True Love Way
Chapter Two: Undeniable
Bella wakes with a headache and eyes that feel dry and bleary. She was warm, and content, but the sadness was not yet gone, her chest was tight with it.
Beneath her, Jacob's even breathing makes her rise bodily with each inhale. His arms are heavy against her back, holding her firmly to him even in sleep.
He looks like her Jacob again. Something about him sleeping triggers her urge to protect and love him. He was just a kid, but then again, so was she. And if the world was as he wished, she would be getting ready for college, and he would be hyped at the prospect of a summer fling.
And she wouldn't have Edward, she could love Jacob fully. But a world without Edward wasn't a world she wanted to fathom. It wasn't a world she could ever belong to.
She thinks, almost ruefully, that Edward wasn't a drug. He was the blood in her veins, the air in her lungs, the beat of her heart and the nourishment her soul required. Edward was everything. Jacob was the drug. He was the balm that soothed the jagged remains of her heart when she thought Edward was gone. He was the joy she lost, the freedom of spirit she could never find within herself. If Edward was the force that kept her alive, Jacob was the animation that separated the living from the dead.
But she had to leave him. She'd have to teach her future husband her best friend's line of work.
Lying with him was wrong in her eyes. Not because of Edward, but because being there was only too right, too perfect. It was only making matters worse. When she walked out the door she wouldn't come back. It would hurt, she would suffer, but she had Edward and she could leave anything and everything to keep him.
She pushes gently against Jacob's chest, keeping her hands on the parts of him that weren't physically broken.
"5 more minutes," he whispers tugging her closer. His face was all hard lines and bitter angles, replacing the boy with the beautiful but shattered man.
She ceases moving, breathing him in, remembering who he was before she destroyed him.
Exactly 300 seconds later his arms fall away, his eyes are red and unreadable in the fading daylight. Bella's hands slide down to his and pull his arms back across her.
"5 more minutes," she mumbles. She closes her eyes and feels his smile.
"Holy crap," Bella whispers. Someone turned on the fan, thankfully intact after Jacob's rampage, but she was still soaked in sweat.
She felt horrible. Between the tear induced headache and the heat, she felt somewhat like a baked potato.
And it was pitch black outside.
"Holy crap," she whispers again. Jacob had released her some time ago and they were tangled in a sweaty, fleshy, bloody mess of limbs.
He just grumbled as she rose and didn't wake up as she made her way to his door.
The clock in the kitchen glared 11:45 and Bella's stomach lurched.
"Holy crap!"
Bella notices Billy smiling at her, the tv on mute. "Calm down I already called Charlie," his voice is gentle. Bella figured his kindness was probably brought on by her overly pathetic appearance. She was sweaty and there were morbid patches of dry blood along her body and clothes. Some was in her hair and it clumped and matted in the most unflattering way.
She was also missing a shoe.
"I told him you were staying the night. Good thing too, I couldn't send you home looking like that," Bella smiles at his teasing tone, feeling a hint of normalcy.
"Thanks Billy," she sat in the armchair closest to him. She realizes suddenly she'd really, really miss La Push. The treaty wouldn't ever allow her on the reservation after she was a vampire. She wouldn't get to walk First Beach again, or sit beside Billy in the small but comfortable home she vaguely remembered from childhood. If Jacob ever wanted to see her again, he would hate how she smelled and she'd have to worry about hurting him when he pissed her off. Jacob really knew how to piss her off.
And Edward….
Edward.
"Holy crap!"
Billy chuckled beside her and handed her the cell phone Charlie bought for her. 14 missed calls, twice as many text messages. She groaned.
"I talked to him," he said with a twinkle in his eye.
"You did?" Bella could almost imagine how that conversation went. Yeah, I'm Jake's father. Bella is curled up in bed with him now but I'll tell her you called.
"I was nice Bella," he patted her knee, "I told him you were still sorting things out. He's a good boy." Bella wanted to point out that Edward was older than him but dropped it. She stepped out into the warm night air, his number speed dialed in her phone.
"Hello!" he answered before the first ring finished.
The sound of his voice made everything in her relax and clench at the same time. "Hey," she whispered. She closes her eyes, seeing him clearly in all his ethereal beauty and splendor.
"Are you ok?" he was anxious and it makes her smile.
"As ok as I can be I guess."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Will you be there much longer," Bella's eyes flicker to her truck and she had the urge to jump into it and speed to the Cullens.
But she didn't want to be gone when Jacob woke up. It would probably be easier if she did, but she couldn't. There wasn't anything left to say, or do, but she wouldn't leave him just yet. She was too selfish, too naïve in her hope that maybe she could fix things.
"Billy told Charlie I was staying the night," she admitted softly.
"Good then we'll have all night, I can meet you at the treaty line."
Bella sucked in her bottom lip. It was so tempting.
"I'm staying here. I did a number on him Edward, the least I can do is stay as long as he lets me."
The other line was quiet for a moment, "You don't owe him anything Bella. He said it himself, he knew what he was doing."
"It doesn't make me less guilty."
"Bella I've been through his head. You barely did anything to warrant his feelings."
"Barely?" Bella snorted, remembering everything she ever said that could be interpreted the wrong way.
"If anything," she smiled.
"He's still hurting." Edward sighed into the phone. She heard Alice's tinkling voice and Edward's snapped response.
"Tell Alice hi for me," she whispered quickly. Alice's bell laugh greeted her, and she heard a muffled hi Bella. Alice and Edward argued for another second, talking too fast for Bella to pick up on their words.
"Hey I gotta go," she looked back at the inviting warmth of the Black house.
"Ok," Edward's disappointment was apparent.
"We've got forever, remember?" she teases. She kissed the phone softly, "I love you."
"I love you too."
Bella listened a second longer, reveling in the words before snapping the phone shut. Suddenly tired, she walked back inside. Billy didn't look her way and it dawned on her he probably heard her whole conversation. Heard her say forever and put two and two together.
"Um Billy," he waved his hand to silence her.
"Believe it or not I sort of understand." She stood there for a bit, shuffling awkwardly.
After a moment she returned to her seat, confident that Billy wouldn't try to parent her, tell her how bad vampires were and how stupid she was being.
"He'll be ok you know," he started.
"Jake?"
"Yeah, he's a lot like his mother. When he makes up his mind about something you can't get him to change it."
Bella feels a familiar pain she can't beat back. "I'm the same way," she whispers. For the first time since she got Edward back, she wishes she didn't have her heart set on him.
"Bella," he has his father's voice on, and Bella thinks she would've been better off driving away. "Can we be honest with each other?"
She swallows the lump in her throat, half irritation, half dread.
"Of course." Billy stared hard into her, weighing the honesty of her response.
"He's loved you since you were kids," he started trying to keep his voice level. He turned back to the silent tv, "It was kinda funny at first seeing you never looked his way. But I hoped he'd get over it when you first started to date Cullen but it got stronger. He had a few girlfriends, but it was never anything to him, nothing like you. And when Cullen broke you," she winces, "He put everything he could into putting you back together. I knew you were too far gone, warned him to let it go, but he just couldn't. It's not who he is."
Bella thinks Jacob should listen more to his father. Maybe they wouldn't be in the situation they were in now if he did.
She tells Billy she'll advise the boy they both love to mind him more. Billy tries not to smile.
"Sam says his head is hell to be inside."
Bella feels bone deep satisfaction mingled in with the pain. She hasn't managed to stop blaming Sam yet.
"He's so focused on you, he's….." he turned and looked Bella squarely in the eye.
"Has Jake told you about imprinting?" Bella thinks about Claire and Quil and shivers.
"Yes,"
"What did he tell you?"
Bella dredges up the conversation, telling him what she recalled. She remembers how it took Sam from Leah, how it turned Kim from being some girl Jared shared a class with to the center of his universe. She remembers the look on Quil's face as he watched Claire, the complete adoration, the whole, pure, all consuming love. She remembered Emily's ruined face and the intimacy between them it once pained her to watch.
"The suffering a wolf goes through when an imprint is lost or denied, it's unexplainable," and Bella nods, equating that pain to the emptiness she felt for six months without Edward.
"Jacob suffers in that inexplicable way."
The weight of the words crashed against her. Her heart skipped.
"He imprinted on me?" she squeaks unconsciously leaning closer to the door.
"No." the relief Bella feels is instant.
"Why then?"
"We don't know."
You're my Edward honey.
It all makes sense now, the final puzzle piece. Billy studies her face, watching the flickering of raw emotion flying across her eyes. Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times as she tried to deal.
"Alright dad, chill," Jake's husky voice was worn and tired, "Stop, before you scare her."
Bella turned to him, seeing him with new eyes. He was a stranger now. Nothing remained of the bright sun that lit the gloomy halls of her depression.
He looks better with the gashes now fully closed. They leave behind angry, jagged white lines that would scar his perfect skin forever. The ugly parts were healed already, just like he promised.
What she did, the wounds beneath the flesh, muscle and bone would take so much longer.
Something in his face changed, something that should be barely perceptible, but for a second she found the boy she fell for. Her Jacob.
"You're supposed to be spending the night anyway, why don't you get some sleep," he suggested. His eyes turned to his dad, angry, "You too old man."
Billy smiled innocently back.
With a small nod Bella rose and hesitantly stepped toward him, trying not to squirm under his intense gaze.
"Bella you should sleep out here," Billy said firmly. But she shook her head, and Jake's lips turned just a tiny bit.
"Be easy. This is probably the last time I'll see her," he said it so lightly but Bella didn't miss the plea, the irritation or the sadness.
Bella didn't wait for an answer, slipping past Jake into his bedroom. He had straightened up just enough to make a path to the bed.
It never occurred to Bella she should feel anything but ease as she watched Jake close the door behind him. She wasn't embarrassed by his lack of clothes as he lied down, dragging her with him. For a second, both of them were granted peace. At that moment, both Bella and Jacob were exactly where they wanted to be.
"I'm sorry," she whispers, those words never enough to express her regret or alleviate the darkness closing in on him.
"Stop apologizing Bella, it's annoying." Bella reached down to pluck off her remaining shoe.
"Don't mope either. I hate it when you mope."
He sighs when she snuggles closer. "I like holding you," he whispers.
"I thought you were going cold turkey."
He chuckles against her hair, "One more hit won't kill me."
She pulls back slightly, "Jake that's morbid."
"Yeah well, you know what I'm talking about." His hand finds hers, weaving their fingers together. His hands were too big, and hers too small, but somehow, somehow they fit together perfectly. Both noticed, neither said anything.
They are silent for a stretch of time, each lost in their own thoughts. Bella wondered again about Jacob's future, about the girl he may or may not imprint upon. Despite her best efforts, each girl she imagines looks like her, each love's Jacob the way she loves Edward and not a tiny bit less.
"Why me?" she asks softly, just in case he had fallen asleep.
"You're the one Bells," he answers. It makes her heart swell and she kisses his shoulder for saying it.
"But why?"
He chuckles. "I always imagined my dream girl would be perfect," his voice is the voice she loved, the one she wants to remember forever.
And Bella has forever.
"She'd be tall, curvy, and really down to earth. And hot enough that all my friends would be jealous. She'd understand my stupid need to tinker and build things, and she'd probably know a thing or two about cars."
His chest rumbled with amusement, "Bella you're so short. You're too skinny and you're practically an albino."
"Hey," she smiled against his too warm body.
"You're a klutz, you're hopelessly clueless about yourself and sometimes the range of your emotions scares the shit out of me."
He kissed the top of her head affectionately.
"You're everything I didn't expect. You're not perfect and with me you don't even try to be. And I love that." His voice is heavy and husky with feeling.
The surge of emotion that Bella experiences are foreign. She sniffles and feels Jake incline his head to look down at her. She's sure he can see her clearly in the dark. Wolf vision and all.
"Tears again? Seriously?"
She nods, looking up, half wishing she could see as well.
And then she felt the impossible softness of his mouth against hers. Not hard, or gentle, just enough to set each nerve ablaze. And it shocks her, and thrills her, and the foreign emotions grow stronger. Her mind starts to scream about something she can't bring herself to care for. She kisses him back, hesitant, pushing herself closer to his face, his heat, his lips.
Her whole body is tingling when he pulls away. "What was that for?" she marvels.
"I just wanted you to stop crying," he chuckles good-naturedly. She slaps his chest, finally feeling her eyes adjust to the faint light coming in from the window.
There's a shirt stuffed in the hole he cracked in the glass.
Bella feels the tingling settle in her stomach. Jacob feels like he's overdosing, and he'll probably die any second.
And the world turns over when she kisses him again. And now she isn't the only one who feels the butterflies.
And there's a question on his tongue but Jacob can't acknowledge it. And Bella feels ashamed over how right it feels.
And when the tingling turns into heat, she doesn't pull away, and Jacob doesn't stop when he feels her tears.
And when she just has to breathe, fear grabs her, because absolutely nothing is holding her back. Her mind is screaming again, her heart has joined. But the guilt and the need to heal Jacob squash it. She wants more from him, for him. Selfish as it is, dark as it is, as dangerous as the situation can be, Bella swallows indecision and goes with her gut.
Jacob's eyes are the size of saucers when she pulls her shirt over her head. And when she kisses him again their pain explodes between them into something more.
"I'm sorry," she breathes into his mouth. "I'm sorry I can't give you more."
I know I switched between the present and past tense through the whole freaking chapter and I'm SORRY, I'm tired and I'll fix it soon enough.
For those following Flirting with Forever, sorry I'm taking so long to update. I'm stuck. As soon as I'm unstuck, you'll get as many chapters as I can crank out. Scouts honor.
And my reviewers kick total arse. ^_^ Thanks guys!
- Eliza
