Hey cats and dogs, it's another psychobilly freakout chapter! Now… what's the mission…. I don't quite know until I type it, since I haven't decided… How about… SOMETHING THAT GOES THROUGH SOME OF THE MECHANICS OF THE GAME REALLY QUICKLY, SO WE CAN HAVE SOME PLOT SORTED SOONER RATHER THAN LATER? Naaaah… That would be ridiculous…
True, but ridiculous.
"It says here that we're to wipe out the 'eternal darkness' within the hearts of men."
"Huh. So, what, do we rip out people's hearts from their bodies so that their hearts are in the light, or is this darkness some kind of reference to Noise?"
"I have no idea. Bit vague, for a mission, to be honest… No time limit either…"
"Hmm. So should we try reading people's minds then? We might get a lead on them."
"Yeah… Just close your eyes and tap the pin with the skull on it."
SHWOOM.
"I hope I can get a chance to go to the Cavern of Evil tonight…"
"Damn that Ethan! Just one month, that's all I ask, without any explosions!"
"Ooompa, loompa, doopedy doo. I have another puzzle for you"
"Damnit… I just don't get people… I've got my own values… So why don't they just get off my case…"
"Hmm… Now, if I stitch that design in such a way, I'd be able to hide the stitches in such a way that if worn, no-one would see it… Would Eri like it though?"
"Dude yo Fo shizzle…. Damn talking like an idiot is hard… I need more practise in time to do that skateboarding thing that sis's talking about… Otherwise they won't see me as one of them…"
"BANKAI! I love Bleach so much… Shame Ichigo isn't really all that hot… I prefer Ichida… mmm geekflesh"
"I HATE THIS WORLD! I HATE THESE PEOPLE! I AM GOD. THEY SHALL ALL DIE. I WILL BE THE INSTRUMENT THROUGH WHICH THE GODS AND REAPERS SHALL STRIKE THEIR JUSTICE. I AM THE VESSEL. I AM THE DARKNESS… NOW, LET'S DO THIS THING!"
"Hey, M! Think I've found it. Scan that girl over there, the one that looks shy with the huge glasses."
She tapped the pin.
"What, you mean the one that's thinking dirty thoughts of a anime character?"
"No, the other one… You know, the obviously sinister-sounding thoughts that involve gods and reapers, and sound rather evil… THE OBVIOUS ONE! Sheesh, for a brunette, you really act blonde sometimes…."
"Don't. Make. Blonde. Jokes. Around. Me."
My partner's eyes glowed yellow. I would guess that this probably wasn't normal. Ah well.
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. So, are you picking up on it?"
"Yes. Her mind doesn't fit her body that well… Her thoughts have a masculine feel to them…"
"What do you mean?"
"Only a man would be that fixated on the domination of the world. Also, there's a lot of thoughts of naked bodies in there. Now, I'm not saying all men are perverts, but…"
"Yeah, yeah, we do tend to be less in control of urges than the feminine folk…"
We both watched the girl.
"Hey, I wonder if she can see us?" I said.
Then I walked towards the little girl.
I tapped my pin.
"Foolish Player. Do not mess with me. BEGONE, or the Noise within this girl's soul shall consume you. You have been warned."
I decided it wouldn't do much harm to speak to it, what with me being invisible to all living humans.
My voice seemed to carry along through the thoughts, and I could see my own thoughts emanating around me as I spoke.
"I am not foolish. I have been given this mission- to erase the darkness from the hearts of men. If I do not complete it, I get erased. So, I am under the belief that I have to strike you down, lest my soul be struck down." I said, matching the poshness in sound that the girl's thoughts did.
"Hmm… So you CAN speak with your mind… Good. That will mean that you will have no need for the Meme feature on your phone. It would be pointless, since you have the natural ability."
"What do you mean by memes… I'm not going to be able to summon longcats or anything, am I?"
The little girl looked at me with a sarcastic expression on her face. For reference as to this look, check out Kyon in the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Look for scenes where Haruhi says something stupid, and he says something sarcastic. It backfires on him though, since his sarcastic comments, such as "oh yeah, why DON'T we go in the deep, dark woods… It's not like a monster is going to attack us or anything" are taken seriously by Haruhi, and then they do go in the dangerous place. Actually, I'm not sure if that happens in the series, but it would fit in, wouldn't it… Anyway, back to your scheduled story.
"You can insert thoughts in people's minds, dumbass. Hmm. Well… How about I give you a battle: that's fair enough. If you win, I shall retreat to the plane where Noise like myself come from, and then I will be legally considered to be out of the game. How about it, mortal? A battle to the finish. I win, and I claim you and get to do anything I wish… Even if it will hurt you. If you win, I am banished, and therefore, wiped out by all means and measures."
"Hmm. Can I use my partner in this battle?" I said, pointing to M, who seemed to be running in slow motion, too far away for me for her to hear the conversation, but close enough that she'd be able to fire stuff.
"Yes. It would be a good chance for you to train your abilities, Son of None."
"Huh? Son of…"
"Hush. Don't speak. You have a battle to fight… Against a tentacle monster, I think, since the tendrils of thought that you're sensing remind you of some of the things you've seen on the internet…"
I looked at M, who was wearing a short skirt and a easily torn top at the moment.
"Oh. Don't worry about her. I'll appear in another form, related to her fears…. Admittedly if her greatest fear is a tentacle monster, I will have to rape her, as she would expect.. You'd be surprised at the amount of times that fear appears in her mind... However… you have no fears, and that was the first kind of monster that came to your mind…"
"I have fears!"
"Yes… But my power level isn't strong enough to create an omnipotent giant Mickey Mouse with shapechanging abilities, a extendable tongue, and laser firing eyes."
"Dang. You can see my nightmares?"
"Unfortunately, yes… And a little bit of advice? Don't attack monsters in the mouth, that's just stupid. Get them in the belly… ESPECIALLY if it's a dragon."
The world shimmered around me, and a creature stood before me.
"A Tangela? That's like… The most underused Pokemon ever! And it's barely even a tentacle monster!"
"Well, excuuusee me, princess… I didn't really want you to deal with a jelly fish noise… they're too tricky for one of your level right now."
"You just took that quote out of my mind didn't you?"
A strand came flying towards my face, leaving the quotage question unanswered. I noticed that it was holding a Gillette Fusion razor. [AN: I really needed to shave, so when I came back from shaving off my facial hairs, I had a vision of this happening, so had to write it.]
"Product Placement? Oh, you fiend!" I shouted, fumbling for my pins.
Fire. Good. If I recall, Tangela was weak to fire… Was it a grass type? I don't really know.
I tapped the pin, and focused on the area around the creature.
A circle of flame appeared around it, and then closed. It caught fire.
It almost felt like I could imagine a yellow bar, slowly dwindling… I realised that I was partially sensing a graphical version of the creature's health.
I picked another pin at random, the fire one now overheating, too hot for me to use.
Hmm. Let's try wolfie…
I picked up the wolf pin, and tapped it.
"GWARRRR!!!" A bloodcurdling roar came, and a wolf was there.
What the hell? Wolves don't roar… do they? They're more howlers and growlers… Cats roar.. Well, big ones , that was more of a Bowser-ish Gwar har har, before the boss fight.
The wolf looked at me, and looked slightly sad. I understood its meaning, somehow:
Do not fear. This… This thing will be easy for me to handle… Just don't get hurt yourself… Master.
I ran away, slightly, and hid behind a car, expecting what was to come. … Uh… Somehow.
The Tangela was now trying to seize the wolf, but the wolf's fur was giving off a strong electric charge.
I picked up a pin.
An electric one. I tapped it whilst focusing on the Tangela. Now, both me and the wolf were electrocuting this thing.
The Health… Bar, I suppose, reached zero. A huge light occurred in the dark mass in the center of the Tangela, and then there was little flashes of light in the localised area around it.
"Good job, Son of None. Perhaps we will meet again if you ever finish dying. And for now… Au revoir. Oh, and tell your dog that he did a good job, and that his mother is waiting for him in the next plane." It said, in my mind.
"Yeah, sure, whatever, just get going already… I want this mission to be OVER." I replied.
It disappeared, leaving small traces of what looked like the white noise one used to see in analogue tv.
That was ridiculously easy. I know I shouldn't be counting my eggs before they hatch, but still… Is this a Game, with actual challenges, done from the beginning, or has someone been improving me, like mining skills in an RPG? I feel ridiculously strong…
I looked at the wolf, which had slightly changed shape. It was still clearly a wolf, but its teeth were smaller, and a yellow colouring was more predominant over all the other bright colours.
"Hey, awesome job, dude… the weird monster just then said something about your mother waiting for you in another plane… Oh, and by the way, get any more yellow, and you'll start to look like my Labrador back home…"
The wolf-dog looked surprised at the news about its mother. I had my suspicions that all Noise was is human souls, given a new form. Judging by the behaviour of this one, it hadn't been trained to become a monster properly, thus, it was unprepared for fighting me when I first met it.
That alone told me that the Reapers were actually unprepared for us Players… This time, at least.
M appeared in front of me.
"What the heck was that?" she said, her geek form sweating.
"Heh. I would say… It was a mutual friend who happened to be a Noise who wanted to give me some tips."
"WHAT? It could TALK to you? No Noise has ever been able to talk… At least, not as far as I know since finding out that I have half the power of a Reaper since last week… Y'know, one week of learning, so there may be gaps, but…"
"Yeah, whatever, and I found out that wolfie here has a mother on some other plane, who is waiting for him. I suspect that Noise is human souls attatched to a pin."
"Hmm." She said, looking deep in thought, "Perhaps that is why I haven't been able to master Noise 'creation'… I would hate the idea of trapping a human to a pin."
"Not only that, I suspect all pins are souls attatched to pins. Just that not all of them were granted sentient forms."
"Hmm. An interesting theory."
"Aye."
We stood there for a bit.
"Hmm. Usually by now, we'd both go unconscious and wake up tomorrow, ready for the next mission." She said, looking confused.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to a pub. Want to join me?"
"Yeah, why not."
And then… we found an irish style pub, and drank through the night.
M is terrible at karaeoke.
And a light weight too. Strangely enough, I had plenty of pins that were useable as money, so we could buy a lot of alcohol.
No, really. A lot. [I kinda wrote this bit whilst drunk… The following sentence is actually what happened to me at the end of the night. Amusingly, this isn't the first time that this has happened for me. What I don't get is: Why is it always the crotch? Sure, its better than them hurting themselves falling over into my knees, which are hard and owwie, but still… Why do I have to get pain, just because I don't get as easily drunk as most people. [no, really. It takes 10 pints of most standard drinks for me to get drunk. Which is why I drink vodka and coke usually, simply so that I get inebriated at the same level as my friends, and also so that the hangover isn't as bad afterwards. Interesting fact: The clearer and stronger the drink, the less bad your hangover will be. Also, if its in smaller quantities too, your hangover won't be bad.]
Then… There was an awkward moment where M fell over, and her face pounded my crotch. Well, awkward for her, if she was conscious, which she wasn't, and painful for me, since I was.
Then…
"MOTHER SMEGG!" I said, as daylight appeared, hurting my eyes since only a few seconds ago in my own personal time I was in a dark pub.
M fell off of me and hit the floor.
Then she started to bleed.
"…Fuck."
Oh my! M is bleeding on the floor! Well… Did you really thing the teleportation dealie at the end of the day is THAT precise? Let's just be glad that Neku in the game was usually upright when he was teleported…
If M dies, so does D…. So what one earth are we going to do? Find out next time on…
THE WORLD BURNS WITH YOU!!!!
[also, review. It's a bit disheartening how I've had no reviews yet… Then again, it is a long title and difficult to find in the dealie… Oh, and before I forget: I own nothing except for M and D and any other OCs I might create in this… well, I suppose it's a prequel of sorts. [OMG I just had an awesome idea, but I might wait a bit before I reveal it… A way to tie this in to the original story in an amazing way. Post your thoughts of what it could be that I just came up with in the review bit if you want… I might even give you a sneak peek at the next chapter, before I post it.]
