As Jackson sat in the waiting area for April to get out of surgery a million questions raced through his mind.
"What happened to April? Her injuries are severe; a car wreck makes the most sense. But what if that isn't what happened? What if it's something else completely?"
"What if she's scared? What if she knows what's going on and she's as scared as I am?" the thought made him cringe. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything was going to be okay, to put her mind at ease. But, he didn't even know if she'd be able to hear what he was saying when he'd finally get the chance to talk to her.
Finally, he asked him the question that caused terror to ripple through him. "What if she doesn't make it?" he felt something hot and wet on his cheek and realized he was crying. "No" he said to himself comfortingly. "She's not going to die. She can't die." He sat in silence for a few more moments, trying to get himself together, before the surgeon came out to meet him.
"How is she?" he asked quickly standing up.
"I believe that in time, she'll make a full recovery."
"I'm a doctor" Jackson snapped back. "You can give me more to go on than that. Tell me how the surgery went like you would if I was a colleague and we working together on this."
"Dr. Avery…"
"Please, I need to know what's going on with her-"
"She's going to be fine."
"Can I see her?" he asked frustrated.
"In a few minutes you can, but we don't expect her to regain consciousness for some time."
"Why not?"
"She sustained a good deal of head trauma, her brain needs some time to heal."
"God" Jackson sighed. "You do know she's going to get better though, right?"
"Dr. Avery, you know as well as I do that there are no guarantees in medicine."
"Stop it! Stop talking to me like I'm someone who wouldn't be able to tell what's going on! I'm a doctor, I want a number. What are her chances?"
"I expect her to make a full recovery, that's all I can tell you" the doctor said as he left.
"Damn it!" Jackson cursed as he kicked a chair.
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As he stood in the hallway waiting to go in, the words Mark had told him months ago, during the last conversation they ever had, rang in his ears. "If you love someone tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it and you say it loud..." At the time he didn't know that Mark was going to die. He didn't know that April and him would go months having sex, without truly telling each other how they felt, and that they would then breakup and barely see each other anymore. He didn't know that April would be in the hospital, fighting for her life. But he had known one thing in that moment, he loved April Kepner. "Why didn't I tell you then" he sighed. "Why didn't I tell you when I still had the chance?" He took a deep breath as he finally entered the room.
"Oh God" he sighed as he saw April pale, weak, and hooked up to machines. He was a doctor, it was a sight he was used to, but he wasn't used to the person on the bed being someone he cared about, someone he loved.
"Hey April" he said softly as he gently pushed some hair from her face. "You're so beautiful, you know that? Only you could look this pretty while you're…." A catch in his throat prevented him from being able to finish his sentence. "Listen Kepner" he said trying harder to pull himself together. "You need to wake up because I can't lose you. We were just starting to be friends again, remember? You're the best friend I ever had; you always know just what to say. God, if I lose you…"he sniffled as he fought tears. "I can't lose you, not now, not like this. So please, please wake up. As soon as you can. I'll be right here when you do. I'm not going anywhere. I… I love you" he admitted as he softly kissed her head and walked out.
He stood against the wall and thought to himself. "What happens now? What happens if she does wake up? When she does wakeup, because she has to wake up…"
"Excuse me" an unfamiliar voice said interrupting his thoughts. I'm Officer Calvin and this is Officer Johnson. I understand you were able to identify the woman who was brought here earlier?
"Yes" Jackson responded. "She's April. Uh- Kepner. April Kepner. She lives in Seattle but her family lives in Moline, Ohio. God, someone should call them…" Jackson said as he realized that he hadn't called anyone who cares about April to tell them what was going on. "I have to call Derek and Meredith, and her parents, and… God, I should call her, um boyfriend…."
"Sir" the voice said interrupting his thoughts once again. "How do you know Ms. Kepner?"
"It's Doctor Kepner" Jackson corrected.
"Yes, how do you know her?"
"She's um… we…" he struggled to find the words to describe his relationship with April. She wasn't exactly his ex, she definitely wasn't his girlfriend now, but to simply say that they work together would cheapen what they had and Jackson couldn't stomach doing that.
"She's my best friend" he finally said.
"So you know the victim well?"
"Victim?" Jackson asked as he felt all of the wind knocked out of him. "What do you mean victim, someone did this to her!?"
"Sir, we just need to ask you a few questions in regard to the case."
"Case? What… Someone hurt April, that's why she's…. But how?"
"Sir, perhaps we should find a more private place to discuss this in depth."
"No!" Jackson yelled. "Tell me now, who the hell did this to her? What happened!?"
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