We haven't looked at each other until we got out of the building, as it wasn't very easy to get through the laughing crowds. When I was finally outside, I have felt much better, I don't know if it was just because of the fresh air, or by the relief that I am finally out of the whole embarassing happening.
Maybe it was just that I was with Severus alone for the first time. A subdued noise was coming from the opened door and I have finally looked at Severus, it was hard to guess how he felt, as I simply couldn't read in his neutral face.
"Don't we go for a short walk?"He asked slowly and I nodded toward the direction of a path, leading to a small wood. It was a very late afternoon but it wasn't very dark yet, as it was hot summer and the Sun has spent a long time on the sky these days, before it set.
"I would go to these woods, it's quite a nice place for a walk." "If you think." Was the only answer I got so I led us there, through the paths I used to go through as a little child. In recent time I've liked to follow my childhood steps a lot. It'so nice to remember the days when the only fear was the darkness in my bedroom.
We walked in complete silent, he didn't seem to want to say anything and I didn't want to interrupt the silence myself. We have walked this just about half an hour, but it has seemed to last for hours. He was strange, in the celebrating room he seemed he wanted to talk with me, after all it was him who began our conversation, which was pretty pleasant and I thougt it would continue during our walk, but it didn't.
Suddenly, he became the unsociable person I used to know and I didn't know why he did so or how to change it. Finally we have come to crossroad with a bench in the middle. "I think we should return now, I don't remember exactly where these two paths lead to."I looked at him as I broke the silence. It felt a bit akward to do so, but he didn't seemed to be bothered by it.
"That's all right, let's try to go left. I really don't want return yet, I am expected to give a speech which is the last think I would want to do. I don't need anyone to shake my hands for being so brave during the war" I didn't know what to respond, so I simply nodded and followed him on the path leading left.
With every step we took the wood became darker and darker, I don't know if it was because of the wood or the time, as I had no idea what the time was, maybe it was because of the atmosphere as from leaving the crossrode the emberassing silence continued. However, when Severus finally stopped it was very dark, that I have recognized just his silhouette.
"You know, people tell you not to lose the hope, no mather the circumstances, but it sucks."
"Sorry?"
"I have lost mine when Lily died, the only one I reached after that was fullfiling the mission I had to complete. My job was to help Harry defeat Voldemort, to make sure he would be all right, I have fullfiled my mission and I was supposed to die that night. Lily did so, she died protecting Harry, giving him the chance to live, I was supposed to act the same way. My sense to live has died with her that night, I have lived only because she would want me to protect Harry, while she couldn't, but then I was supposed to die! That night in Hogwarts, I was supposed to die! But thanks to you I am alive!"
His voice wasn't gentle anymore, you couldn't feel any compassion or understandment in it now. He was cold. I couldn't see his face, but I was sure it's better that way, as his voice was frighening enough.
"I thought you would want to live if you had a chance. A real life. You have been nothing than surviving from Lily's death, I thought that the World was too unfair to you to let you die that night."
"Don't try to analyse me, Miss Granger! You didn't known any of my thoughts or wishes and it was none of your buisness! I think that night there was enough to care about. You should let me die that night."
He has made a step forward me but I didn't step backwards.
"I did what I thought was the best!"
"But you had no idea what was the best! Why didn't you let me die? Was it so hard for you not to be a hero for once?!"
He has made one more step forward and he has stopped right in front of me, that even in the darkness it was posibble to recongize all features of his face.
"I had to kill so many people while I was working for Voldemort, I could kill one more. If I just knew that it was the revange which would make me free..."
I put my hand in the pocket to take my wand out, but he was faster than me.
"Don't try such things on me." And took it from my hand, he put out his own wand and cought my neck. He pointed the wand against my temple.
"I thought you deserved a real life! I had no idea what it would mean for any of us to live after the war."
I have whispered in a hope to make him put the wand down. He was broken. Completely broken and unless I was in his strong grip I would understand his behaving. He needed to make others hurt as well. "So this the reason why you went out with me? Did you know it from the very first moment you have seen me? It was your intention for the whole time? To get me and hurt me?" I asked a bit bitterly, but not too much to make sure it didn't make him angry enough to kill me immediatly.
"No, I didn't. Just from the moment you have shown compassion to me. As it was actually you who have caused all of this crap which is happening to me. Why did you did it to me?!" He shook with me a bit, a tear has glisted in his eye in the moonlight and then he has slowly put the wand down. "I – I am sorry…I didn't mean to – to hurt you. You were the first person after such a long time who actually cared, I am such a fool. I just…" And then I put one my hand on his cheek and waited until his eyes reached mine. Than I slowly nodded. The tears began to roll down from his eyes immediatly. "Thank you."
I hope you are not going to throw rocks at me, I just felt the story should go this way. It's a short one, but I thought I should show you the way I would like to lead this story. Review please, to let me know your opinion if it's still worth continuing! :-)
