"I made you a cup of tea." Pascalle said quietly when Cheryl finally re-entered the living room, having tucked her daughter back into bed. "It's probably not very hot anymore." Cheryl shrugged and took a gulp of the luke-warm, sweet liquid anyway, her expression distant. She reached for her cigarettes and lit one, for the moment forgetting her self-imposed rule of not smoking in the house. Pascalle glanced towards the hallway. "Is she alright?" Cheryl sighed, blowing out a cloud of smoke.
"To be honest, I don't know..." she said, shaking her head. "God, she never even cried as a baby. I've never seen her like this."
"I have." Pascalle said. Cheryl looked over to her.
"You have? When?" She asked, her tone conveying her surprise.
"When her and Hayden broke up." Pascalle said, her face lighting up a little, as it always did when she was about to launch into a narrative. "Well, first, they must have had a big fight, because Loretta came home and sort of stomped into her room and slammed the door. And when I went in to see what was up she was like, really crying. But more kind of angry crying than sad crying. And she slammed the door in my face. Then Hayden came over, and they had another fight. And after that, Loretta went all sort of vengeancey for a while, with the pranks and the newspaper article and stuff." Cheryl nodded, she'd heard some of that part of the story. Pascalle's expression grew more serious. "But the day that he left, you know, when she burned his house down? She came into my room that night, and she said some stuff about feeling like she had snakes in her stomach, and that her heart was going to burst... And then she started crying again. And I mean really, really crying, like she was just now. She didn't stop for ages." Pascalle paused for a while, then said in a small, sad voice. "I think she really loves him Mum."
"You reckon?" Cheryl asked, swallowing the last mouthful of her tea. Pascalle nodded.
"You said yourself, she's never been like this about anything. Except him. Though God knows what she sees in him." She groused.
"You dated him." Cheryl pointed out. Pascalle pouted.
"That was before I found out what a scumbag he is." Cheryl glanced over, surprised at the venom in her daughter's voice, but Pascalle refrained from elaborating. Cheryl stubbed out her cigarette, once more deep in thought.
"I didn't think it was ever that serious. I mean, I knew she liked him, but she seemed to get over him quick enough. After they broke up, you know, she was back to normal after a day or two." Pascalle snorted.
"As normal as Loretta ever gets." She said sardonically. "She didn't though."
"What?" Cheryl asked.
"Get over him. She pretends she is, but every time anyone mentions his name, she gets this weird look on her face. Like she's gonna throw up or something. And... when she saw him today, she really did throw up." Cheryl frowned.
"Really?"
"Yep, she took one look at him, then she went totally white, and ran straight for the loo. And you know she never chucks. Except for that time back when I was dating him..." Pascalle stopped, her expression slowly turning to horrified indignation. "That little slut! She was hot on him even when he was still MY boyfriend!" Pascalle threw herself back in her chair, crossing her arms and looking disgusted. Cheryl looked at her quizzically, then shook her head.
"God, I had no idea." She absently lit another cigarette, taking a deep drag. "Jesus, you'd think I'd know if my daughter was in love with someone wouldn't you?" She gestured helplessly with her cigarette. "She makes me feel like such a fucking useless Mother sometimes. She keeps so much hidden..."
"She thinks showing emotions is a sign of weakness or something." Pascalle said, still sounding a trifle petulant. Cheryl made a face, her lips curling in distaste.
"Ugh, she gets that from her grandmother. God they're so alike it's scary sometimes. Rita may as well have been carved from bloody stone for all the feelings she ever showed."
"Yeah. And the last thing Loretta would ever do is admit she loved someone. Or that she'd had her heart broken." Cheryl snorted with sudden laughter, blowing smoke out of her nose.
"At least it proves she has one." She said, grinning. "Maybe there's hope for her yet." Pascalle also grinned, then she looked thoughtful again.
"It does kind of explain why she's so screwed up about the baby. You know, if she's still in love with Hayden, maybe that's why she didn't want to have it." Cheryl made a disgruntled noise.
"I think she'd be screwed up about that no matter how it happened. She's not exactly the maternal type." She leaned her head in her hands, rubbing at her temples. "God, what a mess."
