that maybe it's a mistake us being here. Revisiting the past won't do either of us any good."

"No," Chakotay agreed, standing himself. "We can't change it, not without breaking some almighty directives, and I've spent years of my life trying to come to terms with it...with us. Because my biggest regret, aside from not being with my family when the Cardassians attacked, is losing you." Tears filled his eyes. "I loved you with all my heart and soul, Kathryn, and I wish I hadn't given up on us. Because if I hadn't, if I hadn't got involved with Seven that time, there might have been a chance for us when we got home."

"Yes," Kathryn said, turning to him. "And you being with her broke my heart. But you can't blame yourself. You waited a long time for me. Longer than I deserved. You couldn't wait forever."

"I could have and should have. And if I could do it all again I would."

Kathryn stepped closer. "We just weren't meant to be, Chakotay. If the timing was cruel...you being with Seven and then me being with Mark...it was destined. Because if there's one thing I've learnt in life it's that you can't force fate...even by breaking almighty directives. Everything happens as it should. That's what we have to believe. It's what I've made myself believe. Otherwise we'll be playing with time forever. I was meant to marry Mark and you were meant to live the life you have. And it's been a good life...for both of us."

"Yes," Chakotay answered. "But I missed you, Kathryn. I missed the life we could have had. The life I longed for. That's why I've always stayed away. You had a new life with Mark and I couldn't watch you live it."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "But you have been happy?"

Chakotay was a moment in answering. "Affirmative. My work has fulfilled me and I've achieved more, and seen more, than I could ever have dreamt of."

Kathryn looked at him sadly. "That's not exactly what I meant." Tenderly, she lay her hand on his chest. "What about your heart? Your kind and brave heart? Has it been taken care of?"

At this, Chakotay tearfully recoiled and turned away. "Don't, Kathryn...please."

His reaction, his words, was all the answer she needed and they made her own heart ache.

Ache and break.

For Chakotay, of all men, deserved to be loved. No one could be kinder, more gentle, or loyal. It hurt profoundly to think he had never found true love.

Never found.

That was wrong.

For he had found it. On Voyager, in each other, they had found it. Found it and lost it.

Until now.

For suddenly it was clear why they were here. Here, alone, in this most beautiful of places. Fate was giving them another chance. Another chance of happiness. Another chance to love.

"And you're right," Chakotay went on. "It was a mistake us coming here. Let's not make it worse by staying."

"I'm not leaving," Kathryn said quietly. "I was wrong. Our being here isn't a mistake. We're meant to be here. We're meant to be having this conversation."

Chakotay turned to her. "To torture ourselves?"

"No. To give ourselves the chance we've always missed. I'm not going to walk away from that. Are you?"

"For a chance with you," he replied, "I'd walk through fire. But it's too late, Kathryn. Our lives have been lived."

"But are not over yet. We still have a lot of living to do... at least I hope so."

At those last words, Chakotay smiled, just for a second, but then sadly looked down. "I'd like to believe there's a chance for us, that somehow we could have a future together, but I'm afraid to believe, Kathryn. I can't hope just to be hurt again. I can't."

Kathryn gently lay her hand on his arm. "I won't hurt you, Chakotay. Not this time. We won't hurt each other. Because everything is different now. We're different. But to still have feelings for each other, even after all these years, has to mean they're feelings worth fighting for. So let's give ourselves this chance. Because I think our love, and all we've ever meant to each other, deserves one."

Chakotay looked up. "But are you sure, Kathryn? I..."

Kathryn silenced him with a finger on the lips. "I'm sure, Chakotay. The question is, are you?"

He could only nod.

"Then it looks like we're on a date."

Chakotay smiled, doubt and anguish leaving his eyes. "Yes," he said. "Yes, it does. Unless I've died and am in paradise."

"No," Kathryn laughed, flirting as she traced the course of his tattoo, "not yet, you're not. But I want us take things slowly, ok? There's a lot at stake...for both of us."

"Yes," Chakotay agreed. "But if we're going to make it, Kathryn, we need to leave the past behind. We can't look back. We can't try to recreate what might have been. We have to look forward."

"We do. We have to embrace the present and delight in it. And we shall, Chakotay. Even though we're older, and changed, in all the ways that matter we're still the same. And I love you."

Tears filled Chakotay's eyes, tears at the words it seemed he had waited a lifetime to hear. Words he had thought he would never get the chance to say. Not to this woman. Not to his Kathryn.

"I love you too," he whispered, drawing her into his arms. "Gods, I love you, Kathryn."

Kathryn clung to him tight, tearful but joyful, and then lay her head on his broad shoulder.

"Don't keep captaining, Chakotay. It's a dangerous life and...and I want you by my side. Accept promotion to Admiral. Please."

"I will," he said, kissing her hair. "I promise."

Kathryn smiled, knowing he would keep it, and relaxed into his embrace.

END OF CHAPTER TWO